Rated
PG-13 (Sequences of Intense Fantasy Action and Violence Throughout)
Running
Time: 1 Hour & 33 Minutes
Cast-
Aaron
Eckhart-Adam Frankenstein
Yvonne
Strahovski-Dr. Terra Wade
Miranda
Otto-Leonore, the Gargoyle Queen
Bill
Nighy-Prince Naberius/Charles Wessex
Jai
Courtney-Gideon
Mahesh
Jadu-Ophir
Caitlin
Stasey-Keziah
Nicholas
Bell-Dr. Carl Avery
Deniz
Akdeniz-Barachel
Chris
Pang-Levi
Socratis
Otto-Zuriel
Steve
Mouzakis-Helek
Goran
Kleut-Rekem
Kevin
Grevioux-Dekar
Bruce
Spence-Molokai
Aden
Young-Dr. Victor Frankenstein
Virginie
Le Brun-Elizabeth Lavenza-Frankenstein
Directed
by Stuart Beattie
 |
| Aaron Eckhart stars in "I, Frankenstein," another strong contender for one of the worst films of 2014. |
Note: At AMC Loews 34th Street 14.
Is
it just me or are January films getting increasingly dumber every year? First
there was the massive sh*t stain that was Renny Harlin's "The Legend of
Hercules" and now we have Stuart Beattie's equally horrible "I, Frankenstein,"
based on the Darkstorm Studios graphic novel of the same name by Kevin Grevioux.
Apparently, said graphic novel doesn't even have to be published nowadays before
being adapted into a film. I searched for it on every comic book website I could
think of (as I needed the publication year for this review) but could only find
a lone listing on ComicVine for I, Frankenstein:
Genesis, a 2013 digital prequel for the film. The reality is that there is
no graphic novel, at least not in the form that we know of. When Grevioux (who previously
launched the "Underworld" franchise in 2003 with director Len Wiseman)
sold the first draft of his screenplay to Lakeshore Entertainment in 2010, he used
the graphic novel pages that he had as
part of his initial pitch because the concept of 'Frankenstein as a superhero'
was seemingly too difficult to grasp for the producers. The resulting film
reflects their lack of intelligence as "I, Frankenstein" 'reeks of studio
interference by a collective of clueless behind-the-curtain bigwigs who don't give
a damn about creative expression (Dustin Putman). "I, Frankenstein"
is another strong contender for one of the worst films of 2014, a listless, dramatically
inert, and visually ugly affair that's punctuated by mind-numbing action scenes
so loud that you'll leave the theater angry with a pounding headache. Mary
Shelley must be rolling in her grave right now.
In
1795, the brilliant scientist Victor Frankenstein (Aden Young) brings to life a
hulking creature stitched together from body parts culled from various corpses and
awakened through the power of electricity. Horrified by his creation, Victor attempts
to dispose of the creature by dumping it into the river under a bridge but
still it lived and in retaliation, the creature kills Victor's wife Elizabeth (Virginie
Le Brun). Victor chases the fleeing monster to the Artic yet freezes to death before
he can exact his revenge. The creature later recovers its creator's body and carries
him to his family's cemetery, where he is subsequently buried. Following the burial,
two demons suddenly attack the creature but it is rescued by two gargoyles that
were perched on a nearby castle. Taking on human form, the demon hunters—whose
names are Ophir (Mahesh Jadu) and Keziah (Caitlin Stasey)—bring Frankenstein's creation
to Leonore (Miranda Otto), the leader of the 'Gargoyle Order.' Naming the creature
'Adam' (Aaron Eckhart), Leonore explains to him that their order was formed by
the archangel Michael in order to turn the tide in the ongoing battle against
the demons, spawned from the depths of Hell itself. She asks Adam to join their
ranks but he gruffly declines, choosing to go his own way. For over two hundred
years, Adam wages a one-man war against the demons while the dark prince Naberius
(Bill Nighy), in his guise as wealthy businessman Charles Wessex, attempts to
replicate Victor Frankenstein's experiment with the help of human electro-physiologists
Terra Wade (Yvonne Strahovski) and Carl Avery (Nicholas Bell). When Adam's hunt
for his pursuers results in the death of an innocent human bystander, he is
forcibly pulled back into the ancient war between the gargoyles and the demons.
Chased by a rebellious gargoyle named Gideon (Jai Courtney), Adam seeks refuge
with Terra and together they search for Frankenstein's long-lost journal before
Naberius can use it for his nefarious plans.
