Saturday, November 26, 2011

Melancholia Review

Rated R (Some Graphic Nudity, Sexual Content and Language)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 16 Minutes

Cast:
Kirsten Dunst-Justine
Charlotte Gainsbourg-Claire
Kiefer Sutherland-John
Cameron Spurr-Leo
John Hurt-Dexter
Charlotte Rampling-Gaby
Stellan Skarsgård-Jack
Alexander Skarsgård-Michael
Brady Corbet-Tim
Jesper Christensen-Little Father
Udo Kier-Wedding Planner

Directed by Lars von Trier

The end of the world has never looked so beautiful in Lars von Trier's "Melancholia."
What does happiness mean to you? Do our lives hold any meaning in the grand, intricate web of the universe or is it something we manufacture in order to justify our existence? Danish film director and screenwriter Lars von Trier has been making movies for thirty-four years since 1977 and those who follow his work are aware that he suffers from a variety of phobias and at times, crippling depression. His intense fear of flying has led him to shoot all his films in Denmark or Sweden, even if it were taking place somewhere else and he insists on driving to France every time he is invited to the Cannes Film Festival. Von Trier suffered something of a breakdown in mid-2007 when his depression left him unable to work, leaving him feeling ‘like a blank sheet of paper’ but he did manage to finish working on the highly controversial “Antichrist” in late 2008. He admitted in an interview that ‘the script was filmed and finished without much enthusiasm, made as it was using about half of my physical and intellectual capacity.’ Von Trier’s latest work is “Melancholia” and functions as a way to exorcise his emotional demons and deal with depression. However, the premiere of the film at this past summer’s Cannes Film Festival was marred with controversy when he responded to a question from film critic Kate Muir of the British newspaper The Times by saying that he held some sympathy and understanding for Adolf Hitler, prompting the festival’s board of directors to declare him persona non grata for his comments. He later apologized and admitted that he made a bad joke but then backtracked by claiming that he didn’t make it clear that he was joking. The whole mess has forced him to declare that he would ‘refrain from all public statements and interviews.’ Honestly, I think his nervousness got the best of him, causing him to ramble and not know when to stop. It’s a shame we won’t hear from him again but at least we’ll have his films and “Melancholia” is by all means an amazing one, a masterpiece that feels like a companion piece to Terrence Malick’s “The Tree of Life” released earlier this year with one exploring the birth of the Earth and another exploring its end. Visually stunning, grandiose, and operatic, “Melancholia” explores the emptiness and lack of significance our lives hold when faced with Armageddon—a beautiful movie about the end of the world indeed. 

During a prologue set to Richard Wagner’s Prelude from his famous opera Tristan und Isolde (which also serves as the film’s leitmotif), a series of slow-moving images depict the final moments of two sisters while a rogue blue terrestrial planet dubbed ‘Melancholia’ collides with Earth in a cataclysmic explosion. Divided into two parts, the first half focuses on Justine (Kirsten Dunst), an advertising copywriter promoted to art director about to be wed to a naïve young man named Michael (Alexander Skarsgård) at the castle-like home of her sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and her wealthy husband John (Kiefer Sutherland). The wedding is glamorous and no expense is spared but as the night wears on, Justine becomes alienated and withdraws inward. Justine’s estranged parents, Gaby (Charlotte Rampling) and Dexter (John Hurt), argue amongst themselves while her self-absorbed boss, Jack (Stellan Skarsgård) spends the whole night pushing her into providing him with an advertising tagline. On numerous occasions she looks up at the sky at a bright red star, which John, an aspiring astronomer, identifies as Antares, part of the Scorpius constellation. Her crippling depression causes her to lash out at Jack and when the night is over, Michael leaves with his parents. Antares disappears from the night sky and the second part, which focuses on Claire, reveals that a massive rogue planet named Melancholia has eclipsed it and is approaching Earth but will not collide according to scientists. This turns out to be false and as the planet draws closer, Claire slips further and further into panicked state of anxiety while Justine simply accepts, and even welcomes, the inevitability that they and everyone on Earth will die. 

