Wednesday, July 30, 2014

Lucy Review

Rated R (Strong Violence, Disturbing Images, and Sexuality)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 30 Minutes

Cast-
Scarlett Johansson-Lucy
Morgan Freeman-Professor Samuel Norman
Choi Min-Sik-Mr. Jang
Amr Waked-Pierre Del Rio
Analeigh Tipton-Caroline
Pilou Asbæk-Richard
Julian Rhind-Tutt-The Limey
Nicolas Phongpheth-Jii

Directed by Luc Besson

Scarlett Johansson develops God-like superpowers after ingesting a synthetic drug in Luc Besson's "Lucy."
Note: Screened on Wednesday, July 9, 2014 at AMC Loews 34th Street 14.

There are ridiculous films and then there's "Lucy," a bat-sh*t crazy action flick from French writer-director Luc Besson that mixes mindless shootouts with an inane sci-fi premise and pseudo-philosophical musings on the 'meaning of life.' Initial previews from Universal had positioned Besson's latest as a wall-to-wall action thriller with an ass-kicking super-powered heroine and while that's still partly true, the resulting film is actually more like Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey" and Terrence Malick's "The Tree of Life," but filtered through the lens of a Eurotrash action movie. Besson hasn't directed much since 1999, when "The Messenger: The Story of Joan of Arc" flopped with both critics and audiences. He instead shifted his focus on writing and producing, with his production company EuropaCorp releasing a seemingly endless stream of disposable Eurotrash action thrillers like "The Transporter," "Taken," and "Colombiana." Besson sporadically returned to the director's chair to branch out into other genres but these films, such as the little-seen 2011 biopic "The Lady" and last year's Martin Scorsese-produced crime dramedy "The Family," often received negative reviews. What he needed to do was to go back to the good ol' days of "La Femme Nikita" and "Léon: The Professional." Although "Lucy" isn't quite a return to form for Besson, it's at least a step in the right direction for the filmmaker. Much of what happens makes little logical sense but his strong commitment to the film's absurd premise—combined with Scarlett Johansson's equally strong performance—make for a solidly entertaining late-summer watch.

Twenty-five year old party girl Lucy (Scarlett Johansson), who's studying abroad in Taipei, Taiwan, finds herself in over her head when her week-long boyfriend Richard (Pilou Asbæk) suddenly handcuffs a locked briefcase to her wrist and forces her to deliver it to a ruthless Korean gangster named Mr. Jang (Choi Min-Sik). After giving her the combination to open the briefcase—which contain four packets of a brand-new and powerful blue-powdered synthetic drug dubbed 'CPH4'—Jang enlists an unwilling Lucy to work as one of his drug mules, with one of the packets surgically implanted into her lower abdomen while she's under sedation. During her captivity, one of Jang's thugs repeatedly kicks Lucy in the stomach, causing the contents of the packet to leak into the rest of her body. Instead of killing her, the drug begins to rapidly expand her brain usage beyond the normal 10%. Lucy soon develops a host of superhuman abilities, turning her into a God-like being of unimaginable power. With her humanity slipping away as her brain usage steadily increases to 100%, Lucy reaches out to Professor Samuel Norman (Morgan Freeman), a specialist who lectures on the limits of the human mind. While Norman and his colleagues help her prepare humankind for the next stage of evolution, Lucy tasks French police officer Pierre Del Rio (Amr Waked) with finding the remaining three CPH4 packets and putting a stop to Jang's illegal activities.

Morgan Freeman's role largely serves to deliver exposition but he continues to lend his usual gravitas with a committed performance alongside co-star Johannson.
I don't know if Luc Besson drank too much coffee or got high one morning but "Lucy" is one of the most bizarre action thrillers I've ever seen. First off, the film's premise, which revolves around the whole idea that we use only 10% of our brains, is complete hogwash as the entire brain is active at all times. Certain areas will be significantly more active depending on what we're doing. However, this myth continues to persist despite being repeatedly proven to be untrue. In fact, a survey last year by The Michael J. Fox Foundation for Parkinson's Research found that 65% of Americans believe the myth is true, which is 5% more than those who believe in evolution. Of course, Besson doesn't give a crap about logic and fully commits to the film's nonsensical concept. I actually admire him for doing that because too many directors nowadays often play it safe. Sure, "Lucy" gets more and more ridiculous as it progresses but before I get into how ridiculous, let's start at the beginning, specifically the beginning as the film opens with a prehistoric prologue modeled after the 'Dawn of Man' sequence in "2001: A Space Odyssey." An early hominid is shown squatting in a stream during this scene. However, this is no ordinary hominid; it's the famous Lucy, one of the earliest human ancestors we have physical evidence of. In voiceover, present-day Lucy asks, 'Life was given to us a billion years ago. What have we done with it?' Before that question could be answered, the film snaps back into a typical Besson vehicle, at least for the first half with its fast cuts, violent gunplay, and dark humor. The French director lends the picture some weird visual flourishes, like juxtaposing nature footage of a cheetah chasing and mauling a gazelle while a helpless Lucy is taken prisoner by Jang's thugs, because Lucy is like a gazelle. Don't you get it? DON'T YOU!?

Things get interesting once Lucy gets her powers. Hell, she even defies the laws of gravity while overdosing! This is the point where the film turns into a super-powered version of "La Femme Nikita," with the titular character going on a rampage against Jang's men in a scene set to Mozart's first act of Requiem, because why the hell not? Besson cuts to a counter every ten or so minutes to signify her steadily increasing brain function. Soon, Lucy is absorbing knowledge at a vastly accelerated rate. She can see living cells and data streams and can even control matter itself upon hitting 60%. There's a stylish car chase set on the streets of Paris where she's flinging vehicles left and right with only her mind. Obviously, none of this is based on any real science despite the film's attempts to convince you otherwise but that's part of the fun as you try to figure out what kind of craziness it's going to pull off next. However, viewers who were hoping to see Lucy kick all kinds of ass will likely come away disappointed as she becomes less and less human the more powerful she becomes, with her physical form unable to contain all her abilities. The relatively action-packed second act gives way to something a bit more contemplative. This is when Besson goes absolutely bonkers with a trippy sequence that literally spans time and space. As Gabe Toro perfectly describes it in his own review, this scene is 'a whirling fantasia of effects and images.' Even dinosaurs make an appearance just like in "The Tree of Life"! Ultimately, "Lucy" tackles the same themes in Kubrick and Malick's films: the insignificance of human existence when compared to the vastness of the cosmos, the transience of time, and the fact that our species has a long way to go in terms of evolution. Leave it to Besson to craft a feature that feels dumb and profound at the same time.

