Rated
PG-13 (Crude and Suggestive Content, Language and Some Male Rear Nudity)
Running
Time: 1 Hour & 41 Minutes
Cast-
Adam
Sandler-Lenny Feder
Kevin
James-Eric Lamonsoff
Chris
Rock-Kurt McKenzie
David
Spade-Marcus Higgins
Nick
Swardson-Nicholas Hilliard
Salma
Hayek-Roxanne Chase-Feder
Maria
Bello-Sally Lamonsoff
Maya
Rudolph-Deanne McKenzie
Steve
Buscemi-Wiley
Colin
Quinn-Dickie Bailey
Tim
Meadows-Malcolm
Shaquille
O'Neal-Officer Fluzoo
Peter
Dante-Officer Dante
Steve
Austin-Tommy Cavanaugh
Georgia
Engel-Mrs. Lamonsoff
Taylor
Lautner-Andy
Milo
Ventimiglia-Milo
Patrick
Schwarzenegger-Cooper
Alexander
Ludwig-Braden
Jake
Goldberg-Greg Feder
Cameron
Boyce-Keithie Feder
Alexys
Nycole Sanchez-Becky Feder
Ada-Nicole
Sanger-Donna Lamonsoff
Frank
and Morgan Gingerich-Bean Lamonsoff
Nadji
Jeter-Andre McKenzie
China
Anne McClain-Charlotte McKenzie
Kaleo
Elam-Ronnie McKenzie
Directed
by Dennis Dugan
 |
| These guys need a new beach house...so they made "Grown Ups 2." |
Note: Screened on Wednesday, July 10, 2013 at AMC Loews 34th Street 14.
I
don't get paid to be a film critic and the reason I do what I do is because I genuinely
love watching movies but sometimes…it feels like work. Watching "Grown Ups
2" is one of those times. Released back in 2010, the original "Grown
Ups" was trashed by critics (10% on Rotten Tomatoes) but audiences around
the world ate it up to the tune of $271.4 million, making it one of Adam Sandler's
biggest hits in his career. I've only recently watched the film and I have to say,
it is one of the worst 'comedies' I've ever suffered through. There are only
three good laughs and that's already stretching it. Sandler has been in a downward
spiral for the past three years, with "Just Go With It," "Jack and
Jill," and last year's abominable "That's My Boy" averaging only
14% on Rotten Tomatoes. That's frankly pathetic. The SNL-veteran was never a
comedic savant but his man-child antics used to be funny because they felt inspired;
now it's just lazy, tired, and insulting. It's like he's completely given up.
In fact, "That's My Boy" left me so angry that I wanted to punch
someone in the face! "Grown Ups 2" doesn't provoke the extreme revulsion
I had for Sandler's previous film but the whole affair still comes off as a boring,
juvenile waste of time that exists only to take the audience's hard-earned money
to fund the cast's next beach house while flicking the middle finger at them
for paying to see such garbage.
Big-shot
Hollywood agent Lenny Feder (Adam Sandler) moves his wife Roxanne (Salma Hayek)
and their three children back to his Massachusetts hometown as a way to stay
close to his childhood best friends: Eric Lamonsoff (Kevin James), Kurt McKenzie
(Chris Rock), and eternal bachelor Marcus Higgins (David Spade). On the last day
of school, the quartet decides to play hooky with drug-addled bus driver Nicholas
Hilliard (Nick Swardson) while planning for an 80's-themed outdoor party to kick
off the summer in style. In an effort to recapture the glory days of their youth,
Lenny and his buddies revisit an old swimming hole so Eric can face his fears
of diving off the cliff but they run afoul of a group of testosterone-ridden frat
boys led by Andy (Taylor Lautner). Crazy hijinks ensue as the four come to
terms with hitting middle-age.
