Rated PG-13 (Intense Sequences of Sci-Fi
Action Violence, Language, Some Crude and Sexual Material, and Brief Drug
Material)
Running Time: 2 Hours & 30 Minutes
Cast-
Shia LaBeouf-Sam Witwicky
Megan Fox-Mikaela Banes
Josh Duhamel-Major William Lennox
Tyrese Gibson-Sergeant Robert Epps
Ramon Rodriguez-Leo Spitz
John Turturro-Reggie Simmons
Kevin Dunn-Ron Witwicky
Julie White-Judy Witwicky
Isabel Lucas-Alice
Glenn Morshower-General Morshower
John Benjamin Hickey-Galloway
Rainn Wilson-Professor Colan
Peter Cullen (voice)-Optimus Prime
Hugo Weaving (voice)-Megatron
Tony Todd (voice)-The Fallen
Robert Foxworth (voice)-Ratchet
Jess Harnell (voice)-Ironhide
André Sogliuzzo (voice)-Sideswipe
Grey DeLisle (voice)-Arcee
Tom Kenny-Wheelie/Skids
Reno Wilson-Mudflap
Mark Ryan (voice)-Jetfire
Charlie Adler (voice)-Starscream
Frank Welker
(voice)-Soundwave/Devastator/Reedman/Grindor
Calvin Wimmer (voice)-Wheelbot
Michael York (voice)-Prime #1
Kevin Michael Richardson (voice)-Prime
#2/Skipjack/Rampage
Robin Atkin Downes (voice)-Prime #3
Directed by Michael Bay
 |
| Outside of the forest battle halfway through the film, everything else about "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen" is total garbage. |
We’ve finally arrived at the most
anticipated movie of the summer, “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen,”
released into conventional theaters and IMAX yesterday. The sequel to the 2007 hit
has been outselling “Star Trek” in advanced ticket sales and your favorite
reviewer has returned from the multiplex to give you the verdict. Unfortunately,
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” is a massive disappointment and earns the
dubious honor of being the worst summer film I’ve seen so far. The visual
effects are still state-of-the-art but they’re no longer any special and while
Bay certainly ups the ante in scope, everything else from the story to the
characters suffers. The sexual humor extends the camp factor to an almost
unbearable limit and by the time the film meanders toward its loud climax,
you’d wish it ended forty minutes earlier.
SOME
SPOILERS FOLLOW! After a short prologue taking
place in 17,000 BC, we return to our main characters two years after the first
film, with the Autobots, led by Optimus Prime (voice of Peter Cullen) joining
forces with the British and American military to form NEST, an organization
devoted to hunting down the remaining Decepticons on Earth. Both Major William
Lennox (Josh Duhamel) and Sergeant Robert Epps (Tyrese Gibson) are part of this
newly formed organization. Meanwhile, Sam Witwicky (Shia LaBeouf) is preparing
to go to college and while going through his belongings, he finds a shard of
the All-Spark. Upon touching it, his mind is filled with ancient Cybertronian
text. He requests his girlfriend, Mikaela Banes (Megan Fox) to keep the shard
for safe keeping and says good-bye to his guardian, Bumblebee. In space,
Soundwave, the Decepticons’ intelligence officer, hacks a United States
military satellite in an attempt to learn the location of Megatron’s corpse and
a shard of the All-Spark in the hopes of resurrecting their leader. The shard
happens to be heavily guarded in a NEST bunker and Soundwave sends Ravage to
retrieve it. Deep in the Laurentian Abyss, the Constructicons revive Megatron
(voice of Hugo Weaving), who flies into space and meet his true master, the Fallen
(voice of Tony Todd), one of the original thirteen Transformers who is now
looking for a Sun Harvester, a large device that can harvest the energy of a
planet’s sun and convert it into energon, the lifeblood of all Transformers.
The Autobots now must face their old foes, the Decepticons, in battle once more
and protect Sam, whose mind holds the key to the survival of the Transformers
and their hidden origins.
First let’s look at the plot of
“Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen.” Unfortunately, there is none because
everything is a damn near incomprehensible mess. Of course, story is never
important in these types of films but if that’s true, why did Bay and writers
Ehren Kruger, Roberto Orci and Alex Kurtzman spend two hours and thirty minutes
telling it? What made the first film mostly work was that amidst all the
mindless robot battles lay a simple coming-of-age tale of a boy buying his
first car and taking that first step into adulthood. No such themes are found
here and the sequel’s sense of scope begins to work against it as we’re
introduced to convenient plot devices such as a large ‘rail gun’ that the U.S.
military just happens to have and when Sam discovers the ‘Matrix of
Leadership,’ which just happens to have the ability to resurrect a major
character. Another problem is that "Revenge of the Fallen" reaches
its climax about midway and after that, it comes to a screeching halt as it
wanders aimlessly toward the final battle. The sequel tries to cover too much
ground by piling on the mythology even when it makes no sense and requires too
much suspension of disbelief.