I sense a mindless shootout is about to happen...
A lot of people tend to dismiss Scarlett Johansson as a pretty face but she's proven herself numerous times to be a great actress. Her role as Black Widow in the Marvel Studios films have allowed her to take on a variety of interesting projects like last year's unconventional "Her" from Spike Jonze, where she voices an advanced computer operating system, and this past April's hauntingly mesmerizing "Under the Skin" from Jonathan Glazer, where she portrays an alien seductress. While Johansson's role in "Lucy" isn't as challenging as those films, she nonetheless delivers a committed performance and treats the material with the utmost seriousness. Her character's helplessness in the opening act allows us to immediately sympathize with her plight, with a telephone call to Lucy's mother proving to be particularly heartbreaking as it represents the final moment where Lucy experiences true human emotion. Despite transforming into an affectless superwoman, Johansson remains compelling to watch and a big part of why Besson's film even works is due to her presence. The twenty-nine year old actress always had it in her to become a kick-ass action heroine so hopefully this role opens up even more doors for her, including a solo "Black Widow" movie. The supporting cast is largely just along for the ride but like Johansson, they commit to their roles in spite of the story's preposterousness. Morgan Freeman spends much of the film delivering exposition and looking flummoxed at Lucy's growing powers as Professor Samuel Norman. South Korean actor Choi Min-Sik—famous for his critically-acclaimed role in Park Chan-Wook's 2003 revenge thriller "Oldboy"—seethes with intense rage as brutal gangster Mr. Jang in his English-language debut while Amr Waked's Pierre Del Rio provides a hint of romantic tension, with his character finding himself intrigued by this God-like femme fatale.

Released on July 25, 2014, "Lucy" has received better-than-expected reviews with 58% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that Besson's latest was 'enthusiastically silly' but it partially succeeds thanks to its 'cheesy thrills and Scarlett Johansson's charm.' Universal originally scheduled the film for August 8th but the studio wisely moved it from that crowded release date to a more box office friendly one in July. Thanks to its intriguing high-concept premise and action-packed trailers, "Lucy" managed to debut with an impressive $43.9 million, although audience reception was lukewarm. When I saw the film during an advance screening, many viewers were left confused by what happened at the end. Still, $100 million isn't exactly out of reach for this loony action thriller. Ludicrously silly and completely over-the-top, "Lucy" doesn't quite represent a return to form for Luc Besson but this is definitely his most ambitious work in years. While almost nothing makes logical sense, the sheer craziness that follows from its ridiculous premise make for a visually interesting and entertaining flick. Honestly, this is destined to be a cult classic, especially to stoners looking to experience a colorful power-trip!

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

"Life was given to us a billion years ago. Now you know what to do with it."

Saturday, July 26, 2014

Guardians of the Galaxy 3D Review

Rated PG-13 (Intense Sequences of Sci-Fi Violence and Action, and for Some Language)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 1 Minute

Cast-
Chris Pratt-Peter Quill/Star-Lord
Zoe Saldana-Gamora
Dave Bautista-Drax the Destroyer
Bradley Cooper (voice)-Rocket Raccoon
Vin Diesel (voice)-Groot
Michael Rooker-Yondu Udonta
Lee Pace-Ronan the Accuser
Karen Gillan-Nebula
Djimon Hounsou-Korath the Pursuer
Benicio Del Toro-Taneleer Tivan/The Collector
John C. Reilly-Rhomann Dey
Glenn Close-Nova Prime Irani Rael
Josh Brolin (voice)-Thanos
Peter Serafinowicz-Denarian Saal
Sean Gunn-Kraglin
Christopher Fairbank-The Broker
Laura Haddock-Meredith Quill
Wyatt Oleff-Young Peter Quill
Gregg Henry-Grandpa Quill
Ophelia Lovibond-Carina
Alexis Denisof-The Other

Directed by James Gunn

Behold...the Guardians of the Galaxy!
Note: Screened on Wednesday, July 23, 2014 at AMC Loews Lincoln Square 13.

If you were to ask a random person on the street to name five comic book superheroes off the top of their head, chances are the answer would include iconic characters like Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, and Spider-Man, with the remaining spot either filled by Wolverine or Iron Man due to the actors currently portraying them. However, if you were to then ask this same person to identify the five characters on the "Guardians of the Galaxy" film poster, most likely you'll receive a confused and puzzled look—unless this random person happened to be a massive comic book fan, in which case you should start playing the lottery.

It was only two years ago when Marvel Studios president Kevin Feige announced at San Diego Comic Con that a "Guardians of the Galaxy" film was in active development but outside of Hall H, the news was met with a mixture of bewilderment and indifference. Some comic book fans even expressed doubt that such a project would connect with the mainstream, non-comic book reading audience and thus would not be financially successful due to the film's bizarre array of characters, which included a gun-toting talking raccoon and a giant humanoid tree. Captain America, Iron Man, and Thor had an easier time establishing themselves on the big screen as they each were given an individual film before teaming-up for 2012's "The Avengers" but "Guardians of the Galaxy" is facing a more uphill battle. It has to introduce five C-list Marvel characters and bring them together in a story that not only satisfies comic book readers but also doesn't alienate viewers unfamiliar with the source material. Enter director James Gunn, a Troma veteran whose idiosyncratic sensibilities proved to be a perfect fit for the type of film Marvel wanted to make. The end result is one of the best films from Marvel Studios and dare I say, of the year as well. Endlessly engaging and packed with spectacular visuals, "Guardians of the Galaxy" bursts with scrappy heart and witty humor thanks to its wonderfully charming cast and Gunn's confident direction. This is another fantastic addition to Marvel's growing repertoire, one that opens up an infinite number of possibilities for the studio. 'You're welcome,' indeed!

"Ain't no thing like me, except me!"
In 1988, eight-year-old Peter Quill finds himself abducted by an unknown spaceship following the death of his mother, Meredith (Laura Haddock). Twenty-six years later, an adult Peter (Chris Pratt)—now going by the codename 'Star-Lord'—has fallen in with an intergalactic group of outlaws calling themselves 'The Ravagers,' led by Yondu Udonta (Michael Rooker). The Ravagers have been tasked by the Broker (Christopher Fairbank) to retrieve a mysterious Orb on the abandoned planet Morag but Peter decides to betray Yondu and takes the relic in order to collect the bounty on it himself. Unfortunately, there are others who are interested in the Orb as well. The Kree fanatic Ronan the Accuser (Lee Pace), angered by the peace treaty between his people and the Xandarians, sends Korath the Pursuer (Djimon Hounsou) to recover the artifact for his master Thanos (voice of Josh Brolin). In exchange, the 'Mad Titan' will destroy Xandar for him. When Peter makes a fool out of Korath, Ronan orders Thanos' adopted daughter Gamora (Zoe Saldana) to find the human, unaware that the green-skinned assassin plans to betray him and sell the Orb to Taneleer Tivan, aka the Collector (Benicio Del Toro). Meanwhile, an angry Yondu puts a bounty on Peter, drawing the attention of Rocket Raccoon (voice of Bradley Cooper) and his tree-like companion Groot (voice of Vin Diesel). Peter encounters Gamora—as well as Rocket and Groot—while attempting to sell the Orb to the Broker. Their scuffle leads to them being arrested by the Nova Corps and sent to a supermax prison dubbed 'The Kyln.' While there, the group comes into contact with Drax the Destroyer (Dave Bautista), a revenge-fueled warrior who wants Ronan dead for killing his family. The quintet manage to break out of the prison in the hopes of collecting a massive payday for returning the Orb to the Collector but when the artifact is revealed to be a powerful superweapon, these five misfits and outcasts discover that they're the galaxy's only chance in stopping Ronan and his genocidal plan.

