Wrath of the Titans 3D Review

Rated PG-13 (Intense Sequences of Fantasy Violence and Action)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 39 Minutes

Cast-

Sam Worthington-Perseus

Rosamund Pike-Queen Andromeda

Toby Kebbell-Agenor

Édgar Ramírez-Ares

Bill Nighy-Hephaestus

Ralph Fiennes-Hades

Liam Neeson-Zeus

Danny Huston-Poseidon

John Bell-Helius

Directed by Jonathan Liebesman

Now where did I put that lightsaber...

First they released the KRAKEN…now it’s time to feel the WRATH! Released back in April 2010, director Louis Leterrier’s “Clash of the Titans,” a remake of the 1981 Ray Harryhausen-produced film of the same name, did not enjoy the warmest of critical receptions and single-handedly destroyed whatever good faith the audience had in 3D with its god-awful conversion. As for myself, I am in agreement that the 3D was terrible but I did find the overall film to be an enjoyable action-adventure romp. With a worldwide box office gross of $493 million, a sequel was a no-brainer and one was green-lit almost immediately after the release of Leterrier’s film. However, Leterrier stepped down as director to serve as executive producer and was replaced with Jonathan Liebesman, who helmed the absolutely horrid “Battle: Los Angeles” in 2011. While the original film had some semblance of personality, “Wrath of the Titans” offers up none, lacking either a compelling narrative or characters and instead favors loud, CG-driven action set-pieces that ultimately feel dull and hollow. This is a sequel that exists solely because its predecessor made money. 

Taking place ten years after the events of the first film, the demigod Perseus (Sam Worthington) now leads a simple life as a fisherman with his son, Helius (John Bell), from his recently deceased wife Io. He is visited by his father, Zeus (Liam Neeson), who warns Perseus that the god’s power are waning since the humans have stopped praying to them and that they won’t be able to hold the walls of Tartarus for long. Perseus cannot bear the thought of leaving his son and reluctantly declines Zeus’ offer for help. Traveling to the gates of Tartarus with his brother Poseidon (Danny Huston) and his son Ares (Édgar Ramírez), Zeus meets up with Hades (Ralph Fiennes) to ask for his help. However, Ares is revealed to be working for Hades and attacks both Zeus and Poseidon. To keep their immortality, Hades and Ares have made a deal with the titan Kronos to drain Zeus’ power to revive him. Various demonic creatures are released from the underworld, including a large Chimera which begins attacking Perseus’ fishing village. Strapping on his old sword and armor, he battles and manages to beat the Chimera but is severely wounded. Entrusting the care of his son to his fellow villagers, Perseus and his winged steed Pegasus travel to Queen Andromeda’s (Rosamund Pike) camp to ask her where he can find Agenor, the demigod son of Poseidon. Before succumbing to his wounds, Poseidon revealed to Perseus that his son is the only one able to locate the mysterious being called the ‘Fallen One,’ who holds the key to defeating Kronos. Agenor (Toby Kebbell) is actually a prisoner of Andromeda for trying to steal the crown jewels and only agrees to help when he receives a full royal pardon and his weight in gold. Together they set out to find this ‘Fallen One’ and free Zeus before Kronos breaks free from Tartarus to wreck havoc upon the world. 

