Saturday, August 31, 2013

Getaway Review

Rated PG-13 (Intense Action, Violence and Mayhem Throughout, Some Rude Gestures, and Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 30 Minutes

Cast-
Ethan Hawke-Brent Magna
Selena Gomez-The Kid
Jon Voight-The Voice
Rebecca Budig-Leanne Magna
Paul Freeman (voice)-The Man
Bruce Payne-Distinguished Man
Ivailo Geraskov-Detective
Dimo Alexiev-Henchman #1
Slavi Pavlov-Henchman #2
Deyan Angelov-Henchman #3

Directed by Courtney Solomon

Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez star in "Getaway," one of the worst films of 2013.
Note: Screened on Wednesday, August 28, 2013 at AMC Empire 25.

Ethan Hawke, what the hell happened with you?! You delivered such an amazing performance in Richard Linklater's "Before Midnight," without a doubt one of 2013's best, but then followed that up with two of the worst films of the year, first with June's "The Purge" and now with "Getaway." While "The Purge" at least tries to be more than your average home-invasion thriller with its intriguing premise, "Getaway" doesn't even bother with telling a proper story or offering up compelling characters. As Brian Orndorf so eloquently puts it in his own review, this is a film that's 'fueled entirely on stupidity,' and will leave you feeling bewildered and angry at how a moronic piece of trash like this got made in the first place. Poorly edited and packed full of headache-inducing, mind-numbingly repetitive car chases, "Getaway" is a dull, insipid mess that will drain away the entirety of your IQ over the course of its ninety-minute running time. Mr. Hawke, it's time to find yourself a new agent before its too late.

Brent Magna (Ethan Hawke), a former race car driver with a questionable past is looking for a fresh start in Sofia, Bulgaria but his world comes crashing down when he comes home on Christmas Eve to find his wife Leanne (Rebecca Budig) missing and the place in complete disarray. With the woman he loves held hostage by a dangerous criminal mastermind (Jon Voight), Brent is forced to step behind the wheel of a decked-out Shelby Mustang Super Snake in order to save her. Communicating through the car's advanced GPS, the man puts Brent under constant surveillance and tasks him with causing as much destruction as possible throughout the city in an effort to wear down the police. When a bratty street urchin (Selena Gomez) attempts to retrieve her stolen vehicle with a gun pointed at the ex-racer's head, the mysterious criminal instead decides to ensnare her into his scheme as well. Brent and the kid at first struggle to make sense of what's happening to them but the two soon realize that if they are to survive the night and rescue Leanne, they must work together to turn the tables on their captor.

I've lost count of how many bad films I've seen since I started writing reviews four-and-a-half years ago but Courtney Solomon's "Getaway" certainly hits a new low. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised considering the director's previous credits include the abysmal "Dungeons & Dragons" adaptation from 2000 and the little-seen horror film "An American Haunting." The first five minutes pretty much establishes what you're in for as our beleaguered protagonist 'Brent Magna' (a name that would feel right at home in a cheap porno) assaults a parking lot attendant and careens onto the streets of Bulgaria with a souped-up Shelby Mustang while the police are hot on his tail. There are car crashes galore but the editing is borderline incoherent, with each shot lasting only a split-second and chaotically strung together with little regard to spatial awareness or even basic geography. It's revealed that the criminal (lazily credited as 'The Voice') had small cameras mounted along the surface of the car, allowing Solomon to frequently cut to them in all their grainy glory yet his attempts to create a sense of 'intensity' simply add to the viewer's disorientation. A film like this could've definitely offered some B-movie thrills but the numerous car chases quickly wear out their welcome, with Brent's wanton destruction throughout the city blurring into a visually ugly, insufferable mess. Solomon switches things up during the latter half of the film by replacing police cars with thugs on motorcycles and I'll admit that the resulting orgy of explosions is impressive. In fact, I appreciated its use of old school stunt-work over CGI. An unbroken chase shown from a first-person perspective finally captures the visceral feeling that the film was going for but by then, it's already too little too late. "Getaway" spends so much time undermining the one thing it has going for, it's like Solomon wanted audiences to leave the theater aggravated.

Written by Sean Finegan and Gregg Maxwell Parker, the story is nothing more than a derivative mash-up of "Speed," "Phone Booth," and "Taken." However, that problem is small potatoes compared to the film's lack of logic, real world or otherwise. The Voice is quick to remind his captives that he can see and hear everything that happens in the car through the cameras mounted on the outside and yet Brent and 'the Kid' (Gomez's character isn't even provided with a name) continue to openly discuss how to thwart him, with the criminal on the other end not even bothering to lift a finger to stop them! The Bulgarian police are also completely inept at their jobs. Instead of sending wave after wave of police cars, why not just shoot out the tires or, I don't know, use spike strips? Even the Kid's technical know-how is presented in a laughable manner. Apparently, 'hacking' a camera or a server consists of tapping buttons and making a few swipes on an iPad. Steve Jobs must be rolling in his grave right now. What's worse is that Solomon has the gall to end the film on a cliffhanger and set up a sequel!

Ethan Hawke tries his best with his gravelly-voiced turn as Brent Magna but there's only so much he can do with the terrible material he's given. At one point, he shouts at his captor: 'I need to know when this sh*t is going to be over!' Ironically, we're all thinking the very same thing. Although the actor has appeared in his fair share of genre films (some of which are quite good like last year's "Sinister"), I wonder what possessed him to sign onto this one in the first place. Did he offend some high-powered studio executive or owe someone money? Selena Gomez's baby-faced looks might've worked to her advantage in Harmony Korine's "Spring Breakers" but she's woefully miscast here as a mini-Lisbeth Salander. Most of the time her character is shouting at Brent using every expletive except 'f*ck' or shrilly wailing during the film's endless car chases. And we're supposed to accept that this girl is a gifted computer hacker? On hand to pick up a paycheck is a wasted Jon Voight, who literally phones it in while sporting the most unconvincing Bulgarian accent ever…or what I assume to be Bulgarian.

