The Help Review

Rated PG-13 (Thematic Material)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 26 Minutes

Cast:

Emma Stone-Eugenia 'Skeeter' Phelan

Viola Davis-Aibileen Clark

Octavia Spencer-Minny Jackson

Bryce Dallas Howard-Hilly Holbrook

Jessica Chastain-Celia Foote

Ahna O'Reilly-Elizabeth Leefolt

Allison Janney-Charlotte Phelan

Sissy Spacek-Mrs. Walters

Mary Steenburgen-Elain Stein

Anna Camp-Jolene French

Chris Lowell-Stuart Whitworth

Mike Vogel-Johnny Foote

Ted Welch-William Holbrook

Aunjanue Ellis-Yule Mae Davis

Cicely Tyson-Constantine Jefferson

Directed by Tate Taylor

The cast deliver great performances but "The Help" ultimately plays it too safe with its themes.

Looking back, it’s surprising to see that only forty-three years have passed since the end of the African American Civil Rights Movement yet it would be naïve for one to think that racism has been eliminated. Formal racial discrimination was effectively banned in the U.S. in 1964 but its ugly legacy continues to permeate all facets of modern American society from socio-economic inequality among minorities to racial stratification in areas such as employment, education, housing, lending, and government. Hollywood and mainstream media in general, has perpetuated racial stereotypes and continues to do so. People will always harbor prejudices against other races. This is simply the reality of the world we live in. Now we have “The Help,” a film based on Kathryn Stockett’s best-selling fiction novel of the same name which explores the racial discrimination faced by African American maids living in Jackson, Mississippi during the early 1960’s. I must admit, the initial previews failed to impress me as it came off as one of those emotionally manipulative, lightweight dramas that Hollywood sees fit to recycle every year so I decided to hold off on reviewing it until the Blu-Ray was released. However, the strong word-of-mouth combined with the surprisingly positive reviews from critics made me change my mind. Although bolstered by strong performances from Viola Davis and a lively Octavia Spencer, my initial impressions of “The Help” weren’t that far off as ultimately the film plays it too safe by not fully exploring the ugliness of racism that pervaded America in the time period it depicts. 

Recent college graduate Eugenia ‘Skeeter’ Phelan (Emma Stone) returns home to Jackson, Mississippi in 1962 with aspirations of being a writer. She manages to land a job at the Jackson Journal newspaper writing the ‘Miss Myrna’ housekeeping column and reconnects with her old friends, Hilly Holbrook (Bryce Dallas Howard) and Elizabeth Leefolt (Ahna O'Reilly). All of the wealthy white households employ at least one African American maid and Skeeter asks Elizabeth if her maid, Aibileen Clark (Viola Davis), can help her with writing the Miss Myrna columns. Elizabeth reluctantly agrees on the condition that it does not interfere with Aibileen’s duties. Hilly is currently lobbying for a bill dubbed the ‘Home Health Sanitation Initiative’ which would require all white households to build a separate bathroom to be used solely by the ‘colored’ help and requests Skeeter to advertise the proposed law in the Jackson Journal as soon as possible. Meanwhile, Skeeter’s sick mother, Charlotte (Allison Janney), repeatedly chastises her daughter for still being single and unmarried. Skeeter confronts her family about the whereabouts of their former maid, Constantine Jefferson (Cicely Tyson), the woman who raised her as if she were her own child and suspects that she did not quit by choice. While reminiscing about Constantine and viewing first-hand the way the Leefolts treat Aibileen as property rather than as a human being, Skeeter gets an idea and calls Elain Stein (Mary Steenburgen), the editor of Harper & Row Publishing, about writing a book from the point of view of the help. Stein agrees that she’ll take a look at whatever she writes if she can get one of the maids to be interviewed. At Hilly’s house, her maid Minny Jackson (Octavia Spencer) needs to use the bathroom but is unable to step outside due to a raging storm. Although Hilly’s mother, Mrs. Walters (Sissy Spacek), says she can use the bathroom in the house, Hilly absolutely forbids it and fires Minny when she catches her using it. Skeeter asks Aibileen about being interviewed for her book but she refuses, afraid that she will lose her job or face violence for speaking out against her white employers. Aibileen eventually relents after being inspired by a sermon in church and begins to tell Skeeter about her experiences and true feelings about working for the Leefolts. Her close friend, Minny, decides to contribute as well but makes it clear that what they’re doing is crazy and dangerous. Minny manages to find a new job working for a wealthy naïve woman named Celia Foote (Jessica Chastain) and bond due to their ostracized status. 

In his own review, Roger Ebert admits that he enjoyed watching “The Help” despite it being ‘a feel-good fable, a story that deals with pain but doesn't care to be that painful.’ This is the main issue with the film as it handles its racial themes of prejudice and discrimination in a way that is too simple and safe, as if afraid to offend anyone. At times, the film almost seems self-congratulatory about the progress America has made in achieving equality, making it seem like racism is now a thing of the past. One scene that really captured the fear that gripped all African Americans living in the Jim Crow-controlled South is when Aibileen and another man are ordered off the bus by a police officer as someone has been murdered. This ‘someone’ is Medgar Evers, a civil rights activist who was assassinated outside his home on June 12, 1963, just hours after President John F. Kennedy’s speech on national television where he proclaimed his support for the civil rights movement. Aibileen runs home in fear of being violently accosted because this was the reality of the world she, and all African Americans, lived in. Unfortunately, these moments are few and far between as director Tate Taylor spends much of the film tiptoeing around its themes, exploring them in broad strokes without any shades of grey as characters are depicted either as idealistic, saintly, or prejudiced that border on being overly cartoonish. The film’s tone is often too saccharine to the point of being emotionally manipulative. Scenes involving Constantine are especially guilty of this as is the unlikely bond that develops between Minny and Celia. To a lesser extent, “The Help” also touches upon the limited opportunities of women and their imposed role as housewives by a patriarchal society where a woman getting a job instead of settling down was considered shocking. In addition, wealthy women are presented as unfit mothers because they rely on their maids to do the child-rearing so much and are unable to provide the love their children needs. 

As an adaptation of a 544-page novel, Taylor’s script could have used some streamlining as many of the subplots are extraneous at best and contribute nothing but a bloated, two-and-a-half hour running time. We certainly did not need the romance subplot involving Skeeter and Stuart Whitworth (Chris Lowell) and the interactions between Minny and Celia is disconnected from all the other characters save for a few scenes. It seems to have been included as a way to reassure audiences that ‘not all white people are bad.’ To the film’s credit, it does boast some solid laughs, especially from Octavia Spencer’s Minny as a sass-talking maid who’s unafraid to speak her mind. She has a scene with Howard’s Hilly involving a pie baked with a secret ingredient that drew guffaws from the audience. Ultimately, “The Help” has its heart in the right place but its exploration of racial discrimination in the early 1960’s, combined with its thinly-drawn characters, is just too superficial and safe to make the emotional impact it wants. 

