Premium Rush Review

Rated PG-13 (Some Violence, Intense Action Sequences and Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 31 Minutes

Cast-

Joseph Gordon-Levitt-Wilee

Michael Shannon-NYPD Detective Bobby Monday

Dania Ramirez-Vanessa

Jamie Chung-Nima

Aasif Mandvi-Raj

Wolé Parks-Manny

Henry O-Mr. Leung

Kin Shing Wong-The Sudoku Man

Directed by David Koepp

Joseph Gordon-Levitt feels the rush...in bicycle thriller "Premium Rush"!

I have a confession to make: I do not know how to ride a bike but watching "Premium Rush" sure made me wish I knew how. The end of August has always been a dumping ground for shoddy films with low box office prospects and this year is no different ("The Apparition," anyone?) but "Premium Rush" proved to be a pleasant surprise despite its silly premise involving…bike messengers. Normally, I would write off a film like this but when you have a cast that includes Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Michael Shannon, you stand up and take notice. Shannon's received plenty of accolades for his roles on HBO's "Boardwalk Empire," 2008's "Revolutionary Road," and last year's drama-thriller "Take Shelter" while Levitt has come a long way since his days as a child actor where he appeared in films like 1994's "Angels in the Outfield" before breaking out in 1999's "10 Things I Hate About You," which also starred a young Heath Ledger.  The last three years has seen Levitt's popularity soar to new heights thanks to a number of critically-acclaimed roles in "(500) Days of Summer," "Inception," "50/50," and this year's "The Dark Knight Rises," the long-awaited conclusion to Christopher Nolan's "Batman" saga. When stacked up against those films, "Premium Rush" pales in comparison but Levitt and Shannon's presence elevates the inherently cheesy material, turning this late-summer action thriller from director David Koepp into an adrenaline-pumping thrill ride despite a problematic script that gets bogged down by clunky exposition and an uneven tone. 

A Columbia law school drop-out who now works as a New York City bike messenger for Security Courier, Wilee (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) enjoys living in the moment as he speeds his way through a treacherous metropolis with no brakes and fixed gears, delivering packages and letters for $30 apiece when services like UPS and FedEx just aren't fast enough. His ex-girlfriend and fellow messenger Vanessa (Dania Ramirez) finds him needlessly reckless yet greatly admires his skill. Riding back to Security Courier's main office after a drop-off, Wilee learns from his supervisor Raj (Aasif Mandvi) that rival courier Manny (Wolé Parks) has stolen his last package of the day from under him but luckily, a call comes in requesting an urgent pick-up at Wilee's 'alma mater' at Columbia University. Wilee arrives at 116th Street and is handed a small envelope from Nima (Jamie Chung), who happens to be Vanessa's roommate. Nima insists that the letter must reach its destination in Chinatown by 7 PM and be given only to a 'Sister Chen.' However, this seemingly routine delivery turns into a life-and-death situation as corrupt NYPD detective Bobby Monday (Michael Shannon) desperately seeks the letter for unknown purposes and will do whatever it takes to force Wilee to give it up, including threatening Vanessa. 

"Premium Rush" is the type of genre film that Hollywood should always strive to make. Written by David Koepp and John Kamps, the script is definitely on the thin-side so in order to pad out the running time to 91 minutes, there are a number of flashbacks revealing just what exactly is in the envelope that Wilee's carrying and why a detective like Bobby Monday would go to such extreme lengths to acquire it but these scenes of exposition are poorly placed, doing more harm than good by pulling you out of the narrative. The plot also suffers from a number of contrived coincidences such as Vanessa happening to be Nima's roommate or Wiley having his last delivery stolen from his obnoxious rival Manny. The uneven tone swings from eye-rolling earnestness to winking nods to its ridiculous premise, punctuated by some bouts of dark violence. Despite these glaring flaws, Koepp manages to turn "Premium Rush" into a solid action thriller by creating a 'you are there' feeling in all its chase scenes. The camera zips and zooms around Manhattan while Wilee uses his GPS to map out the best routes, presented as a slick 3D overlay. The brash bike messenger even has what Edward Douglas of ComingSoon.net calls a 'cyclist-sense' that allows him to foresee all possible routes and choose the best one, leading to some hilarious what-if scenarios where Wilee crashes into a baby stroller or gets run over by a speeding car. Using a blend of real-world stunts and some obvious CG, the bike chases provide a visceral rush as Wilee and his fellow couriers navigate the chaotic and even deadly concrete jungle of New York City, narrowly avoiding careless taxi drivers and pedestrians. These wildly entertaining scenes, combined with the absurd use of Wilee's split-second decision-making skills, make "Premium Rush" a fun ride at the theater. 

Joseph Gordon-Levitt is one of my favorite actors and while this isn't a particularly involving role compared to "(500) Days of Summer" or "50/50," he still manages to ground the film with an innate likability and charm despite Wilee having a complete disregard for his life. Michael Shannon is another impressive actor but here he goes way over-the-top, sporting a 'New Yawk' accent as the despicable Bobby Monday. He may come off as a big caricature but there's no denying that his scenery-chewing performance adds to the fun of the film. Dania Ramirez is underwritten as Wilee's ex-girlfriend Vanessa but she's convincingly tough and even has a few one-liners up her tank top like 'This is the most fun I've had with my clothes on!' but Jamie Chung is completely miscast as Nima, speaking in a broken English accent that is borderline offensive. Once again, Hollywood displays its usual ignorance about Asians by having Chung enunciate Mandarin even though she's Korean! 

"Premium Rush" was released on August 24, 2012 to largely positive reviews with 74% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that it was 'built out of familiar parts, but no matter how formulaic [the film's] storyline might seem, it's elevated by high-octane action and enjoyable performances.' There was an advance screening for this film last Thursday but I elected to see "The Apparition" instead since I didn't want to fork out $13.50 for what I knew was going to be terrible. Unfortunately, "Premium Rush" flopped at the box office, coming in at eighth place with a paltry $6.3 million and it's unlikely to make back its modest production budget of $35 million. Originally, it was set to be released back in January but Columbia Pictures/Sony elected to push it back to August to capitalize on Levitt's supporting role in "The Dark Knight Rises." Late-summer releases are rarely good so it's a real surprise when a film like "Premium Rush" comes along. Sure, its plot may be formulaic and even has a few lapses in logic but this is genre-filmmaking at its best and "Premium Rush" proves to be an exhilarating action thriller that ends summer 2012 on a high enough note.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

"You got involved with some people with real problems, life and death. If you don't give over that envelope, you have no idea what's coming for you!"

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The Apparition Review

Rated PG-13 (Terror/Frightening Images and Some Sensuality)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 22 Minutes

Cast-

Ashley Greene-Kelly

Sebastian Stan-Ben

Tom Felton-Patrick

Luke Pasqualino-Greg

Julianna Guill-Lydia

Rick Gomez-Mike

Anna Clark-Maggie

Tim Williams-Office Executive

Marti Matulis-The Apparition

Directed by Todd Lincoln

Maybe you guys should call the Ghostbusters? Baseball bat isn't going to do you any good!