Released on August 30, 2013, "Getaway" has usurped "Paranoia" as the worst-reviewed film of the year with a 2% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics called it 'monotonously fast-paced to the point of exhaustion' and labeled the film as 'a reminder of the dangers in attempting to speed past coherent editing, character development, sensible dialogue, and an interesting plot.' Considering its release date, it's obvious that Warner Brothers doesn't care about the film and is willing to settle for whatever scraps it makes over the Labor Day weekend. There's nothing more to be said about "Getaway" as this review is already doing it more justice than it truly deserves. Don't bother with this film unless you enjoy being ripped off.

Final Rating: 1 out of 5

"I need to know when this sh*t is going to be over!"

Saturday, August 24, 2013

You're Next Review

Rated R (Strong Bloody Violence, Language and Some Sexuality/Nudity)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 34 Minutes

Cast-
Sharni Vinson-Erin
Rob Moran-Paul Davison
Barbara Crampton-Aubrey Davison
A.J. Bowen-Crispian Davison
Joe Swanberg-Drake Davison
Sarah Myers-Kelly
Amy Seimetz-Aimee Davison
Ti West-Tariq
Nicholas Tucci-Felix Davison
Wendy Glenn-Zee
L.C. Holt-Lamb Mask
Simon Barrett-Tiger Mask
Lane Hughes-Fox Mask
Kate Lyn Sheil-Talia

Directed by Adam Wingard

And you thought you were having a bad day...
Note: Screened on Thursday, August 8, 2013 at AMC Loews 34th Street 14.

You would expect a film that's been sitting on the shelf for close to two years to be terrible given the fact that it's being dumped into theaters on the second-to-last weekend of August during the infamous 'dog days of summer.' However, there have been rare occasions where this wasn't the case, such as last April's surprise hit "The Cabin in the Woods." Premiering at the Toronto International Film Festival back in September 2011, director Adam Wingard's low-budget home-invasion thriller "You're Next" reportedly left the audience cheering on its feet and even set off a furious bidding war amongst a number of studios, which included Lionsgate, Summit Entertainment, Paramount, The Weinstein Company, FilmDistrict, and CBS Films. It eventually came down to just Lionsgate and Paramount, with the former acquiring the picture for $1 to $2 million but then the film disappeared off the radar after another well-received screening at Austin's Fantastic Fest that same month. Apparently, its release was put on-hold due to Summit's merger with Lionsgate last year, which created a scheduling nightmare as the studio suddenly found its hands full of films. Well, "You're Next" has finally arrived in theaters but was it worth the long wait? The answer is a resounding 'YES!' as Wingard has skillfully crafted a horror film that not only feels fresh but also proudly earns the distinction of being a crowd-pleaser thanks to its gleeful blend of on-screen mayhem and dark comedy.

To celebrate their thirty-fifth wedding anniversary, Paul (Rob Moran) and Aubrey Davison (Barbara Crampton) head out to their country house out in the middle of nowhere, hoping to have a quiet dinner with their four grown children. Arriving for the festivities are Crispian (A.J. Bowen) and his graduate student girlfriend Erin (Sharni Vinson), Drake (Joe Swanberg) and his wife Kelly (Sarah Myers), and couples Aimee (Amy Seimetz) and Tariq (Ti West), and Felix (Nicholas Tucci) and Zee (Wendy Glenn). Although it's apparent that relations among the Davison siblings are strained, Erin makes a sincere effort to endear herself to the family. However, things quickly take a turn for the worse when the Davisons descend into petty bickering at the dinner table. They are rudely interrupted when three figures (L.C. Holt, Simon Barrett, and Lane Hughes) wearing animal masks launch a violent surprise attack on the premises. With the body count piling up, Erin springs into action with her survivalist upbringing as the mysterious killers find themselves meeting their match.

At first glance, "You're Next" looks like another throwaway home-invasion thriller and while Wingard doesn't stray too far from the subgenre's roots, he does tweak the formula just enough to keep even the most jaded viewer guessing until the very end. The film opens with a chilling prologue where an older gentleman (Larry Fessenden) is having sex with a much younger woman (Kate Lyn Sheil). He 'finishes' rather quickly and goes to take a shower, leaving the (unsatisfied) girl to roam around the house alone. She pops in the Dwight Twilley Band's Looking for the Magic on the stereo and it's at this point where the sh*t starts hitting the fan, culminating in a really clever reveal of the film's title by having it smeared in blood on the bedroom windows. The choice of music here (which is played on a loop throughout) also increases the creep factor, its jaunty tunes standing in stark contrast to the bloodshed that will follow. We're then introduced to the Davisons and its here that "You're Next" takes a completely unexpected detour into dysfunctional family territory. There's an underlying tension amongst them, which explodes into a shouting match when Drake smugly provokes Crispian at the dinner table. Wingard gleefully plays up their frivolous arguments for laughs, until one of the guests notices something at the window and is subsequently killed with a crossbow bolt to the head. The film almost descends into a farce, with Drake getting wounded in the shoulder and most of the women screaming hysterically but Wingard keeps a tight rein, preventing the film from spiraling into a parody of itself with several brutal and creative deaths, one of which is caused by running into a thin wire that slashes one character's neck, spraying blood everywhere like a broken fountain. For the hardcore horror fan, this is the kind of stuff we live for.

