Rated
R (Violence and Language Throughout)
Running
Time: 1 Hour & 56 Minutes
Cast-
Sylvester
Stallone-Ray Breslin
Arnold
Schwarzenegger-Emil Rottmayer
Jim
Caviezel-Warden Willard Hobbes
Faran
Tahir-Javed
Vinnie
Jones-Drake
Amy
Ryan-Abigail Ross
Curtis
'50 Cent' Jackson-Hush
Vincent
D'Onofrio-Lester Clark
Sam
Neill-Dr. Emil Kyrie
Caitriona
Balfe-CIA Agent Jessica Miller
David
Joseph Martinez-Captain Newal Beradah
Directed
by Mikael Håfström
 |
| These guys may be a few years shy of seventy but they can still pummel your ass. |
Note: Screened on Wednesday, October 16, 2013 at AMC Empire 25.
Is
it time for Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger to retire? Back in the
good ol' days (the 1980s and early 1990s), both stars were action movie gods
who raked in millions of dollars at the box office just on their names alone but
much has changed in the past thirty-something years. The muscle-bound, gun-toting
heroes they played have now been replaced with the likes of Iron Man, Katniss
Everdeen, and Liam Neeson. With the exception of "The Expendables"
series, Stallone and Schwarzenegger's recent films have all flopped (badly) at
multiplexes. I enjoyed January's "The Last Stand" very much but it wound
up in ninth place during opening weekend and grossed a disappointing $37.2
million worldwide. February's "Bullet to the Head" fared even worse
with only a pathetic domestic total of $9.5 million. Now the two aging action
stars are finally teaming up (for real this time) in Mikael Håfström's
"Escape Plan." If this film was released during the 1980s, it would've
been the cinematic event of the decade.
Hell, seeing Stallone and Schwarzenegger share the big screen together would've
resulted in the universe literally imploding in on itself due to its sheer awesomeness.
Unfortunately, it's not the 1980s anymore as Summit Entertainment is dumping the
action thriller in the middle of October with little to no fanfare. Does that
mean Håfström's film is terrible? The answer is no, far from it in fact. It definitely
has some very big flaws but "Escape Plan" remains a fun, nostalgically
cheesy throwback to the action movies of yesteryear thanks to the larger-than-life
presence of its lead actors.
Ray
Breslin (Sylvester Stallone) is a former prosecutor-turned-security expert/consultant
who infiltrates and breaks out of prisons in order to expose their weaknesses. Following
a successful escape from a federal penitentiary in Colorado, Ray is approached by
CIA agent Jessica Miller (Caitriona Balfe) with the following multimillion dollar
deal: enter a maximum security prison codenamed 'The Tomb' and see if it is escape-proof.
Due to the dangerous inmates housed within, its location cannot be disclosed.
However, if he can successfully escape, he gets $5 million payday, which is double
his usual fee. Ray's associates, Abigail Ross (Amy Ryan) and Hush (Curtis '50
Cent' Jackson) are reluctant to take the job under these conditions but business
partner Lester Clark (Vincent D'Onofrio) doesn't see any problem with it. Despite
all the risks involved, Ray accepts and flies down to New Orleans, Louisiana,
where he is to be picked up by the CIA and transported to the prison. Unfortunately,
the plan goes awry and Ray finds himself being set-up and violently tossed into
a glass cell in the Tomb. With no idea where he is and no back-up arriving, Ray
is forced to team-up with fellow inmate Emil Rottmayer (Arnold Schwarzenegger)
if he is to escape the prison and its sadistic warden, Willard Hobbs (Jim Caviezel).
Like
its two lead actors, "Escape Plan" is a dinosaur, a relic from a bygone
era that's best viewed through the rose-tinted glasses of 1980s nostalgia. Surprisingly,
there is an actual plot here (credited to Miles Chapman and Jason Keller) but
it's silly and fails to make a lick of sense, with Håfström mistakenly believing
his film to be more clever than it actually is. One nagging issue is Ray
Breslin's chosen occupation. I don't imagine the taxpayers being all that happy
about a man who regularly gets himself in jail just to later escape and lead
the guards on a wild goose chase. However, that's beside the point as the real problem
is the script's lack of logic. The opening scene finds Ray trapped in a federal
penitentiary in Colorado and the way he breaks out is completely absurd. Apparently
this prison doesn't even bother changing its lock codes every few hours, is
coincidentally understaffed, and allows a suspiciously-dressed woman to blow up
a car right outside without anyone noticing how suspicious she looks with her fake
wig and shady trench-coat. The writers try hard to make Breslin's escape strategies
sound plausible yet the flaws he (and later Rottmayer) exploits feel forced.
There are definitely a few smart ideas at work here, such as having all the
guards wear masks so their movements can't be easily tracked but somehow, they
never frisk the inmates for any contraband. Even more puzzling is that the
prisoners from all blocks have recreation at the same time. I'm surprised a
riot didn't happen sooner. The pacing is also problematic, with the film
suffering from a too-long second act that could've been a good twenty minutes
shorter.
In
spite of all those issues that I just listed, "Escape Plan" still
manages to be a fun ride and it's all because of Sylvester Stallone and Arnold
Schwarzenegger. Stallone seems to take his role a tad too seriously, not to mention
his line delivery is still as garbled as ever, but the man still looks like a
credible action star even though he's three years shy from hitting age seventy.
Although he plays second fiddle, Schwarzenegger is the one who steals the show
as he throws himself into his role with a twinkle in his eye and an infectious
enthusiasm. The former governor gets all the best laughs and one-liners ('You
hit like a vegetarian!'), and the audience was cheering on their feet when he
ripped a giant machine gun from a helicopter and began mowing down wave after
wave of bad guys. Arnold wielding big guns—now that's classic. He even gets to
go crazy in one scene in his native German. Jim Caviezel does a fair amount of scenery
chewing with his slightly effeminate turn as the sadistic Warden Hobbes while Vinnie
Jones is appropriately growly as prison guard Drake. The rest of the cast are
largely wasted; Academy Award nominee Amy Ryan is stranded in a one-note role
with Curtis '50 Cent' Jackson. Faran Tahir gets one good 'last stand' moment
and Sam Neill is quickly done away with once his character serves its purpose.
Finally, there's Vincent D'Onofrio as the smarmy Lester, who's only memorable
trait is that he's a germaphobe.
Released
on October 18, 2013, "Escape Plan" has received mixed reviews with
47% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics admitted that it was fun 'to see Sylvester
Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger team up onscreen… [but the film] fails to
offer much more than a pale imitation of 1980s popcorn thrills.' Although the audience
response at the advance screening was highly enthusiastic, that didn't
translate to box office success as it came in fourth over its debut weekend
with $9.9 million. That's at least better than both their solo outings earlier
this year but that isn't saying much. It's clear that the only people seeing
these films are those who grew up during the 1980s or nostalgic folks like me. Stallone
and Schwarzenegger are obviously way past their prime yet I'm glad that they're
still making old-school action movies. "Escape Plan" doesn't even
bother with proper storytelling or character development and while that would
be a huge detriment in any other film, it's actually an advantage here. When
you have two of the biggest action stars of the 1980s,
such things are for sissies.
Final
Rating: 3.5 out of 5
"You
tell whoever put me here; I'm going to burn this place to the ground."
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