The cast manages to be the saving grace of the film, especially from Viola Davis, who deserves to be nominated for an Academy Award for Best Supporting Actress. Davis, looking worn and tired, is a woman simply trying to survive but there comes a point where self-preservation isn’t enough and that for the sake of herself and everyone she has to voice her opinion, no matter how dangerous it is. Her character is the heart and soul of the film and I believe “The Help” would’ve been much better off just focusing on her. Octavia Spencer serves as comic relief with her exaggerated behavior and comes dangerously close to being a stereotype but the laughs she provides is simply priceless. She may very well end up competing with Davis in the same category. Although she receives top-billing, Emma Stone isn’t as integral to the plot, even if the film tries hard to develop her character. She is simply just the ‘glue’ that holds all the disparate plot strands together. Stone’s performance is fine but it is neither her best nor her most memorable role. Bryce Dallas Howard really makes you hate her as two-faced and hypocritical Hilly Holbrook but she ends up being a one-note character. There’s no attempt to explore why she is the way she is. Hilly is a racist, plain and simple. Finally there’s Jessica Chastain as a bubbly and easily excited airhead, which I found adorable. 

Released on August 10, 2011, “The Help” has received surprisingly positive reviews with 74% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics agreed that that the film is ‘arguably guilty of glossing over its racial themes, [but it] rises on the strength of its cast—particularly Viola Davis, whose performance is powerful enough to carry the film on its own.’ Although it had an opening weekend debut of $26 million ($36 million when including Wednesday and Thursday grosses), coming in at #2 behind “Rise of the Planet of the Apes,” the film leaped to #1 in its second week of release, which is a rare feat helped along by positive word-of-mouth and weak late summer fare. With already $79 million in the bank, it’s already a hit in a summer that has been bereft of any drama films. Audience turnout was above-average for a weekday and they seemed to thoroughly enjoy the film. I believe I even heard a couple of sniffles. “The Help” boasts some excellent performances but its script is simply too pedestrian and needed to be more daring in its exploration of race relations in early 1960’s Mississippi. It succeeds as a lightweight drama for those who do not want to think too much but that’s ultimately all it does.

Final Rating: 3 out of 5

“Courage sometimes skips a generation. Thank you for bringing it back to our family.”

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Fright Night (2011) Review

Rated R (Bloody Horror Violence, and Language including some Sexual References)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast:

Anton Yelchin-Charley Brewster

Colin Farrell-Jerry Dandrige

Imogen Poots-Amy Peterson

David Tennant-Peter Vincent

Toni Collette-Jane Brewster

Christopher Mintz-Plasse-Edward ‘Evil Ed’ Lee

Dave Franco-Mark

Reid Ewing-Ben

Will Denton-Adam Johnson

Sandra Vergara-Ginger

Emily Montague-Doris

Directed by Craig Gillespie

Colin Farrell gives Edward Cullen a run for his money in Craig Gillespie's remake of "Fright Night."

Action, comedy, and romance films have dominated this summer but one genre that’s been overlooked is horror. Sure, there was “Priest” back in May but despite its strong visuals, the film ended up being a dull and uninspired affair. The month of August has been making up for the relative lack of horror films, one of which is “Fright Night,” a remake of the 1985 original of the same name. The original “Fright Night,” which starred Roddy McDowall of “Planet of the Apes” fame in a supporting role, is far from a cinematic masterpiece but it was well-received by critics upon its release (93% on Rotten Tomatoes) and fans today have a certain nostalgic fondness for the film. A sequel was released in 1989, titled “Fright Night Part II” but it saw a very limited release as Jose Menendez, the head of distribution company New Century/Vista, was murdered by his two sons, throwing the company into chaos and delaying the sequel’s release. When a “Fright Night” remake was announced as far back as 2009, fan reaction was understandably mixed as many felt it was unnecessary to redo a cult classic and that it came off as a desperate 3D cash-grab. While this new version of “Fright Night” doesn’t do anything wholly new or original, the film’s gleeful blend of suspense and comedy, combined with the cast’s lively performances, especially Colin Farrell’s, makes this new rendition a fun ride and an example of what a proper remake should be. 

Charley Brewster (Anton Yelchin) is a high school student living in the suburbs located on the outskirts of Las Vegas. He has a great relationship with his mother, Jane (Toni Collette), and a beautiful girlfriend, Amy Peterson (Imogen Poots). One day after class, Charley’s former best friend, Edward ‘Evil Ed’ Lee (Christopher Mintz-Plasse) informs him that several of their fellow students have gone missing, including his friend Adam, which has him concerned. Charley disregards this but Ed blackmails him into visiting Adam’s house to see if there’s anything amiss. Returning home after school, Jane introduces Charley and Amy to their new neighbor, Jerry Dandrige (Colin Farrell), who is helping with some minor repairs as he works in construction. Jerry flirts with Jane and is clearly smitten with Amy, leaving Charley feeling uncomfortable. At Adam’s house, which appears to be abandoned, Ed drops a bombshell on Charley and reveals that Jerry is a vampire. In disbelief, Charley angrily scolds his former friend to grow up and leaves. The next day, Charley notices that Ed is absent from class, which raises his suspicions. Later that night, Jerry asks Charley if he can borrow some beer as he is expecting female company but appears to be unable to enter his neighbor’s house, as if there was some sort of barrier preventing him. Charley spies on Jerry throughout the night and hears a woman scream. He breaks into his house once Jerry leaves and discovers a false wall behind the closet, leading to a small hallway with a number of locked rooms. He sees Jerry’s date held prisoner in one of the rooms and attempts to free her to no avail. Jerry returns, forcing Charley to hide, and to his horror he sees him feeding on the woman, confirming all of Ed’s claims that he is a vampire. When his mother and his girlfriend’s lives are threatened, Charley is forced to put his fear behind him in order to defeat Jerry. 

I have not seen the original “Fright Night” as it is not available on Blu-Ray yet but I did read up on it before seeing this new rendition. The remake keeps the basic premise but forges its own path that is fresh yet also honors the original film. While it’s not particularly scary, it is suspenseful thanks to some strong pacing from director Craig Gillespie, whose only credits thus far has been 2007’s “Mr. Woodcock” and the critically-acclaimed indie flick “Lars and the Real Girl.” Gillespie is aware of his film’s inherent silliness and provides quite a lot of laugh-out-loud moments to keep things from being too serious but he also does not downplay the threat that Jerry poses, whom Ed compares to the shark from “Jaws.” One of the many problems plaguing modern horror films is that it never develops its characters and even when the writers try, the results are always sloppy and half-baked. Color me surprised when writer Marti Noxon believably turns an everyday high school student into a bona-fide vampire hunter. At its core, the film is just about a kid forced to protect his loved ones from a killer who turns out to be a four hundred-year-old vampire and it is that simplicity which makes it so engaging to watch as we become emotionally invested in this character. There’s even a surprising bit of subtext about never forsaking who you are to please others because in the end, you’re only lying to yourself and everyone around you. This is reinforced when Ed shows up during the second half, the circumstances of which I won’t reveal. The story does have some lapses in logic but it’s relatively minor and relates to the puzzling lack of law enforcement despite the fact that a house gets blown up and no one, not even the neighbors, seem to notice! While action scenes are sparse, there is an excellent car chase through an open stretch of road at night which was shot in one take and ends with a reveal of Jerry’s true vampire form, plus a welcome cameo that I won’t spoil. 

Eschewing the use of make-up in the original film, the vampire transformation effects were done in CG to keep costs down. It looks competent but also obvious that it’s rendered on a computer. Although you wouldn’t notice it from the advertisements or previews, “Fright Night” is being shown in 3D but I stuck with plain-old 2D instead. While it’s not a post-conversion, shooting in 3D serves no tangible benefit as much of the film takes place in dimly-lit environments and is used in a gimmicky, old-fashioned manner that includes excessive blood splatters or objects being thrown, invoking the cheap thrills seen in 1980’s horror flicks. Some critics have commented that Gillespie tries his best to take advantage of the extra dimension but he should have just utilized 2D, which is highly recommended for audiences interested in seeing the film. 