As the masked goons quickly descend upon the Davison's home, the film satisfyingly turns the tables on them, with Sharni Vinson's Erin fighting back and refusing to let herself become just another a victim. What follows is an immensely entertaining cat-and-mouse game as the masked assailants find themselves genuinely taken aback that there is someone among the family who's not as helpless as they appear to be. Wingard brilliantly uses the confined space of the house for maximum effect while the John Carpenter-inspired synth score lends the picture a sense of tension that builds to a crescendo over the film's 94-minute running time. The violence is disturbing but they're presented in a darkly comic manner, which actually makes it even more disturbing because now we're laughing at someone getting their face repeatedly smashed by a meat tenderizer. There are also several standout kills, including one involving a blender that will have audiences talking long after they've left the theater. However, as good as the film is, the script (written by Barrett) does make a few concessions in regards to the motives of the masked killers. At first, we don't know why they're going after this innocent family and that sense of unknown heightens the scare factor because it initially comes across as some kind of random sick game. Once it's revealed why they're doing this, you can't help but feel somewhat underwhelmed since it's so…obvious. The final twist is rather predictable as well yet Wingard plays it off so well that you won't even mind that you weren't the least bit surprised at the outcome.

The cast won't be familiar to casual viewers but this is a good thing because it will allow audiences to buy into the illusion that these are 'real' people. The standout is without a doubt Sharni Vinson as survivalist Erin. It's a breakthrough performance, with Vinson carrying the entire second half in a role that's physically demanding and requires her to display a sense of emotional vulnerability at the same time. What's great is that the film never makes the mistake of presenting her as invincible. Despite her innumerable skills, she still has to struggle tooth and nail in order to stay alive, and we struggle along with her. The rest of the supporting cast may not measure up to Vinson but they manage to put in some good work, especially Joe Swanberg's (a major figure in the mumblecore movement) smarmy turn as Drake, who is comically struck with a crossbow bolt in the shoulder during the killers' initial attack. A.J. Bowen lends Crispian a sense of earnestness yet also subtly laces the character with shifty ambitions. Amy Seimetz handles Aimee's insecurities by hiding it under a bouncy exterior while Rob Moran's low-key performance as family patriarch Paul is perfectly contrasted with Barbara Crampton's (from the 1985 cult hit "Re-Animator") anguished histrionics. Ti West and Nicholas Tucci are somewhat bland, although the latter is paired with a seductive Wendy Glenn.

Finally released on August 23, 2013 after its premiere at the Toronto International Film Festival two years ago, "You're Next" has received largely positive reviews with 79% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics hailed it as an 'energetic and effective mix of brutal gore and pitch black humor [that] will please horror buffs and beyond.' Unfortunately, the film doesn't look like it's going to be the breakout hit that Lionsgate is hoping for as it has only earned $2.9 million since Friday. Given the relative dearth of good horror films, I highly urge people to go check this one out, although I suggest seeing it as a matinee in the morning in order to avoid having inconsiderate moviegoers ruining the experience. The audience at the advance screening was one of the worst I've ever had to sit through and I don't want you guys suffering the same fate. "You're Next" doesn't reinvent the wheel as far as home-invasion thrillers go but Wingard's handling of the film, from its gore-filled set-pieces to the surprisingly funny black humor, is so well-executed that you can't help but leave the theater with a smile on your face.

Final Rating: 4 out of 5

"Grab anything you can use as a weapon."

Friday, August 23, 2013

The World's End Review

Rated R (Pervasive Language including Sexual References)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 49 Minutes

Cast-
Simon Pegg-Gary King
Nick Frost-Andrew Knightley
Paddy Considine-Steven Prince
Eddie Marsan-Peter Page
Martin Freeman-Oliver Chamberlain
Rosamund Pike-Sam Chamberlain
Pierce Brosnan-Guy Shephard
David Bradley-Basil
Michael Smiley-Reverend Green
Darren Boyd-Shane Hawkins
Bill Nighy (voice)-The Network

Directed by Edgar Wright

The fate of one small town lies in the hands of these six people.
Note: Screened on Wednesday, August 21, 2013 at Landmark Sunshine Cinema.

Nostalgia's a b*tch, ain't it? The past always seems to look better in hindsight the more we get older but that's because we tend to selectively recall positive memories as opposed to negative ones. For his latest effort, British writer/director Edgar Wright takes audiences on a stroll down memory lane as he explores one person's foolish quest to recapture the 'glory days' of his formative years while also fending off an insidious alien invasion in the late-summer sci-fi action comedy "The World's End." The final installment in the so-called "Three Flavours Cornetto" trilogy, the film reunites Wright with frequent co-writer/actor Simon Pegg and his best friend/fellow actor Nick Frost. It's amazing to see these three still working together almost fifteen years later since they first collaborated on the short-lived but critically acclaimed Channel 4 sitcom "Spaced," whose success helped pave the way for 2004's "Shaun of the Dead." Gleefully mixing elements of British romantic comedies with homages to old-school zombie flicks from George A. Romero, the film quickly became a cult classic and went on to receive overwhelmingly positive reviews with 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. Some even went so far as to call it 'the best horror-comedy ever made.' Three years later, Wright returned with the thematic follow-up "Hot Fuzz," a riotous, over-the-top riff on the buddy cop action films typified by the likes of "Lethal Weapon" and "Bad Boys II." It too received positive reviews. Six years is an eternity in Hollywood but Wright is never one to accept projects he doesn't believe in (despite being in active development since 2006, he's still attached to direct "Ant-Man") and I'm glad to see that there are still directors who take their time to deliver something special. If there's one last film you should see this summer, look no further than "The World's End," a madcap, poignant, and action-packed sci-fi comedy that stands among the year's very best.

For twenty-three years, Gary King (Simon Pegg) has been unable to move on from his failure to complete the 'Golden Mile,' an epic pub crawl involving twelve local pubs in his hometown of Newton Haven. In an attempt to recapture the thrill of the 'good ol' days,' Gary successfully cons high school friends Andrew Knightley (Nick Frost), Steven Prince (Paddy Considine), Peter Page (Eddie Marsan), and Oliver Chamberlain (Martin Freeman) into finishing what they started when they were teenagers. The quintet returns to their old haunts but are unnerved to find their community strangely homogenized and eerily tranquil. Although slightly annoyed that he wasn't met with a hero's welcome, Gary brushes this aside and quickly sets out on his quest to finish the 'Golden Mile' while also trying to catch the attention of Oliver's beautiful sister Sam (Rosamund Pike), whom Steven had always secretly loved. All hell breaks loose when the group uncovers an alien conspiracy to replace all the residents of Newton Haven with mechanical duplicates. Gary and his friends must now battle for their very survival if they are to make it through all twelve pubs, with their last stop being the eponymous 'World's End.'