Hollywood has destroyed the Earth many times over but “Melancholia” is unlike any of those films. There are no expositional news broadcasts detailing the impending doom, no focus on attempts to prevent the coming cataclysm, no hackneyed melodrama, nor are there cities or famous monuments being destroyed in spectacular fashion in an orgy of over-blown CG. The end just happens and the simplicity and insignificant way it’s depicted in the beginning of the film ties into the main themes that Von Trier focuses on, that humanity is inconsequential in the universe and that no one will even remember us once we’re all gone. It’s a cynical worldview that is held by people who suffer from depression and feel that their lives hold no meaning. Working at two emotional extremes, Von Trier explores the two sisters as they face the inevitably of their death in a destructive cosmic event beyond their own control. Justine (named after the main character from Marquis de Sade’s novel of the same name) believes that happiness is a false concept and although she tries, she is unable to stop herself from falling into a deep depression and views the false veneer that people display as hypocritical. Life is full of suffering but people refuse to accept it by living in denial. Death is inevitable and since it cannot be escaped, then what is the point of living? Claire, however, sees much to be thankful for, with a loving husband and son but this ‘world’ she has created begins to crumble apart once the threat of Melancholia looms over her. The situation becomes reversed as Claire slips into an anxiety attack in a futile attempt to control what she cannot while Justine feels calm, almost serene that the end is coming. Never has Peter Wastholm’s quote, ‘Always expect the worst, and you will never be disappointed,’ been more apt. At one point, Justine strips naked and lies in the grass under the night sky, staring longingly as Melancholia approaches in a peace-like state, almost as if she was welcoming the rogue planet with open arms. Von Trier often puts his female heroines, and his audience, through the gauntlet, because he wants us to identify with his nihilistic worldview and feel what he feels inside. The only question that remains is whether you agree with him or not: Are our lives meaningless and do we manufacture our own happiness with trivial customs in a lifelong state of denial? Is it a futile attempt to grant meaning to our lives and when faced with our own mortality, should we simply accept it or attempt to claw for some semblance of control even when there is none? There are no easy answers. 

Despite the dour subject matter, there are some moments of levity such as when the wedding planner (Udo Kier) gets disappointed at Justine as a bride that he cannot even look at her, covering his face with his hand every time she passes by. In addition to its thought-provoking themes, “Melancholia” is one of the most beautiful films I’ve ever had the pleasure to experience and much of it is owed to cinematographer Manuel Alberto Claro. The eight minute prologue that opens the film is a feast for the eyes as Melancholia slowly approaches while images of the sisters are intercut with slow motion, such as Justine floating in a pond while wearing her wedding dress like Ophelia from William Shakespeare’s Hamlet or Claire desperately trying to escape with her son but unable to as the ground below threatens to swallow them up. The ending will stun you into silence as Justine, Claire and her son sit in a circle under a makeshift tent constructed from tree branches while Melancholia slams into Earth as Wagner’s Prelude crescendos. The film features no traditional score other than the Prelude from Tristan und Isolde, cutting in and out during specific scenes and events. 

The acting is of the highest caliber as both Charlotte Gainsbourg and Kirsten Dunst deliver awards-worthy performances but it is the latter woman who makes the most lasting impression. This is easily the best work that Dunst has done in her career as she portrays a woman who is virtually dead inside and when the end comes, it’s almost as if it’s a big relief for her to finally be released from this sad, physical existence. She received the Best Actress Award at this year’s Cannes Film Festival and I have no doubt that she’ll be nominated at next year’s Academy Awards, perhaps even win as well. The rest of the supporting cast largely appear in the first half and deliver some fine, if less showy performances, although Kiefer Sutherland can’t quite shake off Jack Bauer.  I half-expected him to say through gritted teeth ‘DAMMIT!’ whenever he displayed anger. The dialogue was all improvised with von Trier providing instruction between takes so the interactions aren’t as forced compared to more mainstream productions, which utilize rehearsals. 

