What to Expect When You're Expecting Review

Rated PG-13 (Crude and Sexual Content, Thematic Elements and Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 50 Minutes

Cast-

Elizabeth Banks-Wendy

Cameron Diaz-Jules

Jennifer Lopez-Holly

Anna Kendrick-Rosie

Brooklyn Decker-Skyler

Ben Falcone-Gary

Matthew Morrison-Evan

Rodrigo Santoro-Alex

Dennis Quaid-Ramsey

Chace Crawford-Marco

Chris Rock-Vic

Rob Huebel-Gabe

Thomas Lennon-Craig

Amir Talai-Patel

Joe Manganiello-Davis

Wendi McLendon-Covey-Kara

Rebel Wilson-Janice

Megan Mullally-As Herself

Directed by Kirk Jones

Chris Rock and Thomas Lennon as emasculated men in Lionsgate's "What to Expect When You're Expecting."

Sometimes you really have to wonder if Hollywood is run by a bunch of monkeys wearing expensive suits. Not content with just board games, studio executives have now taken to adapting pregnancy guides into films as well. Next year it’ll be car manuals or even better, a raunchy comedy about plumbing! First published in 1984 and now in its fourth edition, Heidi Murkoff and Sharon Hazel’s What to Expect When You're Expecting has been dubbed ‘the bible of American pregnancy’ with a reported 93% of all expectant mothers having read the book. However, the guide has received criticism for promoting fear and paranoia among pregnant women by emphasizing worst-case scenarios and the fact that Murkoff has no formal medical training. What Murkoff has is a lot of money because she has created an entire series of What to Expect advice books for women. Latching onto its popularity like leeches, some studio executive had the bright idea of turning Murkoff’s book into a full-fledged film despite the fact that it is a pregnancy guide! Lionsgate’s “What to Expect When You're Expecting” has a likable ensemble cast and a few humorous moments but the whole affair feels like an episodic sitcom full of manufactured drama that fails to resonate and is superficially resolved. 

The film follows five couples living in Atlanta, Georgia as they face the trials and tribulations of pregnancy and childbirth. Reality stars Jules (Cameron Diaz) and Evan (Matthew Morrison) discover to their surprise that they are going to be parents after winning the top prize in a celebrity dance-off show. Jules becomes obsessed with learning everything she can about the pregnancy process but argues with Evan on whether they should get their baby circumcised. Rosie (Anna Kendrick) is a young woman who reunites with an old flame from high school named Marco (Chace Crawford) after engaging in a turf war with their respective food trucks. Unfortunately, Rosie becomes pregnant after her one-night stand with him. Holly (Jennifer Lopez) is a struggling photographer who has been trying to conceive a baby for years with her husband Alex (Rodrigo Santoro). They decide to adopt an orphan from Ethiopia but Alex feels that he isn’t ready to embrace fatherhood. He seeks advice from an eccentric group of dads comprised of Vic (Chris Rock), Gabe (Rob Huebel), Craig (Thomas Lennon), and Patel (Amir Talai) who ‘blow off steam’ in the local park. Finally, Wendy (Elizabeth Banks), author and owner of a boutique named The Breast Choice, has managed to conceive a baby with her husband Gary (Ben Falcone) after trying for two years. Gary has an estranged relationship with his father, Ramsey (Dennis Quaid), a former race car champion for NASCAR now married to a much younger woman named Skyler (Brooklyn Decker). When Ramsey reveals that Skyler is pregnant with twins, Gary ends up engaging in another petty competition with his father. 