The month of August is home to some notoriously bad films as studios clean house before gearing up for all their possible awards contenders in the fall, although releases like 2007's "The Bourne Ultimatum" and last year's "Rise of the Planet of the Apes" have begun to buck that trend. Unfortunately, all that progress has now been thrown out the window with the arrival of late-summer horror flick "The Apparition," another cookie-cutter offering from Joel Silver's Dark Castle Entertainment starring Sebastian Stan and Ashley Greene of "Twilight" fame. The last horror film I saw was Bradley Parker and Oren Peli's "Chernobyl Diaries" back in May and despite receiving highly negative reviews with 21% on Rotten Tomatoes, it still managed to turn a small profit of $18 million (the production budget was an incredibly low $1 million). In a summer dominated by big-budget blockbusters like "The Avengers" and "The Dark Knight Rises," I honestly was looking forward to seeing "The Apparition" just for some cheap genre thrills but it can't even meet these modest expectations. Clichéd, devoid of any scares, and featuring one of the dullest on-screen couples I've ever seen, "The Apparition" is so ineptly put together by first time director Todd Lincoln that you have to wonder if he's just incompetent or plain lazy. What's even more disheartening is the fact that people will actually pay to see this garbage. 

In 1973, a group of parapsychologists perform a séance using a drawing as a reference in an attempt to contact a spirit named Charles Reamer. This 'Charles Experiment' is repeated decades later by a group of college students, Patrick (Tom Felton), Greg (Luke Pasqualino), and Lydia (Julianna Guill), who focus their minds on a statue representation of Charles with the aid of modern technology. The experiment is a success but an otherworldly entity is accidentally unleashed and during the ensuing chaos, Lydia is pulled into the darkness. Sometime later, Ben (Sebastian Stan) and his loving girlfriend Kelly (Ashley Green) are settling into their new home, which is part of a remote housing development in Palmdale, California that was recently purchased by Kelly's parents as an investment property. The couple spends their day shopping for personal items at the local Costco before returning home. Falling asleep in each other's arms, Kelly wakes up in the middle of the night to discover that all their front and back doors are wide open with no alerts from the alarm. The security company does not find anything out of the ordinary but Ben sets up video surveillance around the house just to be safe. However, strange occurrences such as moving shadows and inaudible whispers continue to haunt the young couple, with an omnipresent mold spreading throughout the house. Kelly and Ben soon realize that they are being targeted by a malevolent entity that seeks to invade our world. 

"The Apparition" has so many problems that I don't even know where to even begin! The only person to blame for this mess is Todd Lincoln because not only did he direct the film but he also served as its writer and producer. Ripping off of Peli's "Paranormal Activity" series and every Japanese horror flick in the past ten years, there is not one ounce of originality here as it devolves into a maddeningly pointless exercise of slow camera movements punctuated by the occasional flickering light or loud noise. The running time is a mercifully short 1 hour and 22 minutes but the lethargic pacing drains all the tension away while Lincoln pads his film with meaningless shots that convey absolutely nothing. The number of aerial/establishing shots of the home and its surrounding neighborhood soon grows tiresome after the umpteenth time and it's immediately clear that this rookie director lacks any sense of personal style. Even the score from Tom Hajdu and Andy Milburn of 'tomandandy' feels distractingly out of place.  The so-called 'scares' fail to drum up any excitement and even gets downright hilarious, such as when a neighbor's dog just suddenly drops dead from staring at a corner in the couple's laundry room. This prompted Brian Tallerico of HollywoodChicago.com to write in his review that 'with the poor mutt's ridiculous death, we've lost the most likable character in the story.' The only tense moment comes during an out-of-body experience where Ben is forced to watch helplessly while his girlfriend suffocates under the bed sheets but even these are few and far between, and are so obviously telegraphed in advance that much of their impact has been diluted. The dialogue is mind-numbingly dull, suffering from vague exposition and absurd techno-babble like 'psychomanteum' but the two lead characters fare the worse as they make asinine decisions and generally behave in an idiotic manner. Ben and Kelly spend the better part of the film running around peeking into dark corners and reacting to every little noise yet they refuse to acknowledge the fact that their house may be haunted until it's too late. The only audience that will find "The Apparition" remotely appealing is teenagers who hope to get to second base with their dates. 

With the film already so bad, it should come as no surprise that the performances are downright terrible. Ashley Greene is an attractive woman but her acting leaves a lot to be desired as she functions as little more than eye-candy, frequently stripping down to her underwear to keep our attention, although her moments of panic and confusion are somewhat convincing. Sebastian Stan is trapped in a permanently sullen mood and shares virtually no chemistry with Greene. The opening scenes that set up their relationship are painful to watch. Marvel Studios should really look into recasting the part of the Winter Soldier in the "Captain America" sequel because I cannot see Stan pulling off such an important role. With Ben and Kelly so poorly-developed, it's hard to really care about what they're going through, let alone fearing for their lives. Tom Felton (or Draco Malfoy) shows up in the latter half of the film to sprout some nonsense but there's a conviction behind his performance that puts him a cut above his boring co-stars. 

Released on August 24, 2012, "The Apparition" has received overwhelmingly negative reviews with a 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Now that is something you do not see every day. Apparently Warner Brothers felt so little confidence in Lincoln's project (and partly due to their discontinued support of Dark Castle Entertainment) that they're just dumping it in the second to last week of August in only 810 theaters. The previews have also been outright misleading as the tagline 'Once you believe, you die' has nothing to do with anything in the film and completely misrepresents its premise. Adding insult to injury, both the poster and the trailer spoil the ending. Surprisingly, WB did hold advance screenings this past Thursday, even though the studio was making a concerted effort to hide the film from critics (never a good sign). It was a sparsely attended affair with the audience erupting in laughter at all the weak jump scares, with one of them being a blatant carbon copy of both "The Ring" but instead of a television, the entity crawls out of a washing machine. Given its limited release, it won't make much of an impression at the box office and is on track for a paltry $1 to $2 million debut yet what's even more shocking is that it took $17 million to make this crap. Not only is "The Apparition" one of the most inept horror flicks ever made but it's also one of the worst films of the year and everyone involved in its production ought to be ashamed. How studio executives even green-light garbage like this is truly mind-boggling. Then again, there's also "Battleship" so enough said.  

Final Rating: 1 out of 5

"We opened the door and it came through. It's like a virus; it knows you're afraid…spreads from one person to another. It wants to be in our world! It wants us!"