Premiering at the Cannes Film Festival back in May and in limited release since November 11, 2011, “Melancholia” has received largely positive reviews with 79% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that the film’s ‘dramatic tricks are more obvious than they should be, but this is otherwise a showcase for Kirsten Dunst's acting and for Lars von Trier's profound, visceral vision of depression and destruction.’ It’s currently playing at the Angelika Film Center, which also includes a rather intimate café where you can sit and read while you wait. This theater focuses on independent and art-house films so the screen is a rather small and the auditoriums do not have stadium seating. You can also hear the rumble of the subway underneath your feet but you get used to it after awhile. The most important thing is that cinema lovers can see films that AMC and Regal often shy away from. With a production budget of approximately $7.4 million, “Melancholia” has made $9.3 million worldwide so far but I doubt von Trier cares about such trivial matters. Will it be nominated for Best Picture at next year’s Academy Awards? The probability is high but winning is an entirely different matter as the judges have increasingly chosen more conventional, crowd-pleasing films. “Melancholia” definitely appeals to a more niche audience as most would not call it entertaining and will find it even tedious and boring. For those looking for an alternative from mainstream Hollywood fare look no further as von Trier’s latest is hypnotic and terrifying at the same time that if the end does come, I wish it would be as beautiful as the way it is depicted here while Wagner’s Prelude plays lovingly in the background.

Final Rating: 5 out of 5

“The Earth is evil; we don’t need to grieve for it. Nobody will miss it. Life is only on Earth. And not for long.”

Thursday, November 24, 2011

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 Review

Rated PG-13 (Disturbing Images, Violence, Sexuality/Partial Nudity and Some Thematic Elements)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 57 Minutes

Cast:
Kristen Stewart-Isabella 'Bella' Swan
Robert Pattinson-Edward Cullen
Taylor Lautner-Jacob Black
Billy Burke-Charlie Swan
Ashley Greene-Alice Cullen
Jackson Rathbone-Jasper Hale
Kellan Lutz-Emmett Cullen
Nikki Reed-Rosalie Hale
Peter Facinelli-Carlisle Cullen
Elizabeth Reaser-Esme Cullen
Christian Camargo-Eleazar Denali
Mía Maestro-Carmen Denali
Maggie Grace-Irina Denali
MyAnna Buring-Tanya Denali
Casey LaBow-Kate Denali
Gil Birmingham-Billy Black
Chaske Spencer-Sam Uley
Tyson Houseman-Quil Ateara
Alex Meraz-Paul
Julia Jones-Leah Clearwater
Boo Boo Stewart-Seth Clearwater
Anna Kendrick-Jessica Stanley
Justin Chon-Eric Yorkie
Christian Serratos-Angela Weber
Michael Welch-Mike Newton
Sarah Clarke-Renee Dwyer
Michael Sheen-Aro
Jamie Campbell Bower-Caius
Christopher Heyerdahl-Marcus

Directed by Bill Condon

Not much of a honeymoon if you spend your time playing chess.
What is there left to say about the “Twilight” films? With each successive installment, it becomes increasingly clear that reviewing them is a pointless endeavor as its hardcore teen fan-base will simply lap up Stephenie Meyer’s work like blind, obedient dogs while the films continuously break records at the worldwide box office. In a blatant move at money grabbing, Summit Entertainment has opted to split the adaptation of the fourth and final novel, “Breaking Dawn” into two films, mimicking the situation with this past summer’s “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows.” However, the latter film at least had a creative in addition to a financial reason for doing so but it makes little sense for “Breaking Dawn” to be split into two films as it forces new director Bill Condon to cram the first part with so many filler moments that have no bearing on the main story and I doubt the pay-off in the second half will be as emotionally satisfying compared to “Deathly Hallows.” “Breaking Dawn Part 1” still manages to muster up some small improvements over the previous two installments but it’s all a matter of too little too late as the glacial pacing continues to bore, the dialogue remains cringe-inducing, and too often the cast stand around looking forlorn to the background tune of the film’s mopey, alternative rock soundtrack instead of actually acting. Ultimately, the main problem goes back to Meyer’s hackneyed prose. 