It's
really amazing how director Dennis Dugan and the writers (which include Sandler,
Tim Herlihy, and Fred Wolf) took the loose story structure of the original
"Grown Ups" and made it even more plot-less. I actually struggled to
summarize the sequel because there is no narrative to speak of; it's essentially
just a series of vignettes where the characters literally spend their time
smelling each other's farts and giggling about it like a bunch of mentally-challenged
twelve-year-olds. Opening with a terribly rendered CG deer urinating into
Lenny's mouth (a gag that the filmmakers found so hilarious that they repeat it
thirty seconds later on his son), "Grown Ups 2" pretty much goes downhill
from there with its stale and relentlessly puerile assortment of 'jokes'
involving various bodily fluids and mocking others for either being old, ugly, foreign,
or gay. Of course, almost none of is funny since there's absolutely no context
to it. Apparently, we're supposed to laugh along at the mere sight of a pee stain…and
don't even get me started on the 'burp snart.' Sure, there are some
intermittent chuckles but you can count them on one hand. The biggest laugh in
"Grown Ups 2" is when Hayek's Roxanne cracks a joke about Shaq's lousy
free-throw record in front of the retired basketball player himself (who plays a
police officer). One good laugh out of a 101-minute film; that has to be some
sort of world record.
The
thinly-developed subplots weave in and out of the film without much rhyme or reason.
Roxanne wants to have another baby but Lenny is already content with the three kids
they have. Eric is secretly spending all his free time at his mother's (Georgia
Engel) to get the attention his wife Sally (Maria Bello) isn't giving him while
Kurt is enjoying the fact that his
wife Deanne (Maya Rudolph) forgot about their twentieth anniversary. Finally, Marcus
finds out he has a teenage son named Braden (Alexander Ludwig) but doesn't quite
know how to connect with him. The children are also dealing with their own individual
issues yet none of it matters. There's no drama, no tension, so ultimately we just
don't care what happens to these people. Worse, the film's anti-bullying message
is completely at odds with many of the characters' actions. The women repeatedly
make snide comments to another female for looking too masculine in their yoga
class and the ending has everyone throw down with a bunch of frat boys because all
problems can be solved by punching your way out of them. Seriously, if you look
up the causes for brain damage, "Grown Ups 2" would be on the list.
Adam
Sandler, Kevin James, Chris Rock, and David Spade are all capable of being funny
when they at least try but in this film, they take their comedic talent and flush
it down the toilet. Inexplicably missing from the group is Rob Schneider. Given
all the dreck he's appeared in over the years, his absence is probably the
wisest move he's made in his entire career. He's replaced by Nick Swardson, who
serves as the film's punching bag. The women, which includes Salma Hayek, Mario
Bello, and Maya Rudolph, all play complete morons. At one point, their characters
become victims of sexual harassment but they just brush it off like it's no big
deal even though I'm pretty sure a crime was just committed. I feel sorry for Hayek;
she's a critically-acclaimed actress and one of the most beautiful women in the
world who's reduced to being leered at and farted on. The various celebrity cameos
such as Shaquille O'Neal and 'Stone Cold' Steve Austin provide a modicum of fun
but like all novelties, it quickly fades away. Taylor Lautner seems to be the only
actor who's in on the joke, which is ironic because his whole career is a joke.
To
be released on July 12, 2013, "Grown Ups 2" has received overwhelmingly
negative reviews with a mere 5% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics concluded that the
film will 'bore, annoy, and disgust audiences,' with the exception of those who
love seeing deer piss on people. Hell, the deer could even be symbolizing Sandler
pissing on your intelligence while taking your money. What really angers me is
that audiences are actually looking forward to seeing this over Guillermo del
Toro's "Pacific Rim." Many box office analysts are projecting Sandler's
film to gross around $40 million over the weekend but I wouldn't discount del
Toro yet as his film is currently outselling last month's "World War
Z" at the same point according to Fandango. If you haven't figured it out already,
don't see "Grown Ups 2." By willingly giving your money away, you are
asking to be slapped. This film doesn't just scrape the bottom of the barrel;
it sh*ts all over it.
Final
Rating: 1 out of 5
"I
haven't been around this many arrogant white college kids since Eminem played
Duke."
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