The Lone Ranger Review

Rated PG-13 (Sequences of Intense Action and Violence, and Some Suggestive Material)

Running Time: 2 Hours & 29 Minutes

Cast-

Armie Hammer-John Reid/The Lone Ranger

Johnny Depp-Tonto

William Fichtner-Butch Cavendish

Ruth Wilson-Rebecca Reid

Tom Wilkinson-Latham Cole

James Badge Dale-Dan Reid

Barry Pepper-Captain Jay Fuller

Helena Bonham Carter-Red Harrington

Bryant Prince-Danny Reid

Mason Elston Cook-Will

Saginaw Grant-Chief Big Bear

Directed by Gore Verbinski

Ke-mo sah-bee, why this film so terrible?

Note: Screened on Monday, June 24, 2013 at Regal E-Walk Stadium 13.

There are some ideas that shouldn't have worked…but did. When Disney announced in 2000 that they were adapting the popular Pirates of the Caribbean theme park ride into a film, pretty much everyone and their mother scoffed at the idea. First off, the studio had already tried to translate one of their theme park attractions to film (Remember 2002's "The Country Bears"?) and the results were disastrous. Making matters worse was the fact that the pirate genre was, for all intents and purposes, dead due to 1995's "Cutthroat Island" flopping at the domestic box office with a paltry $10 million during its entire theatrical run (the production budget was $98 million). It's surprising that Disney still chose to move forward given all the risks involved. Widely expected to be a failure upon its release in 2003, "Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl" managed to pull off a major Hollywood miracle, receiving not only positive reviews (79% on Rotten Tomatoes) but also grossing a whopping $654.3 million worldwide. Its huge success spawned one of the most lucrative franchises in recent memory. Disney is hoping to make lightning strike twice with "The Lone Ranger," based on the 1933 radio serial of the same name, and even reenlisted director Gore Verbinski and megastar Johnny Depp to breathe new life into the iconic character. Unfortunately, westerns haven't been popular in a while and the film almost got shut down due to its out-of-control production budget ($215 million?!). None of that would matter if the end result justified the massive costs but sadly, that's not the case. With its bloated running time, overly-convoluted story, and wildly erratic tone, "The Lone Ranger" is a serious misfire on every level.

The year is 1869 and idealistic, city-educated district attorney John Reid (Armie Hammer) is returning to his hometown of Colby, Texas to visit his older brother Dan (James Badge Dale), now a respected Texas Ranger and married to John's childhood sweetheart Rebecca (Ruth Wilson). Unbeknownst to John, the train he is on also happens to be carrying notorious outlaw Butch Cavendish (William Fichtner), who is set to be hanged as a way to celebrate the construction of Latham Cole's (Tom Wilkinson) new transcontinental railroad. Cavendish's gang of bandits, however, hijacks the train and free Butch before causing it to explosively derail off the tracks. Determined to recapture the ruthless Indian killer, Dan deputizes his brother and sets off out into the desert to find Butch. A sudden ambush leaves Dan and his Rangers dead, with only John as the sole survivor. The pacifist lawyer is later rescued by an eccentric Comanche outcast named Tonto (Johnny Depp). Eager to avenge his brother's death, John teams up with Tonto to bring Butch to justice as the masked vigilante known as the 'Lone Ranger.'

With a radio serial spanning 2,956 episodes between 1933 and 1954, and an equally popular television show that ran from 1949 to 1957, the Lone Ranger is one of the most enduring icons in American pop culture but let's be honest here, no one would've been interested in reviving the character if Johnny Depp and Gore Verbinski wasn't involved. This isn't the first time the Lone Ranger has graced the silver screen (no pun intended) as the television series spawned a pair of feature films in 1956 and 1958. His last appearance in theaters was 1981's "The Legend of the Lone Ranger," which bombed at the box office due to the negative publicity generated from producer Jack Wrather, who obtained a court order that required actor Clayton Moore to quit making public appearances as the Lone Ranger. Playing the titular character was Klinton Spilsbury. Not only was his dialogue completely dubbed over, this would also be his only role in his entire career. It's ironic that Verbinski's film is arriving with similarly negative buzz, albeit for different reasons. Besides its rampant budget issues, the biggest problem facing "The Lone Ranger" is whether audiences today even know who the character is. As such, this film is very much an origin story but it's a dreadfully dull one at that. The filmmakers clearly didn't have a unified vision in place before shooting began and just threw every idea they had in the hopes that something will stick. Written by "Pirates of the Caribbean" scribes Ted Elliott and Terry Rossio, with an assist from Justin Haythe, the film starts off on the wrong foot from the very first minute by opening with a framed narrative in 1933. Why was this even necessary? Sure, it gives Depp (who's plastered in old-age make-up similar to Dustin Hoffman in "Little Big Man") more screen-time but this makes an already-long film feel even longer as it kills the pacing with its abrupt time jumps.