Edgar Wright has always excelled at blending comedy, action, and drama into one wildly perfect concoction and "The World's End" is no different. Although the films in the "Three Flavours Cornetto" trilogy aren't outright parodies, each one does poke fun at a specific genre while also paying homage to it. What's interesting about this series is the way Wright chooses to develop his characters, placing them in outlandish situations that have no basis in reality. However, the emotional journey they go through remains very rooted in real life. In "Shaun of the Dead," perennial slacker Shaun is forced to 'man up' and take responsibility for his actions despite having to deal with a sudden zombie apocalypse. In "Hot Fuzz," dedicated police officer Nicholas Angel tries to 'loosen up' and enjoy the little details in life but finds this to be increasingly difficult when faced with a string of mysterious murders. With "The World's End," the trilogy comes full circle by casting Simon Pegg as a slacker once again. Compared to Shaun, Gary King is even more of a pathetic loser whose life peaked in high school and it's been downhill ever since. The film opens with a somewhat exposition-heavy prologue that introduces our five main characters and their initial failed attempt to complete the 'Golden Mile' when they were teenagers in 1990. It then fast-forwards twenty-three years later where everyone has largely drifted apart, consumed by the daily routines of their adult lives. Gary however is still trapped in the past and gathers his friends for one final blowout. There are a lot of laughs to be had about the way Gary desperately clings to his youth despite pushing forty yet you also can't help feeling sorry for the guy, making "The World's End" a more mature work compared to the previous entries in Wright's trilogy.

If Wright had just focused on the characters rediscovering their friendship and mending old wounds, it would've been completely fine but thirty minutes in, he throws a curveball by revealing that the town of Newton Haven has been completely taken over by robotic duplicates! It's a nostalgic callback to the classic 1956 sci-fi film "Invasion of the Body Snatchers" (which was remade in 1978 and 2007) and the director cleverly uses this to push Gary to face his own insecurities while the others individually try to resolve their own issues, such as Andrew's long-simmering frustrations with his friend's self-destructive tendencies or Steven attempting to reconnect with his teenage crush Sam. It adds a sense of emotional urgency as everyone is literally fighting for their very survival, with Wright piling on the absurdity with some tightly edited and wickedly choreographed action scenes. Watching Nick Frost pummeling his way through an endless stream of 'blanks' (as the invaders are called) is a sight to behold and no words could do it justice. "The World's End" does falter during the last fifteen minutes as Gary finally comes face-to-face with the 'entity' behind the conspiracy. The two then engage in a pseudo-philosophical debate about the nature of free will and conformity that goes on for a little too long but these issues are rather minor. It may close with a somewhat bleak ending yet Wright's ode to friendship remains as fun as ever with its zippy, energetic dialogue and memorable characters.

In a bit of a role-reversal, Simon Pegg is the abrasive loud-mouth while Nick Frost is the more responsible one. Pegg's performance can lean toward scenery-chewing as Gary tries to reclaim his figurative 'crown' but the way he subtly laces his character with a tinge of sad desperation allows him to remain grounded in spite of how outlandish the plot gets. Delivering a career best is Frost, who successfully captures the anger and resentment that comes with being betrayed by someone you love. Paddy Considine is endearingly romantic as the lovesick Steven while Eddie Marsan plays up Peter's meekness and then gets hilariously nuttier as the film progresses. Martin Freeman brings a charming wit to stick-in-the-mud Oliver, which unfortunately leaves Rosamund Pike getting the short end of the stick. She's defined solely by her relationships to Gary and Steven, and it doesn't help when Pike disappears for a large stretch of the film only to inexplicably pop up in the end.

Released back in July in the UK, "The World's End" is finally arriving in US theaters on August 23, 2013, which is the second-to-last weekend of the summer movie season. Similar to the previous two entries in the "Three Flavours Cornetto" trilogy, the film has received critical acclaim with 93% on Rotten Tomatoes. Unfortunately, all that praise won't expand its appeal beyond the Wright faithful as general audiences will write it off as just another comedy dealing with the apocalypse. It's a real shame but not entirely a surprise considering the low domestic grosses for "Shaun of the Dead" and "Hot Fuzz." As a finale to arguably the best comedy trilogy of the past ten years, "The World's End" knocks it out of the park and into the stratosphere thanks to Wright's contagious enthusiasm. When a director is passionate about his film, you can tell, and Wright is nothing if not full of passion about his work.

Final Rating: 4.5 out of 5

"It's all right. I'm not trying to have sex with you. There's something I need to tell you right now. Unless you do want to have sex in which case I'll tell you afterwards."

Wednesday, August 21, 2013

The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones Review


Rated PG-13 (Intense Sequences of Fantasy Violence and Action, and Some Suggestive Content)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 10 Minutes

Cast-
Lily Collins-Clarissa 'Clary' Fray
Jamie Campbell Bower-Jonathan 'Jace' Wayland
Robert Sheehan-Simon Lewis
Kevin Zegers-Alexander 'Alec' Lightwood
Jemima West-Isabelle Lightwood
Jonathan Rhys Meyers-Valentine Morgenstern
Aidan Turner-Luke Garroway
Lena Headey-Jocelyn Fray
Godfrey Gao-Magnus Bane
Jared Harris-Hodge Starkweather
Kevin Durand-Emil Pangborn
Robert Maillet-Samuel Blackwell
C. C. H. Pounder-Madame Dorothea
Harry Van Gorkum-Alaric/Werewolf
Stephen R. Hart-Brother Jeremiah

Directed by Harald Zwart

Use the force and shake that hair like you just don't care!
Note: Screened on Monday, August 19, 2013 at AMC Empire 25.

