Ted Review

Rated R (Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, and some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast-

Mark Wahlberg-John Bennett

Mila Kunis-Lori Collins

Seth MacFarlane (voice)-Ted

Giovanni Ribisi-Donny

Joel McHale-Rex

Patrick Warburton-Guy

Laura Vandervoort-Tanya Terry

Matt Walsh-Thomas

Bill Smitrovich-Frank

Jessica Barth-Tami-Lynn

Aedin Mincks-Robert

Alex Borstein-Gina Bennett

Ralph Garman-Joe Bennett

Sam J. Jones-As Himself

Patrick Stewart (voice)-Narrator

Directed by Seth MacFarlane

Best Friends Forever: John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) and Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane) in Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut "Ted."

Growing up in the Bronx, I remember having numerous teddy bears where I would often use tissue paper as capes and pretend that they were superheroes. I didn't bring them along with me when I moved to Brooklyn but my mother eventually brought me a large teddy bear (complete with a rainbow-colored bow tie) despite the fact that I was already eight-years-old and in third grade. Although I was primarily interested in action figures (and still am) at that particular age, I still loved the bear and displayed him prominently on my bed. However, my grandmother forced me to toss him out when I entered fifth grade as she didn't want a 'dirty stuffed animal' in the house but I suspect her real reason was that she felt it was un-masculine for a boy my age to still have teddy bears. This imaginary friendship of a boy and his stuffed animal forms the premise for "Ted," which marks the directorial film debut for Seth MacFarlane, the creator of animated sitcoms "Family Guy," "American Dad," and "The Cleveland Show." Premiering after Super Bowl XXXIII in 1999 on Fox, "Family Guy" garnered controversy with its adult content but the show was cancelled after its third season in 2002 due to heavy competition from other networks and low ratings as a result of being shuffled around different timeslots with little to no notice. Fox's interest was rekindled after syndicated reruns airing on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim boasted a 239% increase in viewership. Combined with lucrative DVD sales, "Family Guy" returned in 2004 (making it the first television show to be revived based on DVD sales) and is still going strong after recently wrapping up its tenth season. Given Seth MacFarlane's current popularity, it's not a surprise that he would try his hand at directing a feature film. "Ted" is without a doubt the best R-rated comedy of summer 2012 thanks to its irreverent, politically incorrect humor, gleeful pop culture references, and a surprisingly poignant tale of a man struggling to literally let go of his childhood. 

Narrated by Patrick Stewart, eight-year-old John Bennett is a social outcast living in suburban Boston who receives a cuddly, oversized teddy bear from his parents on Christmas Day in 1985. He immediately becomes attached to the stuffed animal and affectionately names the bear 'Teddy.' Before going to sleep one night, John wishes for Teddy to come to life so that the two can be best friends forever. As nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish with the exception of an Apache helicopter, John awakens to discover that his wish has actually come true. Teddy becomes an instant celebrity but twenty-seven years later, John (Mark Wahlberg) is now thirty-five and stuck at a dead-end job at a car rental agency. He spends much of his free time smoking marijuana with Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane), his stuffed animal who has become a foul-mouthed, irresponsible slacker. For the past four years, John has been in a relationship with Lori Collins (Mila Kunis), a businesswoman at a successful PR firm who demands that Ted move out as she believes that he is keeping John from embracing adulthood. John is reluctant but agrees as he does not want to lose Lori. He promises to visit Ted everyday but trouble soon rears its head when a creepy stalker named Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) covets the bear for his son. 

"Ted" is essentially a live-action version of "Family Guy" so those who are not fans of Seth MacFarlane's brand of comedy will more than likely be offended by the film's humor. Written by MacFarlane with frequent "Family Guy" collaborators Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, the script is fairly standard and at worse, predictable, but the sincere depiction of John and Ted's unusual friendship makes up for its shortcomings. A common theme in many comedies today is the 'man-child' struggling to embrace adulthood and the film surprisingly explores this in a sweet and even poignant manner despite all the raunchiness on display. "Ted" isn't free from flaws as the subplots feel largely extraneous and tacked on to pad out the running time. One involves Lori's lecherous boss Rex played by Joel McHale that adds little besides a few easy laughs and the other with Giovanni Ribisi's Donny attempting to kidnap Ted for his overweight, Mary Bell-like son that is introduced but is seemingly forgotten until the last half hour. The car chase and the subsequent climactic showdown at Fenway Park are also edited in a pedestrian way and lack tension but that's more a fault of MacFarlane's novice status with working in live-action. 