“Wrath of the Titans” features a formulaic and paper-thin plot that appears to have been hastily cobbled together in a single afternoon and is a film made without any real energy or enthusiasm of any kind. Writers Dan Mazeau and David Leslie Johnson fill the script with themes of sibling rivalry and the search for a father’s approval, which are welcome ideas but they are never afforded any screen-time to explore them in a satisfactory manner and function as nothing more than window dressing for the film’s gargantuan action set-pieces. More thought was put into planning these action scenes with the story slapped on at the last-minute as an afterthought and leaving all the characters devoid of any real personality. They serve only to react to all the CG monstrosities they encounter along their journey and much of the dialogue is often drowned out by the variety of chaos that is happening on-screen. Nothing of importance is really said anyway so you won’t miss much. “Wrath of the Titans” raises the stakes by having Perseus fight for a better future for his son but the film never gives you a chance to really care about what is happening to anyone, leaving it a dull and hollow experience. Audiences will solely be interested in the action and while visually impressive, it is just more of the same. The Kraken has now been replaced with the mad titan Kronos, who is depicted to be a massive rock-like monster that spews lava. Giant Cyclops’ and a fire-breathing Chimera also make an appearance along with the famous Minotaur but his fight with Perseus disappoints due to the excessive ‘shaky cam’ that Liebesman utilizes. Fortunately, this is only limited to battles that involve two human combatants but some of the larger set-pieces still suffer from seizure-like editing. The only aspect that has been improved is the 3D. This is another post-conversion but a lot more thought and preparation certainly went into it compared to its predecessor, which suffered from terrible motion blur. Liebesman frames his scenes to maximize his usage of 3D with objects flying toward the screen and the aspect ratio even changes at one point to create the effect of a snake-like monster’s jaws covering up the black bars at the top and bottom of the screen. Seeing the camera zoom around the massive prison of Tartarus is stunning and though the 3D devolves into little more than a gimmick, it is at least used to its advantage. 

Due to its simplistic plot and overreliance on CG action, the cast resort to shouting all their lines. Sam Worthington may be a popular actor but his range continues to be limited as he spends the film either screaming in fury or in a constipated grimace. Still, he makes for a credible action hero. Replacing Alexa Davalos as Andromeda is Rosamund Pike but her inclusion seems to be just an excuse to have a female co-star as she does little other than swing a sword. Toby Kebbell serves as comic relief while Édgar Ramírez actually makes for a menacing god of war. Bill Nighy also makes an appearance as Hephaestus and continues his shtick of emphasizing every other word. Finally, there’s Liam Neeson and Ralph Fiennes, the only actors who come out of this film with their dignities unscathed. 

“Wrath of the Titans” was released in 2D, 3D, and IMAX 3D on March 30, 2012 to overwhelmingly negative reviews with 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. I may have liked the first film but this time I’m inclined to agree with the critics, who found the 3D effects ‘an improvement over its predecessor's, but in nearly every other respect [the film] fails to improve upon the stilted acting, wooden dialogue, and chaos-driven plot of the franchise's first installment.’ Audience attendance was middling and the film is looking to finish the weekend behind “The Hunger Games” with $30 to $35 million, a far cry from its predecessor’s $61.2 million. If I was younger, I would’ve loved “Wrath of the Titans” but now I’m older and a bit more discerning about my taste in film. Thanks to the almost non-stop action, this sequel is never boring nor is it an outright terrible film but it ultimately leaves you feeling hollow inside.

Final Rating: 2.5 out of 5

“You will learn someday that being half human, makes you stronger than a god.”

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Mirror Mirror Review

Rated PG (Some Fantasy Action and Mild Rude Humor)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast-

Lily Collins-Snow White

Julia Roberts-Queen Clementianna

Armie Hammer-Prince Andrew Alcott

Nathan Lane-Brighton

Jordan Prentice-Napoleon

Mark Povinelli-Half Pint

Joe Gnoffo-Grub

Danny Woodburn-Grimm

Sebastian Saraceno-Wolf

Martin Klebba-Butcher

Ronald Lee Clark-Chuckles

Robert Emms-Charles Renbock

Mare Winningham-Baker Margaret

Sean Bean-The King

Directed by Tarsem Singh

Now that's a smile you just can't fake.

I believe (no pun intended if you get the song reference!) it’s not that big of an assumption to say that most people have already seen or is at least aware of Walt Disney’s 1937 animated film “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” while growing up as a child. Evolving from traditional hand-drawn techniques to full-blown CG, animation has come a long way in the past seventy-five years but Disney’s film, based upon the classic 1812 Brothers Grimm fairy tale of the same name, is considered historically significant by the National Film Registry for a number of milestones as it is the first animated feature film to be produced in the United States from Walt Disney Productions and the first in motion picture history to utilize cel-animation in full color. Although some have erroneously labeled it as the first animated feature film, that distinction actually belongs to a little-known 1917 Spanish film titled “El Apóstol” (translated: “The Apostle”) directed by Quirino Cristiani from Argentina. Unfortunately, Cristiani’s film was lost to a fire that destroyed the only known copy, which was in the hands of producer Federico Valle. The story of Snow White should be familiar to almost everyone even without seeing the various adaptations over the years given the way Grimm’s fairy tale has entered the public consciousness but Hollywood is throwing two more in the mix this year with Tarsem Singh’s “Mirror Mirror” and Rupert Sanders’ “Snow White and the Huntsman.” The former is a children’s film while the latter is an action-adventure that has invited comparisons with Peter Jackson’s “Lord of the Rings” trilogy. While the initial previews for “Mirror Mirror” left a bad first impression, the film is surprisingly enjoyable thanks to its whimsical charm, elaborate costume design, and stunning visuals as only Tarsem Singh can do.  The broad comedy will invite eye-rolling disdain from adults but it’s hard to hate the film when the cast has so much fun putting their own spin on a classic fairy tale. 

