Rated
R (Bloody Horror Violence, Grisly Images, Sexual Content and Language)
Running
Time: 1 Hour & 15 Minutes
Cast:
Stephan
Smith Collins/Fred Tatasciore (voice)-Pinhead
Jay
Gillespie-Nico Bradley/Pseudo Pinhead
Nick
Eversman-Steven Craven
Tracey
Fairaway-Emma Craven
Steven
Brand-Ross Craven
Devon
Sorvari-Sarah Craven
Sebastien
Roberts-Peter Bradley
Sanny
Van Heteren-Kate Bradley
Jolene
Andersen-Female Chatterer Cenobite
Daniel
Buran-The Vagrant
Directed
by Víctor García
 |
| What have they done to you, Pinhead? |
Hey,
remember when the “Hellraiser” franchise was actually good? I still do but these memories are fast fading away
given the eleven years of crap fans have been forced to put up with. For the
past several years Dimension Films/The Weinstein Company has been working on a
remake of the original “Hellraiser” but as of right now it’s currently mired in
development hell. Numerous directors and writers have signed on to work on the
film but were forced to drop out due to creative differences and lack of
progress. Faced with losing the rights to the franchise, The Weinstein Company
rushed a ninth film into production
in August 2010, under the working title “Hellraiser Revelations,” which
eventually became the final title. Having Doug Bradley return as the iconic
Cenobite Pinhead was a no-brainer but the actor shocked fans when he announced
that he will not be signing on to
reprise his famous role, as it did ‘not
seem to [him] to represent a serious attempt to revive the Hellraiser franchise.’ Filmed under an estimated $300,000
production budget in two weeks with a no-name cast, “Hellraiser Revelations”
was shown in a single theater earlier
this year in what was a ‘cast and crew’ screening that was also open to the
public. This marked the first time in fifteen years that a “Hellraiser” film
was released into theaters. A month before its release on DVD and Blu-Ray, the
film received a limited theatrical run as part of a double feature with the
equally low-budget “Zombies Diaries 2: World of the Dead.” The world of horror
is littered with flicks like these in the video aisle of your local department
store. The real question is whether “Hellraiser Revelations” is as bad as every
online critic has been saying and from a hardcore fan, I would say that there
are worse films made but the end result on display here is still undeniably
terrible. While I commend Gary J. Tunnicliffe for its back-to-basics script in
an attempt to mirror the original, it’s quite apparent from the cast and crew
involved that no amount of effort was put in, with the exception of the makeup
effects. The reason this film is a failure is not the low budget or the
re-casting of Pinhead, it’s because everyone has given up before the cameras even
started to roll, which is a shame as there are glimmers of good ideas here. If
the crew had faith in the project and the script were polished, fans could’ve
gotten something watchable but instead we’re now witnessing the final wheezing
death knell of a once promising horror franchise.
Nico Bradley (Jay Gillespie)
and Steven Craven (Nick Eversman) are best friends who have inexplicably run
away to Tijuana, Mexico. They film themselves engaging in several days of
drunken partying but suddenly disappear after an encounter with a strange, bald
man with pins driven into his skull. Their belongings, including the digital
camera documenting their final moments, are turned over to their individual
families. A year later Steven’s parents—Ross (Steven Brand) and Sarah (Devon
Sorvari), with his sister Emma (Tracey Fairaway)—invite Nico’s parents—Peter (Sebastien
Roberts) and Kate (Sanny Van Heteren)—over for dinner in an attempt to move on
from their sons’ disappearances. Although her mother forbids it, Emma views the
recording on Steven’s camera and discovers that Nico, whom she had been dating,
had casually murdered a prostitute after having rough sex with her in a dingy
bathroom. Steven wants to contact the local authorities but Nico blackmails him
into silence by threatening to implicate him in the crime. Rummaging through
the duffel bag recovered in Tijuana, Emma finds a strange puzzle box known as
the Lament Configuration. Steven suddenly appears while she plays with the box
and the families attempt to rush him to the hospital, only to discover that all
the cars have disappeared and the phones dead. Before the night is over, dark
secrets will be revealed, leading the families into a deadly confrontation with
the diabolical Pinhead (Stephan Smith Collins) and his cadre of sadomasochistic
Cenobites!
Looking at the theatrical poster of “Hellraiser Revelations” and the
large amount of derisive comments on how Pinhead appears to be ‘taking a dump,’
I find it hard to disagree considering this is what Dimension Films and The
Weinstein Company has done. In response to the initial promotional material, Clive
Barker angrily wrote on Twitter that he had ‘NOTHING to do with the f*ckin'
thing. If they claim it’s from the mind of Clive Barker, it’s a lie. It's not
even from my butt-hole.’ Makeup effects guru Gary J. Tunnicliffe wrote the
script (I assume no actual writer
with self-respect wanted to get involved) and he attempts to bring this ninth
installment back to its roots by mirroring the original, which is admirable but
it’s all for nothing because the lack of logic and effort shows in every scene.