What elevates “Fright Night” is the cast with Anton Yelchin displaying quite a bit of range as his character convincingly transforms from an awkward, self-absorbed nerd to someone who is determined to protect his loved ones, knowing that he might not come out of it alive but is left with no choice. I appreciated the everyman aspect of Charley as it made him more relatable to his plight. Replacing Roddy McDowall as Peter Vincent is David Tennant, best known as the tenth incarnation of the BBC’s long-running science-fiction television series “Doctor Who.” Tennant is a riot and generates a lot of laughs as an eccentric celebrity magician with too much money to spend. His best scenes are when he interacts with his loud assistant Ginger, played by Sandra Vergara, who is the younger sister of Sofia Vergara. However, it is Colin Farrell who makes the film so fun to watch. An inspired choice, he clearly enjoys and relishes being a malevolent vampire who has grown over-confident from living on top of the food chain for the past four hundred years. Jerry is charming and charismatic but also vicious, qualities that Farrell so gleefully embodies, making it one of the best performances I’ve seen this summer. His conflict with Yelchin’s Charley invokes a David vs. Goliath feel. Imogen Poots and Toni Collette are fine and bucking the trend, the mother isn’t made aloof to the film’s proceedings. The weakest link is Christopher Mintz-Plasse, who is just playing a darker variant of his character from “Superbad.” I fear that he has become typecast. 

“Fright Night” was released on August 19, 2011 and has surprisingly received positive reviews with 74% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics admitted that ‘it may not have been necessary to remake the 1985 cult classic, but the new [film] benefits from terrific performances by Colin Farrell and David Tennant—and it's smart, funny, and stylishly gory to boot.’ Unfortunately, it had a disastrous weekend debut at the box office with a paltry $8.3 million and it looks like it’ll struggle to make back its modest $30 million production budget. Adding insult to injury is the fact that “Spy Kids: All the Time in the World” performed better despite being critically reviled. With the exception of “Twilight,” it seems that most vampire flicks are destined to flop, which is a real shame. I had a nagging suspicion it wouldn’t do well financially considering the middling audience attendance when I viewed the film. “Fright Night” may suffer from unoriginality yet it’s the most fun cinematic experience you’ll have this summer thanks to its successful fusion of suspense and comedy but really, Colin Farrell is worth the price of admission alone, and I’m not talking about his looks!

Final Rating: 4 out of 5

“Hey, guy. You've been watching me. I've been watching you. Your mom…there's a kind of…neglect…gives off a kind of scent. And your girl…she’s ripe! It's on you to look out for them because there are a lot of bad people out there, Charley.”

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Conan the Barbarian (2011) Review

Rated R (Strong Bloody Violence, some Sexuality and Nudity)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 52 Minutes

Cast:

Jason Momoa-Conan

Leo Howard-Young Conan

Stephen Lang-Khalar Zym

Rachel Nichols-Tamara

Rose McGowan-Marique

Ron Perlman-Corin

Nonso Anozie-Artus

Saïd Taghmaoui-Ela Shan

Steven O'Donnell-Lucius

Bob Sapp-Ukafa

Milton Welsh-Remo

Raad Rawi-Fassir

Laila Rouass-Fialla

Morgan Freeman (voice)-Narrator

Directed by Marcus Nispel

Jason Momoa's abs probably weigh more than me.

Watching the new “Conan the Barbarian” film is akin to receiving massive doses of testosterone over a two hour period. Created by writer Robert E. Howard in 1932 via a series of short stories published in Weird Tales magazine, Conan the Barbarian’s popularity has endured for the past eight decades and is one of the most iconic figures of the sword-and-sorcery subgenre of fantasy literature. The character has grown beyond the original short stories to encompass licensed novels, comic books, video games, and even film adaptations that expanded upon the universe envisioned by Howard. Most people have a passing familiarity with Conan the Barbarian even without reading the stories, although my exposure stems from the 2008 video game, Age of Conan: Hyborian Adventures and its 2010 expansion, Rise of the Godslayer, a massively multiplayer online role-playing game (MMORPG) developed by FunCom that previously required a monthly subscription fee but has switched to a free-to-play model recently, supported by micro-transactions. The first film adaptation is 1982’s “Conan the Barbarian” starring Arnold Schwarzenegger in the title role. Directed by John Milius and co-written with Oliver Stone, the film proved to be a breakthrough for Schwarzenegger, setting him on the path to superstardom. Critical reception was generally positive and it currently has a score of 74% on Rotten Tomatoes. Unfortunately its 1984 sequel, “Conan the Destroyer,” failed to live up to its predecessor with its toned-down violence and more light-hearted tone. 

A third film was planned for a 1987 release, tentatively titled “Conan the Conqueror” but Schwarzenegger was already committed to “Predator” and wasn’t too keen on renegotiating a new contract (which had expired) with producer Dino De Laurentiis after fulfilling his obligations for 1985’s “Red Sonja” and 1986’s “Raw Deal.” Suffering from years of development hell, the script was eventually rewritten and the resulting film released in 1997 as “Kull the Conqueror,” based on another of Howard’s creations but it was a major critical and commercial flop. Rumors of a new Conan the Barbarian film surfaced in the late 1990’s with Warner Brothers trying for seven years to get the project off the ground but the rights were eventually acquired by Millennium Films in 2007. After numerous script revisions with the intention of remaining more faithful to the original Howard stories, production finally began in March, 2010 with Jason Momoa in the title role.  While this new “Conan the Barbarian” film looks epic with its impressive production values and viscerally thrilling battle scenes, it’s ultimately let down by a run-of-the-mill script that’s saddled with overly-simplistic dialogue and one-dimensional characters. 

Through a prologue narrated by Morgan Freeman, we learn of an ancient mask crafted by the necromancers of Acheron that grants its wearer godlike powers over the dead. This enabled Acheron to conquer much of the civilized world until the barbarian tribes fought back, slaying the owner of the mask and scattering the seven pieces among their leaders for safekeeping. Amidst a raging battlefield, Corin (Ron Perlman) sees his pregnant wife, Fialla (Laila Rouass), fatally stabbed and performs a crude Caesarian section to allow her see her baby before succumbing to her wounds. With her dying breath, Fialla names the baby…CONAN! As a boy, young Conan (Leo Howard) is skilled yet also hot-tempered and reckless. He trains in combat under the tutelage of his father but one day, the village is attacked by a vicious army led by a warlord named Khalar Zym (Steven Lang), who has come searching for the final piece of the ancient Mask of Acheron. Conan is captured while attempting to rescue his father, who refuses to divulge the location of the piece.  Zym’s young daughter Marique, who is a sorceress, manages to locate it under the floorboards of the village’s forge. Before leaving, Zym has Corin chained to a vat of molten metal suspended above him and cuts the supporting chains. Conan grabs hold of it but knowing that only one can survive, Corin chooses to sacrifice himself. Twenty years later, a now-adult Conan (Jason Momoa) continues to search for the man that destroyed his home. With his friend Artus (Nonso Anozie), they free a number of slaves in Zingara and celebrate their victory in a tavern in Messantia. However, Conan sees a strange man and recognizes him as one of Zym’s soldiers who tortured his father. He eventually learns that Khalar Zym and his now-adult daughter (Rose McGowan) have located a surviving descendant of Acheron named Tamara (Rachel Nichols), whose blood is needed to power the mask. Conan manages to rescue Tamara and together, they attempt to stop Khalar Zym from achieving godlike power in order to resurrect his deceased wife, Maliva. 