If the above synopsis for "Guardians of the Galaxy" makes your head whirl, don't worry because much of what I mentioned occurs in the first twenty to thirty minutes. Films set in outer space tend to face an immediate obstacle where every character, planet, and location needs to be introduced. One way to do it is through narration but that's not often very engaging for the viewer (see 2011's "Green Lantern" as an example). So what does James Gunn do? He simply dives right in and trusts the audience will be able to follow along with a minimum amount of hand-holding. Title cards helpfully identify new planets and locations while exposition is used only when necessary. It makes for an incredibly well-paced film with little to no fat, allowing the two-hour running time to breeze right by. It also helps that the story is largely a standalone affair, outside of a few instances where it sets up a handful of plot threads that won't be picked up on until summer 2018 or 2019. The only real complaint is that the narrative is structured around a familiar formula that goes all the way back to 2008's "Iron Man." A very powerful device or relic is introduced that the villains want badly for some destructive purpose and the hero—or in this case, heroes—have to prevent that from happening. Much of what happens in "Guardians of the Galaxy" won't be a surprise but damn, is it entertaining!

"Metaphor!"
A word of warning to viewers: if you're not onboard once the opening credits are over, then you should just get a refund because this is a silly film with a playful spirit yet it's also big and epic at the same time. In fact, "Guardians of the Galaxy" feels very much like an amalgam of 1977's "Star Wars" and Joss Whedon's television cult hit "Firefly" with its 'used universe' and scrappy characters. The script—which takes much of its inspiration from the modern iteration of the team introduced in 2008 by Dan Abnett and Andy Lanning—may not stray far from the formula established in previous Marvel Studios' films but Gunn and co-writer Nicole Perlman manage to bring a lot of heart and humor to the characters. Following a poignant scene set in 1988, the film jumps forward by twenty-six years, where an adult Peter Quill is exploring an ancient temple on the planet Morag in order to steal a mysterious Orb that he hopes to sell for a pretty penny. Quill has built a reputation for himself as the legendary 'Star-Lord' but he's really just a glorified thief with endless charm to spare. I believe Princess Leia famously called such people 'scoundrels.' Abducted from Earth as a child for reasons unknown, Quill's only link to his home planet is the Sony Walkman that he carries with him everywhere he goes. Inside the portable music player is a mix tape—appropriately labeled Awesome Mix Vol. 1—that contains all the pop songs that Quill's mother grew up listening. In addition to providing the film with an amazing retro soundtrack, the Walkman and mix tape also serves as an extension to Quill's haunted past as he blames himself for the way things ended with his mother. That's what ultimately brings the Guardians of the Galaxy together as each member is haunted by something. Gamora had her whole life taken away by Thanos, Drax lost his entire family to Ronan, and Rocket is suffering from some major PTSD issues. The only 'pure' character is Groot. These selfish, cynical jerks may have met through pointless circumstance but they quickly form a bond because they're all damaged in some way and are looking to fill a void in their lives, whether they realize it or not. When these five misfits finally embrace their identity as a team, it feels right that these people would protect and die for each other. What took "The Avengers" five films to accomplish, Gunn does in only two hours and I have to say, that is some impressive work.

One thing that I cannot stretch enough is how insanely fun "Guardians of the Galaxy" is. The humor never feels forced and it's oh so hilarious. This is by far the funniest Marvel film yet, with Gunn infusing the picture with a crackling sense of energy that harkens back to the aforementioned "Star Wars" and 1981's "Raiders of the Lost Ark." It almost feels old-fashioned in a way. The visual effects and the production design from Charles Wood are absolutely exquisite. Every shot pops with a vivid splash of color and the lived-in, worn-out world is teeming with life. The film also boasts a crystal-clear 3D conversion. Having seen both the 2D and 3D versions, I highly recommend going with the latter, a suggestion that I don't make lightly. Rocket Raccoon and Groot are both wonderfully realized, in addition to all the bizarre creatures and avant-garde fashions that Gunn packs the screen with. The sequence set on Knowhere is a particular highlight and the prison break from the Kyln is one of the most impressive set-pieces I've ever had the pleasure to watch as it deftly blends humor and action into one thrilling mix. The friction amongst the five characters nicely hints at the team that they will eventually form. Of course, there's also the outstanding soundtrack, full of 1970s pop hits like Blue Swede's Hooked on a Feeling, Redbone's Come and Get Your Love, the Runaway's Cherry Bomb, and Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's Ain't No Mountain High Enough. What's great is that these songs aren't randomly chosen. Each serves the story in one way or another, like 10cc's I'm Not in Love—with its line 'big boys don't cry'—perfectly complementing the heartbreaking opening scene where Peter witnesses his mother's final moments. Suffice to say, this is one soundtrack that you won't stop listening to.

The villains aren't as memorable as the good guys but their strong visual design makes up for it.
I don't know how Marvel Studios always does it but the casting in their films has been pitch-perfect, a trend that continues with "Guardians of the Galaxy." Chris Pratt is excellent as Peter Quill, aka Star-Lord. The actor is both charming and heroic in equal measure, with his assured performance capturing the character's bravado ways while also showing off a more sentimental side. Peter may be a womanizing douche yet he's also hopelessly romantic, a trait that I one-hundred percent identified with. It can't be an accident when he selects Elvin Bishop's Fooled Around and Fell in Love for Gamora to listen to. Speaking of Gamora, Zoe Saldana makes for a great foil for Pratt. Her character is the type of woman that can see through a man's bullsh*t yet she also can't help but be drawn to him. The film also allows Saldana to kick all kinds of ass, making for some intense one-on-one fights. The biggest surprise is Dave Bautista, who enthusiastically throws himself into the role of Drax and delivers some of the funniest lines in the film with his great timing and deadpan delivery. However, the characters that completely steal the show are Rocket Raccoon and Groot, voiced by Bradley Cooper and Vin Diesel. Cooper's stereotypical New York/New Jersey accent leads to some truly hilarious moments but the actor never forgets that Rocket comes from a dark place and he plays up the character's bitterness and pain with every line of dialogue. Although he's limited to saying 'I am Groot' over and over again, Diesel is just superb as he conveys so much heart and emotion despite only saying four words in the entire film. The villains, played by Lee Pace, Karen Gillan, and Djimon Hounsou, aren't quite as memorable compared to the good guys yet they remain appropriately menacing thanks to their strong visual design. Pace's Ronan exudes a sinister vibe while Gillan's Nebula is all rage and anger. Finally, there's Michael Rooker, who's obviously having a ball playing outlaw Yondu Udonta. Rounding out the talented cast is Benicio Del Toro as the Collector, John C. Reilly as Nova Corpsman Rhomann Dey, and Glenn Close as Nova Prime Irani Rael.

"Guardians of the Galaxy" won't be released until August 1, 2014 but reviews have been slowly trickling in and the reception so far has been phenomenal. It currently has a whopping 100% on Rotten Tomatoes, with critics concluding that Marvel Studios' latest is ' funny, thrilling, full of heart, and packed with visual splendor.' When the film was announced two years ago, many viewed it as a risky proposition because it featured superheroes that were only known to die-hard comic book fans. Having seen "Guardians of the Galaxy" twice, all the questioning now seems rather foolish in hindsight. Marvel Studios often catches a lot of flak for not taking risks but 2014 proved to be a banner year for them, with April's "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" shaking up the status quo while Gunn opens up a completely unexplored area of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. I can tell when a director is passionate about the film he's making and it's clear that Gunn absolutely adored the material and most of all, the characters. "Guardians of the Galaxy," you've already said 'You're Welcome.' Let me offer a very belated 'Thank You' for providing me with one of the finest science-fiction movies I've ever seen.