I wonder how studio executives reacted once they learned that the so-called "Twilight Saga" had earned over $3.3 billion worldwide by the time the fifth (and last) film exited theaters back in March. They probably spat out their coffee and promptly sent all their assistants to the local Barnes & Noble with orders to buy every young adult novel on store shelves in the hopes of finding that one special title that would strike box office gold. Unfortunately, it doesn't seem like their efforts are really paying off. Big screen adaptations of both "Beautiful Creatures" and "The Host" flopped earlier this year and only barely covered their production budgets once foreign grosses were factored in. Will the same fate befall Harald Zwart's "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones"? Not to sound like a Negative Nancy but I don't think it'll be the massive hit that Screen Gems/Sony is hoping for. At least fans will get a sequel regardless of how much the film earns as "City of Ashes" has already been green-lit and set to go into production in September. Based on the 2007 novel in the best-selling Mortal Instruments series by Cassandra Clare (obviously a pseudonym as her legal name is the more mundane Judith Rumelt), "City of Bones" liberally borrows from every piece of urban fantasy in existence but despite how derivative the film is, it remains a fun and surprisingly engaging guilty pleasure thanks to its endearing cast and self-aware humor.

Set in contemporary New York City, Brooklyn native Clarissa 'Clary' Fray (Lily Collins) is your normal, everyday teenage girl but her world is turned upside down when she witnesses a murder at a nightclub with her friend Simon Lewis (Robert Sheehan). Clary learns that the murder was committed by group of demon hunters called 'Shadowhunters' after she encounters one of them, the blond-haired, tattooed Jonathan 'Jace' Wayland (Jamie Campbell Bower) at a coffee shop. Meanwhile, two renegade Shadowhunters, Emil Pangborn (Kevin Durand) and Samuel Blackwell (Robert Maillet), kidnap Clary's mother Jocelyn (Lena Headey) while searching for a chalice known as the 'Mortal Cup,' one of three divine objects dubbed the 'Mortal Instruments.' To rescue her mother and retrieve the Cup, Clary enlists the help of Jace and his fellow Shadowhunters, the brother-sister duo Alec and Isabelle Lightwood (Kevin Zegers and Jemima West), and also learns of her family's history with the Clave from their leader Hodge Starkweather (Jared Harris). Clary must quickly learn to master her burgeoning Shadowhunter abilities if she is to face Valentine Morgenstern (Jonathan Rhys Meyers), the leader of a group of renegade Shadowhunters who call themselves 'the Circle.'

Vampires, werewolves, and demons, oh my! "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" certainly isn't lacking in scope as it throws every supernatural creature you can think of into the film. Curiously, the author of The Mortal Instruments novels began her career writing fan-fiction (similar to E.L. James of Fifty Shades of Grey fame), specifically Harry Potter fan-fiction. Her magnum opus was The Draco Trilogy, which reimagined the smug, petty, and spoiled Draco Malfoy of Slytherin House into a beautiful, angst-ridden anti-hero. You can clearly see shades of this characterization in Jace Wayland, right down to the tight leather pants, which ironically went on to become its very own genre trope. The screenplay for "City of Bones" was written by first-timer Jessica Postigo Paquette and I have to say, it's a convoluted mess that's frequently bogged down by too much exposition and not enough proper character development. Fans of the novels will be able to keep up with its dense mythology but newcomers may have trouble and find themselves quietly confused by the packed narrative. Despite this issue, I still found myself enjoying the film because it fully embraces the ridiculous underworld that Clare has created with its fetishistic black leather costumes and Goth makeup. The story even introduces a late-plot twist that might not go over so well with more conservative viewers but the fact that it had the balls to see it through to the end is something that I respect and admire. Compared to the aforementioned "Twilight" series, "City of Bones" never takes itself too seriously and always finds the time to sarcastically poke fun at itself, whether it'd be the unusual way the Shadowhunters dress or having werewolves come to the rescue while riding on motorcycles. I'm not even kidding around here.       

I've already mentioned that "City of Bones" is terribly derivative. However, this is both a disadvantage and an advantage. There's nothing remotely original about the film's plot as certain aspects are blatantly lifted from "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and even "Star Wars" yet these reminders is actually part of the reason why I ended up being hooked since the two are so intrinsically linked to my childhood. It does suffer from a slow-paced second act though as this is where Paquette's script turns into the typical, clichéd young adult romance that it had largely avoided. We get scenes of Clary and Jace swooning all over each other, with the two kissing in a greenhouse just as the sprinklers turn on while a cheesy pop song from Demi Lovato plays in the background. Fortunately, the action-packed third act succeeds in ending the film on a strong enough note and includes Isabelle going full-on Ellen Ripley with a flamethrower. Although the budget is estimated to be $60 million, the production values aren't all that impressive and are more suited to a television series than a feature film. Still, Zwart manages to populate the picture with all manner of grotesque creatures, such as a Rottweiler whose head splits apart while its legs turn into these flailing tentacles. Called a 'Ravener Demon,' the thing looks like it came straight out of a Resident Evil game, which makes Clary our Jill Valentine.