Having never read the original Howard stories or the licensed novels, I cannot comment on how faithful this iteration of Conan the Barbarian is as my only exposure comes from the MMORPG Age of Conan. I also have not seen the original Arnold Schwarzenegger film so I will not be making any comparisons. What I can say is that to no one’s surprise, the weakest aspect of “Conan the Barbarian” is its story and characters, or lack thereof. It’s a typical revenge tale that’s been told countless times before, in better and worse films. Lapses in logic abound as events happen without any real rhyme or reason. For instance, why was the Mask of Acheron not destroyed instead of dividing up the pieces among the barbarian tribes for safekeeping? Did no one think that someone would eventually come and try to put it back together? Also once the Mask is fully assembled and activated with Tamara’s blood, it does absolutely nothing besides looking like a ridiculous head ornament when worn. All that effort in building up the mask’s ‘godlike’ power seems to have been flushed down the toilet thanks to sloppy writing. Characters are one-dimensional and are poorly developed with the dialogue simplistic to a fault. In fact, I don’t believe Jason Momoa spoke more than ten syllables per line. The film can also be uncomfortably misogynistic, such as when Conan says this delightful gem to Tamara upon their first meeting, ‘Woman! Come here. Now!’ Even without reading the stories, I can tell that writers Thomas Dean Donnelly, Joshua Oppenheimer, and Sean Hood aren’t fully versed in Howard’s stories, falling back on caricatures of barbarians. Donnelly and Oppenheimer were responsible for 2005’s “A Sound of Thunder” and 2011’s “Dylan Dog: Dead of Night,” both of which received negative reviews from critics so frankly, you shouldn’t be surprised with the slipshod quality of its story-telling. 

Still, “Conan the Barbarian” does have some excellent production values and the Bulgarian locations are put to good use, breathing life to Howard’s world. However, some of the matte paintings aren’t quite as seamless and sticks out like a sore thumb. Audiences seeing this film aren’t going to be bothered with story and character. No, they’re here for the action and on that front, they won’t be disappointed. Cartoonishly brutal yet viscerally satisfying, Conan slices and dices anyone that crosses his path. A highlight is when he engages in a one-on-one swordfight with Khalar Zym but Marique spruces up the proceedings by summoning these acrobatic sand demons. However, the editing can be frenetic and director Marcus Nispel’s camera is often too close to the action, especially during Conan’s fight with a sea monster called a ‘Dweller’ and the climactic battle, which takes place in a collapsing cave. Why it begins to collapse is never explained. Post-converted to 3D, I decided to stick with plain old 2D, which may be hard to do as theaters nowadays go out of their way to limit such showtimes in order to force impatient movie-goers to pay for the extra surcharge. Consensus on the 3D has been mixed at best despite the fact that post-conversion work began a year in advance but the problem is that the film was never shot with 3D in mind, especially with its close-quarters fight scenes and dimly-lit environments. 3D works best when the action is filmed in wide shots in bright locations. Since this is not the case here, stick with 2D when viewing “Conan the Barbarian.” 

The performances consist of a lot of growling and grunting but Jason Momoa is perfectly cast as the main character. He has the physique to match and moves with a certain gracefulness, akin to a panther, during the fight scenes. Granted, his line readings leave much to be desired but he’s the right man for the job and I look forward to seeing him return in a sequel. I also overheard the women sitting behind me humorously squeal about how ‘tight’ Momoa’s rear-end is. Stephen Lang is suitably menacing, chewing up the scenery as the main villain Khalar Zym, as does Rose McGowan as his daughter, Marique. I loved the makeup work on McGowan and the costume she wore, although I wasn’t too keen on the claws, which reminded me of Freddy Krueger. Rachel Nichols is attractive but I feel she’s miscast as she never quite fits into Conan’s world. While her character shares a love scene with Conan, it’s actually a body double. Finally, there’s Ron Perlman as Conan’s father, Corin, but he seems to exhibit little enthusiasm in the screen-time he has. 

Released on August 19, 2011, “Conan the Barbarian” has received overwhelmingly negative reviews with 28% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that ‘while it’s relentless, gory violence is more faithful to the Robert E. Howard books, [the film] forsakes three-dimensional characters, dialogue, and acting in favor of unnecessary 3D effects.’ Box office wise, it is already in danger of flopping, earning a paltry $3.7 million on Friday so a weekend debut of $15 million seems to be highly unlikely. Audience interest was middling as well since the theater was only half-full when I viewed the film. Although “Conan the Barbarian” isn’t as bad as most critics are making it out to be thanks to some slick production values and wildly entertaining fight scenes, it’s not enough to make up for its uninspired, sloppy script and poorly realized characters, which is a shame really because there’s a kernel of a great Conan film here, just waiting to be discovered.

Final Rating: 2.5 out of 5

“I live, I love, I slay, and I am content.”

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Your Highness Unrated Blu-Ray Review

Unrated (Theatrical Version Rated R for Strong Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, Nudity, Violence and some Drug Use)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast:

Danny McBride-Thadeous

James Franco-Fabious

Natalie Portman-Isabel

Justin Theroux-Leezar

Zooey Deschanel-Belladonna

Rasmus Hardiker-Courtney

Damian Lewis-Boremont

Toby Jones-Julie

Charles Dance-King Tallious

John Fricker-Marteetee

Mario Torres Jr.-Great Wize Wizard

Directed by David Gordon Green

*Insert lame penis joke here.*

As the end credits rolled for the unrated version of “Your Highness,” I’m left scratching my head wondering just who the intended audience for this film is. Although it was rated R upon its release, the constant bombardment of juvenile sex jokes will appeal to no one but immature thirteen-year-old boys or people high on marijuana. Directed by David Gordon Green, “Your Highness” is a fantasy comedy that parodies the sword-and-sorcery flicks of the 1980’s but it represents a complete collapse in judgment from someone who helmed such critically acclaimed indie-hits like 2000’s “George Washington” and 2003’s “All the Real Girls.” Even his mainstream debut, 2008’s “Pineapple Express,” received generally positive reviews. “Your Highness” boasts some competent production values but its overreliance on cheap gags, vulgar language, and crude sex jokes makes it one of the worst films of 2011. 

Thadeous (Danny McBride) is a lazy prince of the kingdom of Mourne who spends his time chasing wenches and committing various acts of debauchery with his loyal squire Courtney (Rasmus Hardiker). His brother is Fabious (James Franco), who is beloved by his father, King Tallious (Charles Dance), and everyone in the kingdom for his various heroic deeds. Returning home from one of his quests, Fabious presents the trophy of his latest kill, the severed head of a Cyclops, and that he has found a bride, Belladonna (Zooey Deschanel), who was a captive of the evil wizard Leezar (Justin Theroux). Thadeous does little to hide his jealousy of his brother for receiving all the attention but on the day of the wedding ceremony, Leezar arrives to take back Belladonna. Despite his skilled swordsmanship, Fabious is unable to stop him. King Tallious, tired of watching Thadeous waste his life, orders him to accompany his brother and his Knights Elite on the quest to rescue Belladonna and stop Leezar. Consulting with the Great Wize Wizard (voice of Mario Torres Jr.), they receive a magical compass and learn of a prophecy called ‘The F*ckening’ that will give birth to a dragon when Leezar rapes Belladonna the moment the two moons align. The only way to kill the wizard is by obtaining the legendary Sword of Unicorn, which is hidden in a dark labyrinth and protected by a ferocious Minotaur. However, the Knights Elite turn out to be working with Leezar and betray Fabious. With this setback, Thadeous wants nothing but to return home but his brother is intent on completing what they set out to do. Along their journey, they meet the mysterious warrior-woman Isabel (Natalie Portman), who has her own reasons for going after Leezar. 