Final Rating: 5 out of 5

"I look around, and you know what I see? Losers! I mean, like, folks who have lost stuff. Our homes, our families. And we're facing a threat that could destroy us all. But life is giving us a chance."

Monday, July 21, 2014

Sex Tape Review

Rated R (Strong Sexual Content, Nudity, Language and Some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 34 Minutes

Cast-
Cameron Diaz-Annie Hargrove
Jason Segel-Jay Hargrove
Ellie Kemper-Tess
Rob Corddry-Robby
Rob Lowe-Hank Rosenbaum
Nat Faxon-Max
Nancy Lenehan-Linda
Timothy Brennen-Walt
Sebastian Hedges Thomas-Clive Hargrove
Giselle Eisenberg-Nell Hargrove
Harrison Holzer-Howard
Kumail Nanjiani-Punit
Artemis Asteriadis-Kia
Randall Park-Edward
Jack Black-Owner of YouPorn

Directed by Jake Kasdan

Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel try their best but "Sex Tape" ends up being a limp affair.
Note: Screened on Wednesday, July 16, 2014 at AMC Loews Kips Bay 15.

Homegrown Video proudly proclaims on their homepage that it is the 'original amateur porn site' and it is indeed true as they were the first company to commercially release and distribute homemade, amateur pornography to customers who were hungry for such content. In fact, they've been doing it for thirty-two years now. I'm amazed they're actually still in business given the rise of free pornographic video sharing websites like YouPorn and PornHub, which boast tens of thousands of amateur porn videos, all literally at the fingertips of Internet users. Hell, there's over forty-six thousand videos currently uploaded in the 'amateur' category on YouPorn, and that's only for one website! Homemade sex tapes aren't quite the taboo they once were ten years ago (you can thank Hollywood for that), with many couples nowadays making them for their own personal—and sometimes non-personal—use. Sure, it's obviously embarrassing when something that was meant to be viewed in private gets out to the public but other than that, who cares? Jay and Annie cares, that's who! Played by Jason Segel and Cameron Diaz, Jay and Annie are a long-married couple who attempt to spice up their love life by making a sex tape, which—of course—accidentally gets out in Jake Kasdan's latest film, appropriately titled "Sex Tape." The premise seems to promise plenty of raunchy and ribald humor but sadly, that's not the case. Despite Diaz and Segel's best efforts, "Sex Tape" is just another bland and unfunny R-rated comedy.

College sweethearts Annie (Cameron Diaz) and Jay Hargrove (Jason Segel) used to have sex all the time but their passion for physical intimacy has noticeably cooled after ten years of marriage and having two kids. Wanting to celebrate a potentially lucrative business deal with morally-minded corporation Piper Brothers, who are looking to acquire her popular mommy blog Who's Yo Momma, Annie decides to send the kids away to her mother's (Nancy Lenehan) and surprise her husband with a night of wild lovemaking. Arriving home and seeing his wife roller skating in nothing but a see-through shirt and panties immediately gets Jay excited. The couple races to the bedroom and gets down to business but discover that they've unfortunately forgotten how to be physically intimate with each other. After downing a few tequila shots, Annie suggests that they should spice things up by recording a sex tape on their iPad. Jay readily agrees and together they shoot a three-hour marathon demonstrating every position featured in Alex Comfort's The Joy of Sex. Despite intending to delete the file the very next day, Jay unwittingly leaks the video when his iPad syncs to all the other iPads he had given away as presents. Realizing his error when he receives a series of mysterious texts, Jay, along with his wife and their married friends Tess (Ellie Kemper) and Robby (Rob Corddry), frantically set out to retrieve the iPads before friends, family, and potential employers like Piper Brothers CEO Hank Rosenbaum (Rob Lowe) get a chance to view the Hargrove's extended lovemaking session.

"Nobody understands the cloud! It's a f*cking mystery!"
Like Seth MacFarlane's "A Million Ways to Die in the West," Jake Kasdan's "Sex Tape" is another one of those aggressively mediocre comedies that offer a few scattered laughs here and there but little else. Part of the problem lies with the premise, which seems more suited to a half-hour sitcom special. It's just too thin and one-note to sustain a feature-length film, even if it's only an hour and thirty-four minutes long. Sure, it makes "Sex Tape" an easy sell for Columbia Pictures/Sony but it feels like someone came up with the premise and then didn't bother to figure out all the particulars. The language and 'peek-a-boo' nudity is the only reason the film even has an R-rating as much of the comedy is too tame to make much of an impact, with Kasdan often settling for cartoonish slapstick to get laughs. In fact, it's surprising how small-scale the picture is compared to the similarly-themed "Neighbors," which also featured a couple trying to stave off a stagnant marriage (the two comedies coincidentally share a common link with Nicholas Stoller, who directed "Neighbors" and polished the script for "Sex Tape" with Segel and Kate Angelo).

It takes almost half the film for the titular sex tape to get made and then leaked but the promise of outrageousness from that event unfortunately never materializes. The second act is just one long protracted sequence set in Hank Rosenbaum's spacious mansion where Jay frantically roams around trying to find Hank's iPad while being chased by his angry German shepherd. You can feel Kasdan struggling to mine the high-concept premise for three acts' worth of story. The few laughs you'll get are largely extraneous, such as Hank's bizarre paintings of himself in various Disney classics or his huge tattoo of rapper Eazy-E on his backside. It's frankly pathetic when the amount of laughs your comedy offers can be counted on one hand. But what of the sex tape itself? The big climactic release the picture builds to couldn't have fallen more flat as half of the tape has Jay inexplicably singing Take Me Out to the Ballgame in a loincloth. Making matters worse, the editing in the film is lazy and the whole affair plays like an extended ad for Apple products. Although much has been made about how "Sex Tape" gets technology wrong given that the likelihood of a naughty video file leaking onto 'the cloud' is low but in the context of the film, it makes sense...mostly. That's pretty much all the praise I can give honestly. 

The supporting cast is amusing but the script is just too sub-par to be funny.
Cameron Diaz and Jason Segel are appealing in their roles and they try their best despite the sub-par script. However, the two never click as well as they should, with Diaz struggling at times to keep up with Segel's rapid-fire improv. Don't get me wrong, they work well together (see the much superior "Bad Teacher," also directed by Kasdan, as an example) but for a film about rediscovering the passion in your marriage, Diaz and Segel can come off as rather stiff. The supporting cast that Kasdan has gathered is a bit more entertaining to watch, with Rob Lowe being the standout as he gleefully riffs on his troubled past by revealing that underneath his character's good-guy image is a Slayer-loving cocaine fiend. Ellie Kemper and Rob Corddry make for an amusing pair as well while an uncredited Jack Black has a scene-stealing cameo.

Released on July 18, 2014, "Sex Tape" has received abysmal reviews with a paltry 20% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics found Kasdan's latest to be a 'flaccid' affair as it 'neither [has] the conviction to embrace its smutty premise nor enough laughs to function as a worthwhile rom-com.' The audience at the advance screening ate the film up but their enthusiastic response didn't translate to box office success as it flopped with an anemic opening weekend debut of $15 million. That's lower than this summer's other high-profile comedy flop "A Million Ways to Die in the West." "Sex Tape" could've been the next great sex comedy but the end result is bland and forgettable. You're better off just watching "1 Night in Paris." At least you see the actual sex happen in that video!

