Ted Review

Rated R (Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, and some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast-

Mark Wahlberg-John Bennett

Mila Kunis-Lori Collins

Seth MacFarlane (voice)-Ted

Giovanni Ribisi-Donny

Joel McHale-Rex

Patrick Warburton-Guy

Laura Vandervoort-Tanya Terry

Matt Walsh-Thomas

Bill Smitrovich-Frank

Jessica Barth-Tami-Lynn

Aedin Mincks-Robert

Alex Borstein-Gina Bennett

Ralph Garman-Joe Bennett

Sam J. Jones-As Himself

Patrick Stewart (voice)-Narrator

Directed by Seth MacFarlane

Best Friends Forever: John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) and Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane) in Seth MacFarlane's directorial debut "Ted."

Growing up in the Bronx, I remember having numerous teddy bears where I would often use tissue paper as capes and pretend that they were superheroes. I didn't bring them along with me when I moved to Brooklyn but my mother eventually brought me a large teddy bear (complete with a rainbow-colored bow tie) despite the fact that I was already eight-years-old and in third grade. Although I was primarily interested in action figures (and still am) at that particular age, I still loved the bear and displayed him prominently on my bed. However, my grandmother forced me to toss him out when I entered fifth grade as she didn't want a 'dirty stuffed animal' in the house but I suspect her real reason was that she felt it was un-masculine for a boy my age to still have teddy bears. This imaginary friendship of a boy and his stuffed animal forms the premise for "Ted," which marks the directorial film debut for Seth MacFarlane, the creator of animated sitcoms "Family Guy," "American Dad," and "The Cleveland Show." Premiering after Super Bowl XXXIII in 1999 on Fox, "Family Guy" garnered controversy with its adult content but the show was cancelled after its third season in 2002 due to heavy competition from other networks and low ratings as a result of being shuffled around different timeslots with little to no notice. Fox's interest was rekindled after syndicated reruns airing on Cartoon Network's Adult Swim boasted a 239% increase in viewership. Combined with lucrative DVD sales, "Family Guy" returned in 2004 (making it the first television show to be revived based on DVD sales) and is still going strong after recently wrapping up its tenth season. Given Seth MacFarlane's current popularity, it's not a surprise that he would try his hand at directing a feature film. "Ted" is without a doubt the best R-rated comedy of summer 2012 thanks to its irreverent, politically incorrect humor, gleeful pop culture references, and a surprisingly poignant tale of a man struggling to literally let go of his childhood. 

Narrated by Patrick Stewart, eight-year-old John Bennett is a social outcast living in suburban Boston who receives a cuddly, oversized teddy bear from his parents on Christmas Day in 1985. He immediately becomes attached to the stuffed animal and affectionately names the bear 'Teddy.' Before going to sleep one night, John wishes for Teddy to come to life so that the two can be best friends forever. As nothing is more powerful than a young boy's wish with the exception of an Apache helicopter, John awakens to discover that his wish has actually come true. Teddy becomes an instant celebrity but twenty-seven years later, John (Mark Wahlberg) is now thirty-five and stuck at a dead-end job at a car rental agency. He spends much of his free time smoking marijuana with Ted (voice of Seth MacFarlane), his stuffed animal who has become a foul-mouthed, irresponsible slacker. For the past four years, John has been in a relationship with Lori Collins (Mila Kunis), a businesswoman at a successful PR firm who demands that Ted move out as she believes that he is keeping John from embracing adulthood. John is reluctant but agrees as he does not want to lose Lori. He promises to visit Ted everyday but trouble soon rears its head when a creepy stalker named Donny (Giovanni Ribisi) covets the bear for his son. 

"Ted" is essentially a live-action version of "Family Guy" so those who are not fans of Seth MacFarlane's brand of comedy will more than likely be offended by the film's humor. Written by MacFarlane with frequent "Family Guy" collaborators Alec Sulkin and Wellesley Wild, the script is fairly standard and at worse, predictable, but the sincere depiction of John and Ted's unusual friendship makes up for its shortcomings. A common theme in many comedies today is the 'man-child' struggling to embrace adulthood and the film surprisingly explores this in a sweet and even poignant manner despite all the raunchiness on display. "Ted" isn't free from flaws as the subplots feel largely extraneous and tacked on to pad out the running time. One involves Lori's lecherous boss Rex played by Joel McHale that adds little besides a few easy laughs and the other with Giovanni Ribisi's Donny attempting to kidnap Ted for his overweight, Mary Bell-like son that is introduced but is seemingly forgotten until the last half hour. The car chase and the subsequent climactic showdown at Fenway Park are also edited in a pedestrian way and lack tension but that's more a fault of MacFarlane's novice status with working in live-action. 

These issues are not enough to bring down the experience as "Ted" is jam-packed with hilarious set-pieces and punch lines that will leave you doubled over in a fit of laughter. MacFarlane retains the irreverent, politically incorrect, satirical, and slapstick humor characterized by his animated sitcoms to gleeful effect as Patrick Stewart warmly narrates that Christmas is 'that special season when Boston children get together and beat up the Jewish kids.' Taking place in Wahlberg's hometown, MacFarlane pokes a lot of fun at the city as Ted mocks the women for screaming 'haaaardah' during sex and calls the people from nearby Quincy nothing but Catholic hooligans. Even the fish at the New England Aquarium aren't safe from him! Being a fan of science fiction, MacFarlane includes numerous pop culture references (some are obvious), all leading up to the film's high point where John and Ted meet face-to-face with their idol Sam J. Jones—the star of 1980's campy flick "Flash Gordon," based upon the 1934 comic strip of the same name created by Alex Raymond. The fifty-seven-year-old Jones does cocaine with John and Ted before getting into a fistfight with Ted's Asian neighbor Ming, whom he mistakes for Emperor Ming the Merciless. From Jews to Muslims, MacFarlane stereotypes all but the context and more importantly, the timing of the joke makes it funny rather than offensive. John and Ted also come to blows late in the film that ends with Ted whipping John's bare buttocks with an antenna and a television crashing onto John's crotch. Rest assured "Ted" will definitely leave you laughing hysterically as you exit the theater. Praise must also be given to Tippet Studio, who brought Ted to life via CG motion capture provided by MacFarlane himself. By all appearances, Ted looks like a generic teddy bear worn by age yet lovingly cared for but he is so seamlessly integrated into every scene that the FX team seriously deserves an Academy Award-nomination at the very least. 

The cast all deliver great performances, especially Mark Wahlberg who shares such a natural chemistry with Ted that you quickly forget that he's basically interacting with a CG construct made up of nothing but pixels. Wahlberg's John is instantly relatable because we've all struggled to balance our adult responsibilities with our inner child. Mila Kunis isn't given much to do except look attractive as John's girlfriend Lori but in a nice change of pace, her character is written in a sympathetic manner when MacFarlane could've easily made her out to be a b*tch. Of course, it is Seth MacFarlane's enthusiastic voice-work that makes the film so memorable and it's similarity to Peter Griffin's voice is humorously acknowledged. As Ted-obsessed Donny, Giovanni Ribisi has this priceless scene which recalls Buffalo Bill from 1991's "The Silence of the Lambs." Finally, there's Joel McHale from NBC's "Community" and while his screen-time is limited, he excels at playing a sleazy slime-ball. A number of veterans from "Family Guy" also pop up such as Alex Borstein and Patrick Warburton, including a few surprise celebrity cameos which I will leave you to discover yourself. 