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Hit & Run Review

Rated R (Pervasive Language including Sexual References, Graphic Nudity, Some Violence and Drug Content)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 40 Minutes

Cast-

Kristen Bell-Annie Bean

Dax Shepard-Charlie Bronson

Bradley Cooper-Alex Dimitri

Tom Arnold-Randy Anderson

Michael Rosenbaum-Gil Rathbinn

Jess Rowland-Sheriff Terry Rathbinn

Carly Hatter-Sheriff Angela

Beau Bridges-Clint Perkins

Kristin Chenoweth-Debbie Kreeger

Joy Bryant-Neve Tatum

Sean Hayes-Professor Sandy Osterman

Directed by Dax Shepard and David Palmer

Charlie Bronson (Dax Shepard) and Annie Bean (Kristen Bell) find themselves on the run from some crazy criminals in the late-summer comedy "Hit & Run."

In comparison to last year, summer 2012 has not exactly been kind to the R-rated comedy, with Sacha Baron Cohen's "The Dictator" underperforming at the domestic box office with $59.7 million (although it remains a modest success when including its $108 million foreign gross) while "That's My Boy" and "The Watch" both flopped, earning a mere $36.9 and $33.1 million respectively. Seth MacFarlane's "Ted" has been the only success story, racking up an impressive $352 million worldwide and receiving positive reviews with a solid 70% on Rotten Tomatoes. Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis' political satire "The Campaign" also looks to be on track for a $100 million gross, although barely. With every major release already playing in theaters or about to be released on Blu-Ray and DVD, we've now entered the last two weeks of August where Hollywood dumps whatever films they have left (usually with low box office prospects) in order to earn a quick buck before gearing up for the fall season with all their possible awards contenders. The last R-rated comedy to arrive is "Hit & Run," starring Kristen Bell and her fiancé Dax Shepard, who also co-directed, co-produced, and co-wrote the film. Shepard (cue obligatory Mass Effect reference) currently stars on NBC's comedy/drama "Parenthood" as Crosby Braverman but has had a number of supporting roles in film such as 2005's "Employee of the Month" and 2008's "Baby Mama." This is also not his first time as director, helming last year's mockumentary "Brother's Justice," which had an incredibly limited release and received reviews so negative that it now has a score of 0% on Rotten Tomatoes. Fortunately "Hit & Run" is a lot better compared to Shepard's previous effort as the chemistry between him and Bell benefits from their real-life relationship but this uneven action comedy fails to drum up any excitement or laughs despite the flashy cars and some amusing moments. 

Charlie Bronson (Dax Shepard) lives in the rural backwater town of Milton, California with his loving girlfriend Annie Bean (Kristen Bell), a professor who teaches conflict resolution at the local community college run by a Xanax-addicted dean named Debbie Kreeger (Kristin Chenoweth). However, the name 'Charlie Bronson' is actually a false identity he was forced to adopt when he entered the Witness Protection Program four years ago for testifying against his best friend Alex Dimitri (Bradley Cooper) in the wake of a failed bank robbery. Annie is unaware of her boyfriend's shady past and believes him to be only a 'witness' to the crime. When Debbie tells Annie that she has been offered a job at the University of California related to her field, Charlie is less than enthused about the news as going back to Los Angeles would mean running into his former criminal buddies at the risk of his own life. His love for Annie eventually convinces Charlie to come out of hiding and he agrees to make the 500 mile drive by breaking out his souped-up 1967 Lincoln Continental from the shed. Gil Rathbinn (Michael Rosenbaum), Annie's possessive ex-boyfriend, discovers Charlie's real identity by memorizing his license plate and alerts Alex of his return to Los Angeles, leading to a wild chase across the Californian desert that also involves a bumbling U.S. Marshall named Randy Anderson (Tom Arnold) and a pair of incompetent sheriffs, Gil's brother Terry (Jess Rowland) and his partner Angela (Carly Hatter). 

"Hit & Run" may not be a great or even good action comedy but it's a harmless film that largely succeeds on the appeal of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. Apparently, it only took ten weeks to write the script and shoot the film, with much of the cast deferring their salaries. Such efficiency is admirable and it's immediately clear that Shepard was very passionate about the project considering the many hats he wore during the production. The actors also have a lot of fun on the set as well, especially Bell, who sports a big smile whenever the camera pans to her during the car chases. Although primarily marketed as a comedy, the problem with "Hit & Run" is that it just isn't very funny. Sure, there are some chuckle-worthy moments such as when Tom Arnold's Randy, a U.S. Marshall assigned to protect Charlie, forgets to fully put his vehicle in park, which starts rolling on its own toward a group of children playing by their house. Randy runs after the van and attempts to shoot out the tires but misses, hitting the neighbor's window instead. However, after the umpteenth time where Randy's gun accidentally discharges, you have to wonder if he's just clumsy or plain stupid. Shepard packs his script with a number of quirky secondary characters to garner some easy laughs but they're only tangentially related to the story. Gil is reduced to chasing Charlie around and behaving as obnoxious as possible despite being the catalyst that sets the plot in motion. Sheriffs Terry and Angela have a few amusing scenes that revolve around an app called 'Pouncer,' which allows gay men to hook up, similar to a real-life app called 'Grindr.' There is also an outrageous moment where Annie and Charlie stumble upon a real-life 'Lemon Party,' which is not even remotely funny and will even leave some viewers disgusted. The car chases tries to emulate the action comedies of the 1970's but while there are plenty of vehicles on display, the driving stunts fail to drum up any excitement due to the pedestrian way it's edited together. The boring desert backdrop does not help matters either, leading to a feeling of sameness to every chase. What really saves "Hit & Run" from being a total disaster is the sweet chemistry between Annie and Charlie, which owes much to the fact that these two are actually a real-life couple and allows their interactions to come off as genuine. The opening scene has Charlie reassuring his girlfriend that the only moment she needs to worry about is now and that he will be with her for the rest of his life, prompting what seem to be real tears from Bell. That spark between them is the sole reason that "Hit & Run" manages to be somewhat enjoyable. 

The cast certainly enjoyed themselves but the performances are a mixed bag with the only exceptions being Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard. Despite his scruffy, unkempt appearance, Shepard's Charlie has a charming puppy dog loyalty that makes him instantly likable. Sharing a cute rapport with Bell's Annie, the fact that she and Shepard are a couple both on-screen and off inadvertently breaks the forth wall, offering a peek into their personal lives. Tom Arnold is Randy, the accidental-prone U.S. Marshall assigned to protect Charlie but while his antics initially elicited a few chuckles, I later found them to be repetitive and uninspired. Sporting yellow shades and a ridiculous mane of dreadlocks, Bradley Cooper just looks way too much like a cartoon to come off as menacing. Michael Rosenbaum, who played Lex Luthor on the long-running television series "Smallville," is convincing as Annie's annoying ex-boyfriend Gil though the script never knows what to do with him. Jess Rowland and Carly Hatter make for a fun duo as two sheriffs caught up in a situation beyond their control but like Gil, they are given little to do. Kristin Chenoweth, David Koechner, Sean Hayes and Jason Bateman also have cameo roles, along with Beau Bridges literally delivering a knockout punch as Charlie's estranged father. 

