Your Highness Unrated Blu-Ray Review

Unrated (Theatrical Version Rated R for Strong Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, Nudity, Violence and some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast:

Danny McBride-Thadeous

James Franco-Fabious

Natalie Portman-Isabel

Justin Theroux-Leezar

Zooey Deschanel-Belladonna

Rasmus Hardiker-Courtney

Damian Lewis-Boremont

Toby Jones-Julie

Charles Dance-King Tallious

John Fricker-Marteetee

Mario Torres Jr.-Great Wize Wizard

Directed by David Gordon Green

*Insert lame penis joke here.*

As the end credits rolled for the unrated version of “Your Highness,” I’m left scratching my head wondering just who the intended audience for this film is. Although it was rated R upon its release, the constant bombardment of juvenile sex jokes will appeal to no one but immature thirteen-year-old boys or people high on marijuana. Directed by David Gordon Green, “Your Highness” is a fantasy comedy that parodies the sword-and-sorcery flicks of the 1980’s but it represents a complete collapse in judgment from someone who helmed such critically acclaimed indie-hits like 2000’s “George Washington” and 2003’s “All the Real Girls.” Even his mainstream debut, 2008’s “Pineapple Express,” received generally positive reviews. “Your Highness” boasts some competent production values but its overreliance on cheap gags, vulgar language, and crude sex jokes makes it one of the worst films of 2011. 

Thadeous (Danny McBride) is a lazy prince of the kingdom of Mourne who spends his time chasing wenches and committing various acts of debauchery with his loyal squire Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). His brother is Fabious (James Franco), who is beloved by his father, King Tallious (Charles Dance), and everyone in the kingdom for his various heroic deeds. Returning home from one of his quests, Fabious presents the trophy of his latest kill, the severed head of a Cyclops, and that he has found a bride, Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), who was a captive of the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux). Thadeous does little to hide his jealousy of his brother for receiving all the attention but on the day of the wedding ceremony, Leezar arrives to take back Belladonna. Despite his skilled swordsmanship, Fabious is unable to stop him. King Tallious, tired of watching Thadeous waste his life, orders him to accompany his brother and his Knights Elite on the quest to rescue Belladonna and stop Leezar. Consulting with the Great Wize Wizard (voice of Mario Torres Jr.), they receive a magical compass and learn of a prophecy called ‘The F*ckening’ that will give birth to a dragon when Leezar rapes Belladonna the moment the two moons align. The only way to kill the wizard is by obtaining the legendary Sword of Unicorn, which is hidden in a dark labyrinth and protected by a ferocious Minotaur. However, the Knights Elite turn out to be working with Leezar and betray Fabious. With this setback, Thadeous wants nothing but to return home but his brother is intent on completing what they set out to do. Along their journey, they meet the mysterious warrior-woman Isabel (Natalie Portman), who has her own reasons for going after Leezar. 

Saddled with a predictable and uninspired script from “Eastbound & Down” veterans Danny McBride and Ben Best, “Your Highness” is full of jokes that are so obvious and cheap that only thirteen-year-old boys high on marijuana will find it remotely funny. I’m sure some adult males will find the film enjoyable but I suspect them to be mentally brain-damaged. Apparently, Green’s intention was to pay homage to the violently cheesy sword-and-sorcery flicks of the 1980’s, with the characters playing the material straight and the only comedy coming from Danny McBride as he pokes fun at the clichéd conventions of the genre but instead too many situations come across as parodies, and all of it falls flat. Despite the lavish costumes and production sets, it all feels like everyone is playing dress-up at the local renaissance faire and lacks in authenticity. What passes for comedy is often crude and in poor taste but the main issue is that the same jokes keep being recycled over and over again, even when it’s clear that it is simply not funny. It’s as if the writers decided to throw in everything but the kitchen sink. You have pedophile wizards asking to be masturbated before dispensing wisdom, servants forced to perform pseudo-fellatio, a Minotaur committing sexual assault and to top it off, the ‘trophy’ that Thadeous decides to keep as a souvenir of his kill is just so shockingly disgusting that I’m surprised it managed to pass the censors at the MPAA. The dialogue is spoken with intentionally bad English accents spruced up with countless modern obscenities. Now I have no problem hearing words ‘f*ck’ or ‘sh*t’ in films but excessively dropping F-bombs in a medieval setting isn’t clever, it’s just dumb and lazy. The only praise I can muster is that Tim Orr’s cinematography looks gorgeous and the sweeping shots of the Northern Ireland countryside instills a majestic feel that is appropriate. The action is a bit of a mixed bag as the swordplay looks awkward and clumsy, as if you’re watching children randomly hit each other with wooden sticks. Looks like that nine months of training failed to pay off for James Franco. However, the chase through the forest between Fabious and the traitorous Knights Elite is tightly edited, as is the battle with a multi-headed snake demon in a gladiatorial arena. The visual effects are competent and invoke a retro feel, especially with its pyrotechnics-heavy climax. 

While the cast genuinely seem to enjoy themselves, the performances fail to rise to the occasion. Although intentionally written as a complete a**hole, I fail to see the appeal of Danny McBride’s comedic antics as his annoying shtick quickly wears out its welcome. James Franco looks like he’s ready to fall asleep and I find it surprising to see an Academy Award nominee embarrass himself to such low depths. Natalie Portman is fine but is at her best during the action scenes. Her much advertised scene wearing nothing but a thong is anticlimactic and frankly, a little sad that it was hyped up to such a degree. The only cast member who provides some semblance of laughs is Justin Theroux, who gleefully chews up the scenery as he screams, ‘You're too late! The F*ckening has begun!’ Honestly, I have no idea why Zooey Deschanel is in this film as she has little to do other than look distressed. Maybe she did it as a favor to Green. 

“Your Highness” arrives on Blu-Ray with both the theatrical and unrated cut which is only longer by three minutes. Picture quality is quite impressive, revealing the intricate detail of the production design, especially the costumes, with wide shots of the Northern Ireland countryside shining with a rich vibrancy. Darker scenes have an amber hue with inky shadows that is visually pleasing to the eye. Audio is just as excellent with crisp dialogue but the action scenes are the highlight, crackling with energy as blades clash and all manner of magical spells are thrown with wild abandon. A variety of special features are packed including an audio commentary featuring Green, McBride, Franco, and Theroux, a thirty-minute behind-the-scenes look at the making of the film, and various extended and deleted scenes. Universal certainly brought out all the stops for this Blu-Ray release despite the film being a critical and box office flop. 

Released on April 8, 2011, “Your Highness” received overwhelmingly negative reviews with 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics concluded that while ‘big budgets and costumes in service of scatological jokes may seem funny on paper…in execution this is a highly monotonous romp that registers only occasional laughs.’ The film had a disastrous weekend debut at the domestic box office, coming in #6 with a paltry $9.4 million. With an estimated $50 million production budget, it was major flop with a worldwide total of $25 million. A dull story filled with cheap, obvious, unfunny, and frankly disgusting humor, “Your Highness” is a serious miscalculation on director David Gordon Green’s part, a forgettable affair that will appeal to no one but immature teenagers or mentally undeveloped adults. Honestly, if you find this film actually funny, I would not want to associate with you.

Final Rating: 1.5 out of 5

*No quote because every line of dialogue is simply atrocious…and that’s putting it nicely.*