"Ted" will be released on June 29, 2012 and has received positive reviews with 66% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that the 'romance versus bromance plot is familiar, but the film's held aloft by the high-concept central premise and a very funny (albeit inconsistent) script.' The entire audience enjoyed every minute during an advanced screening held on Wednesday and the theater was filled with so much laughter that I missed out on some of the dialogue. Some people really need to tone it down and be mindful of others sitting around them as the experience reminded my friend of why he hated going to the movie theater. "Ted" faces competition from three competing films: Steven Soderbergh's "Magic Mike," Alex Kurtzman also making his directorial debut with "People Like Us," and Tyler Perry's latest comedy, "Madea's Witness Protection." MacFarlane has a sizable fan-base but whether that will translate into box office success remains to be seen. However, a debut of $25 to $30 million is enough to be in good shape. Much of what happens in "Ted" won't be a surprise but thanks to a highly original premise, MacFarlane has crafted one of the best R-rated comedies of the year. Now I want to run out and get my own Ted!

Final Rating: 4 out of 5

"When you hear the sound of thunder / Don't you get too scared / Just grab your thunder buddy / And say these magic words: / F*ck you, thunder! / You can suck my dick! / You can't get me thunder / 'Cause you're just God's farts!"

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Magic Mike Review

Rated R (Pervasive Sexual Content, Brief Graphic Nudity, Language and some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 50 Minutes

Cast-

Channing Tatum-Michael Lane/Magic Mike

Alex Pettyfer-Adam/The Kid

Matthew McConaughey-Dallas

Cody Horn-Brooke

Olivia Munn-Joanna

Matt Bomer-Ken

Joe Manganiello-Big Dick Richie

Adam Rodriguez-Tito

Kevin Nash-Tarzan

Gabriel Iglesias-Tobias

Directed by Steven Soderbergh

Channing Tatum bares it all in Steven Soderbergh's latest film, "Magic Mike."

Although I often joke around with my friends about going to a strip club one day, I honestly feel uncomfortable and even somewhat embarrassed to have a strange woman gyrate around me in exchange for money. I have nothing against strippers and other exotic dancers but such places are meant for raucous social gatherings and aren't really suited for an introverted person like me. Do women have similar feelings about male strip clubs? The reason I ask this question is that director Steven Soderbergh's latest film, "Magic Mike," explores the world of male strip clubs with Channing Tatum (whose experiences as a stripper served as inspiration) starring as the titular character. Soderbergh is one of the most versatile directors working in Hollywood today with his filmography reflecting a variety of genres that includes science fiction (2002's "Solaris"), action (2012's "Haywire"), experimental (2009's "The Girlfriend Experience"), drama (1989's " Sex, Lies, and Videotape") and even crime/heist flicks such as the popular "Ocean's Trilogy." Every film that he has worked on, no matter how predictable or clichéd the script has always had a unique style as Soderbergh not only directs but also serves as editor and cinematographer under a pseudonym. As much as I am a fan of Soderbergh, the announcement of him doing a film on male strippers caught me by surprise and I felt it could've been a major bomb with critics. While "Magic Mike" is certainly one of Soderbergh's lesser efforts due to the script's lack of focus, the film is still worth a look thanks to some solid comedy and drama that offers a new viewpoint on sex as a commodity through a male perspective. 

Thirty-year-old Michael Lane (Channing Tatum) is a struggling entrepreneur living in Tampa, Florida who enjoys a casual fling with psychology student Joanna (Olivia Munn) and spends his day working at a number of low-paying odd jobs. He hopes to one day open his own business designing unique, custom-made furniture and saves up as much money as he possibly can for such a venture. During a routine roofing job, Michael meets nineteen-year-old Adam (Alex Pettyfer), a wayward teenager on the cusp of adulthood who gave up a promising football career in college and now lives with his older sister Brooke (Cody Horn), who works as a nurse. During a chance encounter outside a nightclub, Adam learns that Michael is a veteran stripper under the nickname 'Magic Mike' for Club Xquisite, run by the sleazy but business-savvy Dallas (Matthew McConaughey). Also working at the club is Ken (Matt Bomer), Big Dick Richie (Joe Manganiello), Tito (Adam Rodriguez), and Tarzan (Kevin Nash). Michael convinces Dallas to give Adam a job and is assigned to handle the props but when Tarzan suffers an overdose and falls unconscious, Adam is sent out onstage to take his place. Seeing potential in him, Michael takes Adam under his wing despite the disapproval of Brooke. Michael promises her that he will take care of him but Adam soon descends into a seedy underground world of sex and drugs. Meanwhile, Michael struggles with his growing feelings for Brooke and finds himself wanting to do more with his life rather than spend it as a stripper. 

The idea for "Magic Mike" had long gestated in Channing Tatum's mind, who worked as stripper for close to a year when he was eighteen as he desperately needed the money. When he revealed his intention to make a film using his experiences as a stripper for inspiration back in 2010, Tatum planned on having Nicolas Winding Refn (who helmed the critically-acclaimed "Drive") to direct but the project eventually went to Steven Soderbergh, who expressed his interest during the filming of "Haywire." At first glance, "Magic Mike" seems like an excuse to throw a couple of good-looking, well-proportioned men on-screen but such an assumption does the film and Soderbergh a disservice. While it may not exactly break any new ground, the script from Reid Carolin (which divides the story over a three-month period using title-cards) explores the duality of Michael and Adam as well as how sex is used as both a fantasy and a commodity, which was also a central theme in another Soderbergh-directed film, 2009's "The Girlfriend Experience." Tatum's Michael has dreams of opening up his own business and finding someone that he can spend time with but his lifestyle and profession comes under scrutiny, especially from Horn's Brooke. He not only has to convince others that he's not Magic Mike but also has to convince himself as well because it is clear he enjoys being a stripper but there's also a fear of moving into unfamiliar territory, so he sticks with what he knows. Michael is also trapped by forces beyond his control and there's a scene where he tries to take a loan from a local bank but is refused due to his low credit score, a subtle indictment at the state of the economy, which was again central to "The Girlfriend Experience." Adam is a mirror to Michael and not only does he eventually replace him as the star of Club Xquisite, he succumbs to the lure of easy money and runs afoul of several drug dealers. Seeing how Adam becomes 'corrupted' spurs Michael to make a difficult decision at the end of the film. Nothing is resolved but it leaves you with a sense of hope. 

The problem with Carolin's script is its lack of focus as the subplots do not come together until late into the film where its intentions become clearer—giving the first ninety or so minutes a rambling quality. Although primarily a drama, I was surprised at how funny "Magic Mike" was. The opening scene has Dallas gleefully telling the audience (composed of women) that 'the law says you cannot touch' before cutting to two months earlier where Michael wakes up from a ménage à trios with two other women. He shares a humorous exchange with Joanna as both cannot remember the name of the person they slept with the night before. The on-stage antics will provide plenty of delicious eye-candy for women (and gay men) and it's clear that the cast was fully committed as they skillfully pull-off some elaborate maneuvers while wearing all manner of crazy costumes. There's even a Raining Men routine that will leave ladies giggling in their seats. At one point Bomer's Ken walks out of an adult-sized toy box (befitting his namesake) while Manganiello's Big Dick Richie sprains his back after holding a slightly-oversized woman in a standing 69 position. Unless you really are that insecure about your own sexuality, straight men will find it hard not to laugh at how ridiculously cheesy and over-the-top some of the dance routines are. As always, Soderbergh infuses the film with a very particular aesthetic, shooting with a double straw camera filter that gives every scene a warm, yellow hue. Odd angles and lingering close-ups, such as when Brooke watches Michael dance, lends a certain intimacy to the proceedings. 

