Getaway Review

Rated PG-13 (Intense Action, Violence and Mayhem Throughout, Some Rude Gestures, and Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 30 Minutes

Cast-

Ethan Hawke-Brent Magna

Selena Gomez-The Kid

Jon Voight-The Voice

Rebecca Budig-Leanne Magna

Paul Freeman (voice)-The Man

Bruce Payne-Distinguished Man

Ivailo Geraskov-Detective

Dimo Alexiev-Henchman #1

Slavi Pavlov-Henchman #2

Deyan Angelov-Henchman #3

Directed by Courtney Solomon

Ethan Hawke and Selena Gomez star in "Getaway," one of the worst films of 2013.

Note: Screened on Wednesday, August 28, 2013 at AMC Empire 25.

Ethan Hawke, what the hell happened with you?! You delivered such an amazing performance in Richard Linklater's "Before Midnight," without a doubt one of 2013's best, but then followed that up with two of the worst films of the year, first with June's "The Purge" and now with "Getaway." While "The Purge" at least tries to be more than your average home-invasion thriller with its intriguing premise, "Getaway" doesn't even bother with telling a proper story or offering up compelling characters. As Brian Orndorf so eloquently puts it in his own review, this is a film that's 'fueled entirely on stupidity,' and will leave you feeling bewildered and angry at how a moronic piece of trash like this got made in the first place. Poorly edited and packed full of headache-inducing, mind-numbingly repetitive car chases, "Getaway" is a dull, insipid mess that will drain away the entirety of your IQ over the course of its ninety-minute running time. Mr. Hawke, it's time to find yourself a new agent before its too late.

Brent Magna (Ethan Hawke), a former race car driver with a questionable past is looking for a fresh start in Sofia, Bulgaria but his world comes crashing down when he comes home on Christmas Eve to find his wife Leanne (Rebecca Budig) missing and the place in complete disarray. With the woman he loves held hostage by a dangerous criminal mastermind (Jon Voight), Brent is forced to step behind the wheel of a decked-out Shelby Mustang Super Snake in order to save her. Communicating through the car's advanced GPS, the man puts Brent under constant surveillance and tasks him with causing as much destruction as possible throughout the city in an effort to wear down the police. When a bratty street urchin (Selena Gomez) attempts to retrieve her stolen vehicle with a gun pointed at the ex-racer's head, the mysterious criminal instead decides to ensnare her into his scheme as well. Brent and the kid at first struggle to make sense of what's happening to them but the two soon realize that if they are to survive the night and rescue Leanne, they must work together to turn the tables on their captor.

I've lost count of how many bad films I've seen since I started writing reviews four-and-a-half years ago but Courtney Solomon's "Getaway" certainly hits a new low. I suppose I shouldn't be surprised considering the director's previous credits include the abysmal "Dungeons & Dragons" adaptation from 2000 and the little-seen horror film "An American Haunting." The first five minutes pretty much establishes what you're in for as our beleaguered protagonist 'Brent Magna' (a name that would feel right at home in a cheap porno) assaults a parking lot attendant and careens onto the streets of Bulgaria with a souped-up Shelby Mustang while the police are hot on his tail. There are car crashes galore but the editing is borderline incoherent, with each shot lasting only a split-second and chaotically strung together with little regard to spatial awareness or even basic geography. It's revealed that the criminal (lazily credited as 'The Voice') had small cameras mounted along the surface of the car, allowing Solomon to frequently cut to them in all their grainy glory yet his attempts to create a sense of 'intensity' simply add to the viewer's disorientation. A film like this could've definitely offered some B-movie thrills but the numerous car chases quickly wear out their welcome, with Brent's wanton destruction throughout the city blurring into a visually ugly, insufferable mess. Solomon switches things up during the latter half of the film by replacing police cars with thugs on motorcycles and I'll admit that the resulting orgy of explosions is impressive. In fact, I appreciated its use of old school stunt-work over CGI. An unbroken chase shown from a first-person perspective finally captures the visceral feeling that the film was going for but by then, it's already too little too late. "Getaway" spends so much time undermining the one thing it has going for, it's like Solomon wanted audiences to leave the theater aggravated.

Written by Sean Finegan and Gregg Maxwell Parker, the story is nothing more than a derivative mash-up of "Speed," "Phone Booth," and "Taken." However, that problem is small potatoes compared to the film's lack of logic, real world or otherwise. The Voice is quick to remind his captives that he can see and hear everything that happens in the car through the cameras mounted on the outside and yet Brent and 'the Kid' (Gomez's character isn't even provided with a name) continue to openly discuss how to thwart him, with the criminal on the other end not even bothering to lift a finger to stop them! The Bulgarian police are also completely inept at their jobs. Instead of sending wave after wave of police cars, why not just shoot out the tires or, I don't know, use spike strips? Even the Kid's technical know-how is presented in a laughable manner. Apparently, 'hacking' a camera or a server consists of tapping buttons and making a few swipes on an iPad. Steve Jobs must be rolling in his grave right now. What's worse is that Solomon has the gall to end the film on a cliffhanger and set up a sequel!

Ethan Hawke tries his best with his gravelly-voiced turn as Brent Magna but there's only so much he can do with the terrible material he's given. At one point, he shouts at his captor: 'I need to know when this sh*t is going to be over!' Ironically, we're all thinking the very same thing. Although the actor has appeared in his fair share of genre films (some of which are quite good like last year's "Sinister"), I wonder what possessed him to sign onto this one in the first place. Did he offend some high-powered studio executive or owe someone money? Selena Gomez's baby-faced looks might've worked to her advantage in Harmony Korine's "Spring Breakers" but she's woefully miscast here as a mini-Lisbeth Salander. Most of the time her character is shouting at Brent using every expletive except 'f*ck' or shrilly wailing during the film's endless car chases. And we're supposed to accept that this girl is a gifted computer hacker? On hand to pick up a paycheck is a wasted Jon Voight, who literally phones it in while sporting the most unconvincing Bulgarian accent ever…or what I assume to be Bulgarian.

Released on August 30, 2013, "Getaway" has usurped "Paranoia" as the worst-reviewed film of the year with a 2% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics called it 'monotonously fast-paced to the point of exhaustion' and labeled the film as 'a reminder of the dangers in attempting to speed past coherent editing, character development, sensible dialogue, and an interesting plot.' Considering its release date, it's obvious that Warner Brothers doesn't care about the film and is willing to settle for whatever scraps it makes over the Labor Day weekend. There's nothing more to be said about "Getaway" as this review is already doing it more justice than it truly deserves. Don't bother with this film unless you enjoy being ripped off.

Final Rating: 1 out of 5

"I need to know when this sh*t is going to be over!"