Saddled with a predictable and uninspired script from “Eastbound & Down” veterans Danny McBride and Ben Best, “Your Highness” is full of jokes that are so obvious and cheap that only thirteen-year-old boys high on marijuana will find it remotely funny. I’m sure some adult males will find the film enjoyable but I suspect them to be mentally brain-damaged. Apparently, Green’s intention was to pay homage to the violently cheesy sword-and-sorcery flicks of the 1980’s, with the characters playing the material straight and the only comedy coming from Danny McBride as he pokes fun at the clichéd conventions of the genre but instead too many situations come across as parodies, and all of it falls flat. Despite the lavish costumes and production sets, it all feels like everyone is playing dress-up at the local renaissance faire and lacks in authenticity. What passes for comedy is often crude and in poor taste but the main issue is that the same jokes keep being recycled over and over again, even when it’s clear that it is simply not funny. It’s as if the writers decided to throw in everything but the kitchen sink. You have pedophile wizards asking to be masturbated before dispensing wisdom, servants forced to perform pseudo-fellatio, a Minotaur committing sexual assault and to top it off, the ‘trophy’ that Thadeous decides to keep as a souvenir of his kill is just so shockingly disgusting that I’m surprised it managed to pass the censors at the MPAA. The dialogue is spoken with intentionally bad English accents spruced up with countless modern obscenities. Now I have no problem hearing words ‘f*ck’ or ‘sh*t’ in films but excessively dropping F-bombs in a medieval setting isn’t clever, it’s just dumb and lazy. The only praise I can muster is that Tim Orr’s cinematography looks gorgeous and the sweeping shots of the Northern Ireland countryside instills a majestic feel that is appropriate. The action is a bit of a mixed bag as the swordplay looks awkward and clumsy, as if you’re watching children randomly hit each other with wooden sticks. Looks like that nine months of training failed to pay off for James Franco. However, the chase through the forest between Fabious and the traitorous Knights Elite is tightly edited, as is the battle with a multi-headed snake demon in a gladiatorial arena. The visual effects are competent and invoke a retro feel, especially with its pyrotechnics-heavy climax. 

While the cast genuinely seem to enjoy themselves, the performances fail to rise to the occasion. Although intentionally written as a complete a**hole, I fail to see the appeal of Danny McBride’s comedic antics as his annoying shtick quickly wears out its welcome. James Franco looks like he’s ready to fall asleep and I find it surprising to see an Academy Award nominee embarrass himself to such low depths. Natalie Portman is fine but is at her best during the action scenes. Her much advertised scene wearing nothing but a thong is anticlimactic and frankly, a little sad that it was hyped up to such a degree. The only cast member who provides some semblance of laughs is Justin Theroux, who gleefully chews up the scenery as he screams, ‘You're too late! The F*ckening has begun!’ Honestly, I have no idea why Zooey Deschanel is in this film as she has little to do other than look distressed. Maybe she did it as a favor to Green. 

“Your Highness” arrives on Blu-Ray with both the theatrical and unrated cut which is only longer by three minutes. Picture quality is quite impressive, revealing the intricate detail of the production design, especially the costumes, with wide shots of the Northern Ireland countryside shining with a rich vibrancy. Darker scenes have an amber hue with inky shadows that is visually pleasing to the eye. Audio is just as excellent with crisp dialogue but the action scenes are the highlight, crackling with energy as blades clash and all manner of magical spells are thrown with wild abandon. A variety of special features are packed including an audio commentary featuring Green, McBride, Franco, and Theroux, a thirty-minute behind-the-scenes look at the making of the film, and various extended and deleted scenes. Universal certainly brought out all the stops for this Blu-Ray release despite the film being a critical and box office flop. 

Released on April 8, 2011, “Your Highness” received overwhelmingly negative reviews with 26% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics concluded that while ‘big budgets and costumes in service of scatological jokes may seem funny on paper…in execution this is a highly monotonous romp that registers only occasional laughs.’ The film had a disastrous weekend debut at the domestic box office, coming in #6 with a paltry $9.4 million. With an estimated $50 million production budget, it was major flop with a worldwide total of $25 million. A dull story filled with cheap, obvious, unfunny, and frankly disgusting humor, “Your Highness” is a serious miscalculation on director David Gordon Green’s part, a forgettable affair that will appeal to no one but immature teenagers or mentally undeveloped adults. Honestly, if you find this film actually funny, I would not want to associate with you.

Final Rating: 1.5 out of 5

*No quote because every line of dialogue is simply atrocious…and that’s putting it nicely.*

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The Adjustment Bureau Blu-Ray Review

Rated PG-13 (Brief Strong Language, Some Sexuality and a Violent Image)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 46 Minutes

Cast:

Matt Damon-David Norris

Emily Blunt-Elise Sellas

Anthony Mackie-Harry Mitchell

John Slattery-Richardson

Terence Stamp-Thompson

Anthony Ruivivar-McCrady

Michael Kelly-Charlie Traynor

Directed by George Nolfi

"You must memorize this script before your future is adjusted."

Philip K. Dick is the very definition of a starving artist. With 121 short stories and 44 published novels to his name, the prolific science fiction writer unfortunately spent much of his career living in near-poverty. Although many of his works have been adapted into films by Hollywood, the results have been mixed due to unnecessary alterations to make it more palatable to mainstream audiences. 1982’s “Blade Runner,” adapted from the 1968 novel Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep? is widely regarded as one of the best films ever made, a neo-noir science fiction classic that initially received mixed reviews upon its release. However, for every “Minority Report” or “A Scanner Darkly,” we get something like “Paycheck” or “Next.” George Nolfi makes his directorial debut with “The Adjustment Bureau,” loosely based on Dick’s 1954 short story Adjustment Team published in Orbit Science Fiction magazine. While Nolfi isn’t able to mesh the science fiction and romantic elements as smoothly as he had hoped, the film’s themes of free will and predestination, combined with the strong chemistry exhibited by Matt Damon and Emily Blunt make “The Adjustment Bureau” a compelling and engaging experience. 