The cast all give solid performances and it's really amazing how much Channing Tatum has improved as an actor. His range can still be limited but in "Magic Mike," he's funny, charismatic, and handles the drama well. Tatum knows he's not the best actor around but I admire how he chooses his projects that allow him to step outside his comfort zone rather than just being a hunk of meat for women to stare. Alex Pettyfer is another actor whose known more for his looks but the character of Adam feels like it was written for him and he handles the role better than I had expected. However, it is Matthew McConaughey who gives the most memorable performance as the sleazy Dallas. With his Southern drawl, McConaughey is clearly enjoying himself and he ends the film with a wild dance routine that has the crowd fawning all over him like he's some sort of sex god (maybe he is to some women). Finally, there's Cody Horn as Brooke but I found her to be rather bland as Michael's potential love interest with her sullen expression. 

"Magic Mike" will be released on June 29, 2012 and while there are no official reviews out yet besides some positive early Twitter reactions, I have a feeling that this film will garner a mixed reception. I saw the film at an advanced screening last Thursday where the audience was primarily made up of women and gay men with the occasional couple. Of course, the women clearly enjoyed it and let out whoops and cheers when Channing Tatum's rear flashed on-screen for all to see. Whether it will appeal to straight men is another question and I doubt it will if the IMDB forums are any indication, with people hurling insults that women are 'shallow' for wanting to see it. Honestly, it makes me ashamed for my own gender because these people are already judging without having seen the film. The only advice I can give is to keep an open-mind. Box office wise, "Magic Mike" was independently financed for approximately $5 million so any amount above that is already a success. Plus Steven Soderbergh never really cares if his films make money or not because he receives his funding one way or another. Although the story is told from a male perspective, "Magic Mike" does not explore any new territory. It won't rank among Soderbergh's best due to the rambling, unfocused script but it is better film than what its trailers initially made it out to be.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

"You are the husband they never had! You are that dreamboat guy that never came along!"

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Brave 3D Review

Rated PG (Some Scary Action and Rude Humor)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 33 Minutes

Cast (voice):

Kelly Macdonald-Princess Mérida

Emma Thompson-Queen Elinor

Billy Connolly-King Fergus

Kevin McKidd-Lord MacGuffin/Young MacGuffin

Craig Ferguson-Lord Macintosh

Robbie Coltrane-Lord Dingwall

Julie Walters-The Witch

Steven Cree-Young Macintosh

Callum O'Neill-Wee Dingwall

Sally Kinghorn & Eilidh Fraser- Maudie

John Ratzenberger-Gordon

Patrick Doyle-Martin

Directed by Mark Andrews, Brenda Chapman, and Steve Purcell

Princess Mérida (Kelly Macdonald) confronts her destiny in Pixar's latest, "Brave."

It's hard to believe that sixteen years have passed since I saw my first Pixar film, "Toy Story." Since then I've been a fan of the stalwart animation studio, whose name alone stood as a rock-solid guarantee that their film would achieve widespread critical acclaim and commercial success but this all changed with "Cars 2" last summer, which earned a shockingly low 38% on Rotten Tomatoes, breaking Pixar's consecutive winning streak after eleven films spanning fifteen years. The original "Cars" from 2006 has always been viewed as the black sheep of the family despite receiving generally good reviews but while its 2011 sequel was never expected to reach the high standards set by Pixar's previous films, the overwhelmingly negative reception from critics still came as a total surprise to fans. Audiences, however, still flocked to see "Cars 2" in droves, to the tune of $560 million at the worldwide box office and selling countless merchandise to children that left Disney with a big smile on their face. Pixar's thirteenth production "Brave," originally titled "The Bear and the Bow" and the studio's first to feature a female protagonist, was viewed with cautious optimism after the debut of its teaser trailer last year but is it a return to form for the animation studio that could formerly do no wrong? "Brave" is definitely a better film compared to "Cars 2" but it still does not quite reach the heights of Pixar's earlier work due to a predictable storyline, uneven pacing, and hit-and-miss humor. Despite these problems, the film remains engaging throughout and once again sets the bar even higher for CG animation.  

"Brave" is preceded by a charming seven-minute short titled "La Luna." During a prologue set in the Scottish kingdom of DunBroch, a young princess named Mérida is happily playing hide-and-seek with her mother, Queen Elinor (Emma Thompson). Mérida receives a bow and arrow on her birthday from her father, King Fergus (Billy Connolly), and begins to practice immediately despite the objections of Elinor. While retrieving one of her arrows that has landed in the woods, a strange blue light called a 'will o' the wisp' appears before the princess. Her mother explains that wisps are said to 'lead you to your fate.' However, an ancient demonic bear called Mor'du leaps from the woods and attacks Mérida's family. King Fergus jumps to his wife and daughter's defense, driving the bear away but losing his left leg in the process. Fast forward to the present day, where Princess Mérida (Kelly Macdonald) has grown into a fiery-haired woman whose archery skills are unmatched throughout the kingdom but her relationship with her mother has soured in the intervening years. Queen Elinor tries to teach her daughter about being a proper princess and the responsibilities she has to DunBroch but these lessons often leave Mérida exasperated, who wants nothing more than to ride her horse Angus and hone her archery skills in the woods. One day, a pile of letters arrives for Queen Elinor from the other Scottish lords: MacGuffin (Kevin McKidd), Macintosh (Craig Ferguson), and Dingwall (Robbie Coltrane), who have agreed to present their firstborn sons to compete for Mérida's hand in marriage. Mérida is extremely upset at the news but has no choice in the matter. The lords arrive and Mérida chooses an archery challenge to determine the best suitor. Dingwall's dimwitted son wins by pure accident but Mérida instead shoots all three targets herself as an act of defiance against her mother. The two have a huge argument and Mérida leaves the castle grounds with her horse in anger. She comes upon a Stonehenge circle in the woods, where a group of will o' the wisps leads her to a witch's (Julie Walters) cottage. Mérida asks the witch to create a spell that would change her mother's mind and thus change her fate. However, the spell proves to have disastrous consequences for not only Queen Elinor but also for the kingdom of DunBroch as well, forcing Mérida to desperately try and undo her mistake. 

"Brave" is an original fairy tale from Pixar that breaks away from the clichéd tropes of evil stepmothers and charming princes to focus on one overlooked aspect—the complexities of mother-daughter relationships. Queen Elinor wants her daughter to learn that being responsible often means putting aside your own wants and needs but Mérida does not want to be someone that she is not and finds herself trapped by her mother's stodgy adherence to tradition. Neither one is wrong in their position but both suffer from a failure to communicate and most importantly, do not listen to each other. Such a relationship will resonate strongly with mothers who have faced similar predicaments but "Brave" feels dramatically lightweight and worse, predictable. Much of what happens in the film won't come as a total surprise to adult audiences and the second half suffers from a rushed pace as Mérida tries to undo the spell she cast on her mother. I won't spoil what happens to Queen Elinor but the film's original title already provides a major clue. Although Mérida is destined (no pun intended) to become popular among young girls, the character inspires little sympathy and comes off as a whiny, petulant brat who needs to be smacked upside the head (that's how we Asians discipline our children), not the independent, strong-willed warrior woman that the initial previews made her out to be. When she finally realizes the error of her ways, it rings hollow and feels as if Queen Elinor is conceding to her daughter's demands. The humor also clashes with the story's darker elements, creating an uneven tone. Much of the comedy is derived from the mischievous antics of Mérida's three adorable triplet brothers, Harris, Hubert and Hamish, and the boorish behavior of King Fergus and the other Scottish lords but while there are some chuckles to be had, none of it is particularly sharp or creative. "Brave" is flawed and is definitely 'lesser Pixar' but the film remains enjoyable while the story, largely the brainchild of Brenda Chapman, is solidly written and offers a new perspective from your run-of-the-mill fairy tale; it just lacks that special spark that was present in the studio's first eleven productions. Chapman was reportedly fired and replaced with Mark Andrews following 'creative disagreements,' which may be the reason for the film's uneven quality. 