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

"Who has sex for three hours?! That's the length of the movie Lincoln. You did the full Lincoln!"

Saturday, July 19, 2014

The Purge: Anarchy Review

Rated R (Strong Disturbing Violence, and for Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 43 Minutes

Cast-
Frank Grillo-Sergeant Leo Barnes
Carmen Ejogo-Eva Sanchez
Zoë Soul-Cali Sanchez
Zach Gilford-Shane
Kiele Sanchez-Liz
Michael K. Williams-Carmelo
John Beasley-Rico Sanchez
Jack Conley-Big Daddy
Justina Machado-Tanya
Castulo Guerra-Barney
Roberta Valderrama-Lorraine
Niko Nicotera-Roddy
Noel Gugliemi-Diego
Edwin Hodge-The Stranger
Keith Stanfield-Young Ghoul Face
Brandon Keener-Warren Grass
Judith McConnell-Old Elegant Woman

Directed by James DeMonaco

Here we go again with the purgin'!
Note: Screened on Tuesday, July 15, 2014 at AMC Loews Lincoln Square 13.

This is the way Hollywood currently operates: if a film made a lot of money, it gets a sequel green-lit almost immediately, which is the only reason "The Purge: Anarchy" even exists. Last June, Universal released "The Purge," a dystopian sci-fi/horror thriller from Jason Blum's low-budget production company Blumhouse Productions and Michael Bay's Platinum Dunes. Directed by James DeMonaco and shot on a measly budget of $3 million, "The Purge" went on to gross an impressive $34.1 million during its opening weekend. With a final worldwide tally of $89.3 million, a sequel was pretty much a no-brainer. In fact, Blumhouse announced a follow-up just three days after the release of the first film. There was only one problem: "The Purge" was a terrible film, coming in at a dreadful 38% on Rotten Tomatoes. However, critics weren't the only ones who hated it because if you take a look at the user score, it's at 37%! With critics and audiences both panning the film in equal measure, you have to wonder how the heck did "The Purge" make so much money in the first place. The answer: an intriguing premise and a clever marketing campaign. DeMonaco set his film in a nightmarish United States where the federal government has legalized all criminal activity, including murder, for one single night every year. Universal played up the concept with faux 'Emergency services will be suspended' posters and a viral website from the country's 'New Founding Fathers.' Unfortunately, the premise ended up being little more than a gimmick, with "The Purge" devolving into a generic home-invasion thriller. Returning for the sequel, DeMonaco hopes to capitalize on the first film's unrealized potential with "The Purge: Anarchy," which expands the scope to an entire city. That's about the only good thing that "Anarchy" does because the premise continues to be too outrageous to take seriously, the action is a shaky-cam mess, and the characters are written without an ounce of common sense.

March 21st, 2033—less than two-and-a-half hours before the sixth annual 'Purge' commences. With the clock slowly edging toward 7:00 PM, struggling single mother Eva Sanchez (Carmen Ejogo) quickly wraps up her waitressing shift at the local diner and heads home to spend the evening with her teenage daughter Cali (Zoë Soul) and ailing father Rico (John Beasley). Across town, a vengeful police sergeant named Leo Barnes (Frank Grillo) loads up his arsenal of weapons in preparation for Purge night. At the same time, estranged couple Shane (Zach Gilford) and Liz (Kiele Sanchez) is driving to a relative's house when their car suddenly breaks down in the middle of the city. The two find themselves stalked by a group of creepily-masked assailants. Eva's hope for a peaceful night with her family is shattered once the Purge officially kicks off, with her apartment building coming under attack by a mysterious group of armed soldiers led by a man nicknamed 'Big Daddy' (Jack Conley). When Leo sees Eva and Cali about to be executed, he intervenes and is soon guiding the pair, along with Shane and Liz, to safety. As all manner of nefarious characters looking to 'release the beast' come out of the woodwork, Leo's rag-tag band struggle to survive the night. 

Oh hai there!
For those of you who have forgotten, "The Purge" films are set in the near-future and revolve around a dystopian United States led by the 'New Founding Fathers,' who've not only eliminated crime and poverty but also reduced unemployment to a mere 1%. Their success can be attributed to the Twenty-Eighth Amendment, which institutes an annual 'Purge' over the course of one single night—March 21-22, from 7:00 PM to 7:00 AM—where all criminal activity, including murder, is legal. However, there are restrictions: 'Level Ten' government officials are off-limits and usage of 'Class Four' weaponry is forbidden. It's an absurd premise but one that can be made to work as long as it's plausible enough. Unfortunately, director James DeMonaco bungled his high-concept idea in the first film by not thinking it through logically. For one, what upended our country so suddenly to allow for such a 'holiday' to take place? Second, who makes sure that no one uses a 'restricted weapon' during this supposed free-for-all since there's no police? Third, what's stopping people from committing crimes on the other 364 days of the year? Fourth, why don't people just pack their bags and leave the country? Finally, what about the international community? Does the rest of the world have their own Purge nights or are they opposed to it? I was hoping for "Anarchy" to at least shed some light on these questions but DeMonaco is more interested in showing people violently kill each other. While he certainly made the right call by moving the action to the city, said action fails to really impress, coming off as generic and devolving into an indecipherable shaky-cam mess. Even when the bullets start flying, the sequel feels small-scale and never quite delivers on the chaos its premise promises, likely a studio decision that was made to keep the budget small so the film would more easily turn a profit.

The themes of class warfare are applied with a sledgehammer this time around, with the third act set during a party where the wealthy gleefully bid for the chance to purge while the victims are paraded on stage like chattel. Meanwhile, unrest is slowly building as firebrand insurgent Carmelo (Michael K. Williams) urges his supporters to take up arms against the wealthy. All this is meant to be a critique about the haves vs. the have-nots and serve as a condemnation for humanity's darker impulses but it's really just an excuse for moviegoers to giddily watch people mutilate each other while munching on popcorn. This is my biggest problem with "Anarchy" and "The Purge" series as a whole: it's pretending to be something that it's not. I would actually enjoy these films more if they embraced their status as exploitation flicks and didn't hide under a veneer of half-baked social commentary.

Frank Grillo manages to escape the film unscathed but the rest of the cast is saddled with moronic characters.
However, let's say that DeMonaco managed to fix all the problems that I just mentioned. "Anarchy" still wouldn't be a very good film because it's largely populated by moronic characters who meet under an equally-moronic set of contrived coincidences (Leo just happens to be driving by Eva's apartment; Shane and Liz just happen upon Leo's armored car). Frank Grillo's Leo Barnes is the only character in the film that's fully-realized. In fact, the fifty-one year old actor—last seen in April's "Captain America: The Winter Soldier"—goes to great lengths to not only deliver a fantastic performance but also imbue the film with some measure of depth despite his character being little more than a derivative copy of Marvel's the Punisher. Come to think of it, Grillo would actually make for an excellent Punisher (hint, hint, Marvel Studios!). The rest of the cast unfortunately don't fare as well. Zach Gilford and Kiele Sanchez are actually husband-and-wife in real life but on-screen, they come off like two complete strangers who just met. It's not entirely their fault though as DeMonaco's script saddles them with tin-eared dialogue. Carmen Ejogo and Zoë Soul play a mother-and-daughter duo whose idiotic behavior frequently leads to eye-rolls. Take this scene for example: a would-be rapist breaks into Eva's apartment once the Purge officially kicks off but instead of staying quiet (as people who hide tend to do), Cali has the bright idea to shout 'Go away!', thereby revealing her and her mother's position. Cali's one of those 'too-smart-for-her-own-damn-good' teenagers, which means she never f*cking shuts up and has no common sense. If there's one character that deserves to be purged, it's her. Michael K. Williams (from HBO's "The Wire") also pops up in an all-too-brief role as a fiery revolutionary calling for the heads of the rich.