Isabella ‘Bella’ Swan (Kristen Stewart) and Edward Cullen (Robert Pattinson) are about to be wed, much to the distress of Jacob Black (Taylor Lautner), who angrily transforms into his wolf form and runs away into the woods upon receiving his invitation. The rest of the Cullen family, Carlisle (Peter Facinelli), Esme (Elizabeth Reaser), Alice (Ashley Greene), Emmett (Kellan Lutz), Rosalie (Nikki Reed) and Jasper Hale (Jackson Rathbone) are keeping themselves busy preparing for the wedding. Edward makes one last attempt to dissuade Bella by explaining to her the consequences of becoming a vampire but she stands firm in her decision. Once the two are finally wed, Bella is taken to the woods where she meets Jacob and they dance. When she reveals that she plans to consummate their marriage on their honeymoon, Jacob becomes infuriated and attempts to attack Edward but is held back by the members of his wolf clan. Edward takes Bella to a private villa on an island called Isle Esme off the coast of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. They make love for the first time but the next morning, Bella discovers bruises on her body, which horrifies Edward. Against her wishes, he remarks that he will abstain from having sex with her while she remains human. Two weeks later, Bella discovers that she is pregnant and that the fetus is maturing at an accelerated rate. They return to Forks, Washington where Carlisle reveals that the vampire-human hybrid is crushing her from the inside and that she will die before she is able to give birth. Upon seeing a sickly Bella and learning of her pregnancy, Jacob blames Edward for ‘destroying’ her, leading to a deadly confrontation between the Cullens and his wolf clan, who believe the hybrid to be a monster and plan to kill it along with Bella. 

“Breaking Dawn Part 1” features a threadbare plot stretched to two hours as director Bill Condon is forced to shove in pointless scenes full of angst-ridden drivel and immature characters. As expected, Taylor Lautner opens the film by tearing off his shirt in the rain but the wedding scenes are actually competent and handled well, although keep in mind the bar has been set incredibly low so this isn’t exactly an accomplishment to celebrate. For the first time, I believed that Bella and Edward were in love and there are several moments of levity from Anna Kendrick’s Jessica Stanley and Billy Burke’s Charlie Swan. Unfortunately, the film goes downhill from there as the pacing slows to a painful crawl in order to meet the necessary running time. The much advertised love scene between Bella and Edward has been sanitized to a fault in order to garner a PG-13 as an R rating would’ve been financially disastrous for Summit Entertainment. Condon’s handling of Renesmee’s birth is by using frenetic editing, close-up reaction shots of Bella and a blurred first-person perspective and despite the financially-imposed censorship, it largely works as there’s a visceral urgency to it and there are cuts to a bloody aftermath. However, thanks to Meyer mucking around with vampire lore, I’m still not entirely sure how Edward is able to impregnate Bella considering that he’s not considered living and that vampires cannot have children. The film even breaks its own logic as Edward seemingly runs around in broad daylight without fear of being discovered. Another concept that’s poorly explained is the process of imprinting. From what I understand (and I actually tried to), it’s when a shape-shifter finds his or her soul-mate by staring intently at the other person. I kid you not as this is what happens when Jacob sees Bella’s baby minutes after she’s born and ‘imprints’ on her. The whole scene is laughable, ridiculous, and simply all kinds of wrong as a grown man becomes attracted to the child of the woman who has continuously rejected him. Maybe he sees Renesmee as his rebound? In fact, scenes like this occur throughout the film, such as when Jacob has a dramatic confrontation with the rest of his clan by telepathically communicating with each other in their werewolf form but we’re unable to take it seriously because the CG looks amateurish and the size inconsistencies of the wolves from shot-to-shot are distracting. In contrast, the work done on making Bella appear sickly thin is frighteningly effective, the one element that I can praise without any reservations. 

Ultimately, what really kills the film (and the franchise) is that none the three main characters ever mature and their angst-filled behavior grows tiresome to watch. Edward is controlling and mentally abusive, Jacob is all jealous rage and unable to move on, and Bella is without any real hopes and dreams as her world revolves entirely around the two men in her life who continuously fight over like a piece of raw meat which seems to get all those squealing girls quivering in their nether regions. It’s like they’re trapped in some vicious cycle and are unable to escape with endless declarations of love but no attempt to pierce deeper at what that actually means. The use of depressing alternative rock music is exasperating because one crops up every ten minutes when the cast just gets lazy and refuses to do their job. The acting remains emotionally inert as Kristen Stewart, while managing something resembling a performance in the first half-hour, devolves into her sleepwalking mode. Stewart can act and has proven this numerous times but the “Twilight” films have always hamstrung her talents. Robert Pattinson continues to look like a constipated James Dean in need of Metamucil and Taylor Lautner butchers every law of acting every time he opens his whiny, little mouth. The supporting cast consists of the same attractive faces devoid of any real personality and looking like bleached wax figures. 