New York Congressman David Norris (Matt Damon) is running for the United States Senate in 2006 but his hopes of easily winning the election are shattered when a college prank video is dug up and published by the New York Post. While rehearsing his concession speech in the men’s bathroom, he encounters a young woman named Elise Sellas (Emily Blunt), who is hiding from hotel security for crashing a wedding. The two hit it off immediately and end up passionately kissing but is interrupted when his campaign advisor, Charlie Traynor (Michael Kelly), walks in on them. David, inspired by her words, eschews his prepared script and instead delivers a candid speech that is extremely well-received, making him an early favorite for the 2010 Senate race. One month later and privately employed by a venture capital group, David bumps into Elise on the bus ride to work and is surprised that it is the same woman he met in the men’s bathroom. They quickly catch up and Elise writes down her phone number for him before getting off on her stop. David arrives at work to discover all his co-workers immobilized and being examined by black-uniformed men, who quickly chase after him. He is eventually incapacitated and brought to an unknown warehouse to meet an impeccably-dressed man named Richardson (John Slattery). Explaining that he is from the ‘Adjustment Bureau’ and that their job is to make sure events go according ‘to plan’ as written by ‘the Chairman,’ Richardson delivers an ultimatum to David: he is to never try to contact Elise again or mention the existence of the Bureau to anyone under threat of being ‘reset’ or effectively lobotomized. Before being let go, Richardson burns Elise’s phone number to ensure David’s cooperation. Three years flash by and David is unable to forget Elise, taking the same bus everyday in the hopes of bumping into her. As luck would have it, he spots her walking down the street and the two reconnect. However, the Adjustment Bureau is determined to stop him but the more obstacles they place, the more David fights back to be with Elise. Left with no choice, they send a ruthless ‘caseworker’ named Thompson (Terence Stamp) to resolve the situation. 

Although “The Adjustment Bureau” was marketed on its sci-fi premise leading up to its release, it is essentially a romance film with science fiction elements. Nolfi is primarily a writer and his credits include 2007’s “The Bourne Ultimatum” but as a novice director, he isn’t able to smoothly mesh these disparate components as well as he had hoped for yet the intimate focus afforded to its two main characters actually help ground the film even when it threatens to go off the rails. The Judeo-Christian roots of the film’s themes aren’t exactly subtle nor does it try to be with the Adjustment Bureau’s unseen Chairman analogous to an omnipotent and omniscient God.  David even asks a sympathetic ‘caseworker’ named Harry Mitchell (Anthony Mackie) if they’re actually ‘angels,’ to which he replies, ‘We've been called that.’ A number of interesting questions crop up over the course of the film: are our lives already written and we’re just acting out our predetermined roles with the illusion of free will or are we in control of our destiny and forge our own path? Without proper guidance, is humanity doomed to a never-ending cycle of violence? Can love ultimately conquer all obstacles? The answer to that last question is perhaps hammered home with a little too much zeal while the concepts of predestination and free will aren’t taken as far as they potentially allow and are handled in broad strokes but the fact that Nolfi aspired for his film to be more than what Hollywood typically offers is admirable, even if he’s not always successful. The ending is also rather anticlimactic and low-key given its build-up but it leaves the audience emotionally satisfied, despite the fact that Philip K. Dick himself held a very pessimistic worldview. To spruce up the proceedings, there are a number of slickly-directed chase scenes that adds a nice sense of urgency as David turns the tables by using the Adjustment Bureau’s own abilities against them but for the most part, this is a character-driven affair. 

While the foundations of its sci-fi premise may be shaky, the romance proves to be the film’s saving grace thanks to the strong chemistry between Matt Damon and Emily Blunt. Both of their roles aren’t inherently challenging yet we become emotionally invested in their situation because the likable rapport they share allows us to believe, just for two hours, that true love will win. In fact, I found myself smiling whenever Damon and Blunt are on-screen together as they seem to genuinely enjoy each other’s company. The rest of the cast such as John Slattery and Anthony Mackie look appropriately mysterious with their impeccable suits and bowler hats that reminded me of the Men in Black, which remain popular in UFO conspiracy theories. Terrance Stamp brings his usual gravitas to his roles, supporting or otherwise, and is always a welcome sight in any film with his distinctive, aristocratic voice. 

“The Adjustment Bureau” was released on Blu-Ray back in June and the results are quite impressive. New York City always looks stunning on film and while John Toll’s cinematography leans toward a filtered blue/gray tinge that mimics the cold, impersonal world of the Bureau, the picture still manages to pop with color. Shadows are vivid and have depth but while much of the film takes place in dimly lit environments, it never drenches everything in darkness as textures maintain strong detail and skin tones exhibit a healthy tone. Being a dialogue-driven film, audio is more subdued but it still immerses thanks to its use of ambience in exterior scenes and there’s even some thumping bass when David and Elise find themselves at a nightclub. While it won’t light the world on fire, this is a technically proficient Blu-Ray release. Special features are on the average side with an audio commentary from Nolfi plus a number of five-to-eight minute featurettes with the cast discussing their characters and shooting on-location in New York City. There’s also an interactive map where you select locations as if you’re traveling like a member of the Adjustment Bureau and are shown a brief behind-the-scenes clip associated with that location. 

Released on March 4, 2011, “The Adjustment Bureau” received generally positive reviews with 72% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that ‘Nolfi struggles to maintain a consistent tone, but [the film] rises on the strong, believable chemistry of its stars.’ Opening against director Gore Verbinski and Johnny Depp’s animated western “Rango,” the film debuted at #2 at the box office with a solid $21 million and went on to gross $127 million worldwide against a $50 million production budget. Although George Nolfi makes a few noticeable missteps as a rookie director with a weak ending and struggles to reconcile the film’s science fiction and romantic elements, “The Adjustment Bureau” ranks as one of the better Philip K. Dick film adaptations, managing to engage with its thought-provoking themes, stylish cinematography, and the winning chemistry of Matt Damon and Emily Blunt.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

“Most people live life on the path we set for them…too afraid to explore any other. But once in a while, people like you come along who knock down all the obstacles we put in your way. People who realize free will is a gift you'll never know how to use until you fight for it. I think that's the Chairman's real plan, that maybe one day we won't write the plan. You will.”

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Attack the Block Review

Rated R (Creature Violence, Drug Content and Pervasive Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 28 Minutes

Cast:

John Boyega-Moses

Jodie Whittaker-Sam

Alex Esmail-Pest

Franz Drameh-Dennis

Leeon Jones-Jerome

Simon Howard-Biggz

Jumayn Hunter-Hi Hatz

Sammy Williams-Probs

Michael Ajao-Mayhem

Nick Frost-Ron

Luke Treadaway-Brewis

Directed by Joe Cornish

Need to stop an alien invasion? These kids can help.

Although I try to avoid it, it’s easy to become jaded at Hollywood’s current meager offerings, as there are just too many sequels, prequels, and remakes. For example, take one of my favorite science fiction subgenres, the alien invasion film, now reduced to hackneyed storylines, cookie-cutter characters, failed attempts at drama, and excessive use of CG effects where everything just blurs together into a jumbled mess. I kid you not, the audience actually applauded for the abysmal “Battle: Los Angeles” but then again, I really shouldn’t be surprised considering films like Michael Bay’s “Transformers: Dark of the Moon” earns $1 billion at the worldwide box office. “Battleship” is set to be released next summer and I know it’s wrong to criticize a film without seeing it first but honestly, adapting a board game? Truly, this reeks of desperation on Hollywood’s part as they suffer from a dearth of unoriginality. Don’t get me wrong, there are still good, even excellent, films being made so it’s not all doom and gloom! Then there’s “Attack the Block,” a low-budget British sci-fi/horror film that proves you don’t need to throw massive amounts of money at meaningless special effects but just have a smart, engaging story with enjoyable characters. With an energetic pace, an eclectic cast, and a tale sparking with wit and imagination that includes just a hint of social commentary, “Attack the Block” is the best science fiction film of summer 2011. 