The cast is undeniably attractive, especially Lily Collins with her bold eyebrows. In fact, I found myself distracted at times by her beauty. Collins still has a long way to go as an actress but she acquits herself in the lead role admirably, even though Clary can come across as impulsive and clumsy. I'll let that slide considering this is an origin story for her. Jamie Campbell Bower is, of course, our angst-ridden bad boy that always seem to make young girls squeal with joy. Every supernatural tale must have one nowadays. While it's evident that Bower was cast more for his looks, at least he brings a bit of that dry British humor to the table. Yes, he also appears shirtless in case you were wondering. Hell, even the nerdy geek, played by Robert Sheehan, mysteriously loses his clothes after being kidnapped by a bunch of vampires (thank god it's not the sparkly kind). Jemima West shines in the action scenes as the resident 'tough chick' Isabelle while Jonathan Rhys Meyers is clearly having a ball with his over-the-top turn as Valentine Morgenstern. Pretty soon all these films will end with two half-shirtless guys clashing their swords together…and I literally meant swords, so get your mind out of the gutter!

Released on August 21, 2013, "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" has unsurprisingly received largely negative reviews and currently stands at 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. The picture doesn't look all that rosy either box office wise as analysts are predicting a five-day total of less than $20 million. It definitely would've been prudent for Screen Gems/Sony to take a wait-and-see approach instead of barreling full steam ahead on a sequel. I'm well aware that my opinion is in the minority but it comes with the territory of being a film critic. "The Mortal Instruments: City of Bones" isn't great cinema and Zwart's direction is too workmanlike to make much of an impression yet there's no denying that the film has a certain charm with its crazy mythology and costumes. If people can embrace a man in a metal suit flying around, then the existence of an underground Goth subculture that hunts demons shouldn't be that farfetched.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

"The werewolves are here to save us. I never thought I'd say that."

Monday, August 19, 2013

Jobs Review

Rated PG-13 (Some Drug Content and Brief Strong Language)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 2 Minutes

Cast-
Ashton Kutcher-Steve Jobs
Josh Gad-Steve 'Woz' Wozniak
Dermot Mulroney-Mike Markkula
Lukas Haas-Daniel Kottke
Victor Rasuk-Bill Fernandez
Eddie Hassell-Chris Espinosa
Ron Eldard-Rod Holt
Nelson Franklin-Bill Atkinson
Elden Henson-Andy Hertzfeld
Lenny Jacobson-Burrell Smith
Matthew Modine-John Sculley
J.K. Simmons-Arthur Rock
Kevin Dunn-Gil Amelio
Brad William Henke-Paul Terrell
Ahna O'Reilly-Chris-Ann Brennan
John Getz-Paul Jobs
Lesley Ann Warren-Clara Jobs
Abby Brammell-Laurene Powell Jobs
James Woods-Jack Dudman

Directed by Joshua Michael Stern

Steve Jobs has an idea because he thinks differently.
Note: Screened on Tuesday, August 13, 2013 at the NYIT Auditorium.

Calling Steve Jobs a 'complicated man' is one of those massive understatements that have become so overused, it's now a tired cliché. Whatever your opinion of him was, there's no denying that Jobs was ambitious and a pivotal driving force for the burgeoning computer industry during the mid-1970s. I still remember the first time I used a Mac, like it was yesterday. It was back in elementary school and if memory serves me right, the model was a Color Classic II and had the shareware version of id Software's seminal first-person shooter Wolfenstein 3D installed. Not every Mac in the classroom had the game so you pretty much had to beat the other kids to the punch in order to play it or you'd be stuck with some Space Invaders knock-off. I fondly recall that triumphant moment where I took down a mech-suit wearing Adolf Hitler using the chain gun while all my friends hovered around me like hawks, silently hoping for me to slip-up. Unfortunately, some uptight parent complained to the teacher about the violence and he promptly uninstalled the game from all the computers. Ironically, this would be the last time I touched a Mac and since then, I've stayed loyal to my one true love, the PC. Of course, I'm not here to debate the pros and cons of Macs and PCs (it would turn into a shouting match anyway) as the topic of this review is on Steve Jobs and the biographical film based on his life from director Joshua Michael Stern. Given the man's influence on computers and technology in general, a biopic focusing on Jobs was always inevitable but I'm surprised at how fast we're getting one considering he passed away only two years ago. There's no doubt that Steve Jobs was a fascinating individual but despite the best efforts of Ashton Kutcher, "Jobs" is ultimately a dull, overly hagiographic film that offers absolutely no insight into the man that taught millions to 'think differently.' You'd actually be better off reading the guy's Wikipedia page or waiting for the Aaron Sorkin version.

On October 23, 2001, Apple Inc. CEO Steve Jobs (Ashton Kutcher) unveils the iPod to a rapturous audience at a special event in Cupertino, California but back in 1974, he was just another bored student at Portland, Oregon's Reed College. Dropping out after just one semester, Jobs spends the next eighteen months attending various creative classes such as calligraphy and eventually travels to India with his friend Daniel Kottke (Lukas Haas) in search of spiritual enlightenment. While working as a technician at Atari, Inc., Jobs is assigned to create a circuit board for the arcade video game Breakout using the least amount of chips possible. He enlists his high school friend Steve Wozniak (Josh Gad) to help on the project and their partnership leads to the invention of the Apple I computer in 1976. Born in the garage of Jobs' home in Los Altos, Apple Computer, Inc. quickly becomes a leading industry force in the home computer market thanks to some much-needed funding provided by semi-retired engineer Mike Markkula (Dermot Mulroney). Apple continues to grow throughout the early-1980s but Jobs soon becomes embroiled in an internal power struggle that sees him ousted from the company he built in 1985. As Apple slowly slipped into a decline, Jobs reluctantly returns as interim CEO in 1998 in order to forge a new path and bring the company back into the public consciousness.