"Hit & Run" was released on August 22, 2012 and has received mixed reviews with 47% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that 'it's jokes miss as often as they hit but even at its least compelling, [the film] provides harmless late-night viewing for old-fashioned action comedy enthusiasts.' The $2 million production only managed to secure a wide release thanks to distributor Open Road Films, co-owned by theater chains AMC and Regal, which explains why it began screening as far back as May. Unfortunately, it debuted to a pitiful $625,000 this past Wednesday and is expected to earn as little as $3 to $4 million in its first five days of release. Audience reaction at the screening on Tuesday was rather muted, although there were a few scattered laughs. The only competition is from "Premium Rush" and "The Apparition," with the latter being dumped into a mere 810 theaters but all three prospects look terrible given their release dates, with Shepard's film likely landing in the bottom ten. "Hit & Run" is by no means a terrible flick thanks to the presence of Kristen Bell and Dax Shepard but outside of a few amusing moments, there's nothing here that's particularly compelling or worth paying to see.

Final Rating: 2.5 out of 5

"I was butt-f*cked by a Filipino dude, OK! Solve your dilemma of what part of the world my ass traveled to?!"

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The Expendables 2 Review

Rated R (Strong Bloody Violence Throughout)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 43 Minutes

Cast-

Sylvester Stallone-Barney Ross

Jason Statham-Lee Christmas

Jet Li-Yin Yang

Dolph Lundgren-Gunner Jensen

Terry Crews-Hale Caesar

Randy Couture-Toll Road

Yu Nan-Maggie Chen

Liam Hemsworth-Billy the Kid

Jean-Claude Van Damme-Jean Vilain

Chuck Norris-Booker

Bruce Willis-Mr. Church

Arnold Schwarzenegger-Trench

Scott Adkins-Hector

Charisma Carpenter-Lacy

Directed by Simon West

Sylvester Stallone, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Bruce Willis make guns go boom in "The Expendables 2." Their presence will make you spontaneously grow a beard.

Arnold Schwarzenegger, Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Jean-Claude Van Damme, Chuck Norris, Dolph Lundren…these are the larger-than-life action heroes that dominated the 1980's and the early 1990's but as audience's tastes changed and the use of CG became more widespread, their star slowly faded. Many of the action flicks that were popular three decades ago were rated R but as production budgets continued to increase, the pressure on Hollywood to appeal to a worldwide audience in order to recoup their expenses intensified, such as when 2007's "Live Free or Die Hard" was edited down to a PG-13 at the request of 20th Century Fox, a practice that has now become commonplace. In order to pay homage and revitalize the bloody action films of yesteryear, Stallone co-wrote, directed, and starred in 2010's "The Expendables," which featured an impressive array of action veterans but nothing could compare to the moment when Stallone, Schwarzenegger, and Willis finally appeared on-screen together for the first time. Despite grossing $274 million worldwide, "The Expendables" received negative reviews from critics with 41% on Rotten Tomatoes. While I may have been too harsh in hindsight with my rating of 1.5 out of 5, my opinion remains the same: the film was a major disappointment due to its atrocious dialogue and headache-inducing action scenes that were liable to cause brain damage. Two years later, the geriatric mercenaries are back in "The Expendables 2" and while it delivers on more of the same, the fun factor that was noticeably absent in the original can be found here in full force. Packed with hilariously cheesy puns and a larger cast that includes Chuck Norris and Jean-Claude Van Damme, plus expanded roles for Schwarzenegger and Willis, "The Expendables 2" is what its predecessor should've been and will leave action junkies with an orgasmic smile on their face as they exit the theater. 

Barney Ross (Sylvester Stallone) and his team of mayhem-loving mercenaries known as the Expendables (Jason Statham, Jet Li, Dolph Lundgren, Terry Crews, and Randy Couture) are back in action and along with a new recruit named Billy the Kid (Liam Hemsworth), they commit a daring rescue in the jungles of Nepal involving a Chinese billionaire. The team also frees rival mercenary Trench (Arnold Schwarzenegger), who bemoans the fact that he'll have to owe Barney in the future. Yin Yang returns the billionaire to Beijing while also taking an indefinite leave of absence from the team. The rest of the Expendables fly back to the United States on their rickety plane for some much needed rest but their time-off comes to an end when mysterious CIA agent Mr. Church (Bruce Willis) reminds Barney that he owes him for the mess they made in Vilena. Church gives the team a new assignment where they are to retrieve an item locked in a safe on a plane that was shot down over Albania. Since the safe has a password that changes every two minutes, a tech specialist named Maggie Chen (Yu Nan) will be accompanying the team on their mission. Landing in the mountains of Albania, the team makes a fifteen kilometer trek to the crash-site. Despite some difficulty, the team manages to recover the item from the safe but a notorious arms dealer named Jean Vilain (Jean-Claude Van Damme), the leader of a ruthless cartel called the Sangs, forces them to hand it over at or he will kill one of their members. The Expendables reluctantly comply but Vilain viciously kills one of their own anyway using Barney's own knife before he leaves. After mourning the loss of their comrade, Barney demands Maggie to tell him what was in the safe and she reveals that it is a computer blueprint of a Russian mine that contains five tons of weapons-grade plutonium left over from the Cold War. Trapped in hostile territory, the Expendables swear vengeance against Vilain because this time…it's personal. 

"The Expendables 2" may have a laughably paper-thin plot and little in the way of character development but it remains one heck of a wild ride, capturing all of these larger-than-life personalities kicking ass while trading cheesy quips that poke fun at themselves. The original "Expendables" attempted to portray its characters as troubled individuals haunted by their past sins but only Mickey Rourke's Tool was able to make this work in a brilliant monologue. The rest of the film was marred by some truly god-awful dialogue. Thankfully, this is jettisoned in the sequel, although there are still some 'dramatic' moments, largely pertaining to Hemsworth's Billy the Kid, that come off as clunky and forced but fortunately, they are brief. The story is written by Ken Kaufman, David Agosto, and Richard Wenk this time around and is a lot more straight-forward, putting the Expendables on a mission of revenge when one of their own is ruthlessly killed during a mission that goes horribly wrong. Sure, it's generic and offers virtually no surprises but as an excuse to throw a bunch of action stars who are long past their prime together, it works, more so than in its predecessor. The dialogue can get downright terrible at times, such as a scene where the team trades food-based racial innuendos but the surprisingly self-aware tone makes it apparent that this film functions as low-brow entertainment and is not to be taken seriously. The cast frequently pokes fun at their senior status and make numerous references to their previous work. Crews' Hale Caesar warns Schwarzenegger's Trench that he is 'terminated' if he doesn't return his gun but such lines pale in comparison to the priceless moment when Chuck Norris single-handedly takes out a tank and a group of Sangs before recounting a hilarious anecdote where a king cobra bit him and subsequently died after five 'painful days', a reference to the famous 'Chuck Norris Facts' meme which have become a worldwide internet phenomenon. During the climactic battle, Trench and Willis' Mr. Church team up and trade a number of funny quips, with Willis remarking to Schwarzenegger that 'this time, I'll be back!' This prompts a scowling Schwarzenegger to say 'Yippee-ki-yay,' but he omits the 'motherf*cker.' These moments add to the nostalgia factor, which was sadly missing in the original. 