What really saves the film is the stunning CG animation and enthusiastic voice acting. Each individual strand of Mérida's hair is realized and it is clear the animators went to great lengths to create an authentic Scottish setting, which extends to Patrick Doyle's impressive score as well. Unfortunately, all this effort is marred by the 3D, which is shocking considering Pixar's technological pedigree. The vibrancy and brightness of the film has been lost and there is jarring motion blur during chase scenes. The image lacks depth and appears flat for most of its running time. Compared to DreamWorks Animations' "Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted," there is no competition; "Brave" really dropped the ball when it comes to its 3D. The voice cast is uniformly excellent with convincing Scottish accents. Kelly Macdonald makes up for Mérida's character shortcomings while Emma Thompson lends a subtle wisdom to Queen Elinor. The rest of the all-male supporting cast play one-note characters and are largely there to provide laughs. 

Released on June 22, 2012, "Brave" has received positive reviews with 73% on Rotten Tomatoes, on par with 2006's "Cars." Critics admitted that it 'may not live up to the lofty standards of the Pixar brand, but [the film] offers young audiences and fairy tale fans a rousing, funny fantasy adventure with a distaff twist—and surprising depth.' I saw the film at a packed screening this past Wednesday and the audience responded enthusiastically but it was clear that certain scenes were too intense as I overheard some children crying, much to my annoyance. Box office wise, this will be Pixar's thirteenth number one debut and early projections are at $55 to $60 million, although $65 million is feasibly possible. The other competing films, "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" and "Seeking a Friend for the End of the World," appeal to specific audiences and are unlikely to breakout during the weekend baring some unexpected surprise. It has its problems but "Brave" is an entertaining and competently-made animated film. However, Pixar has never settled for such modest standards. Yes, it is a return to form for the studio but it’s clear that there is still work to be done if they are to reclaim their former status among critics and fans.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

"Some say fate is beyond our command, but I know better.  Our destiny is within us.  You just have to be brave enough to see it."

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That's My Boy Review

Rated R (Crude Sexual Content Throughout, Nudity, Pervasive Language and some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 56 Minutes

Cast-

Adam Sandler-Donny Berger

Andy Samberg-Todd Peterson/Han Solo Berger

Leighton Meester-Jamie

Robert Van Winkle aka 'Vanilla Ice'-As Himself

Milo Ventimiglia-Chad

James Caan-Father McNally

Eva Amurri Martino-Young Mary McGarricle

Susan Sarandon-Older Mary McGarricle

Blake Clark-Gerald

Meagen Fay-Helen

Tony Orlando-Steve Spirou

Peggy Stewart-Grandma Delores

Dan Patrick-Randall Morgan

Will Forte-Phil

Rachel Dratch-Phil's Wife

Nick Swardson-Kenny

Luenell Campbell- Champale

Ciara Harris-Brie

Directed by Sean Anders

Adam Sandler and Andy Samberg star in "That's My Boy," a comedy that will cause brain-damage.

Eric Eisenberg of CinemaBlend remarks in his review of "That's My Boy" that 'at some point Adam Sandler simply gave up.' Discovering that he was a natural comic, Sandler began his career performing in comedy clubs at the insistence of his brother Scott and was discovered by stand-up comedian Dennis Miller when he caught Sandler's act in Los Angeles. At the time, Miller was a cast member on NBC's sketch comedy/variety show "Saturday Night Live" and recommended Sandler to producer Lorne Michaels, who hired the aspiring comedian as a writer in 1990. Sandler was officially added to the "SNL" cast in 1991 but was fired from the show four years later in 1995, along with Chris Farley. However, this didn't mark the end of Sandler's career as the comedian began transitioning toward films, starting with 1995's "Billy Madison." It wasn't until 1998 when Sandler had his first of twelve hits with "The Waterboy," which grossed $186 million worldwide against a production budget of only $23 million. In the film, Sandler played a man-child with a heart-of-gold and fourteen years later, he's still playing the same role and reaping millions at the box office. Squandering its R-rating and featuring one of the most annoying characters ever created on-screen, "That's My Boy" is an excruciating two-hour exercise full of tired sex jokes that will only appeal to brain-dead degenerates. "Piranha 3DD," you now have someone to keep you company on the list of worst films of 2012. 

In 1984, a dim-witted teenager named Donny Berger sleeps with and ends up impregnating his middle school teacher, Mary McGarricle (Eva Amurri Martino). When the school (and the entire student body) discovers the affair, McGarricle is sentenced to thirty years in prison while Donny becomes an instant tabloid celebrity, raking in millions of dollars from his newfound notoriety. Hitting rock-bottom as an adult, Donny (Adam Sandler) is faced with a three-year prison sentence for tax evasion unless he can repay $43,000 to the IRS. He discovers that his son—who changed his name from Han Solo (yes, that is his name) to Todd Peterson (Andy Samberg) and moved out when he was eighteen—is now a successful hedge-fund manager about to be married to a beautiful woman named Jaime (Leighton Meester) on the cover of Parade magazine . Knowing that Todd would never loan him the money, Donny instead concocts a sleazy scheme where he convinces his son to visit his mother in prison and film the reunion for a tabloid talk-show hosted by Randall Morgan (Dan Patrick). On the eve of the wedding, Donny shows up at the summer home of Todd's boss in Cape Cod, Massachusetts to put his plan in action but is dismayed to learn that Todd has told everyone that his parents had died in a fiery explosion. Introducing his father as his best friend who 'saved his life,' Todd finds himself in one outrageous situation after another. As he spends time bonding with his son, Donny begins to have second thoughts about his plan and decides to mend his relationship with Todd. 