With
almost every comic book property adapted into a film already, Hollywood studios
are increasingly turning to fairy tales and classic literature for inspiration by
reimagining the main characters as—you guessed it—action heroes. I admit that I
was actually looking forward to seeing "I, Frankenstein" as the premise,
despite its inherent silliness, held some promise. Even if the film didn't turn
out as good as I had hoped, at least there would be some cheap action thrills but
Stuart Beattie's picture can't even meet that
modest expectation. The brainchild of writer/actor Kevin Grevioux, "I, Frankenstein"
is essentially a derivative rip-off of the "Underworld" films (which
were already derivative to begin with), minus the interesting world-building and
Romeo-and-Juliet romance. Instead of Vampires and Lycans, we get Gargoyles and
Demons. Its ties to Mary Shelley's 1818 novel are tenuous at best as it compresses
the entirety of her book into a two-minute prologue. Obviously, you expect a
film with the title "I, Frankenstein" to be ridiculous and
over-the-top but Beattie and Grevioux treat the material with the utmost seriousness,
like they're adapting Fyodor Dostoyevsky's Crime
and Punishment for the big screen. Well, the 'punishment' part isn't far
from accurate, especially for those who willingly choose to grind through this unholy
mess…like me. The dialogue is often overloaded with nonsensical exposition and
it's hard not to laugh as characters matter-of-factly explain to others about the
ongoing war between the gargoyles and the demons. The only intentionally humorous
moment is when Dr. Terra Wade exclaims 'Oh sh*t!' upon seeing a demon for the
first time. "I, Frankenstein" needed more scenes like that one. When
you're dealing with a ludicrously silly premise like this, it's essential for
the film to embrace its own silliness but Beattie ultimately turns what could've
been a fun ninety minute ride into a cold and lifeless slog. He also does absolutely
nothing with the setting as the nameless city in which the story takes place in
only consists of empty alleyways and dilapidated office buildings. It's frankly
astonishing that the gargoyles can't even locate where the demons are hiding
when the city's two largest structures are their church and the Wessex Institute.
Hell, they're basically right around the corner from each other! Even more head-scratching
is that there's not a single human being
to be found besides Wade, Avery, and some random bystander that gets killed
almost immediately. The entire world is at stake so where the hell did everyone
go? You expect me to believe that not one person is remotely curious as to why
the sky is constantly filled with blue light shafts or whirling streams of fire?
The
action scenes could've been the film's sole saving grace but even these fail to
excite as they devolve into a mind-numbing jumble punctuated by loud explosions,
amateurish CGI, and dreary visuals. Delayed for eleven months in order to be
post-converted into 3D and digitally re-mastered for IMAX screens, both premium
formats fail to bring much to the table and quite honestly, are a waste of
money. Then again, this $65 million-budgeted picture is a waste of money. The
cast tries their best to elevate the third-rate material but many of them are
given almost nothing to work with. Aaron Eckhart has the physicality and
gravitas to portray a superhero-like Frankenstein yet the script fails to give
his character much of a personality and traps the actor with a permanently
constipated grimace. Yvonne Strahovski is pretty…and that's about it really.
One scene does tease some sexual tension between Adam and Terra, with Eckhart
showing off his sculpted frame for the camera. However, this moment is swept
aside like it never even happened. Miranda Otto is partially successful in making
the inane dialogue work while Bill Nighy chews the scenery as if his life
depended on it. Nighy is the only one who understands what kind of film he's in
given his role in the "Underworld" films and acts accordingly.
Unfortunately, the British actor ends up being saddled with a face full of makeup
that makes his dialogue all but indecipherable.
Released
on January 24, 2014, "I, Frankenstein" has received overwhelmingly dismal
reviews with a pathetic 5% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics called it 'loud,
incoherent, and dramatically listless, [the film] is a remarkably dull fantasy
adventure that fails to generate much excitement or interest in its characters.'
What's worse is that I had to pay twenty dollars to see this garbage as the
advance screening was suddenly cancelled due to the recent winter storm. This
shouldn't come as a surprise but Beattie's film is already a full-fledged box
office flop and is estimated to earn less than $10 million over the weekend.
There's nothing more to be said about "I, Frankenstein." This is an
abysmal film, the second this year already, and is not only an embarrassment to
everyone involved but to cinema as well.
Final
Rating: 1.5 out of 5
"I,
descender of the demon hoard. I, my father's son. I, Frankenstein…I am out
there fighting to defend you."
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