Of course, audiences who are seeing the film want to know how the action stacks up and it does not disappoint thanks to Simon West's steady camerawork, although the decision to shoot digitally leads to night-time scenes and close-ups looking distractingly grainy or out of focus. "The Expendables 2" opens with an elaborate sequence that has the team blowing their enemies to bits and causing all manner of property damage before closing in a large shootout at an airport that has Stallone engaging in a one-on-one brawl with Van Damme, where he does his famous roundhouse kick not once…but twice! Statham also dons the garb of a priest before showing off his knife skills, proclaiming to the Sangs that he now pronounces them 'man and knife.' Jet Li is unfortunately reduced to a cameo role, exiting the film before the title card pops up but he still leaves an impression as he takes on a number of soldiers using nothing but pots and pans, a nice nod to his peer Jackie Chan. 

If you're wondering why I haven't mentioned the acting, it's because there isn't any since the cast are basically playing exaggerated, superhero versions of themselves. Jean-Claude Van Damme is surprisingly eloquent as the ridiculously named 'Jean Vilain' and Arnold Schwarzenegger proves that he still has plenty of charisma left even though he now qualifies for Social Security. There's also a new female character named Maggie played by Yu Nan but her mumbled line readings make it seem like she's disinterested, with the romance that develops between her and Barney falling flat on its face. Finally, there's Liam Hemsworth as sniper Billy the Kid, who is given the bulk of the drama. He delivers a solid, if unremarkable, performance. 

Released on August 17, 2012, "The Expendables 2" has received positive reviews with 68% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics agreed that it gave 'classic action fans everything they can reasonably expect from a star-studded shoot-'em-up—for better and for worse.' Despite competition from three other releases ("ParaNorman," "Sparkle," and "The Odd Life of Timothy Green"), the film easily took the top spot at the box office with $28.5 million, which was down 18% from the original two years ago. A final domestic gross of $100 million is still reachable, although "The Expendables 3" will have to do more other than just adding new cast members. Embracing its bigger and bolder mentality, "The Expendables 2" delivers exactly as the previews promised with its explosive action scenes but it also has a sense of fun that its predecessor lacked. Yes, it's dumb and holds no real surprises but as a love letter to the action flicks of yore, this sequel is a resounding success.

Final Rating: 3.5 out of 5

Lee Christmas: What's the plan?

Barney Ross: Track 'em, find 'em, kill 'em!

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Sparkle Review

Rated PG-13 (Mature Thematic Content involving Domestic Abuse and Drug Material, and for Some Violence, Language and Smoking)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 56 Minutes

Cast-

Jordin Sparks-Sparkle Anderson

Whitney Houston-Emma Anderson

Carmen Ejogo-Tammy 'Sister' Anderson

Tika Sumpter-Dolores Anderson

Derek Luke-Stix

Mike Epps-Satin Struthers

Omari Hardwick-Levi

Thomas DeCarlo Callaway/Cee Lo Green-Black

Curtis Armstrong-Larry Robinson

Directed by Salim Akil

"Sparkle" marks Whitney Houston's fifth and final film performance before she tragically passed away in February.

'If I should stay, / I would only be in your way. / So I'll go, but I know / I'll think of you every step of the way. / And I will always love you. / I will always love you. / You, my darling you.' These are the opening lyrics to Whitney Houston's rendition of Dolly Parton's 1974 single I Will Always Love You and if you're one of the few who didn't know that because you were living under a rock, then you should be ashamed of yourself. The song was originally recorded for the soundtrack to 1992's "The Bodyguard," which was Houston's feature film debut and also starred Kevin Costner. Not only did the album go on to sell a record-breaking 46 million copies worldwide but I Will Always Love You became the best-selling single by a female artist in music history. The same cannot be said for "The Bodyguard," which received largely negative reviews with 32% on Rotten Tomatoes. However, it grossed a massive $411 million worldwide, or the equivalent of $671 million when adjusted for inflation. I am not a hardcore Whitney Houston fan but listening to I Will Always Love You always leaves me with goose-bumps. Unfortunately, her career from the late-1990's onward was marked by rumors of drug abuse with her husband Bobby Brown but just when she was about to stage her comeback after her divorce from him, Houston suddenly passed away at the age of 48 in February. "Sparkle," a remake of the 1976 film of the same name, marks Houston's fifth and final film performance but sadly, this is not the proper send-off that she so rightfully deserves. While Houston is solid in her supporting role and the music numbers are beautifully performed, "Sparkle" ultimately fizzles out with its sappy, melodramatic tone and reliance on formulaic soap opera clichés. 

Taking place in 1968, nineteen-year-old Sparkle Anderson (Jordin Sparks) is an aspiring song writer living in Detroit but she avoids taking the stage herself and instead lets her older sibling Tammy (Carmen Ejogo), who goes by the name Sister, perform her music in various nightclubs. The two catch the eye of an up-and-coming music manager named Stix (Derek Luke) during one such performance but he is unable to get their names as they quickly rush to leave. Attending church with his cousin Levi (Omari Hardwick) one day, Stix spots Sparkle and her two sisters but Levi warns him of their strict mother Emma (Whitney Houston). Immediately smitten with her, Stix and Sparkle agree to have Bible study together with her sisters under the supervision of Emma but when she steps out of the house to take care of church business, Sparkle continues to work on her music and song writing. Unbeknownst to her, Stix is still in the house and he overhears her singing. Although Sparkle steadfastly refuses to take the stage, she agrees to Stix's proposal to form a musical trio with Sister as the lead singer while she and middle sister Dolores (Tika Sumpter) serve as backup. Known as Sister and the Sisters, the trio soon takes the nation by storm and Stix eventually gets them a spot opening for Aretha Franklin, bringing them to the attention of Columbia Records. However, Emma does not approve of their new-found fame and forbids them to continue as she fears that they will succumb to the same fate as her. Meanwhile, Sister breaks up with Levi to be with Satin Struthers (Mike Epps), a wealthy comedian who panders to a white audience by making fun of his own race. The two are married but Struthers proves to be an abusive husband and Sister soon becomes addicted to cocaine. Sparkle struggles to keep her family together while trying to realize her own dreams. 