“Mirror Mirror” begins with the wicked Queen Clementianna (Julia Roberts) narrating the story of Snow White’s birth and sarcastically remarking that it ‘was the most pretentious name [her parents] could think of.’ Snow’s mother unfortunately dies in childbirth and the King (Sean Bean) raises her alone. He eventually remarries with Clementianna vainly identifying herself as his new wife but the King soon disappears after traveling to the dark forest to battle a mysterious monster. Left with only his dagger, Snow frantically searches for her father to no avail and was now at the mercy of the Queen. Fast forward to the present day and eighteen-year-old Snow White (Lily Collins) has grown up to be a lovely young woman but remains a prisoner in her own castle. The kingdom has also suffered greatly in the years since the King’s disappearance as Clementianna taxes the people heavily to support her vanity and lavish parties. With the encouragement of her servants, Snow decides to sneak out of the castle to see what has become of her father’s kingdom. Along the way she encounters two men hanging upside down from a tree who were robbed by a group of bandits. She frees them but unbeknownst to her, one of the men is Prince Andrew Alcott (Armie Hammer), who has been traveling for many months seeking adventure. When Snow arrives in the village, she is shocked to discover the people destitute and begging for food. Meanwhile Prince Alcott arrives at the castle to present himself with Queen Clementianna becoming immediately smitten with him. She plans to marry him in order to steal his wealth for herself. To save her father’s kingdom from the Queen, Snow White decides to take back what is rightfully hers and is joined by a group of seven dwarfs named Napoleon (Jordan Prentice), Half Pint (Mark Povinelli), Grub (Joe Gnoffo), Grimm (Danny Woodburn), Wolf (Sebastian Saraceno), Butcher (Martin Klebba), and Chuckles (Ronald Lee Clark). The dwarfs also happen to be the same bandits that robbed Prince Alcott, putting him at odds with Snow White. 

Growing up, I’ve seen my fair share of Disney films including “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” so when Relativity Media and Universal Pictures announced rival films based upon Grimm’s fairy tale, I was interested in what they would come up with seeing as how important the 1937 film was to my childhood. The initial previews for “Mirror Mirror” did not inspire much confidence to put it lightly and I was expecting the worse but color me surprised when I discovered that I actually enjoyed the film. Of course it appeals more to children (especially young girls) given its silly jokes and broad physical comedy ala The Three Stooges but “Mirror Mirror” has a certain infectious charm that makes it hard to outright pan the film despite its glaring flaws. Tarsem Singh’s films have always put visuals first over story and character development and while this Snow White contains enough wrinkles to differentiate itself from the traditional fairy tale, the overall plot remains predictable even with its modern feminist twist mixed with a dash of Robin Hood. However, one change that I did welcome was the frequent role reversal with Snow White saving Prince Alcott from the clutches of the Queen instead of the other way around. I also appreciated the writers (Melissa Wallack and Jason Keller) playing up the mother/daughter relationship with both Snow White and the Queen vying for the affections of the Prince, with the latter leading to a hilarious scene where Alcott ends up drugged with a love potion that makes him behave like a drooling love-struck puppy. As juvenile as the jokes and comedy were, the film is certainly aware at how ridiculous it is and often has its tongue-firmly-in cheek with a number of self-referential lines such as when Alcott insists on saving Snow by remarking that ‘it's been focus group tested! It works!’ Singh has always had an eye for the unusual but sometimes he goes over-the-top and one of the results is an awkward scene where the Queen is given a beauty makeover with parrot droppings brushed on her face and her lips puckered through bee stings. While the departures are welcome, Singh and his writers ultimately do not take them as far as they could and the end result mines familiar territory. 