Released on July 18, 2014, "The Purge: Anarchy" has received mixed reviews with 53% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics agreed that it 'represents a slight improvement over its predecessor, but it's still never as smart or resonant as it tries to be.' I don't feel the same way. With the exception of its expanded setting, "Anarchy" is just as bad as the first film, if not worse. However, it'll still turn a profit given its $9 million production budget, with the sequel currently on pace to earn over $25 million. This means we're going to be getting a third "Purge" film next year. Hooray…NOT! Mr. DeMonaco, if you must persist with this inane franchise, then I implore you, please invest in someone who can write worth a damn!

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

"It's an unwritten Purge rule that we don't save lives. Tonight we take lives. We can't have any interference. We can't have heroes. No heroes."

Wednesday, July 16, 2014

A Million Ways to Die in the West Review

Rated R (Strong Crude and Sexual Content, Language Throughout, Some Violence and Drug Material)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 56 Minutes

Cast-
Seth MacFarlane-Albert Stark
Charlize Theron-Anna Barnes-Leatherwood
Neil Patrick Harris-Foy
Amanda Seyfried-Louise
Giovanni Ribisi-Edward
Sarah Silverman-Ruth
Liam Neeson-Clinch Leatherwood
Christopher Hagen-George Stark
Wes Studi-Cochise
Evan Jones-Lewis
Aaron McPherson-Ben
Brett Rickaby-Charlie Blanche
Alex Borstein-Millie
Ralph Garman-Dan
John Aylward-Pastor Wilson
Jay Patterson-Doctor Harper
Amick Byram-Marcus Thornton
Matt Clark-Old Prospector
Rex Linn-Sheriff/Narrator

Directed by Seth MacFarlane

Despite the talented cast, Seth MacFarlane's "A Million Ways to Die in the West" ends up being a middling comedy.
Note: Screened on Tuesday, May 20, 2014 at AMC Empire 25.

How many ways are there to die in the Wild West? According to "Family Guy" creator Seth MacFarlane, a MILLION! Unceremoniously cancelled by FOX after three seasons back in 2002 due to low ratings, the oft-controversial animated sitcom "Family Guy" returned to primetime television three years later thanks to a small but extremely dedicated fan-base, who devoured the show when Cartoon Network began airing reruns of it on their late-night programming block Adult Swim. The DVD box sets of the first two seasons were also released the same week the show premiered on Adult Swim and sold in record numbers, transforming "Family Guy" into a cult phenomenon and rekindling FOX's interest. Since the show's unprecedented revival, MacFarlane has built himself a multi-billion dollar animated empire that includes "Family Guy" spin-off "The Cleveland Show" and the absurdly satirical political comedy "American Dad!" Despite "The Cleveland Show" being cancelled in 2013 after four seasons (again due to low ratings) and "American Dad!" moving to TBS later this year, MacFarlane shows no sign of slowing down, even when faced with a critically-panned live-action show like "Dads" (now cancelled) and a divisive hosting gig on the 85th Academy Awards (personally, I thought he did a great job).

MacFarlane made the jump to the big screen in 2012 with his feature-length directorial debut "Ted," about a middle-aged man-child (played by Mark Wahlberg) and his foul-mouthed, anthropomorphic teddy bear, voiced by—who else—MacFarlane! The well-reviewed film (68% on Rotten Tomatoes) went on to become the most successful original R-rated comedy of all time, grossing an impressive $549.4 million worldwide. Naturally, a sequel is in the works (set for release next summer) but MacFarlane decided to go off the beaten path before diving into "Ted 2" by making and starring in a western, one suited to his unique comic sensibilities. It's a strange choice, given that westerns have often struggled to find commercial success at the box office. Oh sure, there was 2010's "True Grit" and 2012's "Django Unchained" but how many western comedies can you name that were successful? Off the top of my head, only Mel Brooks' 1974 hit "Blazing Saddles" comes to mind. MacFarlane's sophomore effort, titled "A Million Ways to Die in the West," is a far cry from Brooks' comedy classic as it never quite escapes the feeling of being a self-indulgent vanity project despite boasting a talented cast and some solid laughs.

The joke surrounding their characters is one-note but Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman make the most of it.
Living in the small dustbowl town of Old Stump in 1882 Arizona, Albert Stark (Seth MacFarlane) is an honest, good-hearted sheep farmer who's unfortunately a big coward. After weaseling his way of a gunfight with another rancher, Albert finds himself unceremoniously dumped by his girlfriend Louise (Amanda Seyfried), who explains that she needs time to 'work on herself.' A heartbroken Albert falls into a depression, with his already pessimistic outlook of life on the Western frontier only growing when he discovers that Louise has begun seeing well-to-do businessman and mustache aficionado Foy (Neil Patrick Harris). Albert's best friend Edward (Giovanni Ribisi) and his prostitute girlfriend Ruth (Sarah Silverman) try to cheer Albert up while he mopes at home in the company of his surly parents but the sheep farmer has had enough of the Wild West and begins plotting a move to San Francisco. However, a chance encounter with the beautiful and mysterious Anna Barnes (Charlize Theron) changes his mind. After saving her during a chaotic bar fight, Anna decides to repay Albert by giving him shooting lessons so that he can beat Foy in a duel and win back Louise. Albert and Anna slowly start falling for each other but their burgeoning romance hits an obstacle when cutthroat bandit Clinch Leatherwood (Liam Neeson) suddenly rides into town to retrieve his wife, Anna!

Seth MacFarlane's "A Million Ways to Die in the West" is one of those frustratingly mediocre comedies that's really funny when the jokes manage to hit their mark but spends too much time treading water in between said jokes, resulting in a film that has worn out its welcome by the time the second hour rolls around. Now I applaud MacFarlane for trying to do something different. After all, the comedic multi-hyphenate could've simply taken an easy paycheck by rushing "Ted 2" into production but his latest feature unfortunately feels like a self-indulgent vanity project, as if no one on the set wanted to speak up and tell MacFarlane that 'This is a bad idea' or 'That isn't very funny.' Watching the opening credits (which consist of six minutes of aerial shots of Monument Valley), you'll notice that in addition to directing, MacFarlane also co-wrote the script with frequent collaborators Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, and shares a producing credit with six other people (amongst them is, of course, Sulkin and Wild). But that's not all as MacFarlane also cast himself in the lead role. Hell, the guy even adapted his own script into a full-length novel (his first), which was published back in March. This is another classic case of giving someone too much creative control after experiencing a runaway success.