It's certainly a well-shot picture, with dazzling vistas that pay tribute to the classic Westerns from the late John Ford but the script actively undermines your enjoyment of the film. It goes off on too many tangents and the tone often lurches from grim seriousness to slapstick comedy. At one point, Reid and Tonto arrive at a brothel run by Red Harrington (Helena Bonham Carter) to learn about Butch's whereabouts but they ask her in a roundabout way. The whole scene is entirely pointless and is little more than an excuse to show off Red's ivory prosthetic leg that also happens to contain a hidden shotgun because why not. And of course, it ends in an irrelevant chase involving an angry mob. One of the reasons the "Pirates of the Caribbean" sequels were less well-received was due to their overcomplicated stories. The same problem plagues "The Lone Ranger," with subplots piled on top of one another when it would've been best to keep it simple. Fake Indian attacks, hidden silver mines, and last-minute revelations all combine to create a film that's both messy and uninteresting. Although rated PG-13, the violence often leans toward the grotesque. Butch even consumes a man's heart! Now I'm far from being a squeamish person; the main issue I have is that the film is constantly at odds with itself, with violent acts followed by off-putting sight gags. One minute you're watching cannibalistic bunny rabbits hopping around (I'm not even kidding) and the next a whole Indian tribe gets massacred. By the time the last set-piece rolls around during the two hour mark, "The Lone Ranger" has already worn out its welcome but what do you know, it finally becomes the fun action-adventure film it was supposed to be. With Hans Zimmer's use of the triumphant finale from the William Tell Overture, the last twenty minutes are not only the most rousing but also captures the unerring heroism that defines the Lone Ranger. Unfortunately, this moment arrives too little too late.

Although Armie Hammer is the one who plays the title character, Johnny Depp receives top billing and the actor is a big part of why "The Lone Ranger" is such a misfire. His interpretation of Tonto pretty much amounts to him channeling Captain Jack Sparrow as a Native American. Not surprisingly, Depp (whose make-up is inspired by the Kirby Sattler painting I Am Crow) gives the character a number of quirks, such as having him constantly feed the dead bird that he wears on his head but much of his behavior just comes off as bizarre rather than funny. Armie Hammer is hamstrung by the script and is reduced to being a whiny, bumbling pushover. It isn't until the last twenty minutes that Hammer starts to embody the confident daring-do of the Lone Ranger. The rest of the cast are saddled with one-note roles. William Fichtner is actually quite good as Butch Cavendish but the villain is way too over-the-top to take seriously. Tom Wilkinson plays the standard issue corrupt businessman while Ruth Wilson and Helena Bonham Carter are completely wasted. Carter seems to have stepped out of a Tim Burton film and her screen-time amounts to a glorified cameo. Also on hand is Barry Pepper, picking up a paycheck as a crooked U.S. cavalry officer.

Released on July 3, 2013, "The Lone Ranger" has received overwhelmingly negative reviews with 24% on Rotten Tomatoes. Critics noted that 'Armie Hammer and Johnny Depp make for an appealing pair of leads, but they're not enough to make up for [the film's] bland script, bloated length, and blaring action overkill.' Honestly, I can't say I'm surprised by this reaction. Many of the people I spoke to at the advance screening last Monday made similar complaints about the excessive running time and agreed that the last twenty minutes was the most exciting part of the film. Given the lack of interest in westerns with today's audiences, "The Lone Ranger" is going to have to make up its production budget through international grosses. Its opening debut was only a mere $9.7 million compared to the $34.3 million of "Despicable Me 2." Ultimately, what saddens me the most is the amount of money that was wasted on this film. That adventurous spirit that defined the character is entirely absent in "The Lone Ranger." In its place is a loud blockbuster that amounts to nothing. A.O. Scott, I agree with you, what on earth were they thinking?

Final Rating: 2 out of 5

"If these men represent the law, I'd rather be an outlaw."