I must admit that I was only made aware of "Sparkle" when I was looking through the release schedule for August but my curiosity was piqued upon learning that this marked Whitney Houston's last performance in a feature film. Although I have not seen the 1976 version directed by Sam O'Steen, I did read up on it beforehand and yes, the main plot has remained largely the same but Salim Akil's remake takes place in Detroit instead of Harlem and the time period has been moved forward by a decade to 1968. The tone was also a lot darker in the original. Written by Mara Brock Akil and Howard Rosenman (who also wrote the original with Joel Schumacher, the one who ruined Batman), "Sparkle" tells a bland and generic tale that explores the same tired clichés of fame being a double-edged sword. However, it also preaches to its viewers to follow their dreams no matter the obstacle, leading to a conflict of interest that will leave audiences confused as to what Akil wants to convey. With its melodramatic tone and forced attempts at earnestness, much of what happens in "Sparkle" feels like a soap opera where future plot points are telegraphed with eye-rolling predictability. 

Characters such as Sparkle are exasperatingly naïve while Sister is just plain foolish, rushing into a marriage with Satin Struthers even though it is plainly obvious that he will be abusive toward her. This lends the film a morbid irony as it mirrors Whitney Houston's own life. A dinner argument hits particularly close to home when Sister tells her mother how she was 'laid up in [her] own vomit' instead of taking care of her daughters and is one of the few instances where the family drama feels grounded. As for Satin himself, he's reduced to being a cartoonish villain and there's even a scene of domestic abuse that ends up being unintentionally comical due to how fake it looks. Akil also fails to communicate a sense of time and place. Yes, the opening title card says 1968 Detroit but it does not feel like 1968. This was a tumultuous time in civil rights history but aside from a few off-handed comments on rioting and a shot of Martin Luther King, Jr. being interviewed on television, there is little to distinguish the time period from today if it wasn't for the impeccable era-appropriate costumes designed by Ruth E. Carter. This just leaves the music numbers and they are all excellently performed, although Akil sometimes focuses a tad too much on his actresses' gyrating hips. These scenes are what elevate the film and yes, Whitney Houston does get her moment to shine when she sings Civilla D. Martin and Charles H. Gabriel's His Eye is on the Sparrow. Houston's vocal ability has certainly diminished in the intervening years but she still sounds better than all the auto-tuned garbage that plagues radio stations today. It's the send-off she deserves but unfortunately, she's surrounded by mediocrity. Jordin Sparks ends "Sparkle" on a high enough note as she belts out One Wing from R. Kelly, making me wish that the film had more of these music numbers. 

The acting from the cast ranges from solid to amateurish. Jordin Sparks (who was the winner of "American Idol" Season 6) may have an amazing voice but her performance consists of only two expressions, which is described by Andrew Barker of Variety to be 'ecstatic well-being or lip-quivering sadness.' Sparks is likable though thanks to her baby face looks but she should stick to singing. Whitney Houston won't be winning any posthumous awards but she's solid as Emma, a strict mother who once had a burgeoning music career but fell victim to substance abuse. Houston draws on her own experiences to give Emma's world-weariness a genuine quality and its clear why she became involved with the project in the first place. Carmen Ejogo makes for a captivating presence but Tika Sumpter is reduced to being the third-wheel in the story, although her character's swagger allows for some amusing moments. Derek Luke tries too hard to come off as earnest while Mike Epps is nothing more than a two-dimensional villain as Satin Struthers. Despite their names being on the poster, Omari Hardwick and rapper Cee Lo Green have only minor roles, with the latter only appearing in the opening scene. 

"Sparkle" was released on August 17, 2012 to mixed reviews with 57% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics admitted that it was 'undeniably melodramatic and old-fashioned [but the film] transcends its formulaic trappings thanks to Salim Akil's empathetic direction and strong performances from a committed cast'. That's not a statement I'm completely in agreement with but what do I know? The audience at the advance screening I attended on Wednesday reacted positively to the film, with the woman sitting next to me gasping at every plot twist even though you could see it coming a mile away. "Sparkle" faces some tough competition at the box office but it should land in either third or fourth place with $14 million, making back its production budget in one go. There is no doubt that the music numbers are amazing but as a drama, "Sparkle" is a failure. The script is too clichéd and formulaic to make much of an impression despite Whitney Houston's presence and is just not the send-off we were hoping for.

Final Rating: 2.5 out of 5 (an extra 0.5 for the music)

"Wasn't my life enough of a cautionary tale for you?"

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ParaNorman 3D Review

Rated PG (Scary Action and Images, Thematic Elements, Some Rude Humor and Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 33 Minutes

Cast (voice)-

Kodi Smit-McPhee-Norman Babcock

Tucker Albrizzi-Neil Downe

Anna Kendrick-Courtney Babcock

Casey Affleck-Mitch Downe

Christopher Mintz-Plasse-Alvin

John Goodman-Mr. Prenderghast

Jodelle Ferland-Aggie

Leslie Mann-Sandra Babcock

Jeff Garlin-Perry Babcock

Elaine Stritch-Grandma Babcock

Bernard Hill-The Judge

Alex Borstein-Mrs. Henscher

Hannah Noyes-Salma

Tempestt Bledsoe-Sheriff Hooper

Directed by Chris Butler and Sam Fell

The fate of Blithe Hollow rests in their hands in LAIKA's latest animated feature, "ParaNorman."

Horror films may be a dime a dozen but classics like "The Exorcist," "Halloween," "Friday the 13th," "A Nightmare on Elm Street," and even "Hellraiser" have sadly become a rarity, replaced by mindless torture porn and formulaic PG-13 fare. After sitting on the shelf for close to three years due to a bankrupt MGM, Drew Goddard and Joss Whedon's "The Cabin in the Woods" was finally released into theaters this past April to overwhelmingly positive reviews (90% on Rotten Tomatoes) and served as not just a love letter to the horror genre but also an indictment on what it has devolved to. Unfortunately, the film's satire fell on deaf ears as audiences felt that they were 'lied' to since they were expecting a generic slasher movie. Still, it managed to become a modest box office success and earned $66 million worldwide. Now, another gleeful send-up to the horror flicks of yesteryear has been released with "ParaNorman," a late-summer animated film from LAIKA Incorporated, who made their animation debut with 2009's "Coraline," based on the horror-fantasy novella from acclaimed British author Neil Gaiman and directed by Henry Selick. Specializing in stop-motion animation, LAIKA was founded in July 2005 and was split into two divisions where one would focus on feature films while the other on commercial work such as advertisements. The studio was supposed to dabble in CG as well with a project titled "Jack & Ben's Animated Adventure" but it was cancelled when a significant portion of its staff were laid off in 2008. Proving that "Coraline" wasn't just a fluke, LAIKA's "ParaNorman" is a charming, funny, imaginative, and even touching horror spoof and is by far the best animated feature this summer. Pixar, you just got served! 