The plot may be a missed opportunity for a radical shake-up but what makes “Mirror Mirror” worth the price of admission alone are the visuals and the lavish costumes from the late Japanese designer Eiko Ishioka. In a documentary about her work with acclaimed director Francis Ford Coppola, Ishioka remarked that ‘the costumes are the sets’ and this is certainly true when we first meet the Queen, who is wearing a large orange gown that seems like an extension of her seashell throne. Later at a ball, Collins is dressed as a white swan while Hammer is sporting a ridiculous top hat complete with rabbit ears and bunny paws on his hands. To make up for their short stature, the dwarfs are given special stilts that allow them to do acrobatic feats and shrink down like accordions when necessary. The visual and set design help reinforce the film’s candy-coated and whimsical storybook quality that puts a new spin on well-worn elements such as the famous magic mirror. Instead of an actual mirror, it’s a portal to the Queen’s personal realm where she communes with a literal reflection of herself. 

The cast could’ve sleepwalked to their paychecks but thankfully they do not and appear to genuinely enjoy and commit to their respective roles. As Snow White, Lily Collins (daughter of British singer/songwriter Phil Collins) exudes a sugary-sweetness in her first leading role that makes it easy to forgive her acting inexperience. Julia Roberts relishes at playing the Evil Queen with her often snide and snarky comments about the incompetence of her followers while Armie Hammer goes all-out crazy as the somewhat clueless ‘damsel-in-distress.’ Nathan Lane brings his usual flamboyant self as the Queen’s advisor (replacing the huntsman) and the dwarves make for a likeable bunch even though it’s sometimes hard to differentiate them due to the sameness of their costumes. 

Released on March 30, 2012, “Mirror Mirror” has received mixed reviews with 50% on Rotten Tomatoes as critics found it to be ‘undeniably beautiful—but its treatment of the age-old Snow White fable lacks enough depth or originality to set it apart from the countless other adaptations of the tale.’ At least Singh has always maintained consistency with the quality of his films. I saw the film late afternoon and the audience was largely comprised of adults with their children and young teens but everyone appeared to enjoy it despite the easy jokes and slapstick comedy. As for box office prospects, it’s looking to debut in third place with $20 to $25 million, which isn’t bad for a film with a terrible marketing campaign. I am not the intended audience for “Mirror Mirror” and while its changes to the Snow White fairy tale aren’t all that radical, I found myself caught up in its energetic charm and the Bollywood-style musical number was icing on the cake. The kids will love it for sure and I wouldn’t be surprised if adults ended up liking it either.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

“You read so many stories where the prince saves the princess. It's time we changed that ending!”

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21 Jump Street Review

Rated R (Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, Drug Material, Teen Drinking and some Violence)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 49 Minutes

Cast-

Jonah Hill-Morton Schmidt

Channing Tatum-Greg Jenko

Brie Larson-Molly Tracey

Dave Franco-Eric Molson

O'Shea Jackson-Captain Dickson

Ellie Kemper-Ms. Griggs

Rob Riggle-Mr. Walters

Chris Parnell-Mr. Gordon

Nick Offerman-Deputy Chief Hardy

DeRay Davis-Domingo

Jake M. Johnson-Principal Dadier

Directed by Phil Lord and Chris Miller

Don't expect these guys to know their Miranda Rights!