Last year's "Jack and Jill" was one of the worst films of 2011 (3% on Rotten Tomatoes) but Adam Sandler remains undeterred by such overwhelmingly critical disdain and sinks to new lows with "That's My Boy," a painfully unfunny comedy full of juvenile/vulgar sex jokes that will leave its audience with an IQ of zero, if they weren't already. Despite the tasteless premise, the prologue did elicit a few chuckles but the film never does anything particularly clever with it and the clichéd script feels as if it was written by a hormone-addled fifteen-year-old boy who watched one too many porn movies, which is surprising since the writer is David Caspe, the creator of ABC's hilarious sitcom "Happy Endings." Also mentioned by Eric D. Snider on Film.com, the potential of poking fun at society's double standards on underage relationships, where a thirteen-year-old girl is considered to be a rape victim if she sleeps with her teacher in contrast with a thirteen-year-old boy who is viewed as a hero represents a missed opportunity as the film instead goes for the lowest common denominator, spreading the asinine message that people should reduce themselves into loud-mouthed idiots. Although freed from the restraints of a PG-13 rating that Sandler's comedies usually receive, "That's My Boy" squanders it's R-rating by scraping the bottom of the barrel with a lazy assortment of gags involving an obese stripper with pasties, masturbating to pictures of the bride's grandmother (Peggy Stewart), and of course, bodily fluids such as vomit and semen. In a desperate attempt to one up itself, the film even introduces a twist involving incest, as if statutory rape wasn't enough. The only funny moment is when Susan Sarandon pops up for a cameo as an older Mary McGarricle, which is ironic since Sarandon is Eva Amurri Martino's mother. Not content with just being crass, the film throws in racially offensive comments about Chinese people where Todd's future mother-in-law Helen (Meagen Fay) glibly asks Todd if he's 'a Chinaman' after demonstrating his math skills. What's even more shocking is that the audience erupted in laughter at this! Listening to Donny's grating Boston accent for two hours feels like having a drill in your ears and will test the very limits of your patience, to the point where you want someone to rip out his vocal cords and end the misery. To even ask that we sympathize with the character is both emotionally manipulative and hypocritical. 

Once again, Adam Sandler plays a man-child for the umpteenth time and what's really sad is that the actor has proven himself to be above such material. 2002's "Punch-Drunk Love," 2007's "Reign Over Me" and 2009's "Funny People" represents Sandler's best work but his audience seems to be devoid of any intelligence and avoided those films. Andy Samberg is rather dull as the uptight Todd and all the women, especially Leighton Meester, are shown to be little more than conniving b*tches or slutty bimbos. The film is already tasteless and offensive, might as well add misogynistic while you're at it. The supporting cast includes Milo Ventimiglia as an over-aggressive marine and James Caan as a fist-throwing Irish priest while washed-up rapper Vanilla Ice (Robert Van Winkle) plays a parody of himself. A slew of "SNL" veterans also show up in small roles such as Will Forte, Rachel Dratch, and Nick Swardson. 

"That's My Boy" was released on June 15, 2012 and has received largely negative reviews to no one's surprise with 25% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics derided Sandler as 'repeating himself to diminishing effect—and dragging Andy Samberg down with him.' I saw the film at an advanced screening on Thursday night and it was embarrassing to watch the audience laugh at every inane joke and mindless gag. This is why crap like this keeps getting released as there are always people who are happily willing to eat it up, similar to how flies are attracted to garbage all the time. Sandler has built up a huge fan-base but it seems like the negative buzz is finally catching up to him as "That's My Boy" is projected to land in third place this weekend with $20 to $25 million, allowing Adam Shankman's much superior "Rock of Ages" to take second place. There's still a chance that Sandler could have his thirteenth $100 million hit and in that case, expect more schlock like this. Unfunny, offensive, and misogynistic, "That's My Boy" continues Adam Sandler's losing streak and once again earns a spot on the list of worst films of the year but my opinion ultimately matters little as audiences will still continue to flock to this crap in droves.

Final Rating: 1 out of 5

"WASSUP!" (Listening to this in Donny's voice for two hours will make your ears bleed.)

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Rock of Ages Review

Rated PG-13 (Sexual content, Suggestive Dancing, some Heavy Drinking, and Language)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 3 Minutes

Cast-

Tom Cruise-Stacee Jaxx

Julianne Hough-Sherrie Christian

Diego Boneta-Drew Boley

Alec Baldwin-Dennis Dupree

Russell Brand-Lonny Barnett

Catherine Zeta-Jones-Patricia Whitmore

Paul Giamatti-Paul Gill

Malin Akerman-Constance Sack

Mary J. Blige-Justice Charlier

Bryan Cranston-Mayor Mike Whitmore

Will Forte-Mitch Miley

Directed by Adam Shankman

Tom Cruise unleashes his inner rock star as Stacee Jaxx in "Rock of Ages," based upon the Broadway musical of the same name.

'Just a small town girl, livin' in a lonely world / She took the midnight train goin' anywhere / Just a city boy, born and raised in South Detroit / He took the midnight train goin' anywhere / A singer in a smoky room / A smell of wine and cheap perfume / For a smile they can share the night / It goes on and on and on and on / *chorus* / Don't stop believin' / Hold on to that feelin' / Streetlight people!' The following is an excerpt from Journey's Don't Stop Believin’, a song that has withstood the test of time since its release thirty-one years ago in 1981, having appeared in numerous films and television shows such as the pilot episode of Fox's "Glee" in 2009. It is also the closing number for the Broadway rock/jukebox musical Rock of Ages, which premiered on July 27, 2005 at the King King club on Hollywood Boulevard in Los Angeles, California. Warner Brothers/New Line Cinema acquired the film rights to the show after its successful run Off-Broadway at New World Stages from 2008 to 2009 and chose Adam Shankman as director, who previously adapted another Broadway musical into a film, the 2007 remake of "Hairspray." Rock of Ages is a celebration of rock music during the 1980's, which I'm not exactly a fan of as I prefer the orchestral sounds of John Williams or Hans Zimmer. The only band I listen to is She & Him since I find Zooey Deschanel's vocals very soothing, although I do have Hall & Oates and The Smiths in my music library on Windows Media Player. "Rock of Ages" was a film that I initially thought I wasn't going to enjoy but I was pleasantly surprised when I left the theater with a smile on my face. While its clichéd script never forms a cohesive whole due to its many disparate subplots, "Rock of Ages" remains a cheesy, infectious film that serves as a sincere love letter to the classic rock hits of the 1980's. 

It's 1987 and a small town girl from Tulsa, Oklahoma named Sherrie Christian (Julianne Hough) is traveling to Los Angeles, California with dreams of becoming a famous singer. Passing by a popular nightclub called The Bourbon Room, Sherrie's suitcase containing her favorite rock albums ends up getting stolen. A bar-back working at the club, Drew Boley (Diego Boneta), sees the robbery and unsuccessfully tries to stop the thief. Introducing himself to Sherrie, Drew offers to get her a job waitressing at The Bourbon Room when he learns that she has little money, having just recently arrived in the city. The club's owner, Dennis Dupree (Alec Baldwin), reluctantly hires her after some convincing. The Bourbon Room is currently being threatened with unpaid taxes and Dupree, along with his right-hand man Lonny Barnett (Russell Brand), hope that Stacee Jaxx's (Tom Cruise) final performance with his rock band Arsenal will bring in the necessary income. Jaxx is preparing to launch a solo career but there are rumors that he was kicked off the band for being difficult to work with. Drew and Sherrie embark on a relationship and confess to each other their dreams of becoming famous. Meanwhile, ultra-conservative Patricia Whitmore (Catherine Zeta-Jones), wife of Mayor Mike Whitmore (Bryan Cranston), is threatening to close down The Bourbon Room for corrupting the city's youth with rock music. 