Released on November 18, 2011, “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1” has received overwhelmingly negative reviews with 29% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics called it ‘slow, joyless, and loaded with unintentionally humorous moments, [the film] may satisfy the Twilight faithful, but it's strictly for fans of the franchise.’ In other words: same old, same old. As expected, the fans were out in force during opening weekend as it debuted with a gargantuan $138 million, just shy of the $142 million of 2009’s “New Moon.” The film will likely top out at $300 million domestically, although it appears that it will continue to reign supreme over Thanksgiving weekend as none of the new releases were able to make a significant dent in its earnings. “Twilight” has always been about pleasing the fans rather than creating actually good films and “Breaking Dawn Part 1” continues in that tradition for better and for worse. The final film will arrive next November and I doubt much will change. Fans: enjoy it while it lasts as I for one am glad that this whole madness will soon be over…until Meyer comes up with another idiotic concept.

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

“Childhood is not birth to a certain age, where at a certain age the child is grown and puts away childish things. Childhood is the kingdom where nobody dies.”

Immortals 3D Review

Rated R (Sequences of Strong Bloody Violence, and a Scene of Sexuality)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 50 Minutes

Cast:
Henry Cavill-Theseus
Mickey Rourke-King Hyperion
Freida Pinto-Phaedra
Stephen Dorff-Stavros
John Hurt-Old Man
Luke Evans-Zeus
Isabel Lucas-Athena
Kellan Lutz-Poseidon
Daniel Sharman-Ares
Steve Byers-Heracles
Romano Orzari-Icarus
Corey Sevier-Apollo
Joseph Morgan-Lysander
Anne Day-Jones-Aethra
Stephen McHattie-Cassander
Robert Maillet-The Minotaur

Directed by Tarsem Singh Dhandwar

Who do you think you are, Katniss Everdeen?
Can spectacular visuals make up for a mediocre story in a film? Audiences often make this excuse as a justification for writers and directors to embellish their work with eye-catching special effects in order to cover up plot deficiencies, a symptom that is especially common in summer blockbusters. Director Tarsem Singh Dhandwar’s latest work, “Immortals,” bears a strong resemblance to 2006’s “300” directed by Zack Snyder, which isn’t a surprise considering that Mark Canton and Gianni Nunnari served as producers for both films. While “Immortals” features gorgeous, breathtaking visuals that recall a live-action Renaissance painting and over-the-top battles that revel in copious amounts of blood, this intense focus on how the film looks has unfortunately resulted in a lifeless, threadbare script populated by characters devoid of any discernible personality. 

The Heraklion King of Crete, Hyperion (Mickey Rourke), declares war on Olympus, blaming the Gods for abandoning him in his time of need by letting his family die from a severe illness. He is searching for a mythical long-lost weapon called the Epirus Bow, which will allow him to break into Mount Tartarus to free the Titans, imprisoned by the Gods many ages ago. To locate the bow, Hyperion begins a campaign of terror, ransacking every holy shrine he can locate in search of a Virgin Oracle named Phaedra (Freida Pinto), who can foresee the future through her visions. He and his army advances toward a village located high on a cliff, the home of a young peasant named Theseus (Henry Cavill), who was conceived after his mother was raped by an unknown individual. As a result, they are shunned by everyone in the village with the exception of a wise old man (John Hurt), who has mentored Theseus all his life, turning him into an exceptionally skilled warrior. Hyperion and his soldiers arrive at the village after receiving information from a traitor within the Athenian army and despite his skill Theseus is unable to stop the Heraklion King from killing his mother before his very eyes. Before he can swear revenge, he is taken and forced to work to death on the salt mines. While there, he meets a smart-mouthed thief named Stavros (Stephen Dorff) and Phaedra, who helps them escape by causing a riot with the help of her decoys. Locating the Epirus Bow in a labyrinth-like mausoleum, Theseus and his new-found allies attempt to destroy Hyperion as the Olympian Gods, led by Zeus (Luke Evans), observe from above, debating whether they should intervene or allow humankind to fight their own battles. 