Living in the small New England town of Blithe Hollow with his parents Sandra and Perry (Leslie Mann and Jeff Garlin), and his obnoxious older sister Courtney (Anna Kendrick), young Norman Babcock (Kodi Smit-McPhee) possesses an unusual ability—he can see and communicate with the dead. This frequently causes friction between his parents, with his exasperated father wishing his son was more 'normal' and stop all this talk about ghosts. Branded as a freak at school and a victim of bullying by the larger Alvin (Christopher Mintz-Plasse), Norman resigns himself to the loner life and spends his time watching old zombie movies with his deceased grandmother (Elaine Stritch). One of his classmates, the chubby Neil Downe (Tucker Albrizzi), befriends Norman but trouble looms over the horizon when the town crazy, Mr. Prenderghast (John Goodman), warns of a centuries-old witch's curse that will destroy Blithe Hollow if not stopped. Knowing that his time on Earth is almost over, Prenderghast seeks out Norman and reveals that only he can stop the witch's curse due to his paranormal abilities. When a group of Colonial-era zombies rise from their graves and begin terrorizing the townspeople of Blithe Hollow, Norman must put aside his own fears and save his home with the help of some unlikely allies. 

'You think you know the story.' This was the tagline for Goddard's "The Cabin in the Woods" and similarly, "ParaNorman" looks rather generic judging from the initial previews but that is actually one of the film's greatest strengths as it plays with the audiences' expectations of what they think a zombie flick entails. A surprisingly poignant horror spoof, Chris Butler and Sam Fell's animated film is both hilarious and touching despite its familiar story of an outcast overcoming his doubts and rising up to become the hero. The running time may only be a mere 93 minutes but the film is paced well as it successfully transitions between moments of drama and visual spectacle. While primarily marketed towards children, adults will find a lot to love about "ParaNorman," especially if you're a horror aficionado thanks to its irreverent references to a number of classics such as 1978's "Halloween" and 1980’s "Friday the 13th" but the film is really a homage to George A. Romero's 1968 classic "Night of the Living Dead." Known as the 'Godfather of all Zombies,' Romero imbues each of his zombie flicks with his unique brand of social commentary tailored to the specific time period in which they were released. Butler and Fell use this as their inspiration to create a cautionary tale of what fear can do to people when confronted with a situation that they are unable to comprehend. When someone does not conform to what society perceives as 'normal,' then that person is ostracized and "ParaNorman" explores the affect this can have on someone psychologically. The villains are not the zombies; it is people who are unable to set aside their own prejudices and listen, which many of the characters fail to do and leads to a dangerous mob mentality. This is what makes the film such a success because it puts a new spin on all these horror tropes while exploring some life lessons in a way that feels organic and not preachy. The thematic material will go over most kids' heads but "ParaNorman" will still keep them engaged because it's so damn funny. Most of the comedy is derived from the hilarious interactions between the characters and when combined with the adventure elements, it becomes reminiscent of 1985's "The Goonies." The most memorable character by far has to be Norman's chubby friend Neil. Whether he's threatening to throw hummus, watching his mom's aerobics videos, or just plain stating the obvious, Neil steals every scene he's in and adds to the film's overall fun factor. However, parents should still heed the PG rating as the film does contain some material that might be too intense or even frightening for viewers under age ten. 

Seamlessly blending traditional stop-motion with CG animation, "ParaNorman" looks beautiful with its macabre visuals and the climax is a real stunner as Norman finally confronts the witch. One of the advantages of stop-motion is that it lends every character and object a sense of 'realness' that isn't achievable with CG no matter how advanced the technology is. Disappointingly, the 3D does not add much to the experience and I found the depth to be quite lacking. Taking off the 3D glasses revealed very little blur and the image might as well have been in 2D. Surprising, considering the fact that this is stop-motion and not a pile of pixels. At least there are no brightness issues but that's a given in this day and age. 

While the 3D is black mark on the film's otherwise impeccable visuals, the voice acting from the cast are excellent and they really make their characters come alive. Kodi Smit-McPhee captures all of Norman's insecurities from his sense of loneliness and search for acceptance but also his determination with only his voice. Anna Kendrick shines as well as Norman's vain and obnoxious older sister Courtney and you can almost picture the actress mimicking the body language of her character in the sound booth. Tucker Albrizzi is adorable as Neil while Casey Affleck is virtually unrecognizable as Neil's slow-witted older brother Mitch, who drops a major bombshell at the end that will leave kids puzzled but adults laughing aloud. Christopher Mintz-Plasse is solid as school bully Alvin, although he does not blend into his role as well as the others due to his distinctive voice. The rest of the voice cast includes Leslie Mann and Jeff Garlin as Norman's parents, John Goodman as Blithe Hollow's crazed resident Mr. Prenderghast, and Jodelle Ferland as the witch Aggie.

"ParaNorman" was released on August 17, 2012 to largely positive reviews with 86% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics hailed it as 'beautifully animated and solidly scripted, [the film] will entertain (and frighten) older children while providing surprisingly thoughtful fare for their parents.' The audience, which was comprised of equal parts adults and children, thoroughly enjoyed the film during the advance screening on Thursday and there was never a dull moment as laughter continuously filled the theater. Given its non-kid friendly subject matter on death and the use of stop-motion, "ParaNorman" won't be breaking any box office records like Pixar or DreamWorks Animation but it should settle into second place with a solid $20 million behind "The Expendables 2." The story may not break any new ground but with memorable characters, gorgeous visuals, and loving references to the classic horror flicks of yore, "ParaNorman" cements its status as not just the best animated film of the summer but also one of the best films of the year, period.

Final Rating: 4.5 out of 5

"There's nothing wrong with being scared, Norman, as long as you don't let it change who you are."

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The Odd Life of Timothy Green Review

Rated PG (Mild Thematic Elements and Brief Language)

Running Time: 1 Hour & 45 Minutes

Cast-

Jennifer Garner-Cindy Green

Joel Edgerton-Jim Green

C.J. Adams-Timothy Green

Odeya Rush-Joni Jerome

Rosemarie DeWitt-Brenda Best

David Morse-James Green, Sr.

M. Emmet Walsh-Uncle Bub

Lois Smith-Aunt Mel

Lonnie Rashid Lynn, Jr./Common-Coach Cal

Ron Livingston-Franklin Crudstaff

Dianne Wiest-Ms. Bernice Crudstaff

Shohreh Aghdashloo-Evette Onat

Directed by Peter Hedges

That Miracle-Gro from Home Depot really works. Look, I grew a kid from the garden last night!

Released a year after the end of World War II in 1946, Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life," loosely based on Philip Van Doren Stern's 1943 short story The Greatest Gift, is a timeless Hollywood classic that has sadly become a rarity as movie studios are more concerned with chasing the almighty dollar in lieu of allowing writers to simply tell good stories. Never descending into manufactured over-sentimentalism, Capra grounds his characters and captures such genuine emotion that you really start to believe that perhaps, just maybe, a guardian angel is 'out there' watching over us. When James Stewart's George Bailey is at his lowest point and is about to commit suicide by jumping off a bridge, I seriously felt tears welling up in my eyes…but I had to contain myself or risk being ridiculed by my classmates (this was during film class). With its themes of unrealized dreams, of being constantly burdened with responsibility and watching the world pass you by, Capra's classic has continued to strike a chord with audiences for over six decades and of course, who could forget Donna Reed as Bailey's ever-faithful wife Mary. Now Reed is the definition of classical beauty, although Grace Kelly and Audrey Hepburn are equally valid choices. "It's a Wonderful Life" truly earns the moniker of being 'magical' but nowadays, we get assembly line schlock like "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" from novelist/writer/director Peter Hedges. Definitely one of the strangest films to be released this summer, "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" has its heart in the right place but its kid-friendly tone often clashes with the adult themes, making this a nauseatingly hollow experience that overindulges in saccharine melodrama to the point where it's liable to give you diabetes (no offense to actual diabetics). 