As a film remake of a popular late 1980’s television series, “21 Jump Street” shouldn’t have worked but yet it surprises by being one of the funniest comedies this year. Nick Offerman’s Deputy Chief Hardy even dryly remarks at one point that ‘the guys in charge are out of original ideas and find themselves forced to recycle old programs’—an apt way of describing the current state of Hollywood. Similar attempts in reviving once popular television shows such as 2004’s “Starsky & Hutch” and 2006’s “Miami Vice” have been met with a mixed reception at best but when Columbia Pictures/Sony announced in May 2008 that a film remake for “21 Jump Street” was under development, the response was overwhelmingly negative due to Hollywood’s often-poor track record with remakes in general. Created by Patrick Hasburgh and Stephen J. Cannell, the original “21 Jump Street” ran for five seasons from 1987 to 1991 on the Fox Network and focused on a group of youthful-looking undercover police officers investigating crimes and other illegal activities in high schools, colleges, and other teenage venues. Unlike the film, the show was a crime drama that focused on teenage-related issues of its time (drug abuse, hate crimes, homophobia, etc.) with some episodes ending with a public service announcement from its cast members. However, it is best remembered for boosting Johnny Depp’s fledgling acting career. Depp become something of a teen idol on the show, a status which he found irritating when looking back. While the film version follows the same continuity as the television series, it does away with all the dramatic elements in favor of a genre parody. As much as it satirizes and pokes fun at action, cop, and high school films, “21 Jump Street” ends up embracing those very same clichés but while the story is thin and predictable, the pairing of Jonah Hill and Channing Tatum elevates the material thanks to their often-hilarious antics. 

Morton Schmidt (Jonah Hill) and Greg Jenko (Channing Tatum) are former high school classmates who reunite at the local police academy after graduating in 2005. A smart but socially awkward misfit, Schmidt was often made fun of by the more popular but dim-witted Jenko. At the police academy, the two decide to become friends and help with each other’s weaknesses—Schmidt with the physical challenges and Jenko with the exams. They successfully graduate as full-fledged police officers with Jenko remarking with confidence to ‘get ready for a lifetime of being badass mother f*ckers!’ Unfortunately, the two are assigned to park patrol and spend their time retrieving Frisbees and telling children not to feed the ducks. One day, they spot a motorcycle gang called the ‘One-Percenters’ smoking weed and excitedly shake them down. The gang members attempt to escape when Jenko finds cocaine in one of their saddlebags but One-Percenter leader Domingo (DeRay Davis) is arrested. However, Deputy Chief Hardy (Nick Offerman) is forced to release him because Jenko forgot to read him his Miranda rights. Due to their ineptitude, Hardy transfers them to an undercover program that the police department is resurrecting. Schmidt and Jenko arrive at an abandoned Korean church on ’21 Jump Street’ where they meet Captain Dickson (O'Shea Jackson), who informs them and the other recruits that they will be going undercover in various high schools. Dickson assigns Schmidt and Jenko to Sagan High School where a synthetic drug dubbed HFS has recently taken hold of the student populace. Schmidt and Jenko pose as brothers but the undercover operation does not go as planned when they mix up their identities and begin engaging in ridiculous behavior with disastrous results. 

Written by Jonah Hill and Michael Bacall, “21 Jump Street” jettisons all the police procedural and dramatic elements of the late-1980’s television series in favor of satirizing genre clichés in a knowingly tongue-in-cheek manner. The writers are aware that their film is essentially a studio-cash grab (as most remakes are) and some of the dialogue actually pokes fun at this while the story follows the mismatched buddy cop formula. As such, what happens in the film won’t come as a total surprise to audiences nor will it make much logical sense when observed under close scrutiny (Jenko recruits a group of honor students to help plant a bug on a suspect’s cell-phone) but it is peppered with enough hilarious moments to make these flaws forgivable. Early on, Schmidt and Jenko are forced to take the drugs that are at the center of their investigation, causing them to start hallucinating or engage in crude behavior. Channing Tatum shows a penchant for physical comedy when he starts running around screaming and knocking objects over in band class while under the influence of the drugs with each stage labeled with bizarre graphics. Many of the characters are depicted as caricatures of popular stereotypes (eco-friendly drug dealer and angry black police captain) but while the overall tone is certainly juvenile, the film cleverly explores the curious dichotomy of past and present, that the high school experience will always remain the same even if the students and culture change with the times—a fact that allows Schmidt and Jenko to overcome their lingering issues with each other. I also appreciated the little touches that directors Phil Lord and Chris Miller (whose previous film was 2009’s “Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs”) afforded to their supporting cast such as Ellie Kemper’s chemistry teacher who is sexually attracted to Jenko or Rob Riggle’s loud-mouthed coach. There’s even a big cameo included which I won’t spoil but you can probably find out who it is if you search online. As funny as “21 Jump Street” is, there are a number of flaws and derivative story notwithstanding, the film runs a tad overlong and begins to drag as the narrative spins its wheels until the next laugh or set-piece. The car chases are also perfunctory but Lord and Miller gleefully play with the audience’s expectations of big explosions. 