Granted, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" isn't a complete disaster. The central conceit revolves around how brutal the Western frontier was and that people often die young from something as mundane as a snake bite. It's actually a pretty novel premise considering the way American culture has romanticized the Wild West, especially in history textbooks. This leads to some fairly amusing bits like people literally dying from their own farts or not smiling in photographs because life was so miserable. However, the keyword here is 'amusing' because there's almost nothing in the film that will leave you in stitches. There are some exceptions, like this one scene where curious onlookers react with amazement upon seeing Foy take out a whole dollar and a surprise celebrity cameo at the end. Long stretches go by without a single laugh, making the film feel like a drag even at only two hours. Most damning of all is the way MacFarlane self-sabotages himself. Early in the film, his character Albert Stark sits down and goes on a long rant in front of Edward and Ruth, explaining just how bad living on the Western frontier is, thereby ruining the entire joke and premise. It's as if he didn't trust his audience enough to figure out the punchline unless they were explicitly told how brilliant it was. Also problematic is that MacFarlane doesn't seem to know what kind of film he wants to make. He initially presents viewers with this heightened reality where a person can be gored by a bull that comes out of nowhere or a couple suddenly catches fire from having their photograph taken but then the film shifts into this earnestly saccharine western romance, resulting in a picture that feels tonally confused. The only aspect that I can praise without any reservation is the production and costume design as the attention to period detail is quite remarkable. Michael Barrett's cinematography is exquisite and Joel McNeely's score blares with pomp and circumstance. Too bad it's all in service to a comedy that just isn't very funny.

Don't mess with Liam Neeson!
With the exception of a few guest roles on television, notably on "Gilmore Girls" and "Star Trek: Enterprise," Seth MacFarlane's acting career has been limited to voice work. "A Million Ways to Die in the West" marks his first live-action lead role and he fares…okay. The biggest issue with MacFarlane's performance is that it feels like he's just playing a slightly exaggerated version of himself. Considering all the diverse animated characters he's brought to life with his voice, it's a real shame he didn't at least try to challenge himself a little. Fortunately, MacFarlane has surrounded himself with a talented cast, although he doesn't always utilize it to his full advantage. Charlize Theron is obviously having a lot of fun playing a character who likes to let loose and one of the stronger aspects of the film is her easy rapport with MacFarlane as the two trade jokes about the rampant dangers of the Wild West. Giovanni Ribisi and Sarah Silverman play a couple who are waiting until they're married to have sex but the irony here is that Silverman's character is a prostitute who has sex day in and day out for money. While the joke itself is one-note, Ribisi and Silverman make the most of it. However, they disappear for a large stretch of the film and by the time they return, you'll likely have forgotten they were in it in the first place. Neil Patrick Harris steals every scene he's in. I mean, the guy can take a juvenile joke like sh*tting into a hat and turn it into comedy gold. One of the best lines Harris has is when his character humiliates Albert by telling him he can give Louise luxuries like 'wrapped candies.' It's one of the few truly hilarious moments in the film. Liam Neeson is fine as outlaw Clinch Leatherwood but Amanda Seyfried is stranded with an underwritten role as a shallow nineteenth century girl.

Released on May 30, 2014, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" has received largely negative reviews with a paltry 33% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics described it as an 'overlong, aimless [and] disappointingly scattershot affair.' The film initially looked like it could've been a solid hit but it landed with a resounding thud when it finally arrived in theaters, grossing a weak $16.8 million during its weekend debut. That's worse than past comedy flops like 2009's "Year One" and "Land of the Lost," 2012's "The Dictator," and last year's "The Internship." Still, MacFarlane's latest isn't a total flop as it managed to double its production budget with a current worldwide tally of $82.1 million. The premise holds promise and it's a well-made film but as a comedy, "A Million Ways to Die in the West" is a middling affair.

Final Rating: 2.5 out of 5

"The American West is a terrible place in time. Everything out here that's not you wants to kill you. Angry drunk people, hungry animals, outlaws...the f*cking doctor!"

Sunday, July 13, 2014

Dawn of the Planet of the Apes 3D Review

Rated PG-13 (Intense Sequences of Sci-Fi Violence and Action, and Brief Strong Language)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 10 Minutes

Cast-
Andy Serkis-Caesar
Jason Clarke-Malcolm
Keri Russell-Ellie
Toby Kebbell-Koba
Gary Oldman-Dreyfus
Kodi Smit-McPhee-Alexander
Kirk Acevedo-Carver
Judy Greer-Cornelia
Nick Thurston-Blue Eyes
Karin Konoval-Maurice
Terry Notary-Rocket
Doc Shaw-Ash
Lee Ross-Grey
Jon Eyez-Foster
Enrique Murciano-Kemp
Keir O'Donnell-Finney
Kevin Rankin-McVeigh
Jocko Sims-Werner
Richard King-Stone
Scott Alexander Lang-Luca
Lombardo Boyar-Terry
James Franco-Dr. Will Rodman (archival footage only)

Directed by Matt Reeves

Andy Serkis delivers a fantastic, awards-worthy performance as Caesar in Matt Reeves' "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes."
Note: Screened on Tuesday, July 8, 2014 at Williamsburg Cinemas (Mini-Red Carpet Premiere).

Even in this age of prequels, sequels, reboots, and remakes, Hollywood still has the ability to surprise me and one of the biggest surprises in recent memory was 2011's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" directed by Rupert Wyatt. Billed as both a reboot and a prequel to the original "Planet of the Apes" pentalogy, "Rise" was a film few anticipated or even wanted given that the previous attempt to bring the long-running science-fiction franchise back to life was a disastrous nightmare for fans. As far as summer blockbusters go, Tim Burton's 2001 'reimagining' of Franklin J. Schaffner's 1968 masterpiece isn't as dreadful as most people make it out to be (Rick Baker's outstanding makeup still holds up to this day) but the whole affair remains an emotionally hollow action-adventure that only pays lip service to the social themes that made the original a critically-acclaimed hit in the first place. Of course, there was also that 'WTF' ending that left a bitter taste in moviegoers' mouths. I still can't make sense of it to this day, a sentiment that was repeatedly echoed by many, including Tim Roth, who played the villainous General Thade in the film. The only memorable aspect of Burton's loose remake is the strange love triangle between Mark Wahlberg's Captain Leo Davidson, Estella Warren's Daena, and Helena Bonham Carter's Ari, who's an ape. I'll say this: Burton certainly had a lot of balls to sneak something as insane as bestiality past 20th Century Fox. Given Ari's frequent longing glances towards Davidson, it's pretty clear that she wants to straight up f*ck him. Hell, I'm sure there's fanfic of this already if you know where to look!  

Although it was a box office success, grossing $362.2 million worldwide, the dismal reception to Burton's film tainted the "Planet of the Apes" franchise and led to its dormancy for the next ten years. Wyatt's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" arrived during the tail end of summer 2011 while riding a wave of skepticism. To longtime fans, it just seemed like a desperate attempt to revive an exhausted series that should've been left alone in the first place. This is one of those rare instances where fans were glad to have been proven wrong as "Rise" turned out to be far better than many had expected it to be. With great reviews (82% on Rotten Tomatoes) and a $481.8 million worldwide box office haul, a sequel was all but inevitable. That sequel—titled "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes"—has finally arrived, with "Cloverfield" and "Let Me In" director Matt Reeves replacing Wyatt. Anchored by a genuinely moving, awards-worthy performance from Andy Serkis, "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" is a fantastic summer blockbuster, a daring and accomplished piece of sci-fi cinema that also ranks as one of the best films of the year so far.

