Rated
R (Strong Fantasy Horror Violence and Gore, Brief Sexuality/Nudity and Language)
Running
Time: 1 Hour & 28 Minutes
Cast-
Jeremy
Renner-Hansel (Cedric Eich-Young Hansel)
Gemma
Arterton-Gretel (Alea Sophia Boudodimos-Young Gretel)
Famke
Janssen-Muriel
Peter
Stormare-Sheriff Berringer
Pihla
Viitala-Mina
Thomas
Mann-Ben
Derek
Mears-Edward the Troll
Robin
Atkin Downes (voice)-Edward the Troll
Rainer
Bock-Mayor Engleman
Ingrid
Bolsø Berdal-Horned Witch
Joanna
Kulig-Red Haired Witch
Kathrin
Kühnel-Adrianna
Thomas
Scharff-Father
Directed
by Tommy Wirkola
 |
| Gemma Arterton and Jeremy Renner quickly try to memorize the entire script of "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" mere moments before the camera rolls. |
Note: Screened on Thursday, January 24, 2013, at AMC Empire 25.
I
wonder how studio executives reacted after hearing Norwegian director Tommy
Wirkola's pitch for his latest film, "Hansel and Gretel: Witch
Hunters," and even more interestingly, what convinced them to actually
green-light it. The entire concept is already summarized in that title and yes,
it sounds completely ridiculous, but I was honestly intrigued upon viewing the
trailer. Genre mashups are nothing new in Hollywood, with 2011's "Cowboys
and Aliens" and last year's "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"
being recent examples but both received middling reviews from critics. Unfortunately,
"Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" does little to buck that trend;
the film aspires to provide some cheeky entertainment but instead bludgeons
viewers into submission with loud, repetitive action scenes and features a
script so uninspired that it feels
like it was hastily scrawled on a piece of toilet paper.
Abandoned in the
forest by their father one night, siblings Hansel and Gretel find themselves at
a gingerbread house while trying to make their way back home. The two are
quickly captured by an ugly old witch who plans to cannibalize them. She forces
Hansel to continuously eat candy while a chained Gretel prepares the oven but
the siblings manage to outsmart the witch, pushing her into the oven to be
burned alive. Years later, Hansel and Gretel (Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton)
grow up to be skilled witch hunters as they are mysteriously immune to their
spells and curses. However, Hansel becomes a diabetic as a result of his ordeal
with the old witch and must take a shot of insulin every day. Arriving in
Augsburg, Germany one day, Hansel and Gretel save a young woman named Mina
(Pihla Viitala) from being executed by Sheriff Berringer (Peter Stormare) and
reveals that they have been hired by Mayor Engleman (Rainer Bock) to
investigate a number of recent child abductions. Their search leads them to Muriel
(Famke Janssen), an ambitious witch who plans to sacrifice twelve children on
the eve of the 'Blood Moon' in order to achieve ultimate power.
The great thing
about "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" is that it's only
eighty-eight minutes long, which means this is going to be a short review. The
film opens with a ten minute prologue that recounts the original Brothers Grimm
fairy tale and I have to say, its one heck of a sequence. Dark, foreboding, and
twisted, Wirkola's vision here reminded me of American McGee's macabre
rendition of Lewis Carroll's Alice's
Adventures in Wonderland. However, all sense of imagination goes out the
window after the blood-soaked, animated opening credits as the film devolves
into a series of repetitive action scenes. Written by Wirkola and D.W. Harper,
the already lazy and uninspired script appears to have been hacked to pieces by
the editing department, leaving precious little development or exploration
between the eponymous siblings' relationship. Hansel and Gretel are reduced to
shouting lame one-liners, as Wirkola mistakes flippant uses of the word 'sh*t'
and 'f*ck' as being clever. It's obvious that "Hansel and Gretel: Witch
Hunters" wants to provide the same cheesy thrills that made Sam Raimi's
"Army of Darkness" a cult classic in 1992 but there's such a lack of
passion from Wirkola's direction. The story is jam-packed with subplots yet
none of it registers because it's in such a hurry to get to the end credits. As
for the action scenes, they're suitably gory and brutal, with copious amounts
of CG blood, but it tends to get rather boring when a witch flies through a
non-descript forest for the umpteenth time. Not to mention that all if it just
blends together into a loud, obnoxious blur. The witches themselves resemble a
bunch of rejects from a "Hellraiser" flick and the practical effects
used to bring Edward the Troll to life are horrid. Compared to the creatures in
2008's "Hellboy II: The Golden Army," it's literally night and day.
Although shot in native 3D, there's no reason to see the film in that format as
Wirkola fails to take advantage of the extra depth and instead relies on lazy
gimmicks like bullets flying toward the screen or blood splatters.
From an
acting standpoint, Jeremy Renner and Gemma Arterton aren't required to do much
beyond their roles' physical demands. They may deliver the occasional quip
('Don't eat the f*cking candy!') but they're largely blank slates as the film
never has the opportunity to give these characters at least a modicum of
personality. Honestly, I'm surprised Nicholas Cage isn't in it (remember 2011's
"Season of the Witch"?). Despite a wandering English accent and being
covered in prosthetics most of the time, Famke Janssen is actually pretty good
as the witch Muriel. This is obviously not an awards-worthy performance but she
has fun with the role and is by far the liveliest character in the film.
Rounding out the supporting cast is Peter Stormare as a sheriff (how ironic)
who's also on a witch-hunt of his own, Thomas Mann as a star-struck fan of
Hansel and Gretel, and Pihla Viitala as Hansel's love interest. The latter two
isn't given much to do and sadly fade into the background.
"Hansel and
Gretel: Witch Hunters" was released on January 25, 2012 to overwhelmingly
negative reviews with 15% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics panned the film, writing
it off as a failure 'as both a fantasy adventure and as a parody of the same.'
Advance screenings were held just four hours before its official release, which
is almost always a bad sign. Reactions from the audience were lukewarm at best
but it's poised to top the box office with a modest $15 to $17 million,
although it'll barely make back its $50 million production budget once foreign
grosses are counted. "Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters" could've been
a cheesy thrill ride but the film's flat narrative and characters, combined
with Wirkola's uninspired direction, make this one a lost opportunity.
Final
Rating: 2 out of 5
"I hate to break this to you, but this isn't gonna be an open casket."
+Poster.jpg)
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