Based upon Chris D'Arienzo's musical of the same name, "Rock of Ages" is not only a celebration of the greatest rock hits of the 1980's but also serves as a humorous and nostalgic window of a bygone era. Adapted by D'Arienzo with the help of writers Justin Theroux and Allan Loeb, the script is by far the film's weakest element as it is crammed full of subplots that are only tangentially related to each other. From Dennis and Lonny's struggle to keep The Bourbon Room in business to Stacee Jaxx's attempts to rediscover his creative spark and move past his existential loneliness, there is simply too much going on and this has the unfortunate side effect of reducing the central romance between Drew and Sherrie as little more than an afterthought in the film. Part of the problem is that Hough and Boneta's characters aren't as compelling when compared to their more colorful co-stars but "Rock of Ages" manages to overcome these shortcomings with its energetic and unapologetically cheesy tone. It's hard not to get caught up in all the excitement because the cast are genuinely having fun as they belt out classic rock hits that include Guns N' Roses' Paradise City and Bon Jovi's Wanted Dead or Alive. The film's soundtrack contains an eclectic mix of music from Poison, Foreigner, Twisted Sister, Def Leppard and many more. I found all the musical set-pieces enjoyable from Mary J. Blige's Any Way You Want It to a dueling medley of We Built This City and We're Not Gonna Take It between Russell Brand and Catherine Zeta-Jones but the standout has to be Tom Cruise as the Axl Rose-inspired Stacee Jaxx. Who knew that Cruise had such an amazing voice?! While Jaxx is only a supporting character, Cruise throws himself into the role with such wild zeal, making a memorable entrance where he slowly rises from a bed full of naked female groupies wearing nothing but a rhinestone-incrusted leather codpiece. Any skepticism I had of his casting went away the minute he began singing and his commitment elevates the film. 

In fact the entire ensemble cast is excellent with their intentionally over-the-top performances. Julianne Hough and Diego Boneta won't be remembered for their acting skills but they bring a sincere earnestness to their respective characters. Alec Baldwin and Russell Brand provide quite a lot of laughs with their bromance, leading to a duet of REO Speedwagon's Can't Fight This Feeling while Catherine Zeta-Jones gleefully prances around in a red power-suit to Pat Benatar's single Hit Me with Your Best Shot with her church group as backup dancers. As Rolling Stones reporter Constance Sack, Malin Akerman gets to share this ridiculous, sexually-charged scene where she and Cruise sing Foreigner's I Want to Know What Love Is as they rip off each other's clothes. Rounding out the cast is Mary J. Blige as Venus Club owner Justice Charlier, who lends her impressive vocals as support, and Paul Giamatti as Paul Gill, a sleazy music agent more concerned about the bottom-line than the art-form. Late in the film, Drew signs up with Paul as his manager and is turned into the front-man for an embarrassingly corny boy band called the 'Z Boyz' (pronounced 'Zee Boyeezz'), a humorous dig at the numerous boy bands that would dominate the 1990's. Jon Hutman's production design is first-rate (a 1980's version of the Sunset Strip was built in Downtown Miami and occupied six blocks) as are Rita Ryack's costumes, which perfectly capture the fashion trends of the 1980's. 

"Rock of Ages" will be released on June 15, 2012 and has received mixed reviews so far with 43% on Rotten Tomatoes. I saw the film at an advanced screening and the audience thoroughly enjoyed it, fully aware of its inherent cheesiness. Similar to 2008's "Mamma Mia!", "Rock of Ages" will most likely garner a more positive reception from general audiences given its crowd-pleasing tone but critics are going to write off the film (and already have) as a shallow, clichéd experience. A number of reviews also unfavorably compared it to Fox's television show "Glee." The only competition to "Rock of Ages" is Adam Sandler's latest comedy "That's My Boy," where the actor is once again portraying a man-child. Both films are unlikely to dethrone "Madagascar 3 Europe's Most Wanted" but despite its dubious quality, "That's My Boy" will likely end up in second place since it is positioned two days before Father's Day, leaving "Rock of Ages" in third place with $25 to $30 million, which isn't bad for a film with a production budget of $70 million. Keep in mind that Shankman's film could still potentially land in second place if it receives positive word-of-mouth. Despite the clichéd mess of a script, "Rock of Ages" is still one of the most fun experiences I've had at the theater thanks to the film's irresistibly goofy charm and a totally committed performance from Tom Cruise. Guaranteed you'll have Nothin' but a Good Time so if you've been dying to relive the glory days of the 1980's, by all means ROCK ON!

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

"Sometimes things that are lost can be found again. Don't stop believing!"

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Piranha 3DD Review

Rated R (Sequences of Strong Bloody Horror Violence and Gore, Graphic Nudity, Sexual Content, Language and some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 23 Minutes

Cast-

Danielle Panabaker-Maddy

Matt Bush-Barry

Chris Zylka-Kyle

Katrina Bowden-Shelby

Jean-Luc Bilodeau-Josh

David Koechner-Chet

Meagan Tandy-Ashley

Paul James Jordan-Travis

Adrian Martinez-Big Dave

Christopher Lloyd-Carl Goodman

Paul Scheer-Andrew

Ving Rhames -Deputy Fallon

Clu Gulager-Mo

Gary Busey-Clayton

David Hasselhoff-As Himself

Directed by John Gulager

WHY IS THIS FILM SO BAD?!

Note: This film was viewed in 2D through video-on-demand.

'Welcome to Rock Bottom,' sighs David Hasselhoff as he kicks off opening day at 'The Big Wet' Water Park in "Piranha 3DD," the sequel to Alexandre Aja’s "Piranha 3D" from 2010 that is now being dumped with little afterthought by The Weinstein Company's Dimension Films in the middle of summer at a paltry eighty-six theaters. Yep, this is rock bottom indeed. Aja’s "Piranha 3D" was actually a remake of the 1978 original of the same name, produced by 'King of the B-Movies' Roger Corman and directed by Joe Dante as a low budget parody/rip-off of Steven Spielberg's 1975 original blockbuster "Jaws." Although I was initially expecting the worse, "Piranha 3D" ended up being a very enjoyable film that reveled in its inherent cheesiness and absurdity while bombarding the screen with copious amounts of gratuitous gore and even full-frontal female nudity. Aja offered exactly what the audience wanted while gleefully mocking them for wanting it and critics praised the film as it currently scores a solid 73% on Rotten Tomatoes. Despite opening with a mere $10 million, this was apparently enough for Dimension Films to announce a sequel just three days after Aja’s film was released. Delays notwithstanding, "Piranha 3DD" has finally arrived in both theaters and video-on-demand streaming services but the sequel is proof that lightning cannot strike twice. Lacking any of the clever, imaginative wit of the original, "Piranha 3DD" fails on every conceivable level as a film and not only does it scrape the bottom of the barrel, it somehow ends up being worse than the direct-to-DVD flicks that line the back-shelves at your local video rental store. 

A year after Lake Victoria was attacked by a legion of prehistoric piranhas, an eradication campaign began that left the lake uninhabitable by life and the town was subsequently abandoned due to the loss of their main source of revenue—tourism. At a nearby lake in Merkin County, Arizona, two farmers, Clayton (Gary Busey) and Mo (Clu Gulager), attempt to recover the body of a dead cow in the swamp but are killed by a swarm of piranha when the eggs inside the cow hatch. Meanwhile, an aspiring marine biologist named Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) returns home for the summer to find that her step-father Chet (David Koechner) has added an adult-themed section to the water park she co-owns with him and renamed it as 'The Big Wet,' complete with 'water-certified strippers.' During a night party at the water park, Maddy reunites with two of her close friends, Ashley (Meagan Tandy) and Shelby (Katrina Bowden). She also runs into her ex-boyfriend Kyle (Chris Zylka), now a deputy sheriff, and Barry (Matt Bush), a janitor at the water park who is secretly in love with her. A day before 'The Big Wet' officially opens, a swarm of piranha attacks Maddy and Shelby, prompting Maddy to seek the expertise of Carl Goodman (Christopher Lloyd), who explains that the piranha might be moving through sewage pipes and underground rivers that run between lakes. Chet refuses to shut down the water park due to his greed, leaving it up to Maddy and her friends to stop the incoming onslaught of piranha. 