Set in Lambeth, South London, England, a young nurse named Sam (Jodie Whittaker) is walking home one night when she is mugged by a group of hooligans: Pest (Alex Esmail), Dennis (Franz Drameh), Jerome (Leeon Jones), Biggz (Simon Howard), and their leader Moses (John Boyega). Held at knifepoint, she quickly gives up her purse and ring, albeit reluctantly since it appears to be very precious to her. However, an object crashes into a nearby car and in the confusion, Sam runs away. Moses investigates and is wounded by a strange creature that escapes into a nearby park, which the group follows and kills. Unable to identify the creature and hoping to make a profit because of its rarity, they carry the corpse to a drug dealer living in their apartment building named Ron (Nick Frost), who is just as puzzled. Brewis (Luke Treadaway), an aspiring zoologist looking to buy some marijuana, speculates that it may not be of this world. Moses asks Ron’s superior, a gangster nicknamed Hi-Hatz (Jumayn Hunter), if they can hide the creature in their ‘weed room’ because it is the safest place on the block. He agrees but on the condition that Moses starts selling cocaine for him. More objects fall from the sky and hoping to kill more of the creatures, the group arm themselves with machetes, softball bats, swords, and fireworks. Two young kids going by the names of Probs (Sammy Williams) and Mayhem (Michael Ajao) want to come as well but they are turned away. However, these new creatures prove to be more challenging to put down as they are bigger, can blend into shadows due to their jet-black fur, are incredibly fast and agile, and have neon-glowing teeth. The boys are forced to flee but Moses is arrested when Sam brings the police, identifying him as the mugger. Dennis manages to free Moses just as the creatures bloodily kill the officers and the two commandeer the vehicle to escape. They crash into Hi-Hatz’s car and he pulls a gun on them, enraged that Moses has brought the police to his turf. Sam runs off just as the rest of Moses’ friends catch up but the creatures show up once more and everyone attempts to make a break for the block. They manage to make it but Pest is bitten on the leg by one of the creatures and Biggz is forced to hide in a dumpster. Seeing Sam getting into her flat, the group forces their way in and demand her to help Pest, as she is a nurse. Forming a tenuous truce, Sam, Moses and the rest of his friends try to survive the night as it soon becomes apparent that their block is under attack from a full-blown alien invasion. 

“Attack the Block” marks the directorial debut of Joe Cornish and is unlike any science fiction film I’ve seen as it pays homage not just to the low-budget horror flicks of the 1980’s but also to Ridley Scott’s “Alien” and even Quentin Tarantino. The pacing is very efficient as all the exposition occurs during the opening credits with no filler material and has such a youthful energy that complements the characters very well. I got a huge laugh seeing these kids parade around their kill like it’s some sort of trophy. Having an alien invasion take place in an apartment complex or ‘the block’ as it’s called is virtually unheard of but Cornish takes full advantage of the setting, the dark corners and smoke-filled hallways recalling such films like “Alien.” Even the way the characters arm themselves reminded me of the crew of the Nostromo as the weapons they wield is just whatever they can get their hands on. One of the more suspenseful scenes had two aliens blocking the stairway and Pest ingeniously uses his fireworks to provide a smokescreen for his friends. 

What really makes “Attack the Block” so memorable is the characters and the sharp writing. There’s an authenticity to the dialogue, which is largely British slang so some audiences might have trouble understanding it due to the thick accents and rapid-fire delivery but it fits in with the energetic pacing. US distributor Screen Gems of Sony Pictures Entertainment actually considered using subtitles but this would imply foreignness and serve to alienate mainstream audiences. Once you settle into the rhythm of the film, it shouldn’t be a problem and not once did I feel lost at what was going on even if I didn’t entirely understand what was being said. All the characters have rich personalities and I appreciated that Cornish goes out of his way to make even minor ones just as important so that when some do end up biting the dust, it comes as a genuine shock. This is helped by the unknown casting because you’re never sure who may be on Death’s doorstep and adds to the tension. Initially, Moses and his friends aren’t very likable, a group of two-bit thugs robbing a helpless woman but slowly we learn that there’s more to them. For one, everyone looks out for each other, exhibiting a fierce loyalty that is admirable and their behavior reminds me of a British-ghetto version of “Super 8” or even “The Goonies.” The social commentary comes in when Sam gets a glimpse of the conditions that Moses lives in and comes to realize at heart he is not a bad person but fate just dealt him a bad hand. A mutual respect for each other is slowly built and while the film never apologizes for the group’s previous actions, it also asks us not to judge based on preconceived notions. Race and social class is also touched upon, such as when the kids humorously bemoan that they don’t have enough minutes to stay in contact with each other and how the indomitable will to survive unites the most unlikely people together. Moses even speculates that ‘the feds’ or the police genetically engineered the creatures to drive out minorities like him. 

“Attack the Block” fully earns its R-rating as there are several gory deaths but the camera never lingers on it in a gratuitous manner. Befitting its low-budget roots, the alien creatures, described as ‘big, alien, gorilla-wolf mother*ckers,’ aren’t anything too elaborate but they manage to look fantastic and scary-looking with their razor sharp, neon-glowing teeth. The action thumps with intensity and are brilliantly choreographed, especially a chase through the streets as the kids attempt to escape on bicycles and motor scooters while being followed by the aliens. A climatic sequence seems to have leaped out of a Quentin Tarantino film when Moses begins wielding a samurai sword (is it a Hattori Hanzō?) as he leaps past the aliens in slow-motion. The score by Steven Price and Basement Jaxx (a duo consisting of Felix Buxton and Simon Ratcliffe) is one of the best I’ve heard that’s heavily electronic similar to Daft Punk but with a noticeable urban flavor. 

The cast is made up of largely unknowns, adding to the realism and all of them are fun to watch thanks to the dynamic camaraderie everyone shares. The standout is definitely John Boyega, who resembles a young Denzel Washington, serving as the film’s heart and soul as he is forced to become an unlikely hero in order to keep his friends and newfound allies alive. Alex Esmail also provides quite a few laughs as Pest with his frequent attempts to hit on Sam as do two little kids who demand to be called Probs and Mayhem, played by Sammy Williams and Michael Ajao. To show how tough they are, they arm themselves with firecrackers and a Super Soaker…but it’s not filled with water! Probs even scolds his friend when they’re faced with one of the aliens, ‘No one is going to call you Mayhem if you keep acting like such a pu**y!’ Jodie Whittaker is likable and easy on the eyes (What is with me and British women?!) while frequent Edgar Wright and Simon Pegg collaborator Nick Frost provides his usual dry wit and confusion with his constantly-stoned sidekick Brewis, played by Luke Treadaway. 

“Attack the Block” premiered at the SXSW Festival in Austin, Texas back in March where it won the Midnight Feature Audience Award and was released in the UK on May 13, 2011 with a limited release following in the US on July 29, 2011. Reception has been highly enthusiastic with 89% on Rotten Tomatoes as critics praised it as ‘a thrilling sci-fi yarn whose distinct British flavor supplies energy, wit, and style to burn.’ Unfortunately, the film has failed to recoup its low $13 million production budget with only $4.7 million worldwide but honestly, it matters little because I have no doubt that this will become an instant cult classic along sci-fi fans. With so many Hollywood blockbusters ending up as disappointments, “Attack the Block” stands out from the pack and easily bests them all so if you haven’t gotten a chance to see it yet, then I urge you, no, I beg you, to stop dilly-dallying and rush to your local theater!