'What makes this person great?' That is the question every biopic must answer and sadly, "Jobs" doesn't. Written by first-timer Matt Whiteley, the film makes the disastrous decision of shoehorning over twenty years of Apple history into a mere two hours, resulting in a scattershot, fragmented picture that's bereft of any nuance or drama. This is a lazy, pointless approach because one can simply read all about the company's milestones with just a simple Google search. Granted, the first hour isn't too bad as we witness the humble beginnings of Apple from Steve Jobs' garage. Watching Steve Wozniak diligently put together the circuit boards for the Apple I computer was actually fun since I spent much of my time in college doing the very same thing. However, Stern indulges in too much hero-worship in "Jobs" as the other contributors to the Apple I, Daniel Kottke, Bill Fernandez (Victor Rasuk), and Chris Espinosa (Eddie Hassell), are little more than set decoration. The opening scene where Jobs unveils the iPod even fudges the facts as initial reception to the device was mixed but here, the audience is shown to be literally standing on their hands and knees like it's the Second Coming of Jesus! Time and again, Jobs is shown to do no wrong. Whenever people doubt him or explain that something can't be done, he simply brushes off their concerns with a knowing smile. Even when the company was hemorrhaging money due to the failure of the Apple Lisa and the first Macintosh, the film places all the blame on then-CEO John Sculley (Matthew Modine) and investor Arthur Rock (J.K. Simmons), positioning them as one-dimensional, short-sighted executives who cared only about profit and not Jobs' 'vision.' When the subject of your biopic is presented as nearly infallible, it doesn't make for a very riveting film.

The second hour largely focuses on the internal power struggle between Sculley and Jobs but by then, the film had already lost me as it drudges through one tedious boardroom argument after another. However, my biggest issue with "Jobs" (besides its shallow exploration of the man) is that it fails to show exactly what his accomplishments were and mistakes his narcissistic arrogance as honorable. If you knew nothing about Steve Jobs and saw this film, you're going to come away with the impression that he's just a glorified salesman. There's scene after scene of him making inspirational speeches of how Apple will 'revolutionize' the computer industry yet that's all he does. The guy talks a big game, and then pawns the work off to someone else. It's no mystery that Jobs didn't suffer fools either and would gladly let them know about it but instead of trying to humanize the man and show why he behaves this way, Stern sweeps it all under the rug, forgiving his worst qualities because apparently, being ambitious allows you to bully everyone else. While Apple struggles to establish its identity, Jobs callously dismisses his pregnant girlfriend Chris-Ann Brennan (Ahna O'Reilly), kicking her to the curb and refusing to acknowledge that the child is his. It's frankly disturbing to watch yet ironically, this is as close to dramatic as the film gets as Jobs is shown to have some sort of mental breakdown afterwards. Strangely, Brennan's daughter is later shown to be living with her father, although how this happens is left completely unexplained. Too many blanks are left for the viewer to fill and when "Jobs" hits a brick wall, the film resorts to using montages.

It's clear that "Jobs" suffers from many problems but Ashton Kutcher is surprisingly not one of them. Although the actor doesn't quite disappear into his role, he does succeed in capturing Steve Jobs' mannerisms, including the man's distinctive gait and hunched posture. It's more a mimicry than a real performance yet Stern's unusual choice paid off. You can accuse the rest of the film of being lazy and formulaic. Kutcher, however, is not and it's evident in every scene that he's taking the role seriously. The rest of the cast don't fare as well in comparison due to their underwritten roles. Josh Gad's portrayal of Steve Wozniak is both funny and engaging while Dermot Mulroney effectively conveys Markkula's personal crisis as the character finds himself torn between Sculley and Jobs but everyone else is either too underdeveloped or too one-dimensional to make much of an impression.

Premiering at the Sundance Film Festival back in January, "Jobs" was finally released into theaters on August 16, 2013 to largely negative reviews with 25% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics found it to be a 'skin-deep portrait of an influential, complex figure' and that it 'often has the feel of an over-sentimentalized made-for-television biopic.' People may love their Apple products but that didn't translate into box office success as the film bombed over the weekend with only $6.7 million. Audience reception at the advance screening was also rather muted with only scattered applause. Although Steve Jobs strived for perfection with his products, this biopic settles for less and fails to offer anything remotely compelling about one of the most important figures in the tech industry. Apple fan or not, "Jobs" is a disappointment for everyone.

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

"Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The troublemakers. The round pegs in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules. And they have no respect for the status quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them. About the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do."

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Paranoia Review

Rated PG-13 (Some Sexuality, Violence and Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast-
Liam Hemsworth-Adam Cassidy
Amber Heard-Emma Jennings
Gary Oldman-Nicolas Wyatt
Harrison Ford-Jock Goddard
Richard Dreyfuss-Frank Cassidy
Embeth Davidtz-Dr. Judith Bolton
Julian McMahon-Miles Meechum
Lucas Till-Kevin
Angela Sarafyan-Allison
Josh Holloway-FBI Agent Gamble

Directed by Robert Luketic

You staring at my bald head? Get off my plane!
Note: Screened on Wednesday, August 14, 2013 at AMC Loews 34th Street 14.

You know summer is officially over when studios start releasing dreck like "Paranoia" into theaters. Given how privacy is fast becoming a thing of the past and the current hubbub surrounding the NSA's mass surveillance of American citizens (this is a surprise?), Robert Luketic's film, based on the 2004 novel of the same name from Joseph Finder, represented a great opportunity to explore the pitfalls of our modern digital culture but instead, it's content with recycling genre tropes that would've been already dated twenty years ago. Of course, this shouldn't come as a big surprise as Luketic has only directed one film that's actually worth watching (2001's "Legally Blonde") while the rest of his work is made up of insipid romantic comedies starring Katherine Heigl. Destined to fade from theaters quickly, "Paranoia" is another in a long line of generic techno-thrillers that neither thrills nor excites despite the presence of accomplished thespians like Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford, although women might find some enjoyment in seeing Liam Hemsworth's constantly shirtless frame.

