Rated
PG-13 (Sequences of Intense Action and Violence, and Some Suggestive Material)
Running
Time: 2 Hours & 29 Minutes
Cast-
Armie
Hammer-John Reid/The Lone Ranger
Johnny
Depp-Tonto
William
Fichtner-Butch Cavendish
Ruth
Wilson-Rebecca Reid
Tom
Wilkinson-Latham Cole
James
Badge Dale-Dan Reid
Barry
Pepper-Captain Jay Fuller
Helena
Bonham Carter-Red Harrington
Bryant
Prince-Danny Reid
Mason
Elston Cook-Will
Saginaw
Grant-Chief Big Bear
Directed
by Gore Verbinski
 |
| Ke-mo sah-bee, why this film so terrible? |
Note: Screened on Monday, June 24, 2013 at Regal E-Walk Stadium 13.
There
are some ideas that shouldn't have worked…but did. When Disney announced in 2000
that they were adapting the popular Pirates
of the Caribbean theme park ride into a film, pretty much everyone and
their mother scoffed at the idea. First off, the studio had already tried to translate
one of their theme park attractions to film (Remember 2002's "The Country
Bears"?) and the results were disastrous. Making matters worse was the fact
that the pirate genre was, for all intents and purposes, dead due to 1995's
"Cutthroat Island" flopping at the domestic box office with a paltry
$10 million during its entire theatrical run (the production budget was $98
million). It's surprising that Disney still chose to move forward given all the
risks involved. Widely expected to be a failure upon its release in 2003, "Pirates
of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" managed to pull off a major
Hollywood miracle, receiving not only positive reviews (79% on Rotten Tomatoes)
but also grossing a whopping $654.3 million worldwide. Its huge success spawned
one of the most lucrative franchises in recent memory. Disney is hoping to make
lightning strike twice with "The Lone Ranger," based on the 1933 radio
serial of the same name, and even reenlisted director Gore Verbinski and megastar
Johnny Depp to breathe new life into the iconic character. Unfortunately, westerns
haven't been popular in a while and the film almost got shut down due to its out-of-control
production budget ($215 million?!). None of that would matter if the end result
justified the massive costs but sadly, that's not the case. With its bloated running
time, overly-convoluted story, and wildly erratic tone, "The Lone Ranger"
is a serious misfire on every level.
The
year is 1869 and idealistic, city-educated district attorney John Reid (Armie Hammer)
is returning to his hometown of Colby, Texas to visit his older brother Dan (James
Badge Dale), now a respected Texas Ranger and married to John's childhood
sweetheart Rebecca (Ruth Wilson). Unbeknownst to John, the train he is on also
happens to be carrying notorious outlaw Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner), who
is set to be hanged as a way to celebrate the construction of Latham Cole's (Tom
Wilkinson) new transcontinental railroad. Cavendish's gang of bandits, however,
hijacks the train and free Butch before causing it to explosively derail off
the tracks. Determined to recapture the ruthless Indian killer, Dan deputizes
his brother and sets off out into the desert to find Butch. A sudden ambush leaves
Dan and his Rangers dead, with only John as the sole survivor. The pacifist lawyer
is later rescued by an eccentric Comanche outcast named Tonto (Johnny Depp). Eager
to avenge his brother's death, John teams up with Tonto to bring Butch to justice
as the masked vigilante known as the 'Lone Ranger.'
With
a radio serial spanning 2,956 episodes between 1933 and 1954, and an equally popular
television show that ran from 1949 to 1957, the Lone Ranger is one of the most
enduring icons in American pop culture but let's be honest here, no one would've
been interested in reviving the character if Johnny Depp and Gore Verbinski wasn't
involved. This isn't the first time the Lone Ranger has graced the silver
screen (no pun intended) as the television series spawned a pair of feature
films in 1956 and 1958. His last appearance in theaters was 1981's "The Legend
of the Lone Ranger," which bombed at the box office due to the negative publicity
generated from producer Jack Wrather, who obtained a court order that required actor
Clayton Moore to quit making public appearances as the Lone Ranger. Playing the
titular character was Klinton Spilsbury. Not only was his dialogue completely dubbed
over, this would also be his only role in his entire career. It's ironic that Verbinski's film is arriving with
similarly negative buzz, albeit for different reasons. Besides its rampant budget
issues, the biggest problem facing "The Lone Ranger" is whether audiences
today even know who the character is. As such, this film is very much an origin
story but it's a dreadfully dull one at that. The filmmakers clearly didn't have
a unified vision in place before shooting began and just threw every idea they
had in the hopes that something will stick. Written by "Pirates of the Caribbean"
scribes Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, with an assist from Justin Haythe, the
film starts off on the wrong foot from the very first minute by opening with a
framed narrative in 1933. Why was this even necessary? Sure, it gives Depp
(who's plastered in old-age make-up similar to Dustin Hoffman in "Little
Big Man") more screen-time but this makes an already-long film feel even
longer as it kills the pacing with its abrupt time jumps.