Eric Hynes of The Village Voice perfectly sums up “What to Expect When You're Expecting”: ‘[the film] strictly follows Hollywood's culturally appeasing comedy template: sophomoric mockery of all that's held sacred followed (and neatly corrected) by an affirmation of traditional values.’ Like Gary Marshall’s “Valentine’s Day” from 2010, director Kirk Jones’ latest effort is nothing but groan-inducing cliché after cliché with underdeveloped characters who are little more than simplistic stereotypes. None of the individual subplots prove to be all that interesting and are loosely interconnected with each other, usually by coincidence. The script from Shauna Cross and Heather Hach touches upon a number of complex issues with raising children but its episodic structure and sitcom-like situations set up to garner a few cheap laughs ultimately undermine the film. Anna Kendrick’s Rosie suffers a traumatic event early in her pregnancy in what is the film’s sole emotional scene that recalls Pixar’s “Up” from 2009 but the consequences of it are quickly pushed aside and are superficially dealt with. The financial burden and fear of not being ready to raise a child is also touched upon with Jennifer Lopez and Rodrigo Santoro’s characters but the script goes nowhere with it and resolves all of the problems that each couple go through with a neat little bow manufactured to leave the audience with a smile on their faces. Lopez even whines at one point that she’s the one who ‘can't do the one thing that a woman is supposed to be able to do,’ a line that borders on being misogynistic. 

The main problem with “What to Expect When You're Expecting” is that it fails to make you emotionally invest in what the characters are going through because the issues they deal with feel trivial and have little basis in reality. Much of what it espouses also feels contradictory. Elizabeth Banks’ Wendy has a hormone-driven meltdown (which always happens to take place in public) where she comes to realize that pregnancy isn’t the ‘miracle’ that it’s made out to be but does a complete 180 when she reaffirms the ‘beauty’ of childbirth while holding her newborn in her arms later in the film. The ending has four of the couples simultaneously arriving in the same hospital to give birth to their children! Talk about synchronized contractions! While it has its fair share of comedy, none of the material is particularly funny outside of a handful of individual moments. The ‘dudes group’ led by Chris Rock elicits a few chuckles as they speak of their emasculation with strange pride but their inclusion is ultimately pointless other than to add more marquee names to the poster. The film lightly touches upon the hardships of pregnancy from Murkoff’s book but offers little insight that is of actual value. Hynes ends his review by remarking that ‘much like the culture at large, [it] insists that pleasure ends when parenting begins, yet also that the parenting life is the only one worth living. God forbid there could be something in between.’ “What to Expect When You're Expecting” is a prime example of the creative bankruptcy that continues to plague Hollywood but what’s even sadder is the fact the audiences enjoy this shallow crap. 

Some of the ensemble cast acquit themselves in their roles despite their characters being written as broad stereotypes. However, Cameron Diaz and Jennifer Lopez come across as whiny, unsympathetic bitches while Matthew Morrison (from Fox’s musical comedy/drama “Glee”) seems to have stepped out of a cheesy soap opera. Maybe he should just stick to television. Elizabeth Banks gives a lively performance and her interactions with her assistant Janice, played by Rebel Wilson, provides much of the film’s laughs (what little there is). Anna Kendrick and Chace Crawford have believable chemistry but their characters aren’t given much to do, as does Chris Rock, whose screen-time amounts to no more than twenty minutes. Dennis Quaid picks up another fat paycheck as an overconfident former race car driver for NASCAR but lacks the energy to pull off the role convincingly. Brooklyn Decker is just another pretty face while the rest of the male cast including Ben Falcone and Rodrigo Santoro end up being written as totally clueless schmucks, victims of their wives crazed and obsessive antics. 

“What to Expect When You're Expecting” will be released on May 18, 2012 and has so far received largely negative reviews with 30% on Rotten Tomatoes. I doubt it will stray far from this number by the end of the week. Films like this are relatively inexpensive to make and despite competition from “Battleship,” “The Dictator,” and box office juggernaut “The Avengers,” it should turn a decent profit due to the lack of female-centric fare in theaters right now. I managed to obtain tickets to an advanced screening of the film and as expected, much of the audience leaned toward female but what was shocking is that there was actually applause once the end credits began to roll. Has standards really fallen so low? Honestly, I’m inclined to say yes given the current popularity of trashy literature such as E. L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey…but that is a topic best left for another time, perhaps when the film adaptation is released. Unfunny and full of clichés, “What to Expect When You're Expecting” is an ill-conceived film packed with stereotypical characters and manufactured drama that fails to meaningfully explore the difficulties that women face during pregnancy and childbirth. You might as well just go see “The Avengers” for the umpteenth time.

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

“I just wanted the glow. The one that they promise you on the cover of those magazines. Well, I'm calling it—pregnancy sucks. Making a human being is really hard. I have no control over my body or my emotions.”