Humanity finds itself on the brink of extinction after being ravaged by a deadly man-made virus.
Humanity lies on the brink of extinction ten years after the deadly ALZ-113 virus—dubbed the 'Simian Flu' and designed by Gen-Sys Laboratories to potentially cure Alzheimer's disease—was accidentally unleased upon the world. The lawlessness that arose in the virus' wake has led to the collapse of modern human civilization, with a fragmented, primitive society emerging from those who survived. A cluster of these survivors—naturally immune to the virus' effects—have managed to build a home for themselves in the remnants of San Francisco but they face certain doom unless an alternative power source is found to replace their dwindling reserves. Dreyfus (Gary Oldman), the leader of the survivors, tasks his friend Malcolm (Jason Clarke) to form a small team that will go into the Muir Woods and bring an old hydroelectric dam back to life. The team, which includes Malcolm's wife Ellie (Keri Russell) and his teenage son Alexander (Kodi Smit-McPhee), encounter the evolved ape known as Caesar (Andy Serkis) not long after they enter the woods. Having built a thriving ape community over the past ten years, Caesar initially regards Malcolm with suspicion but soon recognizes that the human has the same propensity for goodness as those who raised him. Caesar allows Malcolm and his team to work on the dam under his supervision. However, this decision creates a contentious divide amongst the apes, with Koba (Toby Kebbell) deeming Caesar to be unfit as leader and plotting to overthrow him, allowing the ruthless ape to target what's left of mankind for total annihilation.

If you look at the official poster for "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes," you'll notice that the horseback-riding Caesar is wielding an assault rifle. A number of critics have commented that the film has an anti-gun subtext but I respectfully disagree. It would be more accurate to say that it has an anti-violence subtext. Writers Mark Bomback, Rick Jaffa, and Amanda Silver recognize that whether guns exist or not, war was always going to break out between what's left of humanity and the nascent apes. When you add guns into this powder keg mix, it just makes the killing easier. 20th Century Fox may be billing "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" as the 'latest must-see summer blockbuster' but Reeves' film is actually more akin to a drama, albeit one that's backed up by a $170 million production budget. What sets "Dawn" apart from all the other big-budget films released this summer is that it actively ponders the repercussions of its violence and what makes it all the more heartbreaking to watch is that under a different set of circumstances, peaceful coexistence between these two species would have been possible. 

Humans and apes struggle to co-exist even as tensions rise.
When "Dawn" opens, we're treated to a fifteen-minute sequence where barely a word is spoken. In the ten years that have passed since "Rise," Caesar has built a thriving community of evolved apes while humanity suffered from the sudden outbreak of the derogatorily named 'Simian Flu'. Despite gaining the ability of speech, the apes largely choose to continue to converse in sign language. Having not seen a living human in over two years, Caesar naturally assumes that they're all extinct and that's fine by him, although he admits to orangutan Maurice (Karin Konoval) that he stills thinks of them, given that he was raised by one. However, it is soon revealed that humanity is not extinct but they are close. Caesar's teenage son Blue-Eyes (Nick Thurston) is walking home with his friend Ash (Doc Shaw) one day when they run into a human named Carver (Kirk Acevedo), who quickly panics and shoots Ash, although the wound is fortunately not fatal. This disastrous run-in almost leads to both sides coming to blows but Caesar doesn't want to go to war and given all they've lost already, he correctly guesses humans don't either. Unfortunately, we know war is inevitable and much of the film is focused on the select few who are desperately trying to stave off that inexorable conclusion. Glimmers of hope are shown when Malcolm and his family enter Caesar's territory in order to reactivate a hydroelectric dam that will restore power to San Francisco. The humans and apes initially regard each other warily and again almost come to blows but Malcolm and Caesar manage to calm the more radical elements on their respective sides, allowing the two species to actually work together! One beautiful scene that really tugged at my heartstrings is when Maurice comes to Alexander's tent and watches him while he's reading. Sensing the orangutan's interest, Alexander gives his book to Maurice and sits down to read with him aloud. Moments like these heighten the tragic nature of "Dawn" and what we're meant to take away from the film is not that guns are bad (although they arguably make things worse), it's that hatred, fear, and paranoia will always trump peace when they are allowed to fester. Unfortunately, these are aspects of human nature that can't be controlled, dooming both humanity and apes to war. It doesn't exactly paint a pretty picture when this theme is then applied to real life.

I would be remiss if I didn't mention the absolutely flawless visual effects work from WETA Digital. The motion-capture technology used to bring the apes to life is a marvel to behold, with every nuance and shade of emotion—whether large or small—perfectly captured and expressly communicated on-screen. In fact, the CGI is so authentic and photorealistic, they begin to exist as all good visual effects should: invisibly. However, these effects would be nothing without the excellent actors and actresses who don skin-tight mo-cap suits and breathe life to the apes through their performances, transforming what is essentially a pile of pixels into characters with real depth and emotion. Many of the most poignant moments come from the apes themselves and when a film brings you to tears, you know you're watching something special. If I had to name one flaw, it's the 3D. The cinematography from Michael Seresin is beautiful but it has a dreary color palette that doesn't especially lend itself well to 3D. I suggest sticking to regular ol' 2D when you go see the film.  

"Home. Family. Future."
Andy Serkis continues to be the unsung hero in mo-cap acting as his performance as Caesar is truly worthy of an Academy Award nomination. Although what we see on-screen is CG, all those emotions and mannerisms that the character exhibits come from an extremely dedicated actor and I really hope Serkis finally gets the recognition he so rightfully deserves. As Caesar's rival Koba, Toby Kebbell is a revelation here, bringing a unique physicality that emphasizes his character's cunning and treachery. Koba may be the villain yet his destructive tendencies stem from being trapped as a lab rat all his life and serves as a potent reminder that hate only breeds more hate. I wasn't all that excited about Kebbell's casting as Dr. Doom in the "Fantastic Four" reboot but my expectations have now shot through the roof!  While the human cast—led by Jason Clarke, Keri Russell, and Kodi Smit-McPhee—isn't as developed compared to their ape peers, they all manage to deliver fine performances and convincingly portray the desperation that pervades their characters' daily lives even as they struggle to hold onto some sense of normalcy. Gary Oldman makes the most of his limited screen-time as human colony leader Dreyfus. Like Koba, Dreyfus isn't outright evil but all the hardships he's endured have left him a cynical man.

Released on July 11, 2014, "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" has received phenomenal reviews with a whopping 91% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics praised the film for having 'intelligence and emotional resonance to match its stunning special effects,' and concluded that it 'expands on its predecessor with an exciting and ambitious burst of sci-fi achievement.' Audience reception at the advance screening was highly enthusiastic, with "Dawn" poised to earn at least $70 million over the weekend. If you were to ask me thirteen years ago about whether we'd see another "Planet of the Apes" film in theaters, I would've laughed in your face. This kind of franchise revitalization isn't common and it's doubly rare to see films in a once-exhausted series turn out this good. "Dawn of the Planet of the Apes" is the type of summer blockbuster that all Hollywood studios should aspire to make.

Final Rating: 5 out of 5

"War has already begun."