Jonah Hill (who lost 40 pounds for the role) delivers as expected as the socially inept Schmidt since this type of role isn’t unfamiliar to him but it is surprisingly Channing Tatum who shines as the dimwitted and gung-ho Jenko. Tatum is not viewed favorably as an actor due to his limited range and his previous work have mainly consisted of muscle-bound tough guys or charming lover boys so his casting was met with skepticism but he seems to be right at home in a comedic role. Hill and Tatum complement each other so well that you truly believe that Schmidt and Jenko can be best friends in real life. The adorable Brie Larson plays the requisite love interest to Hill but don’t worry, her character is eighteen! The rest of the supporting cast has only one or two scenes but they make the most out of their irreverent roles in bringing on the laughter. 

“21 Jump Street” was released on March 16, 2012 to largely positive reviews with 85% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics hailed it as ‘a smart, affectionate satire of '80s nostalgia and teen movie tropes [and] offers rowdy mainstream comedy with a surprisingly satisfying bite.’ Comedies are often cheap to make and the film has already earned back its $42 million production budget with a worldwide box office gross of $87 million. The audience I saw the film with clearly enjoyed it but curiously, I heard someone loudly snoring in the back. People have always fallen asleep at the movies but why they do it is a mystery since you’re paying $6.00 to $13.50 to sleep when you can do that at home. “21 Jump Street” knows that it isn’t offering anything new and that it is essentially repackaged goods but the film offers up so many laughs with a wink and a nod that it’s hard to get hung up on its paper-thin story and predictable plot elements. I’m a hard man to please when it comes to comedies but “21 Jump Street” passes with flying colors!

Final Rating: 4 out of 5

“You have the right to... suck my dick, motherf*cker!”

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John Carter Review

Rated PG-13 (Intense Sequences of Violence and Action)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 12 Minutes

Cast-

Taylor Kitsch-John Carter

Lynn Collins-Dejah Thoris

Willem Dafoe (voice)-Tars Tarkas

Samantha Morton (voice)-Sola

Dominic West-Sab Than

Mark Strong-Matai Shang

Thomas Haden Church (voice)-Tal Hajus

Ciarán Hinds-Tardos Mors

Polly Walker-Sarkoja

James Purefoy-Kantos Kan

Bryan Cranston-Colonel Powell

Daryl Sabara-Edgar ‘Ned’ Rice Burroughs

Directed by Andrew Stanton

No one gets away with insulting my abs.

Stop me if you’ve heard this one before: a charming rogue trying to make a simple living joins up with a motley crew of freedom fighters and falls in love with a princess while being swept up in a civil war. Another one: a former soldier finds himself in a strange new land and falls in love with one of the natives but is forced to protect her and her people from those who seek to conquer them. If you were thinking of 1977’s “Star Wars” and 2009’s “Avatar,” then you are correct as both George Lucas and James Cameron have publicly admitted that one of their many influences were the science fiction/fantasy novels of Edgar Rice Burroughs, who created the famed jungle hero Tarzan in 1912 in the pages of pulp magazine All-Star before being collected as a book two years later titled Tarzan of the Apes. Burroughs would go on to pen over a dozen sequels, making the character into an instantly recognizable pop culture icon. Although making his debut the same year and in the same pulp magazine as Tarzan, John Carter remains unfamiliar outside of a very niche group of fans but all that is about to change with the film adaptation, based upon the 1917 novel A Princess of Mars, the first in Burrough’s series of Barsoom novels. 