Failing to drum up any amount of suspense or wit, "Piranha 3DD" is a bore of a film that lurches forward through a series of half-hearted and disjointed scenes until the end credits begin to roll at barely seventy minutes, for which you should be very thankful. A film like this does not require a complicated plot but what writers Marcus Dunstan, Patrick Melton, and Joel Soisson have come up with barely qualifies as one because it feels like a rough outline that was scribbled in a hurry on a piece of toilet paper. I'm surprised it took three people to write this piece of junk! There is absolutely no attempt to develop the characters, who are simply introduced and it’s quite apparent that director John Gulager (whose credits include the "Feast" trilogy) is not even trying. "Piranha 3DD" manages to recapture some semblance of the absurdist tone of Aja’s film once David Hasselhoff makes an appearance playing an exaggerated parody of himself as a D-list celebrity but it’s too little too late. Even the gore pales in comparison to the original. At one point a small piranha makes its way inside a woman’s vagina and bites a man’s penis during sex, forcing him to chop it off with a kitchen knife but not only is this scene poorly edited, it reeks of desperation on the filmmakers part, leaving you to wonder, 'This is all they can come up with?' The bloodbath at the end also feels small in scope and while it offers the obligatory blood and guts, nothing stands out as the film is content with regurgitating what came before. As for the nudity, there’s plenty of double-D's (annoyingly so) on display but Gulager just throws it up on the screen with no imagination, vainly hoping that it will placate the male audience but they would've been better off staying at home and using Google search to see surgically-enhanced breasts. Honestly, The Weinstein Company/Dimension Films knew this was a dud so why even bother releasing "Piranha 3DD" into theaters and taking up screen space from actually good films? While the 2010 original was post-converted to 3D, the sequel was shot in native 3D but I actually viewed the film in 2D through an HD video-on-demand streaming service. However, you can see it in 3D through Facebook of all places. Even in 2D, I can tell the 3D was utilized as more of a gimmick given the amount of objects flying toward the camera but for those who want to be informed about its quality, Ben Rawson-Jones at DigitalSpy criticized it as 'a waste of space with no effort made to create any shots that create the requisite immersive effect.' 

As for the acting, please don't expect much given the overall quality of the film. That being said, Danielle Panabaker actually commits to the horrid script and delivers a competent performance while David Koechner is convincing as a greedy sleaze-ball. The rest of the cast tries their best to make the material work but are hamstrung by god-awful dialogue and a total lack of character development. Given his recent line of work ("Anaconda 3: Offspring," anyone?), David Hasselhoff is fully aware of what kind of film he’s in and acts accordingly. He's not given much to do except sit around but his scenes are the only time when the film manages to garner a few chuckles. Paul Scheer and Ving Rhames also show up to reprise their roles from the first film. In a scene reminiscent of Rose McGowan in 2007's "Planet Terror," Rhames straps on a pair of shotguns on his prosthetic legs to blast away legions of piranha. 

After several delays, "Piranha 3DD" was finally given a limited theatrical release on June 1, 2012, in addition to a day-and-date release on various video-on-demand streaming services. The film received overwhelmingly negative reviews with 12% on Rotten Tomatoes as critics wrote it off as 'a dispiriting echo of 2010's horror-comedy.' Honestly, I'm genuinely surprised that it didn't rank lower. Making only $705,625 worldwide, the film isn't even playing in any New York theaters; all I have to say is good riddance. I didn't bother to see "Piranha 3DD" in the theater as paying $11 to $18 seemed like a waste and ended up renting the film through video-on-demand for $7.99 in HD. The amount of crap that Hollywood churns out shouldn't surprise me anymore but it still does when you come across a film like "Piranha 3DD." This is not so bad it’s good; this is just plain bad!

Final Rating: 0.5 out of 5

"Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina!"

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Prometheus 3D Review

Rated R (Sci-Fi Violence including some Intense Images, and Brief Language)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 4 Minutes

Cast-

Noomi Rapace-Dr. Elizabeth Shaw

Logan Marshall-Green-Dr. Charlie Holloway

Charlize Theron-Meredith Vickers

Michael Fassbender-David

Idris Elba-Captain Janek

Guy Pearce-Peter Weyland

Kate Dickie-Dr. Ford

Rafe Spall-Millburn

Sean Harris-Fifield

Benedict Wong-Ravel

Emun Elliott-Chance

Patrick Wilson-Shaw's Father

Ian Whyte-The Engineer

Directed by Ridley Scott

Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace), Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green), and David (Michael Fassbender) explore humanity's origins in Ridley Scott's "Prometheus."

Note: This review may contain some unintentional spoilers.

‘You still don't understand what you're dealing with, do you? A perfect organism. Its structural perfection is matched only by its hostility. I admire its purity. A survivor...unclouded by conscience, remorse, or delusions of morality.’ Thirty-three years ago in 1979, director Ridley Scott unleashed one of the most memorable and terrifying menaces we hope to never encounter in space with his science fiction/horror masterpiece “Alien.” Although the film was initially met with a mixed reception from critics, it went on to achieve lasting critical acclaim and rocketed then-unknown actress Sigourney Weaver to superstardom. Roger Ebert stated in his review that ‘one of the great strengths of [the film] is its pacing. It takes its time. It waits. It allows silences. It suggests the enormity of the crew's discovery by building up to it with small steps.’ Seven years later in 1986, the sequel “Aliens” was released with James Cameron at the helm. In contrast to Scott’s focus on a slow-burn atmosphere seeped in suspense and dread, Cameron opted for all-out action instead. “Aliens” holds the rare distinction of being more critically acclaimed than its predecessor, with 100% on Rotten Tomatoes. Unfortunately, the franchise began to lose its way by the third installment and constant interference from 20th Century Fox led to David Fincher outright disowning “Alien 3,” which was released in 1992. I honestly found it to be an underrated film and the ‘Assembly Cut’ alleviates many of the problems that plagued the theatrical version, which was edited without the participation of Fincher. 1997’s “Alien Resurrection” proved to be the death knell of the franchise and the iconic Xenomorphs would lie dormant until 2004’s “Alien vs. Predator” and 2007’s “Aliens vs. Predator Requiem,” which did little except damage the brand even further. 

Development of a fifth “Alien” film stretched as far back as 2002 with Scott expressing interest to return to the franchise he created in order to explore the origins of the Xenomorphs and the mysterious ‘Space Jockey,’ a deceased extraterrestrial being who briefly appears in the original film as the pilot of a derelict spaceship. Announced as an untitled prequel to “Alien” in 2009, Scott initially had no interest to direct and hand-picked Carl Erik Rinsch, whose work was primarily in commercials, to helm the film while he would serve as producer instead. The project stalled as 20th Century Fox was adamant that Scott direct and he finally relented after a few months of hand-wrangling. The initial script from Jon Spaihts was more-or-less a straight prequel but once Damon Lindelof was hired to perform rewrites, it ‘evolved [into] a new, grand mythology and universe in which this original story takes place.’ “Prometheus” finally arrives into theaters after such an agonizing wait and while its expanded scope leads to a somewhat clumsy narrative and marginalized characters, the film remains a fine return to form for Ridley Scott thanks to its haunting visuals, philosophical musings, and compelling performances—especially from Michael Fassbender as the mysterious android David. 