It doesn’t help that the characters aren’t
all that engaging and Shia LaBeouf seems to have lost much of the wit and charm
he had in the first film. Still, I can say that Sam remains the most
fleshed-out character, which is no surprise considering he’s always at the
center of everything but it’s hard to care about his mission because there’s
just no emotional investment. When he suffers a fatal blast from Megatron that
leaves him near-death, we don’t feel any grief because we know Bay will find
some way to bring him back or there’s no “Transformers 3.” This film reaffirms
the fact that Megan Fox absolutely cannot act. When her character Mikaela first
appears, she’s wearing ultra-short, cut-off jeans and leaning suggestively on
top of a motorcycle. This led to all the male audience members to start
whooping and hollering. Yes, we get it, Fox is really attractive and I don’t
dispute that but here, it’s just overdone way too much as we’re constantly
reminded of how good-looking she is. During the final battle, there’s debris
and dirt flying everywhere but amazingly, Fox’s white jeans remain clean
throughout that entire sequence! I certainly would like a pair of these special
pants as it would sure save on quarters at the local Laundromat! Both Duhamel
and Gibson’s characters are now little more than cardboard cutouts with their
macho-man banter, taking part in the action yet adding little to the plot.
Sam’s neurotic parents, played by Kevin Dunn and Julie White, continues to
steal the show in one of the film’s more humorous bits when White’s character
accidentally eats brownies that are filled with weed while visiting Sam’s
college campus. John Turturro also reprises his role as Reggie Simmons, who now
works in a Brooklyn deli since the U.S. government has disbanded Sector 7.
Unfortunately, his character is now more annoying than ever and we’re even
treated to a shot of his bare buttocks in a thong. Seriously, Bay, was that
even necessary? Joining the cast is Ramon Rodriguez (last seen in “The Taking
of Pelham 123”) as conspiracy theorist Leo Spitz but he soon wears out his
welcome with his incessant screaming that I wished one of the Decepticons would
just step on him.
As for the Transformers themselves,
they’re still relegated to supporting characters but the film suffers from what
I call “X-Men 3 syndrome” as a gaggle of unknown, uncharacterized robots just
suddenly pop up to wail on each other and little else. Outside of Optimus
Prime, Megatron and a few others, all the other robots are interchangeable, and
they exist only to fight because someone decided that’s all the core audience
is interested in. Some of the new Transformers wear out their welcome fast,
such as Jetfire (voice of Mark Ryan) with his grumpy old man shtick or Wheelie
(voice of Tom Kenny), who ends up latching on to Fox’s leg and humping it.
Those are minor gripes compared to Mudflap and Skids, two of the worst racial
stereotypes I’ve seen in a film since Jar Jar Binks in “Star Wars Episode I: The
Phantom Menace.” Both of them have gold buck teeth, speak in street slang and
get this, they admit that they’re illiterate! This is the twenty first century
and its amazing films have to fall back on these offensive caricatures just to
provide a cheap laugh. Just when it couldn’t get any worse, Bay fills the
entire film with a constant barrage of campy sexual humor that makes “Batman
& Robin” look like an Academy Award-winning masterpiece. We have dogs
humping each other, Megan Fox landing on people’s crotches, and testicles on
Devastator. The audience just ate it up, laughing throughout at the most inane
and banal of jokes. The one thing I can positively say is that the special
effects and action scenes don’t disappoint but even then they begin to grow tiresome.
Bay has refined his technique in making the fights more comprehensible and the
highlight would be when Optimus Prime takes on Megatron, Starscream, and
Grindor in a thrilling forest battle but when the all-out rumble begins to take
place in an Egyptian desert, you’re just too exhausted to even care about the
outcome anymore. Roger Ebert says it best, ‘If you want to save yourself the
ticket price, go into the kitchen, cue up a male choir singing the music of
hell, and get a kid to start banging pots and pans together. Then close your
eyes and use your imagination.’
Critics agreed with everything I have
mentioned as “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” currently holds the lowest
rating of all the high-profile summer releases: 22% on Rotten Tomatoes. I know
I hold an unpopular opinion with this film and I’ll probably get bashed for it
but that’s something a critic, even an amateur one has to deal with it. So far,
the box office gross stands at a record-breaking $60.6 million for a movie
opening on a Wednesday, surpassing 2004’s “Spider-Man 2,” which earned $59.8
million that same day. There is no doubt now that the film will open at number
one at the box office and the final figure might be upwards of $150 million.
Last year, “The Dark Knight” was the highest grossing film of the year and had emotionally
resonant characters and an intelligent script that asked interesting questions
of what a man would do to save a city, the likes of which is rarely seen in a
high-profile summer picture. I can’t help but think of Joshua Starnes' review
on ComingSoon, where he wrote that 'the people the film was made for won't
notice; they'll like it for what it is. Which, on consideration, is probably
the saddest thing of all. As long as you're willing to accept crap, you're not
likely to get anything better.' At first, I thought it was too harsh of a
statement but after seeing this garbage on the big screen, it’s apt. Nonetheless,
it doesn’t matter what I or other critics think, because the film will still
make millions of dollars but as you’re watching, keep Starnes' statement in the
back of your mind. If “Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen” has already sunk
this low, I can’t imagine how the third film will turn out.
Final Rating: 1.5 out of 5
"Fate rarely calls upon us at a
moment of our choosing."
Addendum: Having seen "Transformers:
Revenge of the Fallen" in IMAX, I am here to report that there are
only two scenes shot with full IMAX cameras: the forest battle between Optimus
Prime and the Decepticons and when Devastator rampages across the Egyptian
desert.
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