These issues are not enough to bring down the experience as "Ted" is jam-packed with hilarious set-pieces and punch lines that will leave you doubled over in a fit of laughter. MacFarlane retains the irreverent, politically incorrect, satirical, and slapstick humor characterized by his animated sitcoms to gleeful effect as Patrick Stewart warmly narrates that Christmas is 'that special season when Boston children get together and beat up the Jewish kids.' Taking place in Wahlberg's hometown, MacFarlane pokes a lot of fun at the city as Ted mocks the women for screaming 'haaaardah' during sex and calls the people from nearby Quincy nothing but Catholic hooligans. Even the fish at the New England Aquarium aren't safe from him! Being a fan of science fiction, MacFarlane includes numerous pop culture references (some are obvious), all leading up to the film's high point where John and Ted meet face-to-face with their idol Sam J. Jones—the star of 1980's campy flick "Flash Gordon," based upon the 1934 comic strip of the same name created by Alex Raymond. The fifty-seven-year-old Jones does cocaine with John and Ted before getting into a fistfight with Ted's Asian neighbor Ming, whom he mistakes for Emperor Ming the Merciless. From Jews to Muslims, MacFarlane stereotypes all but the context and more importantly, the timing of the joke makes it funny rather than offensive. John and Ted also come to blows late in the film that ends with Ted whipping John's bare buttocks with an antenna and a television crashing onto John's crotch. Rest assured "Ted" will definitely leave you laughing hysterically as you exit the theater. Praise must also be given to Tippet Studio, who brought Ted to life via CG motion capture provided by MacFarlane himself. By all appearances, Ted looks like a generic teddy bear worn by age yet lovingly cared for but he is so seamlessly integrated into every scene that the FX team seriously deserves an Academy Award-nomination at the very least. 

The cast all deliver great performances, especially Mark Wahlberg who shares such a natural chemistry with Ted that you quickly forget that he's basically interacting with a CG construct made up of nothing but pixels. Wahlberg's John is instantly relatable because we've all struggled to balance our adult responsibilities with our inner child. Mila Kunis isn't given much to do except look attractive as John's girlfriend Lori but in a nice change of pace, her character is written in a sympathetic manner when MacFarlane could've easily made her out to be a b*tch. Of course, it is Seth MacFarlane's enthusiastic voice-work that makes the film so memorable and it's similarity to Peter Griffin's voice is humorously acknowledged. As Ted-obsessed Donny, Giovanni Ribisi has this priceless scene which recalls Buffalo Bill from 1991's "The Silence of the Lambs." Finally, there's Joel McHale from NBC's "Community" and while his screen-time is limited, he excels at playing a sleazy slime-ball. A number of veterans from "Family Guy" also pop up such as Alex Borstein and Patrick Warburton, including a few surprise celebrity cameos which I will leave you to discover yourself. 

"Ted" will be released on June 29, 2012 and has received positive reviews with 66% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that the 'romance versus bromance plot is familiar, but the film's held aloft by the high-concept central premise and a very funny (albeit inconsistent) script.' The entire audience enjoyed every minute during an advanced screening held on Wednesday and the theater was filled with so much laughter that I missed out on some of the dialogue. Some people really need to tone it down and be mindful of others sitting around them as the experience reminded my friend of why he hated going to the movie theater. "Ted" faces competition from three competing films: Steven Soderbergh's "Magic Mike," Alex Kurtzman also making his directorial debut with "People Like Us," and Tyler Perry's latest comedy, "Madea's Witness Protection." MacFarlane has a sizable fan-base but whether that will translate into box office success remains to be seen. However, a debut of $25 to $30 million is enough to be in good shape. Much of what happens in "Ted" won't be a surprise but thanks to a highly original premise, MacFarlane has crafted one of the best R-rated comedies of the year. Now I want to run out and get my own Ted!

Final Rating: 4 out of 5

"When you hear the sound of thunder / Don't you get too scared / Just grab your thunder buddy / And say these magic words: / F*ck you, thunder! / You can suck my dick! / You can't get me thunder / 'Cause you're just God's farts!"