Final Rating: 5 out of 5

“That’s an ALIEN, bruv, BELIEVE IT! But they went and landed in the wrong place though, you get me? THE WRONG PLACE!”

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30 Minutes or Less Review

Rated R (Crude and Sexual Content, Pervasive Language, Nudity and some Violence)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 23 Minutes

Cast-

Jesse Eisenberg-Nick

Aziz Ansari-Chet

Danny McBride-Dwayne

Nick Swardson-Travis

Michael Peña-Chango

Dilshad Vadsaria-Kate

Bianca Kajlich-Juicy

Fred Ward-The Major/Dwayne’s Father

Directed by Ruben Fleischer

Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari try their best but "30 Minutes or Less" fails to offer much laughs.

Ever since “The Hangover” became a critical and commercial success in 2009, Hollywood has been churning out a whole slew of R-rated comedies, hoping to strike lightning twice. Although the potential return of investment can either be boom or bust, the production budgets are significantly cheaper compared to visual effects-heavy spectacles, so the loss is generally minimal. “Bridesmaids,” released back in May, was made on a mere production budget of $32.5 million but has earned $257 million worldwide so far. Hoping to follow-up on his successful debut with 2009’s “Zombieland,” Ruben Fleisher directs “30 Minutes or Less,” the final R-rated comedy of summer 2011. While “30 Minutes or Less” benefits from the manic, hyperactive chemistry of Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari, the film is sloppily paced, its tone is wildly inconsistent, and the premise (loosely based on the Brian Wells collar bomb incident) ultimately feels exploitative and in poor taste. 

Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) is a slacker living in Grand Rapids, Michigan who works as a pizza delivery driver for Vito’s Pizza, which has a strict ’30 minutes or less’ policy—meaning if he fails to deliver the pizza in the allotted time, the cost comes out of his salary. His best friend is Chet (Aziz Ansari), a former substitute teacher upgraded to full-time. While watching “Die Hard” at Chet’s apartment, the two friends get into a heated argument, revealing hurtful secrets in an attempt to out-do the other. When Nick reveals that he slept with Chet’s twin sister, Kate (Dilshad Vadsaria), on prom night, Chet becomes horrified and kicks his friend out for deflowering his sibling. Meanwhile, unemployed and dim-witted best friends Dwayne (Danny McBride) and Travis (Nick Swardson) are fed up with living under the shadow of Dwayne’s father, nicknamed 'The Major' (Fred Ward). While receiving a lap dance from a stripper named ‘Juicy’ (Bianca Kajlich), Dwayne reveals that his father won $10 million while playing the lottery in 1998 and has since been living a wealthy lifestyle. He tells her that he cannot wait for him to die so he can get his hands on whatever’s left but Juicy has a better idea: hire an ‘assassin’ and kill The Major now. Travis quickly agrees to this, with Dwayne telling him that they will open a tanning salon which is actually a front for a brothel once he gets his hands on his father’s money. However, they need $100,000 to pay the assassin to do the deed and concoct a variety of far-fetched schemes but upon seeing an advertisement for Vito’s Pizza, Dwayne decides to force the pizza delivery driver to rob a bank for them. When Nick arrives at the address, which is a scrap-yard, a disguised Dwayne and Travis ambush him. Nick wakes up the next morning to find a bomb full of C-4 strapped to his chest, with his two captors revealing that he has ten hours to obtain $100,000 or else he will explode. A panic-stricken Nick barges into Chet’s classroom and begs his friend to help him but find themselves way over their heads once the assassin, Chango (Michael Peña), begins coming after them. 

“30 Minutes or Less” bears a striking similarity to a strange 2003 bank heist gone wrong, although the cast and crew claim to have no knowledge of the incident while writers Michael Diliberti and Matthew Sullivan admit that they were ‘vaguely’ aware of it. The incident involved a forty-year-old pizza delivery man living in Erie, Pennsylvania named Brian Douglas Wells who was forced to rob a bank while wearing a collar bomb. The perpetrators were Marjorie Diehl-Armstrong and Kenneth Barnes but it was later revealed that Wells was also an accomplice. However, he was under the impression that the bomb was a fake. Wells died when it exploded, blasting a fist-sized hole in his chest which was broadcasted live on television. Whether or not the writers intentionally based the film on the incident, the fact that this actually happened adds a certain morbidity to the proceedings. Just last week, an eighteen-year old girl in Sydney, Australia had a bomb strapped to her for ten hours before it was removed in an attempt to extort her wealthy parents. Fortunately, the bomb turned out to be a fake. While Wells may not have been a victim, to laugh at what he went through is just in poor taste and the whole premise is simply depraved and exploitative. Think of it this way, would you find it funny if a bomb was strapped to your chest? The film also suffers from a sloppy, frantic pace, as if the filmmakers were embarrassed and couldn’t wait to get to the end credits. Certain elements like Nick’s romance to Kate are quickly glossed over and feel contrived. An outrageous high-speed chase occurs to enliven the picture but while it’s competently put together, it lacks any real flair. 

The only saving graces are Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari, who provide a few laughs but not enough to elevate the film above mediocrity. Both leads have a certain manic energy to their behavior and their scenes are genuinely enjoyable thanks to the back-and-forth, rapid-fire dialogue. Ansari steals every scene with his dry, wise-cracking wit that recalls Tom Haverford (whom he also plays) from NBC's “Parks and Recreation.” The same cannot be said for Danny McBride and Nick Swardson, who sprout ethnic slurs and sexually-charged, profanity-laced euphemisms like thirteen-year-old boys, all of it unfunny and annoyingly grating. The film asks us to emotionally invest in their friendship but how can we when they come off as two selfish, amoral douche-bags? I also found it hard to believe that Swardson’s Travis would have the mental capacity to actually build a bomb. Although Michael Peña has a relatively minor role, he makes the most of it as a lisping, Latino hit-man named Chango. When Nick demands the code to disarm the bomb, he ends up rattling off random codes such as the cheat code for Konami's classic video game Contra.

Released on August 12, 2011, “30 Minutes or Less” has received mixed reviews with 45% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics found it ‘sporadically funny and it benefits from a talented cast, but [the film] suffers from a disjointed narrative, and too often mistakes crude gags for true lowbrow humor.’ There wasn’t a huge turnout when I viewed the film as the auditorium was only 30% filled but the audience seemed to enjoy the film. Then again, the average American moviegoer isn’t exactly known to have very discerning taste. Richard Corliss of TIME magazine recounts an ironic anecdote of angry customers demanding their money back after seeing Terrence Malick’s “The Tree of Life” because the ‘seventeen-minute segment encapsulating the history of the cosmos in glorious, often abstract imagery…baffled and…angered [them].’ However, if it ‘had contained explicit violence or gross sexuality or obscene language or a Neanderthal view of women, few patrons would have dared ask for a refund.’ Box office wise, the film has earned a weak $4.85 million on track for an opening weekend debut of $10 million. Jesse Eisenberg and Aziz Ansari manage to wring a few laughs but the dark premise of “30 Minutes or Less” just isn’t as funny as the writers would have you believe, and the film flies by so fast that you’ll have trouble recalling anything. Roger Ebert concludes that ‘if you occupy the demographic that this film is aimed at, Hollywood doesn't have a very high opinion of you.’ Have they ever?

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

“Guess what?! You just brought a gun to a bomb-fight, officer!”

Note: If you haven't bolted out the door already, there is a post-credits scene that provides closure to a number of characters.

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