The film begins in a ‘found footage’ style that’s all the rage these days but
abandons it after the first ten minutes. Why bother with it if you’re not even
going to follow through? The constant switch from a first to a third-person
narrative exacerbates in what is already a poorly paced film as logic is thrown
out the window once the cars inexplicably disappear and the phones go dead. Not
even cell phones work because Ross lives in an area in the suburbs with no
reception! Random scenes of Pinhead listening in on the families bickering
amongst each other are shown as he can now apparently eavesdrop through the
Lament Configuration…and commit grand theft auto. Oh, that silly Pinhead! The
climax gets all sorts of ridiculous as one of the characters is fired upon with
a shotgun at point-blank range and manages to survive for close to fifteen
minutes even with his guts spilling
out. A whole speech is made on the lack of meaning life holds in suburbia
America but it’s all half-baked and the terrible acting does not help. Some
incest is also included in a pointless exercise in titillation. The only praise
I can give is the makeup effects and gore, of which there is many. Skin is
bloodily ripped apart and hooked chains go piercing into flesh but the lack of
any new Cenobites is one of many disappointments. There’s even two Pinheads in a sort of ‘Mini-Me’
situation from “Austin Powers.”
Of course, the main issue on every fan’s mind
is the recasting of Pinhead. Stephan Smith Collins is passable and the voice
(provided by Fred Tatasciore) sounds menacing enough but ultimately there’s something off with his performance. He’s
too physically imposing and the costume fits him poorly with these distracting
shoulder pads. Doug Bradley brought a cold, calculating elegance to the
character even when the sequels were scraping the bottom of the barrel. As for
the rest of the cast, I wouldn’t be surprised if they were just randomly
dragged off the street. Steven Brand, whom you might recognize as Memnon from
2002’s “The Scorpion King,” manages something akin to an actual performance but
everyone else is laughably bad. Compounding these problems is some of the worst dialogue ever written, including
such gems like ‘the plan is to get your d*ck wet’ and ‘there is no better buzz than
a tequila buzz!’ Last but not least, Tijuana is annoyingly pronounced ‘TI-HUAN-NA.’ Tracey Fairaway spends the
whole film running around in the lowest-cut top I’ve ever seen and the parents’
terrorized reactions, especially Sanny Van Heteren’s, are so over-the-top that it’ll elicit fits of loud laughter rather than
dread. Honestly, I’m not surprised considering that “Hellraiser Revelations” is
the cinematic equivalent of an ashcan copy so why bother putting in the effort
but a better question is, why bother wasting money and releasing it to the
public? Surely, people aren’t going to buy
it, are they? Released on DVD and Blu-Ray on October 18, 2011, “Hellraiser
Revelations” looks decent enough, although it has that pristine look often
associated with high-definition cameras, which I find ill-suited for such a
film. Audio is fine as well but it’s quite apparent that the sound equipment
used was on the cheap side. As for special features, there’s only a bunch of
deleted scenes which you can already view on-line. At least there are subtitles
compared to Echo Bridge’s “Hellraiser” releases on Blu-Ray.
“Hellraiser
Revelations” had a limited theatrical run on September 2, 2011 as part of a
double feature with “Zombies Diaries 2: World of the Dead” but any reviews you
find on-line will be overwhelmingly negative. Even those who awarded the film a
passing score (like Examiner.com) were reserved with their praise, although I
highly disagree with Erik Tomren writing that ‘Clive Barker should be thankful
that his vision is still inspiring others.’ It’s not ‘inspiring’ anyone as this
is nothing but a last ditch attempt to wring the few pennies from the pockets
of devoted fans. I do not blame Gary J. Tunnicliffe or director Víctor García
for the film’s poor quality as they knew what they were getting into and did
the best they could within the confines of the budget as provided. The real
people who are at fault are The Weinstein Company. Making an ashcan copy to
keep the rights is fine but by releasing it direct-to-video just reeks of greed
and desperation. If you’re a hardcore fan of “Hellraiser,” I only recommend
watching this ninth installment once
just to satiate your curiosity but for everyone else, stay away…far away
because the suffering is indeed legendary!
Final
Rating: 1 out of 5
“Birth...is
pain. Each nail...each new square of flesh...wrenches you further from the
fleshy existence you knew before.”
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