Told as a story within a story, Cindy and Jim Green (Jennifer Garner and Joel Edgerton), a loving couple living in Middle America in the small rural town of Stanleyville, are told that they are unable to conceive despite exhausting every available medical option. The two try to move on with their lives but a stubborn Jim wants to hold onto their dream for one more night and with his wife, writes down all the attributes their ideal child would have on pieces of paper. They then place the notes in a box and bury it in the family garden. A freak thunderstorm occurs in the middle of the night where the rain curiously pours only on the Green's residence. Woken up by the sound of thunder, Jim goes to close an open screen door and comes face-to-face with a ten-year-old boy covered in dirt and mud! With Cindy now awake as well, Jim and his wife discover a giant hole in their garden, as if something or someone dug themselves up but even more stranger is the fact that the boy standing before them has leaves growing out of his calves. Revealing his name to be Timothy (C.J. Adams), he immediately begins calling the bewildered couple Mom and Dad, claiming them as his parents. Thrust with such a sudden responsibility, Cindy and Jim introduce Timothy as their newly adopted son while hiding his leaves with knee-high socks. Falling in love with a solitary girl named Joni (Odeya Rush), who also has a secret of her own, Timothy begins touching the lives of those around him but it soon becomes clear that his time on Earth is limited. 

A child who was born from a garden due to a freak thunderstorm? Sounds like the beginning of a terrible horror flick but "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" is instead a mawkish melodrama that wants to capture the 'magical realism' that characterized such films like Frank Capra's "It's a Wonderful Life" yet the film just blunders along by relying on a tired formula full of silly clichés. With every scene desperately screaming to its audience 'Are you crying yet?! Are you?!,' the film just reeks of manufactured sentimentalism at every turn, its syrupy sappiness threatening to either make you throw up or roll your eyes in disbelief, perhaps both! Written by Hedges with Ahmet Zappa (son of musician Frank Zappa), the script commits a fatal mistake by having the story unfold through an awkward framed narrative, robbing the film of whatever suspense it could've had. Since Timothy does not appear in the present-day, it's immediately clear his fate is not a happy one. Given all the tree symbolism being thrown around, one can make a pretty accurate assumption as to what happens to him. The initial previews also made it seem like Odeya Rush's Joni held a secret that would play a role in the plot but the reveal (which happens early) is a major letdown and it makes little sense for her to be so moody in the first place given how inconsequential her dilemma is. Such asinine behavior permeates the film as characters are little more than naive caricatures that lack any form of real-world logic. When confronted with Timothy, Cindy and Jim just accept him as their son without asking any questions, as do the rest of their extended family. No one wonders where he came from or has any problem with this child just suddenly standing out in the open with his arms stretched out and his eyes closed while he soaks up the sun's rays like he's Superman. Such moments often end up being unintentionally hilarious and it's hard to take any of this seriously. Timothy even draws a self-portrait of Cindy's boss (Dianne Wiest) at the pencil museum in a scene that's reminiscent of James Cameron's "Titanic"…but only creepier. While I understand that Hedges wants to make a statement on the hardships of parenting and that sometimes it's better to let children be children, none of the emotion ever comes off as genuine. In order to retain its kid-friendly tone, these adult themes have been diluted, where catharsis is achieved without the trauma. The script is packed with subplots such as Jim trying to deal with his absentee father to the economic recession that threatens the survival of the pencil factory where everyone works but wanting the audience to believe that a child like Timothy could 'inspire' everyone to be better versions of themselves is a lot to ask for and therein lies the problem: everything that happens is so calculated to elicit a certain emotion that none of it feels real except for one scene where Cindy and Jim, along with their son, partake in a spontaneous a cappella to War's 1975 song Low Rider. What's worse is that it feels unnecessarily cruel to give Cindy and Jim what they want only to snatch it away at the last minute. While its earnestness is admirable, "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" just tries too hard to be loved but ends up being a shallow film that is far from being 'magical.' Manipulative would be a more appropriate word. 

Since this is a fairy tale, there's little in the way of actual acting but Jennifer Garner understands what kind of film she's in and throws herself into her role with a dimpled smile, mugging the camera with every opportunity. However, Joel Edgerton never looks comfortable and mumbles his way through the dialogue. He's probably asking himself what the heck he's doing in a film like this. As for C.J. Adams, his smile will cause those with mushy hearts to go 'Awww!' but for me, I'll just say that he's a lot less grating compared to most child actors yet he's not playing a character. Timothy exists as nothing more than an excuse to engage in some preachy moralizing. As Joni, Odeya Rush is the brooding girl that happens to be sweet on the inside. Making for a less than compelling bunch, the rest of the cast are written as thinly-developed caricatures. Rosemarie DeWitt is the nosy, competitive mom while David Morse is utterly wasted as Jim's father as all he does is stand around looking stern…and for that he earns a big fat paycheck. Ron Livingston and Dianne Wiest play the money-grubbing town owners and you know this because their last name is Crudstaff. Finally, there's hip-hop artist Common as an angry soccer coach and Shohreh Aghdashloo as a skeptical case worker at the adoption agency. 

"The Odd Life of Timothy Green" was released on August 15, 2012 and has received mixed reviews with 43% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics found it 'ultimately too cloyingly sentimental—and thinly scripted—to satisfy all but the least demanding viewers.' Mary Pols of TIME magazine even wrote that the film 'made [her] want to go on a sugar cleanse.' I have to admit that if I didn't receive passes for an advance screening, I wouldn't have paid to see this film. Despite the applause at the end, the audience clearly found it silly judging from all the unintentional laughs. As the summer movie season winds down, studios are dumping whatever films they have left before releasing their potential awards contenders in the fall. This weekend is one of the busiest with four new wide releases: this film, "The Expendables 2," "ParaNorman," and "Sparkle." Of course, "The Expendables 2" will top the box office while "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" will likely get lost in the shuffle since its going after the same audience as "ParaNorman," which is earning positive reviews. I commend Peter Hedges for wanting to tell a story that explores the hardships of being a parent and that the reality is always not what we dreamed about but "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" often resorts to mawkish attempts to make you feel emotional. Yea, I was crying all right…from laughing so much!

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

Jim Green: We made lots of mistakes.

Cindy Green: We made mistakes trying to fix our mistakes.

Jim Green: Isn't that what makes you a parent?

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