In the distant past, a pale humanoid alien consumes a strange compound that causes its body to disintegrate, seeding the planet with its DNA while a spaceship hovers above. Fast forward to the year 2089, an archeologist couple, Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green), discover a 35,000 year old cave painting of a star map on the Isle of Skye, Scotland. This star map was also found among several unconnected ancient cultures, leading to Shaw to theorize that it as an invitation from an extraterrestrial race she dubs ‘Engineers,’ the forerunners of humanity. Using the star maps as a guide, Peter Weyland (Guy Pearce), the elderly founder of Weyland Corporation, funds a scientific expedition to the distant moon LV-223. The starship Prometheus, with a crew of seventeen led by Captain Janek (Idris Elba), arrives at the moon in 2093 to search for any signs of the Engineers but mission director Meredith Vickers (Charlize Theron) explains to Shaw and Holloway to not initiate any contact if they are found. Accompanying the crew is an android named David (Michael Fassbender) who attends to the ship’s day-to-day activities. Prometheus lands near a dome-like structure and a team that includes Shaw, Holloway, and David is sent out to explore it with the aid of small drones to map out the interior. Inside is a mausoleum filled with strange murals, several stone containers, and a monolithic statue of a humanoid head. The team also finds the decapitated body of an Engineer and retrieves its head to bring back to the ship. As the crew further investigates, it soon becomes clear that the intentions of the Engineers were far from benign and that their discovery not only has deadly repercussions for Earth, but for all of humanity as well. 

There has been much confusion about whether “Prometheus” is a prequel to “Alien” and while there are several references to Ridley Scott’s own 1979 classic, it is largely a stand-alone affair. Scott took a minimalist approach to the story in “Alien” and focused on building suspense in what was essentially a battle of survival between a starship’s small crew and a parasitic life-form that only lived to further propagate its own species to destructive effect. While some of those elements have been retained, “Prometheus” aims bigger to avoid being a simple retread and functions as Scott’s own version of “2001: A Space Odyssey.” In fact, both films begin with effectively the same shot and explore similar existential concepts on creation, evolution, and humanity’s place in the universe. There’s even a scene where David goes about his routine (riding a bike and playing basketball) while the crew of the Prometheus are in hyper-sleep, a homage to Frank Poole enjoying a jog on Discovery One. “Prometheus” functions as a tale of children (humanity) meeting face-to-face with their maker (the Engineers) and the antagonistic relationship they share but the question is why. In Greek mythology, the Titan Prometheus stole and gave humanity the gift of fire but was subsequently punished by Zeus, who bound the Titan to a rock and had an eagle consume his liver every day. Representing the unintended consequences of exceeding one’s grasp, the Engineers’ hatred of humanity may stem from a fear of their ‘children’ surpassing them one day. It is also interesting to note the parallels between the crew’s cavalier attitude toward David and the Engineers’ anger at humanity. Of course all this is speculation but while the film’s philosophical musings are welcome, very few concrete answers are provided and this will prove to be the most frustrating aspect for casual audiences who were expecting a straight-forward science fiction film. In trying to explore as many themes and ideas as possible, the narrative in “Prometheus” ends up being somewhat jumbled with character development being marginalized. Yet as flawed as the script may be, I admire the fact that Scott and his writers took a chance rather than play it safe, something that is sorely lacking in Hollywood right now. These issues fall by the wayside once you begin to take in the film’s haunting visuals, with one of the highlights being the holographic star map that David finds deep within the bowels of the Engineer’s ship. Scott’s use of digital effects serve as a reminder of the difference a talented director can make compared to a hack like Michael Bay, who bombards the viewer with an incoherent mess of CG. The cinematography from Dariusz Wolski combined with the impeccable production design of Arthur Max creates this incredibly textured world that offer hints of the horror that lies underneath the ruins of LV-223. 

Scott hasn’t forgotten about the horror aspects that made “Alien” a classic and there are several scenes that will leave you gripping your seat, including a gruesome surgery performed on Shaw that gives new meaning to Caesarean section. Many of the classic creatures in “Alien” have been reverse-engineered for “Prometheus” but they retain the fetishistic sexual imagery found in the work of Swiss surrealist painter H.R. Giger, who designed the murals glimpsed in the beginning of the film. As for whether an actual Xenomorph appears in the film, the answer is no but something does appear at the end that left my jaw hanging. The score from Marc Streitenfeld isn’t as memorable compared to Jerry Goldsmith’s but it helped enhance the foreboding atmosphere of the film, especially during the more suspenseful scenes. I was initially very skeptical of the 3D despite “Prometheus” being shot with Red Epic 3D cameras as much of the film takes place in dark environments with minimal lighting. Fortunately, Scott compensates for the dimming effect that comes with wearing 3D glasses as the film retains a stunningly bright clarity yet it never feels artificial as the darkness actually feels dark. The amount of depth that fills every scene is amazing and really makes the sets come alive despite the fact that this is the first time Scott has used 3D. He doesn’t engage in any gimmicks by having objects ‘pop out’ but this subtle use of 3D is perfectly balanced: it immerses the viewer but does not distract them. 

The performances are believable and Noomi Rapace (the original girl with the dragon tattoo) makes for a fine heroine. She’s no Ellen Ripley but she instills Elizabeth Shaw with indomitable survival instinct that comes in handy during the second half of the film. Most of the characters aren’t developed beyond their basic personality traits such as Charlize Theron’s icy turn as corporate lackey Meredith Vickers or Idris Elba’s world-weary Captain Janek. Scott also throws in a few bickering crew members with Rafe Spall’s Millburn and Sean Harris’s Fifield, a nice nod to Brett and Parker in the original “Alien.” The standout is Michael Fassbender, an actor who continuously delivers one excellent performance after another, whatever the genre may be. On the outside, Fassbender’s David feels stiff but there are a lot of emotions underneath. There’s both a vulnerable and a treacherous side to his character, one who wants to help his human creators but also prove to them that he is superior. I know his fans were disappointed that he was snubbed for an Academy Award nomination but you know what, Fassbender does not need some statue to validate his talent as long as he keeps delivering performances like these. 

“Prometheus” was released on June 8, 2012 to positive reviews with 74% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics found that ‘Ridley Scott's ambitious quasi-prequel to Alien may not answer all of its big questions, but it's redeemed by its haunting visual grandeur and compelling performances—particularly Michael Fassbender as a fastidious android.’ I saw “Prometheus” at an advanced screening (strangely sponsored by Coors Light Beer) and most of the audience was absorbed with the film, although there were some hecklers who couldn’t keep their mouths closed. Some of the reactions I’ve been reading have been mixed and opinions are largely divided. To inspire such fervent discussion is both the film’s main strength and weakness; it keeps it in the public consciousness longer but will frustrate many, and some will likely just throw up their arms and give up. While “Prometheus” can be too ambiguous, I enjoy films that make you think about what you’ve seen and what type of meaning the director is striving for. Keep in mind that the original “Alien” was not well-received upon release as well. As for the box office, I have feeling that it’s going to settle for second place given the R-rating but it is tracking for a debut of at least $50 million and has already earned $46 million internationally. “Prometheus” has its flaws but the film remains thought-provoking and visually striking, serving as a reminder that in the vast coldness of space, no one can hear you scream.

Final Rating: 4.5 out of 5

“Big things have small beginnings.”

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