“Immortals” is loosely (and I emphasize this word) based upon the Greek myths of Theseus and the Titanomachy (War of the Titans), although no knowledge of these stories is required as screenwriters Vlas and Charley Parlapanides simply cherry-picked elements and combined them to form their own tale. The film is certainly a sight to behold as the sumptuous visuals are simply incredible, deserving of the highest praise. Every shot is perfectly framed to provide maximum details, no matter how small they may be. Director of photography Brendan Galvin has truly outdone himself. You can compare it to watching a moving Renaissance painting with its warm golden hues, with Singh slowing down the action to allow audiences to admire the fruits of his and Galvin’s labor. The action is unrelenting as dozens of men are killed with exaggerated displays of blood spraying everywhere. The final thirty or so minutes has three concurrent battles taking place but while they satisfy on a purely adrenaline level, these scenes soon grow repetitive with the overuse of slow motion. 

Not helping matters is the fact that the film is overall a hollow experience, failing to make an emotional connection and sprouting hackneyed nonsense about having faith in the Gods but unable to explain how this faith comes about or what it means to an individual. The characters lack personality and are given the simplest of motivations, the bare minimum to provide context to the carnage unfolding on-screen. The romance between Theseus and Phaedra is rushed as they seemingly fall in love within minutes of meeting each other. Finally, the Epirus Bow is made to be such a central weapon in the conflict but it’s completely forgotten in the second half of the film. This all goes back to the question of whether spectacular visuals can make up for a lacking story and while the look of a film can go a long way in enhancing the viewer experience, it’s no replacement for a good story. This is the main problem with “Immortals;” it looks beautiful but ultimately we’re just spectators, the script simply failing to engage and make us care about the characters’ struggles. As for the 3D, this is another one of those post-conversions and it’s actually not that bad, although the bar has been set rather low considering the number of lazy conversions released this year. While the image lacks depth, the film does not suffer from the brightness issue that plagues most 3D films and the action scenes fares well as Singh’s camera often pulls back to give you a full view. I wouldn’t give a full recommendation on seeing “Immortals” in 3D but if you’re forced to, at least you won’t leave the theater feeling cheated. 

Performances consist of a lot teeth gritting and shouting but if there were any doubt on Henry Cavill’s ability to portray Superman in Zack Snyder’s “Man of Steel” to be released in 2013, this film should silence them. Cavill’s Theseus makes an impassioned speech right before the final battle that’s well done with echoes of Gerard Butler’s Leonidas but I would label his acting as ‘adequate’ as Singh often poses him in many scenes like an action figure. Mickey Rourke cuts an imposing figure as Hyperion, albeit his American accent can sound out of place. The rest of the cast have little to do other than look stunning in their costumes. Frieda Pinto is attractive with the camera often lingering on her but she’s conspicuously absent once the fighting begins in the last thirty minutes. As for the Olympian Gods, which includes Luke Evans as Zeus, Isabel Lucas as Athena, and Kellan Lutz as Poseidon (cue the snickers), they’re mainly there to spruce up the proceedings while skulls are being violently crushed into brain matter. 

“Immortals” was released on November 11, 2011 to largely negative reviews with 36% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics concluded that ‘the melding of real sets, CG work, and Tarsem's signature style produces fireworks, though the same can't be said for [the film’s] slack, boring storytelling.’ It had an above average opening weekend debut with $32 million (a new best for Relativity Media), and has currently grossed $122 million worldwide against an estimated $75 million production budget so a sequel is highly possible. Since I viewed the film on a weekday, audience attendance was mediocre. “Immortals” is all visual spectacle and there’s nothing wrong with that but it deserves a better script and the lack thereof represents something of a lost opportunity for Singh as he’s obviously talented but often fails to connect on an emotional level.

Final Rating: 3 out of 5

“All men’s souls are immortal, but the souls of the righteous are immortal and divine.”