Bringing John Carter to the big screen was no easy task and stretched as far back as 1931 when “Looney Tunes” director Robert Clampett approached Burroughs in adapting the character for a feature-length animated film. The author and studio executives expressed enthusiasm but the initial test footage was met with a negative reception from film exhibitors, who found the idea of a human on Mars too outlandish to take seriously. Ironically, a similar situation developed when George Lucas was making the original “Star Wars,” which had little to no marketing as many believed it would be a financial flop but we all know how that turned out. The rights for the novels ended up in the hands of Walt Disney Pictures during the 1980’s with John McTiernan and Tom Cruise attached to the project as director and actor. However, McTiernan found that visual effects were not yet advanced enough to realize Burrough’s vision and the project subsequently collapsed. By 2004, the rights were now in the hands of Paramount Pictures with Robert Rodriguez set as director but he was replaced with Kerry Conran (famous for 2004’s “Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow”) after Rodriguez resigned from the Directors Guild of America when he wanted to credit Frank Miller as co-director for 2005’s “Sin City,” based upon Miller’s own series of graphic novels of the same name. Conran left the project for unknown reasons and was replaced again with Jon Favreau but when Paramount decided not to renew the film rights and concentrate on a new “Star Trek” film, Favreau moved on to helm 2008’s “Iron Man,” based upon the Marvel Comics character of the same name. Disney managed to reacquire the rights in January 2007 with Andrew Stanton (whose credits include 1998’s “A Bug’s Life,” 2003’s “Finding Nemo,” and 2008’s “Wall-E”) set as director with filming finally commencing in 2010. Based upon A Princess of Mars, “John Carter” is a largely silly and derivative piece of pulp science fiction/fantasy but its hard not to get enthralled in the imaginative world that Burroughs created as the exceptional visuals are worth the price of admission alone. 

Haunted by the death of his wife and daughter, former Confederate Army cavalry officer John Carter (Taylor Kitsch) spends his days prospecting in 1868 Arizona, searching for the legendary ‘Spider’s Cave’ that is rumored to be full of gold. However, he is captured by the 7th Cavalry Regiment led by Colonel Powell (Bryan Cranston), who wishes to enlist Carter in fighting the Apaches thanks to his impressive Civil War record. He steadfastly refuses and eventually escapes from his prison cell on Powell’s horse. Powell and his men give chase but are forced to stop when they come upon a band of Apache warriors. Carter attempts to negotiate with them but a nervous cavalryman shoots and kills one of the Apaches. The two sides clash in a gun battle and Carter makes a break for it in the ensuing chaos but when he sees Powell suffer a bullet wound, he goes back to save him. They are chased to the mouth of a cave, prompting the Apaches to retreat even though they have them cornered. Carter finds a nine-legged spider symbol while exploring the cave and realizes that he has found his gold. Before he can collect his reward, a strange grey-robed man suddenly materializes and attacks him. After a short struggle, Carter manages to shoot the man dead and picks up a strange silver medallion. With his dying breath, the man mumbles a phrase and the word Barsoom. The medallion glows an eerie blue and Carter suddenly wakes up in a barren desert wasteland. He finds himself unable to walk properly as each step causes him to leap into the air and fall flat on his stomach. Carter comes face-to-face with a group of tusked, four-armed humanoids speaking in a language he cannot understand. The leader, or Jeddak, identifies himself as Tars Tarkas (voice of Willem Dafoe), who is amazed at Carter’s skill in jumping and captures him. The humanoids, known as Tharks, bring Carter to their city, where he is cared for by a woman named Sola (voice of Samantha Morton) and is fed a strange liquid that allows him to understand what the Tharks are saying. Carter attempts to escape but fails and Tars Tarkas punishes him and Sola as she was responsible for him. However, the arrival of two airships in battle gives Carter a reprieve but when he sees a young human woman clinging to the edge of her ship, he leaps to save her. The woman is named Dejah Thoris (Lynn Collins), a princess from the city of Helium. Carter finally learns that he is on Mars (called Barsoom by the natives) and that the planet is embroiled in a civil war between Helium and Zodanga, led by the tyrannical Sab Than (Dominic West). Although initially wanting nothing more than to get home, Carter falls in love with Dejah and eventually comes to fight for not just the people of Helium, but for the Tharks as well. Meanwhile, another grey-robed man named Matai Shang (Mark Strong) watches on the sidelines, curious to learn more about the newly-arrived human. 