It's
certainly a well-shot picture, with dazzling vistas that pay tribute to the classic
Westerns from the late John Ford but the script actively undermines your
enjoyment of the film. It goes off on too many tangents and the tone often lurches
from grim seriousness to slapstick comedy. At one point, Reid and Tonto arrive at
a brothel run by Red Harrington (Helena Bonham Carter) to learn about Butch's
whereabouts but they ask her in a roundabout way. The whole scene is entirely pointless
and is little more than an excuse to show off Red's ivory prosthetic leg that also
happens to contain a hidden shotgun because why not. And of course, it ends in an
irrelevant chase involving an angry mob. One of the reasons the "Pirates
of the Caribbean" sequels were less well-received was due to their overcomplicated
stories. The same problem plagues "The Lone Ranger," with subplots piled
on top of one another when it would've been best to keep it simple. Fake Indian
attacks, hidden silver mines, and last-minute revelations all combine to create
a film that's both messy and uninteresting. Although rated PG-13, the violence
often leans toward the grotesque. Butch even consumes a man's heart! Now I'm far
from being a squeamish person; the main issue I have is that the film is
constantly at odds with itself, with violent acts followed by off-putting sight
gags. One minute you're watching cannibalistic bunny rabbits hopping around
(I'm not even kidding) and the next a whole Indian tribe gets massacred. By the
time the last set-piece rolls around during the two hour mark, "The Lone Ranger"
has already worn out its welcome but what do you know, it finally becomes the
fun action-adventure film it was supposed to be. With Hans Zimmer's use of the triumphant
finale from the William Tell Overture,
the last twenty minutes are not only the most rousing but also captures the
unerring heroism that defines the Lone Ranger. Unfortunately, this moment
arrives too little too late.
Although
Armie Hammer is the one who plays the title character, Johnny Depp receives top
billing and the actor is a big part of why "The Lone Ranger" is such
a misfire. His interpretation of Tonto pretty much amounts to him channeling
Captain Jack Sparrow as a Native American. Not surprisingly, Depp (whose make-up
is inspired by the Kirby Sattler painting I Am Crow) gives the character a number of quirks, such as
having him constantly feed the dead bird that he wears on his head but much of
his behavior just comes off as bizarre rather than funny. Armie Hammer is
hamstrung by the script and is reduced to being a whiny, bumbling pushover. It
isn't until the last twenty minutes that Hammer starts to embody the confident
daring-do of the Lone Ranger. The rest of the cast are saddled with one-note
roles. William Fichtner is actually quite good as Butch Cavendish but the
villain is way too over-the-top to take seriously. Tom Wilkinson plays the
standard issue corrupt businessman while Ruth Wilson and Helena Bonham Carter
are completely wasted. Carter seems to have stepped out of a Tim Burton film
and her screen-time amounts to a glorified cameo. Also on hand is Barry Pepper,
picking up a paycheck as a crooked U.S. cavalry officer.
Released
on July 3, 2013, "The Lone Ranger" has received overwhelmingly
negative reviews with 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that 'Armie Hammer
and Johnny Depp make for an appealing pair of leads, but they're not enough to
make up for [the film's] bland script, bloated length, and blaring action overkill.'
Honestly, I can't say I'm surprised by this reaction. Many of the people I spoke
to at the advance screening last Monday made similar complaints about the
excessive running time and agreed that the last twenty minutes was the most
exciting part of the film. Given the lack of interest in westerns with today's
audiences, "The Lone Ranger" is going to have to make up its
production budget through international grosses. Its opening debut was only a
mere $9.7 million compared to the $34.3 million of "Despicable Me 2."
Ultimately, what saddens me the most is the amount of money that was wasted on
this film. That adventurous spirit that defined the character is entirely
absent in "The Lone Ranger." In its place is a loud blockbuster that
amounts to nothing. A.O. Scott, I agree with you, what on earth were they thinking?
Final
Rating: 2 out of 5
"If
these men represent the law, I'd rather be an outlaw."
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