Monday, November 21, 2011

Hellraiser: Revelations Blu-Ray Review

Rated R (Bloody Horror Violence, Grisly Images, Sexual Content and Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 15 Minutes

Cast:
Stephan Smith Collins/Fred Tatasciore (voice)-Pinhead
Jay Gillespie-Nico Bradley/Pseudo Pinhead
Nick Eversman-Steven Craven
Tracey Fairaway-Emma Craven
Steven Brand-Ross Craven
Devon Sorvari-Sarah Craven
Sebastien Roberts-Peter Bradley
Sanny Van Heteren-Kate Bradley
Jolene Andersen-Female Chatterer Cenobite
Daniel Buran-The Vagrant

Directed by Víctor García

What have they done to you, Pinhead?
Hey, remember when the “Hellraiser” franchise was actually good? I still do but these memories are fast fading away given the eleven years of crap fans have been forced to put up with. For the past several years Dimension Films/The Weinstein Company has been working on a remake of the original “Hellraiser” but as of right now it’s currently mired in development hell. Numerous directors and writers have signed on to work on the film but were forced to drop out due to creative differences and lack of progress. Faced with losing the rights to the franchise, The Weinstein Company rushed a ninth film into production in August 2010, under the working title “Hellraiser Revelations,” which eventually became the final title. Having Doug Bradley return as the iconic Cenobite Pinhead was a no-brainer but the actor shocked fans when he announced that he will not be signing on to reprise his famous role, as it did ‘not seem to [him] to represent a serious attempt to revive the Hellraiser franchise.’ Filmed under an estimated $300,000 production budget in two weeks with a no-name cast, “Hellraiser Revelations” was shown in a single theater earlier this year in what was a ‘cast and crew’ screening that was also open to the public. This marked the first time in fifteen years that a “Hellraiser” film was released into theaters. A month before its release on DVD and Blu-Ray, the film received a limited theatrical run as part of a double feature with the equally low-budget “Zombies Diaries 2: World of the Dead.” The world of horror is littered with flicks like these in the video aisle of your local department store. The real question is whether “Hellraiser Revelations” is as bad as every online critic has been saying and from a hardcore fan, I would say that there are worse films made but the end result on display here is still undeniably terrible. While I commend Gary J. Tunnicliffe for its back-to-basics script in an attempt to mirror the original, it’s quite apparent from the cast and crew involved that no amount of effort was put in, with the exception of the makeup effects. The reason this film is a failure is not the low budget or the re-casting of Pinhead, it’s because everyone has given up before the cameras even started to roll, which is a shame as there are glimmers of good ideas here. If the crew had faith in the project and the script were polished, fans could’ve gotten something watchable but instead we’re now witnessing the final wheezing death knell of a once promising horror franchise. 

Nico Bradley (Jay Gillespie) and Steven Craven (Nick Eversman) are best friends who have inexplicably run away to Tijuana, Mexico. They film themselves engaging in several days of drunken partying but suddenly disappear after an encounter with a strange, bald man with pins driven into his skull. Their belongings, including the digital camera documenting their final moments, are turned over to their individual families. A year later Steven’s parents—Ross (Steven Brand) and Sarah (Devon Sorvari), with his sister Emma (Tracey Fairaway)—invite Nico’s parents—Peter (Sebastien Roberts) and Kate (Sanny Van Heteren)—over for dinner in an attempt to move on from their sons’ disappearances. Although her mother forbids it, Emma views the recording on Steven’s camera and discovers that Nico, whom she had been dating, had casually murdered a prostitute after having rough sex with her in a dingy bathroom. Steven wants to contact the local authorities but Nico blackmails him into silence by threatening to implicate him in the crime. Rummaging through the duffel bag recovered in Tijuana, Emma finds a strange puzzle box known as the Lament Configuration. Steven suddenly appears while she plays with the box and the families attempt to rush him to the hospital, only to discover that all the cars have disappeared and the phones dead. Before the night is over, dark secrets will be revealed, leading the families into a deadly confrontation with the diabolical Pinhead (Stephan Smith Collins) and his cadre of sadomasochistic Cenobites! 