With ridiculous names like Barsoom, Tars Tarkas, and Dejah Thoris, it’s easy to dismiss “John Carter” as a silly science fiction/fantasy affair made for children but that would be doing the film a disservice. The story is a by-the-numbers affair featuring the classic hero’s journey popularized by films such as the original “Star Wars” but it’s easy to forgive its derivative nature when looking at the fact that the work of Edgar Rice Burroughs’ served as the inspiration for directors that include George Lucas and James Cameron to even comic book writers such as Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster, the creators of DC Comics’ Superman. Without him, none of their works would’ve existed but I doubt many people know or even care for this if one were to look at the film’s anemic box office earnings. There is no questioning that “John Carter” is a flawed film but it largely works because Stanton sets the bar high for himself, going to great lengths to bring to life the world that Burroughs created in his novels and it’s hard not to become enthralled as Carter encounters all manners of wondrous species and locations in his adventure. However, even with its 2 hours and 12 minute running time, the story feels stuffed and often comes off as muddled. Some of the character subplots such as the one involving Tars Tarkas and his daughter are glossed over and the motivations of each of the factions on Mars are never made entirely clear, although it is obvious that the conflict is meant to reflect the American Civil War and the displacement of Native Americans. It is easy to tell the heroes and villains apart thanks to the red and blue colors they wear but why they are fighting remains vague. The explanation from the mastermind behind the Zodanga invasion provides precious little answers as well. While it does not derail the film, the ending is also anticlimactic and rushed with a large amount of exposition thrown in to explain how Carter travels to Mars. 

The film features a lot of CG effects and given how complex Burroughs imagined Mars to be, it was necessary. Every penny out of that $250 million budget is apparent on-screen from the motion capture work of the Tharks to the action scenes that include Carter battling with gargantuan white apes who find their prey through smell. The technology depicted is both futuristic and old-fashioned given its pulp roots with large airships used as transportation and trading cannon fire as ships that sail on water would. Weapons remain of the swords and rifle category, reinforcing the swashbuckling nature of the film. I did not view “John Carter” in 3D but it appears that it was post-converted with little enthusiasm judging from Stanton’s comment where he remarked that he had ‘no say over whether it's in 3D.’ Some critics have described the 3D as abysmal but the general consensus is that it was competent but still mediocre. 

The characters have simple personalities so there is not much effort needed on the part of the cast but the acting is surprisingly sincere. Taylor Kitsch makes for a credible action hero with his gruff demeanor even if it is apparent that his range is limited. Lynn Collins bares her midriff (and sometimes cleavage) in every costume she wears but thankfully she’s not the helpless damsel-in-distress the commercials made her out to be. The two have a good rapport which helps make their growing love for each other convincing. While the heroes themselves are fleshed-out, the villains played by Dominic West and Mark Strong is two-dimensional and never come across as little more than annoyances despite the powers they wield. The supporting cast such as Willem Dafoe, Samantha Morton, and Thomas Haden Church only provide their voices but they manage to make you look past the fact that their characters are CG constructs and accept them as real people. Character actor Ciarán Hinds, Bryan Cranston, and Daryl Sabara play small but inconsequential roles. 

Released on March 9, 2012, “John Carter” has received mixed reviews with 51% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics admitted that the film ‘looks terrific and delivers its share of pulpy thrills [but] it also suffers from uneven pacing and occasionally incomprehensible plotting and characterization.’ However, it will now be remembered for being one of the biggest box office flops this year. Although $185 million worldwide is nothing to sneeze at, it is certainly a far cry from its production budget and marketing costs. The problem is not in the quality of the film but in how it was marketing to people. For one, it would’ve helped to mention Edgar Rice Burroughs’ name and connect it to something familiar such as Tarzan. I doubt anyone knew that the two were connected because I certainly didn’t but I always research the films I’m reviewing before going to see them. I do not expect people to do that considering the trouble they have in picking a film to see but that is a rant best left for another day. “John Carter” is neither a great nor terrible film but it is worth seeing despite the muddled story-telling. Do not let the box office numbers keep you away because those are ultimately irrelevant in deciding whether a film is good or bad. Too often, people equate big box office numbers with a quality film when this is not always true. We’ll probably never see a “John Carter 2” at this point but I’m glad Andrew Stanton made this one.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

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