Twenty-seven-year-old Brooklyn native Adam Cassidy (Liam Hemsworth) is an entry-level employee looking to climb the corporate ladder at Wyatt Industries. During a presentation with the company's founder Nicolas Wyatt (Gary Oldman), Adam and his entire team is fired on the spot when he makes a sarcastic comment about the CEO's lacking attention span. Despite being faced with mounting debt from his father's (Richard Dreyfuss) medical bills, Adam decides to treat his former co-workers to a night of drunken partying and blows $16,000 on the company credit card. The next day, a group of men led by Miles Meechum (Julian McMahon) stop Adam on his way home and brings him to Wyatt's office, where the CEO offers the recently-fired employee a deal: face jail time or take a job at rival corporation Eikon run by Jock Goddard (Harrison Ford), who just so happens to be Wyatt's former mentor. Blackmailed into becoming a corporate spy, Adam is tasked with stealing a smartphone design that is said to revolutionize the industry once it's released. In order to blend in, he is given a makeover by Wyatt's mysterious right-hand woman, Dr. Judith Bolton (Embeth Davidtz). Adam manages to charm the hiring manager and easily lands a job at Eikon but he quickly finds himself in way over his head when an FBI agent (Josh Holloway) starts snooping around, with his loyalties being put to the test due to his burgeoning romance with fellow employee Emma Jennings (Amber Heard).

A bland, lazy rehash of every mediocre techno-thriller from the nineties, Robert Luketic's "Paranoia" opens with our chiseled protagonist running around in nondescript alleyways while the names of the cast and crew appear with intentionally glitchy editing, just to clue you in that the film's about technology. The director must've thought he was being real clever with his stylistic choices here yet all it does is make you wonder if there's something wrong with the projector. That actually would've been preferable to sitting through this uninspired, clunky mess. In an attempt to add 'meaning' to the film, writers Jason Hall and Barry L. Levy position Adam as an entry-level worker who's become increasingly disillusioned with the concept of the American Dream. He voices his disgust via narration at the rise of greedy corporate executives who reap all the profits from the backs of decent, hard-working folks but at the same time, Adam worships this lifestyle and yearns to be part of their world. Not only does it make him out to be a hypocrite, it also prevents the audience from sympathizing with his plight. Adam complains about his inability to pay for his father's medical bills despite having a company card right in his hands and what's worse is that he ends up spending it all at some tacky nightclub with his friends. Even Wyatt, the 'greedy corporate executive,' points this out to him! If this was a comedy, Adam would be face-palming right now but that's giving the character too much credit.

The film tries hard to create a sense of tension and suspense, with Adam being chased around (in broad daylight no less) and having Wyatt's henchman Meechum watch his every move yet it all comes across as labored, with every twist and turn seemingly culled from the thriller handbook for dummies. Hall and Levy also display a complete lack of understanding of how modern technology works. The two throw in a bunch of technical jargon to give the appearance that their film is smart but its meaningless fluff meant only to fill the dead air left behind by the characters' banal dialogue exchanges. Apparently, a 2.72 GB file takes forever to transfer on a MacBook Pro (don't these things have USB 3.0 nowadays?) and Eikon, described as a corporation on the verge of a technological breakthrough, boasts a security system that's laughably easy to circumvent. Instead of actually scanning your thumbprint like it should, it scans a digital readout of that same print! When Adam hacks the cameras, one of the guards yell out this funny little gem: 'Get our IT guy on the line!' With dialogue like that, you have to wonder if anyone working on the film has ever used a computer before. The rest of "Paranoia" doesn't fare much better. Adam is magically transformed into a smooth-talking executive overnight and his romance with Emma is barely developed at all beyond a few scenes of them sleeping together. Coincidentally (or not), the two shared a one-night stand but Adam was too drunk to remember. The ending hinges on a ridiculous contrivance that relies on the central villains being completely unaware that tape recorders still exist. Given how overused this trick is, I'm surprised that people still fall for it again and again.

This is Liam Hemsworth's first role where he plays the lead but compared to his older brother Chris (whose star-power has risen since he was cast in 2011's "Thor"), he's little more than an 'empty vessel' as one character puts it and delivers a dull, listless performance that will put you to sleep, if the rest of the film hasn't already. Luketic seems to be aware of this so he has the actor spend as much time as possible without his shirt on. Amber Heard fares somewhat better, although she and Hemsworth share very little chemistry. Hell, watching two rocks make out with each other generates more heat when compared to these two. The only enjoyment that "Paranoia" will offer is seeing Gary Oldman and Harrison Ford reunite on-screen for the first time since 1997's "Air Force One," sixteen years ago. Oldman is in full scenery-chewing mode here with his thick Cockney accent while Ford (with his shiny bald dome) clearly looks bored but when the two share the screen together, you can literally see the sparks fly between them. They growl at each other with lines like 'You stood on my shoulders!' and 'Now I'm standing on your neck!' If only the rest of the film was this entertaining. Instead, we have mini-Thor running around for 106 minutes with absolutely no idea of what he's doing. The rest of the cast is rounded out by the always-reliable Richard Dreyfuss, Julian McMahon behaving like a total dick again, and Embeth Davidtz as Goddard's ice-cold right-hand woman. She even speaks with a posh British accent, just so it's clear that she's a villain. Josh Holloway's in there too in a blink-and-you'll-miss-him role as FBI agent Gamble.

Released on August 16, 2013, "Paranoia" has received the worst reviews of the year with a mere 4% on Rotten Tomatoes. There are only two positive reviews and one of them comes from 'quote whore' Pete Hammond. Funny story, I was the last one to get into the advance screening but by the end of the film, I was wondering if it was all worth it to begin with! Audiences are making the right choice by avoiding this mess of a thriller as it debuted in tenth place on opening day with a paltry $1.3 million, which means it'll disappear from theaters quickly. While "Paranoia" isn't so aggressively bad that it'll make you tear your hair out, the whole affair just feels tired, generic, and instantly forgettable. The only time you'll be gripping your seats is in anticipation of seeing this film end.

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

Nicholas Wyatt: You stood on my shoulders!
Jock Goddard: And now I'm standing on your neck!