Looking at the theatrical poster of “Hellraiser Revelations” and the large amount of derisive comments on how Pinhead appears to be ‘taking a dump,’ I find it hard to disagree considering this is what Dimension Films and The Weinstein Company has done. In response to the initial promotional material, Clive Barker angrily wrote on Twitter that he had ‘NOTHING to do with the f*ckin' thing. If they claim it’s from the mind of Clive Barker, it’s a lie. It's not even from my butt-hole.’ Makeup effects guru Gary J. Tunnicliffe wrote the script (I assume no actual writer with self-respect wanted to get involved) and he attempts to bring this ninth installment back to its roots by mirroring the original, which is admirable but it’s all for nothing because the lack of logic and effort shows in every scene. The film begins in a ‘found footage’ style that’s all the rage these days but abandons it after the first ten minutes. Why bother with it if you’re not even going to follow through? The constant switch from a first to a third-person narrative exacerbates in what is already a poorly paced film as logic is thrown out the window once the cars inexplicably disappear and the phones go dead. Not even cell phones work because Ross lives in an area in the suburbs with no reception! Random scenes of Pinhead listening in on the families bickering amongst each other are shown as he can now apparently eavesdrop through the Lament Configuration…and commit grand theft auto. Oh, that silly Pinhead! The climax gets all sorts of ridiculous as one of the characters is fired upon with a shotgun at point-blank range and manages to survive for close to fifteen minutes even with his guts spilling out. A whole speech is made on the lack of meaning life holds in suburbia America but it’s all half-baked and the terrible acting does not help. Some incest is also included in a pointless exercise in titillation. The only praise I can give is the makeup effects and gore, of which there is many. Skin is bloodily ripped apart and hooked chains go piercing into flesh but the lack of any new Cenobites is one of many disappointments. There’s even two Pinheads in a sort of ‘Mini-Me’ situation from “Austin Powers.” 

Of course, the main issue on every fan’s mind is the recasting of Pinhead. Stephan Smith Collins is passable and the voice (provided by Fred Tatasciore) sounds menacing enough but ultimately there’s something off with his performance. He’s too physically imposing and the costume fits him poorly with these distracting shoulder pads. Doug Bradley brought a cold, calculating elegance to the character even when the sequels were scraping the bottom of the barrel. As for the rest of the cast, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were just randomly dragged off the street. Steven Brand, whom you might recognize as Memnon from 2002’s “The Scorpion King,” manages something akin to an actual performance but everyone else is laughably bad. Compounding these problems is some of the worst dialogue ever written, including such gems like ‘the plan is to get your d*ck wet’ and ‘there is no better buzz than a tequila buzz!’ Last but not least, Tijuana is annoyingly pronounced ‘TI-HUAN-NA.’ Tracey Fairaway spends the whole film running around in the lowest-cut top I’ve ever seen and the parents’ terrorized reactions, especially Sanny Van Heteren’s, are so over-the-top that it’ll elicit fits of loud laughter rather than dread. Honestly, I’m not surprised considering that “Hellraiser Revelations” is the cinematic equivalent of an ashcan copy so why bother putting in the effort but a better question is, why bother wasting money and releasing it to the public? Surely, people aren’t going to buy it, are they? Released on DVD and Blu-Ray on October 18, 2011, “Hellraiser Revelations” looks decent enough, although it has that pristine look often associated with high-definition cameras, which I find ill-suited for such a film. Audio is fine as well but it’s quite apparent that the sound equipment used was on the cheap side. As for special features, there’s only a bunch of deleted scenes which you can already view on-line. At least there are subtitles compared to Echo Bridge’s “Hellraiser” releases on Blu-Ray. 

“Hellraiser Revelations” had a limited theatrical run on September 2, 2011 as part of a double feature with “Zombies Diaries 2: World of the Dead” but any reviews you find on-line will be overwhelmingly negative. Even those who awarded the film a passing score (like Examiner.com) were reserved with their praise, although I highly disagree with Erik Tomren writing that ‘Clive Barker should be thankful that his vision is still inspiring others.’ It’s not ‘inspiring’ anyone as this is nothing but a last ditch attempt to wring the few pennies from the pockets of devoted fans. I do not blame Gary J. Tunnicliffe or director Víctor García for the film’s poor quality as they knew what they were getting into and did the best they could within the confines of the budget as provided. The real people who are at fault are The Weinstein Company. Making an ashcan copy to keep the rights is fine but by releasing it direct-to-video just reeks of greed and desperation. If you’re a hardcore fan of “Hellraiser,” I only recommend watching this ninth installment once just to satiate your curiosity but for everyone else, stay away…far away because the suffering is indeed legendary!

Final Rating: 1 out of 5

“Birth...is pain. Each nail...each new square of flesh...wrenches you further from the fleshy existence you knew before.”